


Through His Eyes

by huevoplatano



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series), Pocket Monsters: Sword & Shield | Pokemon Sword & Shield Versions
Genre: Angst, Blow Jobs, Dubcon Kissing, Dubious Consent, Forced Masturbation, Forced Orgasm, Incest, M/M, Mind Control, Mind Manipulation, Pining, Sibling Incest, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:08:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 12
Words: 112,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23621329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/huevoplatano/pseuds/huevoplatano
Summary: The battle with Eternatus has left Leon in the hospital, upon which he discovers he suddenly has the ability to control Hop if he touches him.
Relationships: Dande | Leon/Hop
Comments: 135
Kudos: 264





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> aw shit here we go again. as always, please heed the tags. if you do not know by now, i do not write nice things, so don't go into this expecting something cute, because you will be disappointed. but if you're okay with that, i wish you happy reading! :D

Leon had only been in the hospital for half a day before he was already demanding to be let out. Despite his efforts, the nurses and doctors insisted—no— _strongly_ urged he stay for longer due to the extent of his injuries. Leon wanted to argue, what injuries? It wasn’t like his life was in danger, he hadn’t sustained any internal damage, barely any external damage if he was being honest.

The only thing the showdown with Eternatus had given him was a headache. Maybe a few bruises and scrapes, but Leon felt better than ever, and yet here he was, put up in bed as though he were much worse off than he actually was. All he wanted to do was get back out on the pitch, face off against Gloria as their match had been so _rudely_ interrupted earlier. Leon was itching for a fight, his competitive nature getting the better of him until he was about ready to leap from bed, sneak his way out of the hospital, and show up at the stadium despite what the doctors told him.

Just a bit more rest, they said. Just one day in bed until they were absolutely sure Leon wasn’t seriously injured. After all, a fight with a Pokémon of Eternatus’s magnitude was sure to leave anyone worse for wear, and Leon knew he wasn’t invincible. It wasn’t a lie to say he had indeed gotten attacked by it, thrown back enough that even Charizard was hovering over him, trying to protect him, and while the blow had given him a headache, Leon was confident nothing was wrong.

After all, despite the dire situation they had been in what felt like only hours prior, Leon could remember how distraught his brother had been when he cradled him in his arms, Leon having been knocked back and unconscious for a good few minutes. Of course, Hop had dropped everything to come to his aid, and he could still hear his voice echoing in the back of his mind when he came to, the only clear thing being his brother’s scared face when he thought Leon had been seriously hurt. Even then, he assured him he was fine—the attack had only knocked him senseless for a moment. There wasn’t anything _wrong_. But leave it to Hop to worry over him like a mother hen, fretting about him and insisting he be taken to the hospital.

The entire ordeal with Eternatus felt like it had lasted for eons, but his brother and Gloria managed to soothe the Pokémon and save the day. Point being, his brother was a hero, and Leon couldn’t have been more proud of him for stepping up like he did, and he would be lying if he said the idea of Hop coming to his aid and protecting him didn’t give him a warm feeling deep inside his chest.

Even as he lay in bed, bored out of his mind while in the hospital, his only solace being his Rotom phone that he used to browse social media and watch videos, his thoughts often drifted back to Hop. It was no deep-rooted secret to Leon that he often had—well. _Dirty_ thoughts about his brother—something he had been struggling to come to terms with for a long while now, ever since he was a teenager, but he had long since stopped worrying about it. At first, he was horrified when he’d been a horny teenager, thinking quite unclean thoughts about his then _very little brother_ , but he figured they were merely obsessive thoughts that would go away with time.

They didn’t. But, Leon had stopped killing himself over them for awhile now, instead indulging in it, reveling in it, though still keeping it tucked away deep down where Hop would never know. It wasn’t his brother’s fault he often got horny for him, and Leon was never shy about masturbating to him on the norm, something that was almost hilarious how he couldn’t get a proper orgasm in unless he was specifically thinking _about Hop_ , but they were merely fantasies and nothing more.

Perhaps obsessive thoughts, but Leon intended to keep them tucked away to himself, take it to his grave, because he knew Hop would flip out if he ever found out how often he touched himself to him. And Leon wasn’t interested in freaking out his brother with his sexual fantasies about him. Let Hop remain innocent and naïve to Leon’s depraved thoughts. It was better that way. He could indulge in secret all he wanted, and although he often fantasized about telling Hop one of these days, hoping his brother would return those feelings, he knew that was out of the question.

It wouldn’t be the best publicity for him if people found out he had a thing for his little brother. Something that started off as his own teenage hormones getting out of control—because _Hop was so cute_ , how could he resist touching himself to the thoughts of him? To now, admiring him from afar, Leon let out a sigh as he slouched down in his bed, the video he was watching on his phone now becoming background noise he was hardly focusing on anymore. It always got like this when he thought about Hop, and he couldn’t help it.

He just loved his brother so much, it made him happy to think about him during times like these. Hop had gotten him through a lot and didn’t even realize it. To him, Leon was just his clueless older brother, the champion, the celebrity that Hop adored and looked up to, but to Leon, his little brother was more than _just his brother_. He never realized Leon had been harboring deep-rooted feelings for him for years now, but there wasn’t a damn thing Leon could do about that.

Lusting after his brother was one thing, but if Hop ever found out Leon was in love with him—loved him more than a brother—well, that would destroy him. Hop may have looked up to him, fanboyed about him to the point of obsessive sometimes, but Leon was pretty sure those feelings were merely familial, and as much as he fantasized about Hop also secretly having feelings for him, he had come to terms with the fact it wasn’t going to happen, and Leon was fine with it.

Sort of.

There were times he’d get jealous, but bit back the urge to let his true feelings be shown, and damn was it hard when Hop was too adorable, so adorable to the point Leon wanted to steal him away and keep him all to himself, but there really wasn’t anything he could do if Hop eventually started dating people. There was no room there for Leon, and he knew that.

So, he sighed, setting his phone face down onto the bed and leaning his head back into the pillows. The white ceiling above only seemed to mock him the longer he stared up at it, wishing he could leave this place. Leon never was a fan of going to the doctors’ as a young boy, and that proved to be true even in his adulthood. It felt juvenile to still be afraid of needles, but he didn’t want to stay in this place any longer than he had to, and right now, he felt that keeping him here to ensure he was healthy was overkill.

All he’d gotten was a persistent headache from that whole debacle. Nothing more. Maybe he was garnering special treatment because he was the champion, but he knew everyone was fussing over him way too much.

Just as that thought passed through his head, there was a small knock from his door, and Leon perked up, ripped out of his daydreams and back to the real world. “Come in.”

“Lee?” The sight of his brother poking his head through the door once he opened it caused Leon to light up, a smile spreading on his face at seeing him. Speaking of people fussing over him…

“Hop! Come in.” Sitting up, Leon straightened against the pillows until he was leaned up, giving his brother a wide grin as he sidled his way into the room, closing the door behind him before stopping by the bedside.

“How are you feeling?”

Leon scoffed. “Better than ever.” _Quite_ better than ever, especially with Hop now here, if he was being perfectly honest. “They won’t let me leave until they’re certain I won’t keel over no matter how much I tell them I’m fine.”

“They’re just worried about you.” As he spoke, Hop pulled up one of the chairs from the corner of the room, resting it next to Leon’s bedside before he took a seat. “I’m worried too.” He offered a rather shy smile to him, and Leon could see the faintest hints of blush on his cheeks when he did so.

Oh _shit_ —things like that drove him _wild_ , and Hop had no idea, absolutely no idea that Leon ate that shit up like candy when he did things like that. Hop didn’t think twice about it, how his smile affected him, but Leon drank it up like wine, wishing he could get drunk off it, but instead, he shot his brother back another toothy grin, shrugging.

“Don’t be. I’m not hurt. Just have a headache is all.”

“Still, you gave everyone a scare.” Hop shifted in his seat as he straightened up. “Me especially.”

The heat that rushed to his cheeks was inevitable, but Leon couldn’t help but turn his gaze away from him all the same. Hop said these things with innocent intentions in mind, he knew he did, but that didn’t stop Leon from daydreaming about Hop saying something like that to him with a much naughtier thought in mind. Often times, his imagination would get the better of him until Leon was off in his thoughts, even while right next to his brother, he would be thinking about jerking off, having Hop climb in his lap and tug his hair, forcing Leon to cry out in pain where he’d kiss him—but he bit back his own thoughts. Hop just had no idea how crazy he made him, but Leon would simply harbor his crush on him and bury it deep down.

Even still, that didn’t stop his thoughts from wandering, it didn’t stop Leon from indulging in those daydreams, because Hop made him happy, simply being close to him like this, Leon was already in a better mood, already smiling. Only Hop had the power to do that to him, put him in better spirits by simply showering Leon with his presence.

Damn, did he love him for that.

“It makes me happy you’re so worried about me.” Leon let out a laugh. “Makes me feel so loved and special.” Boy, if _that_ wasn’t an understatement though.

Hop snorted. “No shit I’m worried about you, Lee. It’s not everyday you see someone get knocked out by a Pokémon like Eternatus. Scared the hell out of me. I don’t blame them for keeping you here like they are. Even if you’re feeling up to it, you should stay in bed for the rest of the day.”

Leaning his head back, Leon let out an over the top sigh, rolling his eyes, but not dropping his soft smile. Hop could be such a worrywart, but he loved it. Having him fuss over him like this, it really did make Leon feel special, and he felt that warm tingling sensation dip into his chest again. “Yes, dear. Whatever you say, _honey_ , darling, _angel_ \--”

“Stop.” Hop burst a short laugh through his teeth, slugging Leon in the arm when he did so, causing him to fake flinch backward when he cradled the spot.

“Hey, that’s spousal abuse!” Leon stared up at him, fake quivering his lip as though he were about to start crying. “Now I gotta tell the doctor my wife is beating me up.”

“Since when am I your wife now?”

“You’re fretting over me like one, so why not?”

Hop rolled his eyes, leaning back in his chair. “Well fine, if worrying over you makes me your wife, hell—let’s get _married right now_.”

“Oh, _darling!_ ” Leon leaned up just enough to hook his arm around Hop’s neck and pulled him close, his brother letting out a loud laugh when he pushed against his chest, and even from where he sat, Leon could see tears in his eyes from laughter.

“Lee, holy shit.” He spat out another laugh as Leon pulled him close, squishing their cheeks together and probably only embarrassing him even more. It wasn’t often they teased each other like this, and although it was harmless fun to Hop, who took the whole thing as a joke, to Leon, he was only partially joking with him.

Little did Hop know how badly he _really_ wanted to actually kiss him. But, Leon would settle for these over the top jokes. It was the closest thing he would get to the real thing after all.

Hop pushed at him again, still laughing as he fought to get out of Leon’s hug. “Someone’s going to walk in and think we’re insane.”

“So? I’ll tell ‘em to shove off, I’m having a moment with my beautiful wife.”

“Pff. Why am I the wife? What if I want to be the husband?”

Releasing his hold on him, Leon snorted when he pulled away, giving Hop a sly grin. “No offense, but you’re not exactly husband material.” He straightened up, Hop arching his eyebrows at him.

“I totally am!”

“Nah.”

“Oh, _shut up_ , Lee, just wait until I get taller. I’ll outgrow you one day, and you’ll eat those words!”

He rolled his eyes, not able to help the laugh that bubbled out of his throat. “When Wooloo fly, Hop. Now come on.” He dropped his smile, giving his brother an over the top sad expression, holding his palm to his forehead dramatically. “I am very, _very_ , absolutely, _no lie no fooling_ , horribly sick right now.” Another dramatic wave of his hand and Leon let out an over the top sigh. “I might just die right this second.”

Hop rolled his eyes.

“If only my beautiful wife would give me a kiss, maybe I’ll feel be--” But Leon never even finished those words.

As he lay the dramatics on, still running with the joke, as it was one of the rare times he and his brother got to kid around like this, he didn’t expect when Hop drew himself out of his chair, reaching over him, and while Leon was still mid-sentence, Hop grabbed him by both sides of his face, causing Leon to freeze when he pulled him in.

And kissed him right on the mouth.

All the blood drained from Leon’s face, heat gushing out of his cheeks at the feeling of Hop pressing his mouth against him—and not just a quick peck on the mouth. He fucking kissed him _hard_ , just like Leon had always fantasized about him doing, open mouthed, teasing the tip of his tongue through his teeth, but Leon was in too much shock in that moment to think about opening his own mouth and kissing back.

His brain shut down all at once, his stomach flipping, heat pouring out of every pore in his face, until he was sure Hop could feel how hot he was, and all he could do was sit there plastered up against his pillow, Hop kissing him with as much passion as Leon could only hope to fantasize about—but it just happened. It _was_ happening. Hop was kissing him, his eyes rather glazed over when he did so, as though he were in some sort of trance, but almost as soon as he kissed him, Hop pulled away, his hands still glued to either side of Leon’s face.

Hop sucked in a breath, eyes lidded, Leon still frozen as he refused to process just _what the fuck happened_ , and suddenly, Hop’s eyes snapped back open, and he let out a harsh gasp, releasing Leon’s face and reeling backward. He cupped his hand over his mouth in horror as though in shock over what he’d just done.

“L-Lee…” His eyes widened, and his voice was strangled. Leon could see the blood drain from his face when he paled, and he could only sit there, still in shock himself at the fact _Hop just kissed him._ “I—holy shit—I don’t know why I did that. I’m sorry!” He backed up, almost tripping over his chair when he did so, putting distance between him and Leon as he looked at him in horror, hand never leaving his mouth.

Leon was still struggling to come up with words for what exactly just happened. Well. Hop kissed him—quite passionately. That’s what happened, but his brain was refusing to accept that as fact. “It’s…okay…” Well, he’d be lying if he said that that was something he only ever fantasized about, but the fact it _happened_ , the blush that covered his face was probably overwhelming, if Hop’s own red face was anything to go off of, Leon knew he probably looked like a tomato as well.

“I-I should go.” Awkwardly, Hop fumbled backward, moving around the chair and beginning to shake. “I’m so sorry, Lee, I don’t know what came over me.”

“Hop, it’s okay.” Offering him reassurance was all that Leon could give him right now, as he was just as confused as his brother for what compelled him to randomly kiss him. He knew they kidded around and got carried away with their jokes—but they were just that. _Jokes_. Hop knew that, Leon knew that too. “I’m not mad or anything. Just surprised.”

“You and me both.” Hop finally uncovered his mouth, reaching behind him to fumble with the doorknob. “I just—I don’t know why I did that.”

Leon let out a nervous laugh, as despite how freaked out Hop was over this, and how it surprised the absolute hell out of him, Leon would have been lying if he said he hadn’t enjoyed that and wished Hop would do it again. “You’re probably overwhelmed yourself. Don’t beat yourself up over it. We’ll just forget it happened, okay?” He offered him a smile, though the nagging thoughts in the back of his mind were wishing Hop would have done more than just kiss him. Leon wouldn’t complain if he wanted to do that more often, hell, he wanted to think Hop got carried away and maybe he really _did_ hold more than brotherly adoration for him, but with how he was acting right now, Leon wasn’t so sure what exactly just happened. It was like Hop’s body moved on its own, not like he had intentionally done that. It didn’t help matters any that Leon’s head was absolutely killing him right now. Once Hop left, he was going to have to take more pain medication.

His brother gave a shy nod, face ablaze when he wrenched the door open. “I’m sorry, Lee. I really don’t know what the hell compelled me to do that.”

“Hop, it’s _okay_.” It really was. Leon wasn’t about to complain in the slightest if Hop wanted to do that more often actually. He would absolutely love it if Hop wanted to kiss him like that every day. Leon wouldn’t mind. “Don’t worry about it. I’m not upset, I promise.” His cheeks gushed heat, because he had liked that way more than he would have ever wanted to admit. “I’ll see you later, okay? Try not to let it bother you.”

Again, Hop nodded, before seeing himself out, and closed the door behind him. Once he was sure Hop was long gone, Leon leaned back in bed, placing his hand over his forehead when his headache only intensified.

Holy. Fucking. _Shit_. That was way more satisfying than he would have ever thought possible. Even though he was just as confused as Hop was over what came over him to kiss Leon like that, he could still feel the softness of Hop on his lips, and he gently dabbed the pads of his fingers against his mouth, licking his bottom lip in hopes of tasting him. That shouldn’t have turned him on as much as it did, but if he weren’t in the hospital right now, Leon would have touched himself right now.

Whatever compelled Hop to up and kiss him like that, Leon couldn’t help the creeping feeling inside of how hot it would be if he were to do it again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know the first chapter was in leon's pov, but i want this to be a hop-centered fic most of all, but i also might switch the pov, just depending on what i feel like works. i won't do it mid chapter though, i know that can be confusing, but just letting you know there won't be as much leon pov in this fic 
> 
> THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT AND COMMENTS it means a lot to me ;-;

The stadium was roaring with cheers and banter from the crowd. All around, the place was lit up with life as people were beckoned to their seats, everybody itching to see the champion take on the one trainer who had managed to best her way through every challenge so far. Bets were placed, most people betting that Leon would triumph, others betting on the new challenger, Gloria, to take the title from him and become the new champion. All around, the hustle and bustle was almost overwhelming to the point of absurd.

Despite how loud the stadium was, as it was the most packed ever due to the championship match, Hop slinked down toward the locker rooms, the cheers and buzz from the stadium oddly muffled down here. It wasn’t quiet by any means, but definitely _quieter_. Enough for some peace of mind. But, he wasn’t down here for peace of mind. Mum hadn’t wanted to come with him, but he was hoping to catch Leon in the locker room before his big match with Gloria.

Even though Hop had tried to argue with him he needed to stay in the damn hospital in case he ended up being seriously hurt, his stupid older brother refused to listen, insisting he was fine, dandy, the best he’d ever felt, and he wouldn’t want to disappoint his fans, yada yada.

Hop had to roll his eyes as he rounded the corner, taking the staircase down toward the ground floor. Leave it up to Leon to be stubborn as hell. Not that Hop couldn’t be equally stubborn if push came to shove, but Leon was worse about it than he was. His brother got hurt for fuck’s sake, but he was putting on a brave front for everyone around him, making out like he was the invincible champion when Hop knew he was probably more hurt from that than he let on. Even if he never admitted it to him, Hop knew his brother had his limits too, and needed rest just like everyone else. Just because he was the champion didn’t make him immune to injuries and rest. Leon put his trousers on one leg at a time just like everyone else did (at least Hop hoped he did, he didn’t exactly watch his brother dress).

Now his mind was wandering in that weird territory again as he walked. The locker room, more specifically, _Leon’s_ locker room was a ways off from the regular challenger locker rooms. Leon got special treatment in that regard at least where he was put up in a much larger, much heavier guarded room. He _was_ the champion, after all. Certain accommodations had to be made for him. Ravaging fans who wanted to swarm him and all that and while Leon loved indulging his fans, he still needed his privacy. This was an important match after all. There were people dying for interviews with him, fans ready to claw at his feet to get at him, and overall just a lot more people than normal wanted a piece of Leon before he went to face Gloria on the pitch.

Hop swallowed, rounding the corner where he saw a large door guarded by two stoic-looking security guards. All he’d wanted to do was see his brother before his big match, at least talk to him. Tell him good luck, and all that.

But then the incident in the hospital raced through his brain, and Hop stopped dead in his tracks, knowing he must’ve looked like a fool stopping mid stride right there in the hallway. Because he had forgotten that he kissed Leon while he was in the hospital. Not just kissed, but—his face gushed heat. He still had no idea what the hell compelled him to do that in the first place. It was like his body moved on its own, though Hop knew he had never gotten carried away with one of their jokes to actually do something like that, he was embarrassed as hell he did it in the first place.

Leon had told him not to worry, but how on earth could Hop _not?_ Heat gushed from his face again as he forced himself to keep walking down the hall. It was an accident and maybe Leon was right after all—he had overworked himself, probably got himself in a tizzy over worrying whether Leon would be okay after being knocked out, and he got carried away.

Apparently carried away enough he felt the need to _kiss Leon on the mouth_.

His face probably only showed his embarrassment when Hop bounded up to the door, getting a rather dismissive glance from both the security guards as he tried his damndest to quell his thoughts. Yeah, it was embarrassing he kissed Leon like that, but it was an accident. It wasn’t like he did it on purpose, or like he planned to ever do it again.

It was a one-time fluke and nothing more.

Hop nodded to himself. Right. It was easier to say that to himself, to convince himself he had _accidentally_ kissed Leon. While accidentally grabbing his face. And accidentally tried to push his tongue into his mouth. And then accidentally kept kissing him after all that.

His face gushed heat. Whatever the hell compelled him to do that, Hop would probably never know, but he couldn’t help but worry about it all the same.

“You lost, kid?” one security guard asked as Hop sauntered up.

He gave a polite, if not rather smug smile to them. “Nah. I wanted to know if I could see Leon before he went out on the pitch.”

“Cute. I’m sure the champion will be glad to sign autographs for the kids once his match is over, but he’s very busy right now.” The way he was dismissed, Hop suspected this would happen. It wasn’t the first time anyone had ever blown him off when it came to Leon. Most people, being the general public, weren’t even aware Leon _had_ a little brother. After all, it wasn’t a topic that came up for discussion when he was being interviewed, not that Hop was upset by that or anything. He didn’t really blame Leon for wanting to expose his family life on television like that.

“Okay, hang on.” With that said, Hop fished in his bag for his Rotom phone and dialed Leon’s number. Even from where he stood outside the door, he could hear his brother’s ringtone go off from inside and couldn’t help but laugh at the fact Leon never silenced his damn phone. What was he, an old geezer?

“Hop?” his rather confused voice answered back and Hop smirked, making eye contact with the security guard who dissed him.

“Hey, Lee! I’m right outside the door. Can you let me in real quick?”

“Of course, hang on.” A quick shuffle from the other end, and the door swung open, revealing Leon who smiled the moment he set eyes on Hop. The two security guards glanced back and forth between the brothers as though just now realizing they indeed looked quite alike. Needless to say, they were quite taken aback. “Hop! Come on in.” Without a word to the guards, Leon pulled away from the door before gesturing for Hop to enter, which he did all too eagerly, shooting his brother a wide grin as he strode across the threshold.

“Thanks. They thought I was some random crazy fan trying to get at you.”

Leon snorted, shutting the door behind him as Hop made himself at home, plopping down on the sofa across the room. Leon’s locker room wasn’t a locker room so much as a lounge. He had a sofa, a television, even a mini bar off to the side. It was the peak of luxury, but Hop sometimes thought his brother deserved way more than this. Well, it was a bit overkill to say the least, had it been anyone else, but Hop enjoyed seeing Leon spoiled like this. It wasn’t undeserved by any means.

“Implying are you in fact, _not_ a crazy fan trying to get at me.”

Hop rolled his eyes. “Well, I’m the only fan that gets to see the champion before his big match, right?” Again, he shot Leon a grin who adjusted his cap before making his way over toward the sofa, settling down next to Hop. The cushion shifted with the added weight, causing Hop to bounce up ever-so-slightly, and he leaned back to get comfortable.

“You’re the only fan that matters.”

“Aw, you’re just saying that.”

Leon shrugged, giving Hop a sheepish grin as he did so. “Perhaps, but I mean it when I say your support really does mean a lot to me.” Reaching over, he gave Hop a clap on his arm, making Hop pretend to flinch backward as though it actually hurt him (it didn’t). “Seriously, you don’t believe your big brother is lame, even after all this time?” Leon shrugged, not paying any mind to Hop’s playacting as he cradled his arm. “Aren’t you too old to think I’m cool?”

“ _Of course_ , you’re lame.” Hop couldn’t help but burst out laughing at the absolute look of sincerity Leon gave him as though he had insulted him in the worst way possible. It was so over the top, he couldn’t help but laugh. He just looked so _offended_. “But, I prefer you to be lame! It wouldn’t be any fun if you were too cool, you know?”

“You really think I’m lame?” Now Leon actually _did_ look hurt, but Hop wasn’t sure if he was still joking with him or not. Sometimes, his brother could be a scarily good actor and Hop thought he had taken his teasing too far. It made him a little nervous, if he was being honest. Leon didn’t often intimidate him, but this was one of the rare times he was accomplishing just that.

“Well, I mean…” Now he wasn’t sure if he should keep teasing, as he worried he might have genuinely upset him, and the last thing Hop wanted to do before Leon’s big match was say something to hurt his feelings. “You are still cool. I meant more like I’m happy you didn’t let your fame get to your head, you know?” He shrugged. “You didn’t think you were too good to still come visit your family and hang out with me.”

When Leon let out a laugh through his nose, shooting Hop a wide grin before he reached over and ruffled his hair, he knew then Leon had only been teasing him in return. Sheesh, Hop could get so needlessly worried about things like this. Leon was still his brother; it wasn’t like having fame and notoriety changed any of that. They joked and kidded around, even now, even when Leon was supposed to outgrow childish antics like this, he always gave Hop the time to play around with him.

 _And then Hop had to get carried away and kiss him—_ his face heated up all over again when that thought invaded his brain. Oh fuck, not right now, he didn’t need to be freaking out over the kiss _now_ of all times. But, he couldn’t help it. Despite his best efforts, Hop grew so embarrassed he hung his head, suddenly feeling too ashamed to look Leon in the eye anymore. It was as if simply thinking about it meant Leon could read his mind and would know.

He noticed. Of course, he noticed Hop’s sudden dip in mood. Leon wasn’t an idiot by any means even if he had his moments when Hop would tease him for being a dumbass. “Are you okay?”

Hop nodded, trying to get the feeling of Leon against his mouth out of his head. That was something he was never supposed to know the feeling of, and yet—cold sweat beaded the nape of his neck. He may have been Leon’s biggest fan and collected his merchandise to the point of obsessive sometimes, but even through their joking about, he wasn’t interested in doing anything like _that_. That was something reserved for couples, for people who liked each other.

While Hop did like him, Leon was his _brother_ for fuck’s sake. The fact he hadn’t called him disgusting and shunned him the moment he did that surprised the hell out of Hop. He was lucky in the sense his brother was understanding enough not to hold that against him.

Still. It haunted him every time he thought back to it, because he couldn’t for the life of him figure out why he kissed him. Did he just get too carried away with their jokes? Hop had never thought of Leon…like _that_. He never thought of kissing him or thinking of him as anything more than simply his older brother.

Yet he still _kissed_ him. Hop up and kissed him like it was the most normal thing he did all the time. Why? Why did he do that? Maybe Hop really was some kind of sicko.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Reaching across, Leon patted Hop’s shoulder in a reassuring manner. “You can tell me if something’s bothering yo—”

“I’m just thinking about the kiss.” The moment those words spat out, Hop reached up and placed his palm over his mouth, horrified that he had said that so easily. He looked over at Leon who appeared equally surprised, but not angry by any means. Still, Hop’s face gushed with embarrassment, because _why did he say that?_ The fuck was wrong with him, why did he suddenly keep doing these spur of the moment things like he couldn’t keep himself in check?

Hop wasn’t tactless in any sense, he knew when to keep his mouth shut and keep something to himself, but that downright came out like he couldn’t say it fast enough, and the look in his eyes probably only showed Leon how freaked out he was, if his gushing cheeks and embarrassment weren’t clue enough.

“Hop, I already told you I’m not mad about it. Why are you so worried?”

His hand dropped from his mouth and again, the words came spewing out before he stopped himself. “Because I don’t know why I did it. I’m embarrassed.” _Why_ was he being so honest? Why was he saying _any of this?_ He only came in here to wish Leon good luck before the title match, he didn’t come in here to remind himself what a damn spastic he was to up and kiss Leon like a brainless horny teenager. Hop should not have been saying any of these things, but the words spilled out like Hop himself had sprung a leak and couldn’t stop.

“Don’t be embarrassed, it was an accident.” Offering him a small smile, Leon leaned back into the sofa, giving Hop a soft pat to his thigh to reassure him. “Besides, I’m your brother and didn’t a certain someone used to give me kisses all the time when he was younger?”

“Yeah, when I was like four. And it was on the cheek!” Hop was teenager, his older brother being a grown ass adult, he shouldn’t have been kissing him _at all._ Not on the mouth, not on the cheek— _nowhere_.

Leon let out a laugh and it honestly made Hop feel a lot better he was so light-hearted about it. If Leon ever hated him for doing something like that—Hop wouldn’t know how to deal with it. It wasn’t in Leon’s nature to hold a grudge over something like that, but Hop couldn’t help feeling ashamed all the same, even if Leon was as good-spirited about it like he was being, it didn’t stop Hop from fighting with himself over why he ever felt compelled to kiss Leon on the mouth. It wouldn’t have been as big a deal if he’d done it on his cheek even, but—his _mouth?_

And then Leon gave him a rather lopsided grin, his eyes lidded when he looked back over at him. “What would you say if I told you I didn’t mind at all?”

Hop let out a quiet sigh, some of his nerves from earlier dissipating. Leon often had that effect on him, could talk him out of his anxiety or calm him down when he was upset. Sometimes he knew exactly what to say to make him feel better and Hop could feel his mouth twitch as his frown began to lift into a smile. “I’d say you were a good sport about it. I know I probably wouldn’t be.”

A dip in the weight of the sofa when Leon scooted a bit closer to him, just enough that their knees brushed up against each other. “What if I had kissed you?”

When Hop lifted his face to make eye contact with Leon, he immediately rolled his eyes at the sight of his coy smile. Just like his brother to tease him about this when he knew Hop was upset, even though Hop had no idea what the hell compelled him to even lay this out for him. He was so much more reserved with his feelings most of the time, so what on earth was he doing being so honest with him like this? Hop never remembered a time he wanted to burden his brother with his stupid problems, least of all something as miniscule as him being embarrassed over a kiss.

But it wasn’t just a kiss, was it? Hop’s cheeks flushed with heat at the thought.

Instead of wallowing in his shame any longer, he snorted before playfully punching Leon in the arm. “I’d probably think you’d gone off your rocker.”

Leon mirrored his laugh, now leaning back when he crossed his legs and sank down into the cushions. “You don’t think that already?”

Okay, now he was _definitely_ teasing him. “You’re right, I do think you’re off your rocker half the time, but why would you even want to kiss me?”

Leon shrugged, so nonchalant. “Because you’re cute.” He grinned, as if for good measure.

Hop rolled his eyes again. “Quit treating me like a kid already.”

“You _are_ cute, Hop.”

“Aww, I bet you say that to all your fans.” It was never hard to go along with Leon when he got in a playful mood like this, but Hop could already feel the weight on his shoulders lightening a lot. Leave it to Leon to put him in better spirits, even though Hop had come in here to wish him good luck, Leon ended up being the one to comfort him.

“Only to the most important one.” Again, he shot him a grin, to which Hop responded with another playful punch in his arm.

“Oh, shut up, now you really are being lame.”

At that, Leon reeled back, clutching the spot Hop had punched and laying on the dramatics as though he were hurt. “First you abuse me in the hospital, and now you’re beating me up right before my big match. Seriously, Hop, what gives you the right to be so cruel to your poor big brother like this?”

“Watch it or I’ll do more than punch you next time.”

The grin Leon gave him was almost leering and would have intimidated Hop had he not known Leon was simply joking around with him. “Careful, Hop, you’re slipping into dangerous territory with a threat like that.”

“What does _that_ even mean?”

Leon shrugged. “Take it anyway you want.”

With another snort, Hop stood from the couch, popping his back when he straightened himself out. “Right. Anyway, I just came to wish you good luck on the match.” Damn, he had forgotten all about the reason he came in here in the first place. He really could get carried away when he was with Leon.

To his surprise, Leon had a wash of confusion flow over his face and he probably didn’t realize, but he tilted his head to the side in an almost cat-like fashion. Before Hop could ask what the matter was, Leon spoke, “You aren’t going to tell me to go easy on your friend so she can win? Aren’t you rooting for her?”

Hop shrugged. Honestly, he knew he probably should have rooted for Gloria since he had been with her the past few months, watching her grow stronger and stronger the entire way, when they both started off the exact same, and yet she still bested him at every opportunity. It was just his bias showing, wishing Leon would win, but it wasn’t like he had a fair advantage to who exactly he should cheer for.

It had always been Leon. And even now, it was still Leon.

“I mean, I can’t really take a side no matter what.” He gave Leon a soft smile. “But, just between you and me, I hope you win.” It wasn’t wrong of him to hope Leon beat Gloria, was it? Gloria might have been his friend and he supported her, of course he did, but. Hop was a bit embarrassed to admit Leon was his favorite. He was always his favorite, and he would always root for him.

Really though, he supported both parties, but he couldn’t help his bias—just the tiniest bit of bias show.

When Leon gave him a warm smile, Hop could feel the last remnants of his anxieties melt away. Honestly, he could be such a worrywart, but when it came to Leon, how could he not? He never wanted his big brother to look down on him or hate him simply because Hop screwed up and kissed him. Hop didn’t know how he could handle Leon hating him if that were to ever happen.

“Thank you, Hop, that makes me very happy.”

Sidestepping out of the way, Hop allowed Leon to stand from the sofa as he stretched, also popping his back in a similar fashion to how Hop had done.

“With support like that, how can I not give it my best shot?” He crossed his arms. “Will you be disappointed if I lose to her?”

“Of course not!” Heat rushed to his cheeks and Hop had to look away out of shyness more than anything. “As good as she is, I kind of doubt she can beat you.”

“And if she does?”

Hop rose his face once more, the serious look Leon giving him making him swallow for a moment before he spoke. It was very unlike Leon to appear so serious, but then again, he was about to have a match that would determine if he remained the champion. It wasn’t like this sort of thing happened everyday. Leon had been champion for so long, everybody was itching for this fight to see if the mighty Leon could be dethroned. Hop wouldn’t have put it past him to be nervous, even if he didn’t show it, Leon had to be anxious, wary, and probably had a whole slew of things on his mind he didn’t want Hop knowing about.

So, Hop sucked in a breath before answering. “You’d still be the champion to _me_ , Lee. I wouldn’t think any less of you if you lose. You’re still the best trainer I’ve ever seen.”

If Hop didn’t know any better, he’d say Leon looked damn near choked up about that and he felt rather silly for saying something so horribly cheesy, but he meant it. It wasn’t like he was saying these things just to inflate Leon’s ego (though he didn’t really care how big Leon’s ego got at his expense) but seeing his brother’s expression soften into a rather shy smile made Hop only shoot him a wide grin. It was always a rare treat to see Leon of all people get bashful, but Hop couldn’t help to smile at the sight of it. Seeing his confident, sometimes ditzy brother act shy was honestly _cute as hell._

“Give me a moment.” Leon sucked in air through his teeth, causing Hop to let out a small laugh. “I might just cry, Hop.”

“Not before your match!”

“You’re right, but maybe if my adorable baby brother gave me a hug, he could satiate my need to sob my eyeballs out.”

Before Hop could roll his eyes and give him a hard time about his dramatics, his feet suddenly pushed forward, as though of their own accord, and he knew he probably had a stupefied expression on his face at the sensation of his own body being thrown forward like that, but before Hop could even let out a cry of surprise, he had wrapped both arms around Leon, clinging to him while he dug his face into the crook of his neck.

What…just happened?

Well, he just hugged Leon, but—

His brother let out a chuckle above him. “What’s gotten into you? You’re never this affectionate.” His arm looped around and pulled Hop in even further. “Not that I’m complaining.”

Hop’s throat tightened, because he suddenly became aware he couldn’t move at all, even when Leon returned the hug, pulling his feet off the ground, normally it would have brought a giggle out of him, but Hop was too mortified by the fact he couldn’t let go of him. Not of his own volition anyway.

Why…wasn’t his body moving? It was like his limbs were locked into place, as no matter how much he tried, he could _not_ budge. As though someone were tugging strings on his arms, or like he had become frozen solid, Hop was _stuck_. It was the strangest sensation he had ever felt and needless to say, it terrified the absolute piss out of him.

“L-Lee…” And his voice sounded scared shitless too, coming out as a breathy whisper, because Hop _was_ scared. Hugging his brother wasn’t something he did often it was true, not since they were kids, even though he gave him a hug every now and then, it wasn’t like it was anything abnormal, but he was still shocked at himself for moving into him like that, and now he was frozen, trembling as he fought to move himself. “Lee, I can’t move…”

“Can’t move?” And then he chuckled again, still holding onto Hop in a tight hug, though the way Hop had his face pressed into the crook of his neck, Leon probably thought he was just being overly emotional about his big brother about to have a fight for his title. “Are you so choked up you don’t want to leave me? That’s sweet of you, Hop.”

He tensed. Leon thought he was joking, but he seriously could _not_ move. It sounded like a joke, he knew he sounded stupid the moment he said it, but he was being completely serious, and the fact his body continued to ignore his attempted movement was only making his heart pound in his chest until it was almost painful.

“Lee, for real, I can’t move.” His heart thumped, feeling like it was climbing in his throat. “I’m serious.”

“You don’t have to be so upset about this. I mean, if I lose, nothing is going to change. There’s just going to be a new champion is all.”

“ _Lee_ —” He wasn’t _getting_ it. Even despite his best efforts, Hop’s voice was choked and he began to tremble, the only movement he was capable of and even then it was involuntary. “I can’t move my body—I seriously cannot move my legs.”

Leon pulled away then, a smile still plastered on his face and _he was so clueless,_ he still thought Hop was kidding around. “Are you that overwhelmed being in the presence of the champion?” He spat out a laugh and Hop knew he was just joking, he was taking this whole thing and running with it—still thinking Hop was fooling around. But, he tried begging him with his eyes. Leon must have seen the horrified look on his face. Why wasn’t he getting it? Hop knew it sounded stupid, but—

“Lee, I’m—”

“Since you’re being so affectionate and clingy, why not give your big brother a nice kiss on the cheek to wish him good luck?”

No sooner had the words escaped from his mouth than Hop was reaching up on the tips of his toes—and kissed Leon on the cheek. The action made Hop recoil, but he couldn’t pull away like he _really_ wanted and scamper backward. But, even Leon looked taken aback by that, as when Hop rested back on the balls of his feet, hands clinging to Leon’s arms as he tried to squeeze some damn sense into him, Hop’s cheeks flared with embarrassment, especially when Leon laughed at him.

“You really are choked up, aren’t you?”

Finally, Hop’s embarrassment coiled down until his stomach cramped and he gripped Leon’s arms as hard as he could out of frustration. “Dammit, Lee, I’m not doing this!”

“Give me another.”

And he did. As though being pulled by invisible rope, Hop’s body lunged forward yet again as he reached up and kissed Leon on the cheek, the words he wanted to say muffled, and he could hear a laugh bubbling in the back of Leon’s throat. And holy hell, was Hop’s face on fire. Leon was still under the impression he was emotional, possibly joking even, but Hop was freaking out the longer he stood there wrapped in Leon’s arms and kissing him on the cheek.

“Hop, you sure are worked up, aren’t you? I’ve never seen you this clingy before.”

When he pulled away, Leon’s arms still wrapped around him in the hug, Hop wanted to open his mouth and yell at him that _he wasn’t the one doing this—_ dammit, if Leon would just quit being a dumbass for two seconds and _listen_ to him—

But all of Hop’s words disappeared into nothing when Leon suddenly rutted up against him—and Hop had to blink in surprise. Did Leon just… _thrust_ against him? No, it was an accident. Or maybe Hop was so freaked out he was imagining things. That was just an awkward movement Leon did—he didn’t—he didn’t buck into him like Hop thought he did. He was just freaking out and imagining things and _holy shit_ , could his imagination be way worse than anything.

The look on Leon’s face wasn’t one Hop could describe. He was smiling, but Hop didn’t feel any of the comfort from that smile for some reason. It was so unlike the times Leon would cling to him, pat him on the back, play around with him and give him a hard time because he knew Hop would always be back to his old self when Leon kidded around with him. The smile on his face now was almost—leering.

Before Hop could say anything, his brain still stuck in the fog of Leon possibly having just thrust into him (but that was his imagination), he was once again cut off by Leon’s own voice.

“Kiss me on the mouth.”

To Hop’s absolute horror, he pulled himself up onto the tips of his toes once more to reach Leon, gripped his face exactly like he had done back at the hospital, and pulled him down toward him before he planted a kiss right on his mouth. Hop slammed his eyes shut in embarrassment, because for the life of him, _he could not figure out why he was doing this._ He almost wanted to cry in frustration at the fact he couldn’t move himself—he couldn’t pull away from Leon liked he wanted, and it shouldn’t have made him feel this way. Hugging Leon or hell, even kissing him on the cheek shouldn’t have made Hop feel vulnerable and uncomfortable, but—

Kissing him on the mouth was something else. With both hands gripping hold of Leon’s face, pulling him down to get level with him as Hop reached up to get at him, he fought with every ounce of himself to try and pull away. A muffled moan was caught in his throat, the words he wanted to say stifled as he kissed Leon, as he kissed him desperately, so desperately as though he might suffocate if he _didn’t_ kiss him. Why the hell was he doing this? Why couldn’t Hop pull away?

Why couldn’t he throw himself off Leon and get the fuck out of this room?

With his eyes slammed shut, all Hop could do was wait as his body betrayed him, as he could do nothing for this mysterious influence over himself, as he waited for the moment Leon shoved at him, threw him off, and called him disgusting. He would no doubt banish Hop from his locker room, probably tell him to leave the stadium entirely, because why would Hop keep kissing him like this? Was he a pervert? But, Leon pulled off first, and when Hop dared to open his eyes, frustrated and shameful tears already lining the bottoms of his lids that he _refused_ to let fall, he was frozen and terrified at the same time to see a small smile on Leon’s face.

“Hop…I didn’t realize how forward you could be.” There was almost a flirtatious air about the way he said that, and it made Hop’s skin crawl.

“Lee…” His name even sounded like poison gushing out of his mouth, and Hop wanted to look away from him so bad. But, he couldn’t. “I didn’t—I’m sorry.” He didn’t know why he kissed him. Hop had never wanted to kiss Leon like this, but he had done so not once, but twice. What the fuck was wrong with him?

“Don’t apologize, I’m just surprised is all. I’m not mad, I promise.” Hop was only halfway aware of Leon pulling him in closer, but when he pulled him in so close that Hop could feel Leon’s bulge digging into his crotch, he let out a sharp gasp.

“I-I should go. Mum is w-waiting in the stands for me, we were—” He was rambling. Why on earth was he rambling like this? His words were coming out in a jumbled heap, Hop not even able to properly say what he was trying to say. “We were go-gonna watch the match together and—and she wanted—we were going t-to go out to eat after—we were—”

Leon let out a small laugh through his nose before he pulled Hop in close, his arms still wrapped around him, until Hop’s face was pressed into his chest. His bulge was even more prominent, and Hop was shivering at how far against his brother he was being squeezed. Did Leon even realize how Hop could feel him like this? Did he realize he was holding him way too close, so close Hop could feel his _fucking dick_ against him?

“Don’t be shy. I’m really happy, I swear. You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to kiss you, but I never imagined you’d be so eager to have a go at me yourself.”

“Lee, I don’t—” What was he _saying_? Leon _wanted_ to kiss him like that? Hop couldn’t keep up with everything happening right now, he was so overwhelmed, he wanted to cry out of frustration yet again, but all he could manage to do was shiver as Leon clung to him. The only thing he wanted was for his brother to let go of him so he could run like hell out of this room. He didn’t want to be here. He didn’t want to be near Leon—not after he just kissed him again.

The things Leon was saying to him, Hop surely wasn’t hearing them right. He was shaking so much, there was no way Leon couldn’t feel him shivering against him, despite how he still couldn’t move, it was the only movement Hop was capable of.

“It’s alright, Hop, don’t worry. Although, if you wanted me like that, all you had to do was say so. I would have gladly let you kiss me like that anytime you wanted.” His brother laughed as he ruffled the back of Hop’s hair, and somehow the feeling of his brother’s hands in his hair had never felt more invading.

“Lee, you’re misunderstanding.” Even his voice was panicked as Hop fought to keep up with everything happening. This was crazy—and Leon was seriously getting the wrong idea here. But, what freaked out Hop even more was the fact Leon wasn’t upset with him. Wasn’t he supposed to be calling him a freak? Calling him gross and shoving him out of the room by now? Telling Hop he never wanted to see him again, because what crazy person in their right mind up and kissed their own brother like that?

Not…

Clinging to him tighter, laughing about the whole thing like it was some joke, telling Hop he wanted to be kissed like that.

Hop drew in a breath when he could have sworn he felt Leon bend over and kiss the top of his head, and still, he couldn’t move. His body wasn’t reacting at all, even though he was struggling to pull himself off Leon—he couldn’t. He was stuck.

“You know, Hop, if you _really_ want to have some fun, the match doesn’t start for another fifteen minutes at least—”

Hop couldn’t breathe. There was no way he was hearing this right. Everything around him was suddenly way too quiet, save for Leon’s rather soft laughs just above him. The indistinct sounds from the crowds in the stadium were muted in Leon’s room, even the roaring of the pounding music, the overwhelming noise Hop had been apart of not mere minutes before was suddenly so quiet, way too quiet, quiet enough he swore he could hear his heart thumping in his ears.

Because, he wasn’t hearing Leon say these things to him. Not his brother. This was some kind of joke.

“We could do more than kiss.” The way Leon squeezed his arm around him then, Hop was pressed up as far against his bulge as he could go without the damn thing stabbing into him at this point.

It had to be a sick joke. Leon was taking this way too far, having gotten carried away when Hop kissed him, he was taking the joke and running with it, like he was prone to do, but this was too far. Hop was scared—he was shaking—he was _freaking the fuck out._

And when Leon bent all the way over, until Hop could feel his hot breath in the crook of his head, he froze when Leon pressed his mouth against him. Hop seized up, still not able to move, but even if he had control of his body, he wouldn’t have been able to. The feeling of Leon’s warm wet tongue pressing against the side of his neck caused him to shiver, and he clutched onto Leon’s front, squeezing—it being the only thing he could do, strangely enough. Only small movements like that Hop could seem to pull off, but he wasn’t even sure if he could control himself again or if he was too freaked out to move at all.

Because Leon was sucking his neck, grinding into him when he did it. Hop felt his bulge pushing against him every time he rutted into him, and it took him way too long to comprehend the fact that his brother was humping him. No words came out, no shrieks of surprise, no whispers of terror as he wanted nothing more than to beg Leon to get off him, so he could run back to the stands. All the things Hop wanted to do, he simply froze, his mind blank.

He froze as Leon kissed and sucked his neck, moaning each time he thrust up against him, causing Hop to buck backward with the movement the more force he used. He froze even when he felt his brother’s hands grip hold of his jacket and begin sliding it off him, exposing his shoulder even more, where Leon gently slid his collar down, exposing his collarbone and shoulder entirely. And even then, Leon kissed him, peppering random kisses here and there to his collarbone, all the while he grinded into him, having pulled Hop’s jacket down to his elbows.

It wasn’t until he felt him harden against him that Hop finally snapped back to reality.

He tried to move, tried to push at his chest and get him off, but he still couldn’t. All he could do was open his mouth. “Lee, _stop!_ ”

“Don’t worry, the guards outside can’t hear us.” Hop shivered when Leon trailed his tongue across the top of his chest, and he never knew the feeling of something like that could feel so hot and cold at the same time—and absolutely _disgusting_. “Not that I care if they hear.”

His hands gripped the front of Leon’s shirt, and he squeezed as hard as he could, feeling his legs trembling, but still not able to rip himself away from him. His voice grew strangely high-pitched, almost hysterical when he fumbled for his words. “Leon—for fuck’s sake, _you’re scaring me!_ ”

His brother drew back then, gripping hold of Hop’s arms when he shivered against him, and he finally, _finally_ looked him in the eye, he had to see the look on Hop’s face that was no doubt distraught horror, and he watched as Leon’s eyes grew wide before he leaned up, pulled back, and let go of him. There was no way he hadn’t realized how fucked up this was, how Hop wasn’t playing around with him anymore, and he really couldn’t move. He hadn’t meant to kiss him like he did, he hadn’t meant to throw himself at Leon the way he had.

And he hadn’t meant to almost cry in front of him. With Leon having backed off, Hop still fighting to move, but not able to, a thin line of tears filled his eyes, but he blinked them away. His entire body was shivering, until he was sure he would pass out if nothing else, but Leon finally seemed to get the message and only looked down at Hop with regretful regard.

“Hop, I…” He swallowed. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I just thought you were…” He trailed off, not even bothering to finish that sentence, but Hop wasn’t sure if he even wanted him to.

He wanted to ask him why he moved into him like that, why he kissed and sucked his neck, why he was doing things like that that you _were not supposed to be doing to your brother_ , but all Hop could do was stand there and focus on breathing. He knew he had kissed him first, but it wasn’t Hop’s intention. He couldn’t figure out how to tell Leon that he hadn’t meant to do that. Something was wrong.

Something was horribly _wrong_ , and he was so frustrated and embarrassed this was happening. What the hell was wrong with him? Why had he kissed Leon? Why had he come in here and not only threw himself at him like that, but kissed him _again_? Why was Hop—

“Hop, don’t cry.”

And oh fuck, he hadn’t realized the tears that had stagnated in his eyes had fallen, streaking down his cheeks, until he reached up to wipe them on his sleeve. Leon extended his arm out, as if to cup Hop’s face and wipe his tears, but he flinched away from him, stumbling over himself when the movement returned, and he almost tripped over an end table next to the sofa.

All at once, Hop felt his knees knocking together, even with fact he had gained control of himself once again, his body was shaking so bad that he couldn’t even stand up straight. All he could do was look up at Leon in horror, the feeling of his mouth on his neck still there despite Leon no longer kissing him, but it lingered. All Hop could focus on was that spot on his neck that was cold and wet now, how his brother had been trying to work his jacket off, and he awkwardly pulled it back up, wrapping it closed around his chest as though that would save him any embarrassment.

It didn’t.

Still, Leon looked down at him like Hop was a defenseless Pokémon he’d just accidentally kicked, and despite Hop’s racing heart and trembling limbs, the look on his brother’s face suggested he was also shaken up, and he only gave Hop an apologetic stare before glancing off to the side.

“I’m sorry, I got carried away. I thought you—” He bit his lip. “Hop, could you really not move yourself just then?”

He took another step back, passed the table, all the while clinging to his jacket to keep his front covered, and he didn’t know why. It was like a security blanket, when he suddenly felt so exposed, even though he wasn’t. “N…no. I couldn’t. I…” Hop swallowed, his throat feeling so tight, until he almost choked on himself. “I didn’t want to kiss you. I don’t know why I did.”

“I just thought you were coming onto me.”

It was amazing that Hop didn’t immediately upturn his lunch at the sound of those words, and he couldn’t help but let out a horrified squeak as he reached up and covered his mouth, his other hand still fisting his jacket to keep over himself. “Lee, why the _hell_ would I come onto you?”

And Leon’s face shot up, a tint of…blush? On his cheeks. Why was he blushing? Why was he looking over at Hop the way he was—like he was so taken aback that his brother hadn’t come onto him? Why did he almost look _disappointed?_

It made Hop’s stomach churn even more.

“I don’t know, Hop. I thought maybe you were being shy, but when you moved like that, I just…” And he trailed off a second time, eyes glazing to the side, and he fell silent, the next few moments of silence in the way too quiet room then feeling suffocating. It was so tense, Hop swore it was choking him.

“Even if I was…” Hop dropped his hand, clinging to his jacket once more as he bore into Leon, almost wishing he would look back over at him, but also glad he wasn’t. Hop didn’t know what the hell he wanted anymore. “Why didn’t you stop me?”

Leon didn’t respond. Yet even still, Hop could see him clench his fists closed, gaze focused down to a random part of the floor. Even as Hop stood there holding onto himself, breathing way too hard, staring at his brother and not even sure if he wanted an answer from him or not, he couldn’t control his shaking.

Although he wasn’t sure he wanted an answer to that, the fact Leon never said anything only made him feel worse, and without a word to him, Hop turned on his heels and grabbed the door handle, his hands shaking so much he fumbled with it in an attempt to get it open and get the hell out of here.

“Hop.”

Leon’s voice made his skin crawl when he spoke, as it was soft, and maybe he thought he heard the slightest hints of guilt, but Hop didn’t hesitate when he yanked the door open.

“Hop…I’m sorry.”

That was the last thing Hop heard his brother say to him before he slammed the door behind himself, tearing off down the hall and passed the two confused security guards as he fought not to break down and cry.


	3. Chapter 3

“Honey, are you okay?”

Despite the commotion of the crowds of people around him, Hop hadn’t realized he’d been spacing out the entire time he was seated next to his mother. The sound of her voice roused him from his stupor, and he blinked before shifting his glance to the field in front of him. He could just make out the tiny silhouette of Gloria from the opposite end, tucked away in the hall as she was no doubt waiting for Leon to make his grand entrance first.

Hop nodded, knowing it was disingenuous. “Fine…” _That_ would certainly sell, but he couldn’t help having his head in the clouds. How could he possibly focus when not ten minutes ago, he’d been down in the lockers with Leon, his brother shoved right up against him, dry humping him as he held him so tight, Hop felt like he was drowning from gaining no air? The scene played itself over and over in his mind—not so much what Leon had done, but why Hop couldn’t seem to control his own actions during that time. He hadn’t wanted to kiss him—he hadn’t wanted to hold him tight like that and _come onto him_ as Leon put it. Hop hadn’t intended any of that, yet he did. He came onto Leon, he kissed him when asked, and it made his chest grow tighter at the fact he couldn’t pull away. What the hell was wrong with him? Why would he up and do that to him—because surely Hop wasn’t…interested in him, was he? It should have freaked him out more that Leon was more than willing to go along with it, and even if he _had_ come onto him, why didn’t Leon push him away? Why didn’t he tell Hop how inappropriate this was and chastise him for it, saying this was something brothers didn’t do?

Hop squeezed the fabric of his trousers. _Why didn’t Leon stop him?_

Surely it wasn’t because Leon—Hop swallowed, his throat feeling too tight—surely Leon wasn’t attracted to him like that? No, that wasn’t right. It was some kind of fluke. Maybe the whole thing wasn’t even what Hop thought it was and Leon just figured he was joking, even joking by kissing him on the mouth, it didn’t matter because it wasn’t for real. Hop didn’t kiss him because he thought of his brother that way, he just—

The cheering around him forced Hop away from his thoughts and even from where he sat, high in the stands next to Mum, he could make out the figure of Leon striding across the field, his cape billowing in the wind. His head was held up, chest puffed out with confidence, and when his face appeared on the jumbotron, Hop couldn’t help but glance off to the side, as if Leon could somehow see him. That was stupid, not to mention impossible, but he couldn’t help himself. Hop couldn’t look him in the face right now, even if his face was on a giant screen for everyone to see. It made Hop feel as though if he were to look at him then suddenly everyone in the stadium would know he had been kissing him not long ago. Everyone would know Hop had kissed his brother, and he stood there doing nothing, absolutely nothing when Leon rutted against him, apparently planning to go further than that had Hop not finally opened his mouth.

His palms shook, even as the noise of those around him was overwhelming and made his thoughts mushy when he couldn’t even hear himself think. Just what would Leon have done—how far would he have gone if Hop _hadn’t_ said anything? The thoughts made his stomach churn and his visibly shifted forward to clutch his abdomen. He could only imagine what his brother had planned to do, if the fact he hadn’t started humping him was evidence enough. But Hop couldn’t figure out _why—_ because it didn’t make any sense. Leon had never displayed any signs he was…well, that he was open to that sort of thing (Hop couldn’t even think of the word without growing nauseated), and he knew they joked around and that they had their moments but—

It had always been in jest. His affection for Leon had only ever been platonic, nothing more. Just the mere idea of him up and kissing him like that, throwing himself at his older brother like some kind of horny teenager, it made Hop want to upchuck his whole breakfast.

Glancing up at the screen to see Leon’s charismatic smile did not help. He appeared unfazed, but he was always unfazed when the cameras were rolling. All these people saw the Champion Leon, nobody saw Hop’s brother. The sad thing was, even Hop couldn’t look at him now, because he wondered if Leon was thinking about it too.

And.

Hop tried to wring his hands to stop the shaking.

How long had Leon been looking at _him_ that way? Just how many times when Hop joked with him, wrapped his arms around to give him a hug, gushed about how badly he missed him—how long had Leon been staring at him that way, allowing his own touch to linger just a bit too long that Hop never noticed, because _why would he?_

As his thoughts swarmed, becoming like the crowds next to him and buzzing in his brain so much Hop couldn’t focus, he completely missed when Gloria walked out onto the field. It was only when Mum went to grab his arm and point did Hop snap out of it long enough to raise his gaze and saw Gloria’s face on the giant screen. She looked so determined, yet fierce, even as Leon stood in front of her, saying something none of them could hear, but they were no doubt sharing good sportsman words to each other before they both turned and headed toward the opposite ends of the field to give them room for their battle.

Hop then felt a pang of guilt enter his stomach when he found himself wishing Gloria would win.

* * *

The rest of the time passed by in a blur. With his gaze rather unfocused on the match itself, Hop was suddenly thrown out of his daydreaming when Mum flung herself at him and clutched his arm. Shaking his head and blinking, it took Hop way too long to realize that Leon had lost.

And he blinked again.

Leon…lost? Like _lost?_ His brother lost a match?

Those words almost didn’t seem real, but Hop was brought to his feet along with the rest of the stadium as a plethora of cheers erupted out for Gloria’s victory. Some people were cheering and hollering for her, others were groaning in disappointment that Leon lost—but everything was way too loud and Hop couldn’t keep up with everything happening at once. His mind was still trapped back in the locker room, still wrapped in Leon’s arms, still _kissing him_ and panicking because his body wouldn’t obey him.

Although he was moving along with the throngs of people, his mother about to lose her mind next to him as she clapped for both Leon and Gloria, her words were a garbled mess Hop couldn’t make sense of. No matter what he did, he just couldn’t snap himself out of it long enough to remember he was supposed to clap too.

“Honey?” Mum’s voice was suddenly in his ear and Hop hadn’t realized he spaced out yet again, only just now noticing Leon and Gloria weren’t even on the field anymore but had walked out together at some point. The overwhelming atmosphere in the stadium made Hop feel like he was moving through a dream, like he wasn’t all there.

But, at the sound of his mother’s concerned voice, he finally lifted his head to her.

“Are you alright, dear? You’re awfully quiet. Not feeling well?”

There was little else he could do but nod and go along with that. “Y-yeah, just an upset stomach.” That was one way of putting it, at least. It wasn’t necessarily a _lie_ , but—his gaze glanced back over at the pitch. He was supposed to be lost in the commotion of the crowd like everyone else. Hop was supposed to be cheering, clapping, and hollering for them just like everybody else was—moving in unison with the crowd.

But he felt so out of place here. This wasn’t right, he was going to support his brother, he was supposed to be happy Gloria won, and he _was,_ but—Hop shook his head. He didn’t know what to think right now. All he wanted to do was get out of the stadium and go home to his room, stay locked up by himself for awhile. He didn’t want to talk to anyone, least of all Leon. But, he knew Mum wanted to have a celebratory dinner, and Hop was dreading knowing he’d have to sit at the table and pretend everything was fine, pretend he hadn’t kissed Leon earlier that day, and pretend Leon hadn’t _wanted_ him to come onto him like that.

Hop sighed. Despite the buzz of the crowds around him, the noise of so many people gathered in one place, everything felt oddly silent, but not quite in a literal sense. Hop himself felt too silent, but more than anything, he felt horribly out of place, like he wasn’t supposed to be here—like he didn’t _belong_ here.

He just wanted to go home.

It took way too long for the stadium to clear out, Hop feeling like he was stuck in sludge as he could only follow slowly behind Mum while they and hundreds of other people were trying to get out of the same exits. He gripped hold of Mum’s wrist as they worked their way through the crowds, not wanting to accidentally lose her if he could help it. She led them both out into the giant entryway, crowds and crowds of people chatting and bustling with the excitement of the match. Hop couldn’t catch any of what they were saying, only the occasional word for how Gloria was their favorite now, or that Leon was still their favorite, things of that nature, and he tried not to dwell on his own creeping thoughts that threatened to spring up. There was just no way for him to snap out of it now and he knew Mum was worried, but his mind was clouded by what happened in the locker room.

He wasn’t even sure if he wanted to talk to Leon about it or not. Maybe it would be better to let it lie and go about his business, pretend he hadn’t made out with his own brother while being held in his arms and dry humped through his clothes—Hop felt his nausea dip down into the pit of his stomach and had to fight to ignore it. Still in a daze, it took him way too long to realize Mum had descended the stairs to the basement and was heading toward Leon’s locker room. When he saw the door as they rounded the corner, the same two security guards still standing post, Hop yanked his hand away from Mum’s, not meaning to, but running on instinct when he blanched back.

“Hop?” Mum whipped around when he pulled himself away from her. She gave him a rather confused, if not hard stare, and his eyes darted back and forth between her and the door. “What’s gotten into you?”

“Sorry…” Even his voice was low, trembling with his anxiety. He just didn’t want to _see Leon right now._ He wanted to turn heel and run away from this. How the hell did he expect to face his brother after what happened? What was he supposed to say to him? His stomach lurched at those thoughts and he couldn’t deal with this right now. Taking a tentative step back, he backed away to the opposite end, eyes glued to Leon’s door. “Umm—I-I’m gonna go. I really don’t feel well.”

“You won’t even see Leon after his match?”

He shook his head, blood draining from his face at the thought of that, and he knew he probably paled from it. “Sorry. I don’t want to get sick on him. I’ll see him later.” Hopefully later wouldn’t be for a long time, but—

Mum nodded. “Alright, dear, at least call or text him, okay? Go rest somewhere and we’ll all meet up for supper later.”

“I will.” Supper was the _absolute last_ thing Hop wanted to be thinking about now, and he didn’t _want_ to call Leon or talk to him, even through a text, but he couldn’t back out of the hallway fast enough when he finally turned tail and left around the corner. At least he would have some time to be by himself before he had to be around Leon again.

Maybe it would be better with everyone there—Leon wouldn’t dare saying about that in front of Mum. Gloria would be there too, her mum as well, so it wasn’t like Hop was going to be alone and have Leon tattle to Mum that he made out with him.

…Right?

It took Hop way too long to get out of the stadium, getting stuck in the crowds and whatnot, pushing past people who were still excited from the match and dallying around the place. It felt like hours Hop fought his way out, but soon he was greeted by the afternoon sun hovering overhead, the warmth not offering him the comfort he wished he could have right now. It felt nice on his back at least, and the weather in Wyndon was warm enough he didn’t need his jacket, but Hop huddled down into it regardless—it was one of the few things making him feel safe right now.

 _Safe…?_ Why did Hop feel the need to want safety right now? _He_ kissed Leon— _but Leon didn’t stop him_ —he threw his arms around him and couldn’t let go, even though he wanted to— _but Leon pulled him closer—_ he up and kissed his cheek, his mouth, he’s the one who couldn’t tear his body away like something was forcing him to move— _but Leon rutted into him and **told** him to kiss him. _

Hop let out a rather weak-sounding grumble, covering his face in his hands. This was so messed up, he shouldn’t be feeling this way toward his own brother, he wanted to rationalize that it wasn’t Leon’s fault, or anyone’s fault, but it didn’t stop the guilt from eating at him, and it definitely didn’t stop the feeling like Leon was somehow watching him, even though that was impossible. Hop had the strangest sensation that if he looked over his shoulder, his brother would be there, not smiling but _leering_ at him, and the thought alone was enough to send shivers down his spine.

Why the hell was he acting like this? Why was he acting like Leon was suddenly someone he didn’t know? He knew Leon—he was his brother for Pete’s sake—he was still the same old Leon, the same brother who held him through the night if he had a bad nightmare and crept into his room, wanting to share the bed so Leon could protect him. This was still the same Leon who held onto him when he was upset, crying because he’d done something like fallen and scraped his knee, and Hop was so little that he cried about it, but Leon always patted him on the head, insisted he was okay, and helped him stand. This was the same Leon who always took the time to play with him if Hop was lonely, if Hop wanted attention, Leon gave it to him, who always looked at him with a wide grin, ruffled his hair, and told Hop how proud he was of him, and how he was going to be an amazing Pokémon trainer one day.

And this was the same Leon who dry humped him in the locker room an hour ago—who told Hop to kiss him, and he did, he kissed Leon like he couldn’t kiss him fast enough, and Hop had no idea why he had done that, but why would Leon even _want_ Hop to kiss him? Why would Leon _want_ Hop to hold onto him like that and why would he unload confessions onto him saying how he had been wanting to do that with Hop for a long time?

Hop’s neck prickled with cold sweat, and he felt light-headed. Pulling himself away from the crowd, he headed down the street, away from the stadium. The further down the sidewalk he trudged, the less people were around, and Hop needed some time for himself now anyway. Eventually, he came upon the Pokémon Center tucked away into the square of Wyndon, but with everybody gathered up at the stadium, it was pretty desolate, giving Hop all he more initiative to tuck himself away.

Once inside, it was so strange to see the place devoid of life. When he had been on his own journey, there were always at least a few people scattered around in Pokémon centers, but now—Hop swallowed, trying to ignore the glance the portly man gave him from behind the counter when he sauntered in, dipping his head and seating himself at the table. Now they had all migrated to the stadium, everyone in a frenzy over the championship match.

And Hop still couldn’t believe Leon had lost.

With his gaze lowered, having tucked himself into the table furthest in the corner away where he could have a bit of privacy, Hop fished his phone from his bag before propping his elbows on the table and began browsing social media and the like to try and calm down his nerves. The only things his friends were posting was about the match, which did nothing to help calm his nerves, so he opted instead to try playing games. Any kind of game, anything to take his mind off what was happening.

It didn’t work.

Try as he might, Hop’s anxiety only festered the longest he sat by himself in the corner, trying to distract himself on his phone, until he gave up before setting it down next to him. Crossing his arms, he let out a sigh before placing his face down and hugging himself a bit.

Maybe…

Maybe that entire ordeal with Leon was some kind of elaborate joke. At least—he and his brother would sometimes joke like that, and hell—they even did it in front of Mum. She saw them gushing like that to each other and she thought it was cute. Honestly, Hop did too, he didn’t think anything about joking with Leon like that—because it was a _joke_. That was something they always had done, and he never thought anything more of it other than light-hearted sibling banter.

Thinking of kissing him on the mouth—Hop really wondered if he could convince himself that was some elaborate joke as well. Even though there was the matter of Leon rutting into him like that, implying to Hop that he would have absolutely taken that further (and just what the hell did _further_ even entail?). Hop dreaded to think of what Leon meant when he said they could do _‘more’_ than kiss.

But it was a joke.

Right?

Just a harmless, over the top, kind of insane joke that went too far.

Hop lifted his face from his arms enough to stare down at the surface of the table, at the streams of light being casted by the nearby window from the sun glaring down through.

Part of him really, really wanted to believe Leon had just been joking, but the look on his face when Hop tore out that room didn’t really help that argument. Leon looked guilty, like he knew he had taken that too far, and he apologized to Hop, so really—maybe he should pretend that whole thing never happened. It wasn’t like Leon did anything _bad_ to him. He shivered at the memory of his brother licking the side of his neck, and attempting to pull his collar down his shoulder—Hop had to suppress that to the very back of his mind, because if he dwelled on that anymore and rationalized that it was _just a joke_ , and not some weird attraction Leon had to him, then he really would go insane trying to sit here and convince himself that what happened in the locker room wasn’t anything other than a mistake.

Leon was _not_ attracted to him. Leon did _not_ tell Hop to kiss him because he was attracted to him. Leon did _not_ rut into Hop because of some kind of strange attraction. Because Leon was _not attracted to him_.

It was a joke gone wrong, and nothing more.

Trembling, Hop lifted his head a bit when his phone buzzed next to him, signifying an incoming text. He closed his eyes for a moment and let out a long breath. Right. It was a joke. Just a joke. Everything would go back to normal, he would go meet up with Gloria, Mum, and the rest tonight for supper, and everything would return to normal. He would just pretend all the shenanigans with Leon hadn’t happened. If Leon didn’t bring it up, then Hop wouldn’t. Hop wouldn’t dare bring that up ever again.

He rose enough in his seat to lift his phone and saw the text was from Mum. Swiping his phone open, he couldn’t help but feel a bit sick at the sight of the words on the screen.

_‘Did you text your brother?’_

Chewing his bottom lip, Hop replied, though not without hesitance. _‘Not yet.’_

It took Mum way too long to reply, as she wasn’t the speediest typer, but Hop waited patiently as the little icon popped up letting him know she was typing. Just when he was about to set his phone down and go to the counter to get a drink while he waited, she replied.

_‘Do it now, he’s excited to hear from you.’_

Maybe the drink could wait. Hop didn’t feel so thirsty anymore. His stomach lurched again, and he felt sweaty, not realizing at first that his palms were shaking. Why the hell was he acting like this? For fuck’s sake—it was _Leon_. Still his same old brother. Same person he grew up with, same old everything. It wasn’t like accidentally kissing his brother changed any of that.

Hop sucked in a deep breath before closing his eyes, as though preparing himself for a difficult battle he was forced to partake in.

Leon shouldn’t have been making him feel this way. Hop shouldn’t be letting what happened in the locker room freak him out like that.

It was a mistake. A joke that went too far. Leon was still the same old Leon, and Hop was—he swallowed—Hop could forget about it in favor of pretending nothing happened.

He pulled Leon’s name up, tapping the message icon and typed out a text to him.

 _‘Was in the stands with mum.’_ He chewed his bottom lip, not sure what to even say to him. _‘It was an intense fight. Hope you aren’t upset.’_

Send.

His heart pounded in his chest when he pocketed his phone then, standing from his chair and heading over to the counter. The portly man gave him a kind smile, the Indeedee off to the side not paying him much mind, but he fought to bite down his nerves when he could feel his phone vibrate in his pocket. Leon was faster to reply than Mum, but as he stood there ordering a drink, his phone buzzed several times, which made him more anxious.

With a bubble tea in hand, he made his way back to the table and tried to curb his nerves with the drink as he pulled his phone back out.

_‘Hey! Yeah it was pretty brutal. Didn’t expect that but hey there’s a reason she made it all the way up here.’_

A tapioca pearl flew up the straw and Hop tried to focus on chewing as he kept reading the rest of the texts.

_‘Mum is consoling me like I’m upset but I’m not lol. Btw she said you were sick are you okay?’_

His throat tightened, the chewy tapioca going down too slow when he swallowed it. Shakily, he pulled up the keyboard to type back. There was something off about this, and he didn’t know why. It was a simple conversation. A normal, everyday, uneventful conversation.

So why did it feel so uncomfortable? If that whole thing was just a joke and Hop could forget about it—why was he still feeling this way? It was surreal, to go from not being able to get enough of his brother, to want to spend all his time with him, joke with him, ramble to him about things, to—this. Feeling like he was conversing with a stranger, someone he suddenly didn’t know anymore, or at least, didn’t know as well as he thought.

His bubble tea tasted bitter then. Way too bitter.

_‘Yeah just an upset stomach, but I’m ok.’_

Send.

A reply, a way too fast reply.

_‘Do you need me to take you home?’_

The sweat on the nape of his neck felt so cold then that Hop physically shivered from it. His stomach churned and for a moment, he thought he might throw up, but for the life of him couldn’t figure out _why._ There was no reason for Hop to be acting this way, but he couldn’t help it.

_‘No I’m fine. I’m still meeting up for dinner. Mum wants us all together.’_

Send.

Another fast reply. _‘Okay take it easy. Can’t wait to see you tonight! Mum wants to go to that curry place up the street from the sweets shop. I guess I’m obligated to treat the new champion right?’_

Hop had pushed his drink to the side, no longer wanting it. The lychee flavor he got was normally sweet and one of his favorites, but he found he wasn’t enjoying any of it right now. It only tasted like air.

He typed back a slow reply. _‘Ok I’ll see you all then.’_

And before he could hit send, Leon had sent him another text.

_‘Btw mum wants me to come home this evening and spend a few days in Postwick. You wanna watch a movie tonight? Maybe something scary :)?’_

Hop thought his stomach really would upchuck his drink then. Bile rose in his throat, making him almost choke and he had to fight with ever fiber of his being not to freak out. This was normal—this was the same old Leon, his same old brother. There was absolutely nothing wrong with this or with what happened. Leon was acting like nothing happened, so all Hop had to do was the same thing.

Taking a deep breath, he tried to calm his shaking and fight the nausea present in the pit of his stomach. Right. Act like nothing happened. Everything was fine. Better than fine. Everything was fantastic and Hop was happy to spend time with his brother like this.

He let his breath out. _‘Sure sounds fun’_

Send.

_‘Can’t wait to see you! :D’_

He wanted to smile, he really did, but no matter how hard he tried to sit there in the little corner and compose himself, convince himself everything was fine, and nothing changed, Hop could only grimace at those words. It wasn’t the same and he _knew_ that. He was embarrassed, anxious, and he had no idea what the hell he was going to do when he had to sit and pretend nothing was wrong tonight.

Hop groaned, laying his head into his arms once again, his bubble tea long forgotten off to the side.


	4. Chapter 4

The sun was just shy of setting completely, blanketing Wyndon in a soft orange and pink glow. By the time Hop had made his way to the restaurant, having spent all day at the Pokémon center playing on his phone or with his drink straw, the place was swamped with people. Everyone had the same idea, wanting to go out to eat after the match, and he hesitated for a moment when he thought he might not be able to find Mum and the rest in this crowd. It kind of tempted him to leave if he was honest, figuring a crowd this size was good enough reason to leave, but just as that thought crossed his mind, a slender arm looped around his from behind, making him jump when he whipped around to see Gloria giving him a huge smile.

“Hop! I’m glad you’re here!”

He forced a smile, hoping she couldn’t see how bad he was cringing. But…damn, there went his plan of running away. “Hey! Good job on winning.” That came out so awkward he blushed at it, but Gloria didn’t appear to notice his rather stilted demeanor. He wasn’t doing it on purpose, but he couldn’t help it.

“Thanks! Leon was pretty tough. I swore I thought he had me a few times, not gonna lie.” She laughed, pulling Hop by his arm she still had looped around her own. The pair squeezed their way past the crowd into the restaurant which was absolutely bustling with noise to the point Hop was already overwhelmed. It wasn’t unlike the stadium, which buzzed with commotion and indistinct chatter, but now they were in a much more condensed area and Hop had to resist the urge to freak out all over again. At least with the bustle of the crowd he wasn’t alone with his thoughts, because it was too damn loud to think, but—

“We’ve already got a private room so nobody will bother us.” Gloria led him by the arm still, weaving in and out of people, some who were calling out to her as she passed. She wasn’t in her uniform anymore, now sporting her dress and sweater, but there were still people clapping her on the back as she went, a few cheers here and there and while Gloria smiled politely at the attention, she was thorough in keeping Hop hooked to her so he didn’t get lost, and in no time she had led him to the very rear of the restaurant, a big door marked **_“PRIVATE”_** in huge letters on the front. Gloria wasted no time in pushing the door open, pulling in Hop behind her.

Almost immediately the noise from outside quieted once the door was shut again and Hop paled at the sight of the long table laid out in the center. Mum was there, waving the moment she saw him, followed by Gloria’s mother who was practically bouncing in her chair when the pair entered the room—

And there was Leon. The second he and Hop locked eyes, Hop inadvertently froze in his tracks, causing Gloria to almost trip when he suddenly stopped. Leon gave him a bright toothy smile and Hop almost lost all his composure.

Whipping around to face him, Gloria shot him a confused stare and Hop fumbled over his words. “S-sorry, lost my footing for a second.”

Her stare didn’t waver. “Are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

 _That_ was the understatement of the century. Cold sweat beaded his neck and he felt goosebumps form all down his arms. He had to force his gaze away from Leon, because if he looked at him—

“Kids, come on over!” Mum beckoned them forward with a shake of her hand and Hop finally willed himself to move as he sat on one side of the table with Gloria, Mum and Leon right across from him, Leon being _directly_ across, because of course he was, and Gloria’s mum on the end.

Still, Hop couldn’t force himself to look at Leon no matter how damn hard he tried. Every time he saw his face, his bright eyes that suddenly felt like they were staring straight through Hop’s clothes, all he could think of was how he’d been kissing him earlier that afternoon and how Leon had rubbed up against him the way he did. How in the _fresh hell_ did he expect to get through dinner without thinking about what happened?

“How are you feeling?”

Hop’s hands clenched when Leon spoke to him, and he tried his damndest not to break into a cold sweat and start shaking. This was so much harder with other people around, even if they were friends and family, Hop had never felt so out of place being around people he trusted before.

Especially Leon.

Trying to keep his composure, but still not looking at him, Hop offered a small nod. “M’fine.” He fumbled with his menu, trying to focus on the words in front of him and not his brother just across the table, no doubt staring at him, but holy hell, it was impossible. There was no way, just no way Hop could sit and whisk those thoughts away— _because he had kissed him, Hop kissed his brother and Leon rubbed his dick against him_ —Hop sucked in through his teeth, trying not to show through his posture he was uncomfortable, but he could only hope and pray Mum and Gloria didn’t notice how off he was acting. Because he knew he was acting out of sorts, and try as he might, Hop couldn’t pretend everything was normal.

Not with Leon mere feet away from him, directly in front of him, staring at him.

“Hop?”

He almost jumped when Gloria nudged him but managed to recover long enough to tear his eyes away from his menu and glance over at her.

“You’re awfully quiet. Are you okay?”

Hop hadn’t realized while he’d been lost in his thoughts, both of their mums had been chatting, Leon and Gloria having a back and forth as well the entire time, but Hop had been so engrossed in his own mind, the conversations were just background buzz. He hadn’t said anything or jumped in, when he knew normally, he’d be freaking out and gushing about the match, going on about how cool Leon was and whatnot. 

While their mums were chatting to each other, lost in their own conversation, Hop dared to glance up at Leon to see his brother staring directly at him. The second Hop made eye contact with him, Leon gave him a smile, but Hop quickly retreated back down to stare at his own lap.

“F-fine…just still feeling a bit ill.” Well, that wasn’t a _complete_ lie.

Gloria’s expression only swarmed with concern and Hop felt guilty she was fussing over him when he was trying so hard not to ruin the mood of the evening. They were supposed to be having fun, chatting, laughing and carrying on. This was supposed to be a celebration, the new champion and former champion coming together in solidarity to enjoy a meal with their loved ones.

_But Leon pressed his dick against him—Leon told him to kiss him—Hop couldn’t control himself when he wanted to leave—his brother wanted to keep going—his brother thought Hop was coming onto him and he was enjoying it._

Hop visibly shivered.

“Do you need to go home? You do look a bit unwell.” Reaching across, Gloria patted his back in a soothing manner, but Hop only shook his head.

“No, I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” Another pat. “Don’t push yourself if you aren’t feeling alright.”

“I’m f--”

“Hop?” The chair in front of him shifted, and Hop froze when Leon leaned across the table toward him. The moment he did so, Hop jumped from his seat, almost knocking his chair over backward, and he hissed through his teeth as he rose, banging his knee against the underside of the table and causing everyone to stop what they were doing and look over at him.

Immediately, his face gushed heat and he froze. Fuck, what the hell did he say, he had to think— _think_ — _they were all looking at him— **fuck oh fuck** —_

“S-sorry, gotta go to the bathroom.” Without waiting for a response, ignoring when Mum called out to him, Hop turned from the table, trying to ignore his growing embarrassment from reacting that way, and crossed the other side of the room where he yanked the door open, the busting of the crowds of people consuming him the moment he closed the door and began pushing through all the pandemonium. The bathroom was just around the corner, but with all the congestion, Hop had to push and slink his way through, until he was finally squeezed into the little hallway, not wasting a second before he wrenched open the door and shut himself inside. The noise from outside was muffled, but definitely still prominent, and he leaned his back against the door, taking a moment to gain his bearings and remember to breathe.

It didn’t appear there was anyone in here. At least, there was nobody at the urinals, and the stalls were all open. That was a small mercy on his end, because he needed to be alone right now, though if someone came in, there wasn’t much he could do.

Pushing himself from the door, Hop locked himself in one of the stalls before letting out a long, drawn out sigh. He hadn’t meant to freak out like that, but when Leon moved, Hop’s instincts kicked in and he had to get away. Better to leave and compose himself than stay there and cause a scene—well, _more_ of a scene than he already caused. He just hoped Mum wasn’t going to pester him about it when he got back.

He didn’t even have to go and while normally he would have at least tried to, all he did was stand in his stall, trying to calm down and gain his bearings. The noise from outside was muffled, though not exactly _quiet_ , but somehow that was a comfort in itself for things to still be bouncing with life, but Hop could hide in a room away from it, knowing there were people on the opposite wall having their own conversations, their own lives, dealing with their own problems. It was strange to want to be part of the crowd where he could blend in and be one of them, but also be by himself.

Hop sighed. He couldn’t dally in here for long, and he knew they were probably going to get worried about him, so he unlocked his stall before trudging over toward the sink to at least wash his hands. No sooner had he rinsed the soap off than the bathroom door pushed open, Hop glancing out of the corner of his eye, but the moment he caught a streak of purple, he froze.

“Hop?” Leon shut the door behind him. “Are you alright?”

Hop whipped around, now facing his brother, and only made eye contact with him for a brief second, just long enough to see his pinched brows and the look of concern before he averted his gaze to look elsewhere. It didn’t matter where, just somewhere that wasn’t Leon’s eyes. Every time Hop caught himself looking in his eyes, it was like Leon would know what he was thinking, he would somehow automatically know Hop was trying to avoid him. Not like he hadn’t already made that clear with his body language alone, but _dammit_ he could not help it.

“Sorry…felt ill.” He was still running with that, because it wasn’t even a lie. He did feel ill, just not the way everyone probably thought. His stomach was in knots, his throat tightened, and he feared throwing up if he ate anything. Coming here was a mistake. Even now, he wasn’t just seated around a table with others, but he was _alone_ with Leon again.

His palms felt sweaty.

“You sure you don’t want me to take you home?” Leon took a tentative step forward, but at that, Hop moved, taking a step back to keep the distance between them. Still, he didn’t look at him.

“No. I’m fine, I swear.”

“ _Hop_.” And now his tone shifted, and Leon sounded scarily like how Mum did when she was getting ready to chastise him about something. Hop cringed, grimacing when he could feel his gaze on him, though not seeing it, he just _knew_ Leon was giving him a hard stare. Damn, did he feel it. “If you aren’t feeling well, you don’t need to push yourself, okay?”

Hop nodded. If he went along with him, maybe Leon would leave it at that. He could avoid the Copperajah in the room, he could go back to dinner, pretend nothing was wrong, and curl up in bed later that night to _definitely not think about it._ He wouldn’t have nightmares, because nothing was wrong, _why would anything be wrong_ —and he could avoid Leon for the rest of his life so that he didn’t have to think about—

“Are you still upset over the kiss?”

The mere mention of that word—Hop’s throat tightened until he choked, and he lifted his gaze long enough to glance at Leon, but just as quickly sunk back into himself, tucking his shoulders and taking another step back until he was almost pressed against the paper towel dispenser. _Of course_ he was still upset, how could he not be upset when—Hop swallowed, because no matter how hard he tried to tell himself everything was okay, the truth of the matter was, it wasn’t. It wasn’t okay, nothing was okay, _Hop_ wasn’t okay. He had been trying so damn hard all day to rationalize with himself that it was just a mistake, everything that happened in the locker room earlier that day was a big mistake that would never happen again, but—

He hugged onto his arms, still avoiding eye contact with Leon. If he looked at him, he would know, he would be able to read his mind somehow, Leon would know exactly what Hop was freaking out over, he would know how uncomfortable he was around him, even though he shouldn’t have been, Hop knew he shouldn’t have felt this way around him.

But he couldn’t help it.

“Hop, it’s _okay._ ” Leon said it with a bit more force probably than he meant, but it did nothing to alleviate Hop’s anxiety. All it did was make him shrink into himself all the more. “I already told you I wasn’t mad about it.” He took another step forward, and Hop tensed, not wanting the distance between them to be broken anymore than it had been.

“It’s not…” Hop swallowed, still staring at a random spot on the floor, on a black spot in the corner that looked to be some kind of weird stain, but he forced himself to look at it. “I-it’s—Lee, you--” How long had Leon been looking at him that way? Just how long had his older brother been giving Hop less than innocent looks, lingering stares, daring to allow his touch to dawdle just enough Hop didn’t notice?

Because why would he?

His heart thumped, and he slammed his eyes shut, trying to keep his composure and not have a meltdown in the damn bathroom of all places, but with Leon right here in front of him, when the last thing Hop wanted to do was look at him, much less talk to him, he was losing his resolve fast.

But he forced his eyes back open, along with himself as he stood straight, though didn’t lower his arms from around himself, and he looked up at his brother. Leon had only taken a step toward him, but there was still enough distance between them Hop could relax—just a little—at the fact he wasn’t close enough to touch him. His face though, Leon’s face had an expression Hop couldn’t identify. He wanted to say it was concern, but—he just didn’t know. The only thing he saw every time he looked at his brother’s eyes was an underlying appetite, a gaze he swore was looking straight through his clothes, and Hop couldn’t help but feel vulnerable anytime he locked eyes with Leon.

“Are you scared of me?”

Hop’s heart thumped, because the first thing that popped into his mind was— _yes_ —but that wasn’t right. He wasn’t scared of Leon, he wasn’t afraid of his brother, he was just—

He shook his head no.

“Do you think I’m going to hurt you?”

Another head shake. No.

“So, what’s the issue?” The question made Hop blanch back, though he wasn’t sure why. Leon didn’t ask it out of spite or annoyance, but it was more like Hop’s own annoyance with himself if anything. He didn’t know why he was acting like this, because he wasn’t scared of Leon. He didn’t think his brother was going to up and hurt him or anything like that. Despite these comforting words and thoughts that he _wasn’t_ afraid of him, Hop couldn’t deny something was different.

He opened his mouth. “B-because I—” He swallowed, still fighting to keep his gaze on Leon who had crossed his arms. Again, he wasn’t looking at Hop like he was annoyed, just concerned. “I-I-Lee, how long have you…” Hop swallowed, almost choking on it. “Y-you didn’t stop me. S-so, there’s n-n-no way you—that you _wanted_ me to do that. Right?” He couldn’t help when his gaze fell to the black spot on the floor again, because maybe he had misunderstood that entire situation. Maybe Leon wasn’t enjoying it and maybe he never did hump Hop through his clothes—maybe Hop imagined the whole thing.

“What if I did?”

At that, Hop snapped back up again, noting how Leon’s stare had hardened, and he almost wanted to throw up at how _casually_ he said something like that? Did Leon even realize what he was saying? “L-Lee, you’re—” And fuck his insufferable stuttering, Hop couldn’t help it when he was freaked out like this, but dammit, the words just _weren’t coming out._ “I-I’m your _brother._ You aren’t supposed to—” **_You aren’t supposed to do things like that with your brother._**

To his utter surprise, or maybe it was shock at this point, Leon dipped his head backward before letting out a laugh, and it only made Hop feel worse. Worse for how Leon was taking something like this so lightly, when he should have been freaking out like Hop was.

“Hop, you’re too adorable sometimes.” There was something a bit unnerving about the way he said that, and Hop couldn’t help when his stomach churned. Normally, when Leon would be laughing and carrying on like this, he’d feel better, but—he only felt sick.

Hop gulped, his throat still tight. “Wh-why aren’t you freaking out over this? I kissed you, I—” He hadn’t meant to. _Fuck_ , he hadn’t meant to though. “You didn’t stop me, you didn’t shove me away like you were supposed to, you—”

“Hop.” Leon had recovered, no longer laughing but uncrossing his arms as he took a step forward, and Hop was too far pressed against the paper towel dispenser to move back anymore, realizing all too late he had trapped himself against the wall, but with Leon closing the distance, there was little he could do but hug into himself and pray he didn’t touch him. “Look, I know you’re freaked out about this and I’m sorry it had to come out this way.”

How _what_ had to come out this way? “Lee, wh—”

“But, I promise you I’m not going to hurt you or anything like that.” He offered him a smile, one Hop knew was meant to be reassuring, but he couldn’t feel any kind of comfort from it. Not right now. “It’s still me, Hop. I’m still the same Leon I was before. If you really didn’t mean to kiss me like that, then we’ll just forget it happened, okay?”

It was easy for him to say that, but there was no way Hop could forget how Leon had clung to him, kissing and licking his neck, rutting into him—there was no forgetting that. Hop wanted nothing more than to forget about it, but he _couldn’t._

A bit of his spite was surfacing, and Hop knew he was only feeling that way simply because Leon was so nonchalant and unbothered by it. It wasn’t fair he could stand there, shrug it off, and pretend it never happened when Hop knew he would never forget this. “You want me to forget you rubbed your cock against me?”

And Leon’s eyes snapped open, something Hop hadn’t expected, yet couldn’t deny it gave him the smallest sliver of satisfaction. Finally, a reaction from Leon that wasn’t so fucking relaxed about this entire damn thing. Hop shouldn’t have been the only one freaking out—Leon should have taken responsibility and pushed Hop off the moment he kissed him. He wasn’t supposed to egg him on, pull his collar down, and—

“I…” For once, Leon looked at a loss for words, breaking eye contact from Hop to turn his gaze to the floor. It shouldn’t have felt good to see Leon like this, but after being at war with himself all damn day over this, Hop could at least have some kind of relief knowing Leon was aware he had fucked up.

Leon stood there staring at the ground for way too long, before finally lifting his head and opened and closed his mouth several times as though to say something, before sighing, crossing his arms, and shifting his weight on his legs. “Hop, would you at least hear me out to explain myself?”

Explain himself for _fucking what?_

Hop’s mouth thinned, and he bit his bottom lip, but didn’t say anything.

Leon continued. “I don’t want to say all this to you while we’re in a public bathroom, but I know this is bothering you and I don’t want you to be bothered by it, okay?” He gave Hop the smallest of smiles, his eyes softening. “Would you please hear me out before you make any judgements?”

Hop tensed. This sounded like something he did _not_ want to be in on, as despite what Leon said about not hurting him or wanting him to be bothered, Hop couldn’t help but have a feeling he already knew what Leon wanted to talk to him about. In a way, Leon had a point, he could at least hear him out before Hop said or did anything.

It wouldn’t hurt to hear what he had to say, right? To explain himself? Hell, maybe Hop would be pleasantly surprised and Leon could somehow offer him an explanation for all this craziness. Maybe it would give Hop some closure on the matter, and the two of them could laugh about it, shrug it off, and go back to the way things were.

Hop scoffed to himself. Yeah right.

Leon frowned at the sound Hop made, but didn’t make any other movements other than a soft sigh. “Please, Hop?”

Though not buying for a second that Leon somehow had a magical explanation for all this that would make everything better again, there honestly wasn’t much else Hop could do. Well, yeah there was. He _could_ listen to him, that was true, and there was nothing forcing Hop to hear what he had to say. All he had to do was leave if he didn’t like what Leon had to say. There was no law forcing him to sit there and agree with him or think his excuses would make up for it.

It wouldn’t hurt to at least listen to him, if that’s all Hop had to do. So, he shrugged, letting out another scoff he hadn’t meant before peeling himself away from the wall. “Fine. Whatever.”

Leon smiled. “Alright. We’ll wait till Mum goes to bed tonight, then we can talk.”

“…’kay.”

Just when Hop was about to walk around him and head toward the door, Leon reached out to grip hold of his arm. “Wait.”

And Hop froze. Not because of the fact Leon was touching him and he grimaced at that touch, but he was literally frozen in place, much like how he was earlier in the locker room, and it made his blood run cold. Leon had started spouting off something to him, but whatever it was, Hop wasn’t listening, nor could he focus on anything other than the fact he was literally unable to move.

His heart thumped in his chest. Why did this keep happening? It couldn’t be—no, it wasn’t because Leon was touching him, was it? It only ever seemed to happen when his brother had his hands on him, and Hop felt light-headed when the blood drained of his face.

“—so that would be alright?” Hop only caught the tail end of Leon’s prattle before he inadvertently let out a gasp he hadn’t meant.

“L-Lee, something’s wrong. Let go of me.” His entire body felt cold with sweat when Hop, try as he might, couldn’t will himself to move. He wanted to, he wanted to so bad to wrench himself away from Leon and get the hell away from him—but he couldn’t.

“What? What’s wrong?” Still, Leon had a grip on his arm—gentle, but firm, to stop him from walking out on him, and Hop’s anxiety was only skyrocketing the longer they lingered in here, the louder the chatter on the other end of the door sounded, the more suffocating it felt being trapped in here with Leon.

“I-I don’t know. I can’t move.” Again, he tried to wrench himself off, but no matter what he did, Hop was frozen. Leon told him to _wait_ and he was literally waiting. Waiting and frozen.

A long bout of silence passed between them, only making Hop’s heart thump harder in his chest until it was painful, and he struggled to look over at Leon, wondering if he was thinking the same thing, if he somehow realized this only happened when he put his hands on him. But, his brother’s grip on his arm only stiffened when he spoke next.

“Hop…” A small pause, just a small one when Leon’s voice lowered. “Look at me.”

And he did. With Leon off to the side, still clutching onto him, Hop turned his gaze to his brother, no doubt that his eyes were wide with fear, because Leon had to know he hadn’t done that of his own volition, had he? Didn’t he realize Hop wasn’t doing this?

Leon was giving him a hard, concentrated stare, and Hop was too terrified to open his mouth and ask what he was thinking. At this point, he wasn’t even sure he wanted to know.

But then, “Reach up and touch your ear.”

 _What in the_ —before Hop could even think—even say anything—he did it. Reaching up, he touched his own earlobe, still giving Leon a terrified look when his breathing became so hardened that it was audible. His chest was tight, his throat was tight, everything about Hop was stiff and frozen, only moving when Leon said so, and he had to know this. Leon had to know that Hop was somehow unable to move on his own, and that Leon was somehow able to give him commands.

And he was scared. Hop was scared as Leon didn’t let go of his arm, didn’t say anything to him, but only gave him that hardened look as though he were thinking, calculating, trying to piece together all that was happening as Hop stood there beginning to shake.

“L-Lee—” His voice choked on those words, but Leon, still deep in thought, offered him no comfort, no soothing words, nothing. Only that hardened stare that was starting to scare Hop the longer he was forced to look at him.

“Pull your shirt up over your stomach.”

Releasing his earlobe, Hop’s hands betrayed him as he gripped hold of the hem of his own shirt and he tugged, exposing his stomach, and no doubt causing the loudest gasp he’d ever made to escape his own throat, but he was so horrified by what he was doing, he wasn’t even sure he could hear anything anymore.

Leon gasped too, and finally Hop saw the signs of shock on his face when his expression lifted. Hop couldn’t even say anything, just stand there like an idiot with his shirt held up, and he could do nothing, absolutely nothing to stop himself.

“Okay, you can put it down.”

Slowly, Hop released the bottom of his shirt, feeling the chill in the air before now disappearing when it covered his stomach. He stared up at Leon, wishing his brother would say something, but at the same time, not wanting to hear what he had to say, because he knew, they both knew what that was about.

Leon was controlling him. Somehow, someway, any time his brother touched him, Hop’s body was responding to that touch in the most literal way possible. A million and one questions were running through his head, none that Hop could keep up with, but the only one that kept repeating over and over was—how was this possible? How could Leon be doing this?

What the fuck _happened?_

Lost in his own stupor, Hop could have sworn he saw a small smirk lift in the corner of Leon’s mouth, but that couldn’t have been true. It was just his imagination, but finally, Leon released his arm, and it took Hop way too long as he stood there before his body relaxed under his own control once again. That only told him the effect could linger, and he choked at the thought of that, but Leon straightened up, giving him a smile he knew was meant to reassuring, but Hop felt nothing—absolutely no comfort from his brother right now.

“Alright, let’s go. I’m sure Mum is worried about you.”

So, he just wasn’t going to address that at all? Well, Hop didn’t know what he could say, as Leon appeared to have been just as bewildered as he was, but—he swallowed, only nodding. How could either of them possibly explain that? Was Leon magical—or was there a logical explanation where Hop was only pretending to lose control of himself like that? Maybe Hop was doing this, and just didn’t realize—maybe he was so freaked out by kissing Leon and being dry humped that he was going insane.

Any of those reasons were better than Leon having control over him. Because that truly _was_ insane.

The pair exited the bathroom, neither of them talking about just what the fuck happened, how it could have happened, or what it meant, but Leon led the way back to the private dining area, Hop on his heels, doing everything he could to avoid touching him. The walk back felt like it took years instead of minutes, Hop having receded into himself again, but he let out a long sigh to himself as Leon opened the door and he was greeted by Mum asking if he was alright.

Hop could only lie and say everything was fine as he sat back down at the table across from Leon and forced himself to eat.

It was going to be a _loooong_ night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for your continued support ;-; it means a lot to me


	5. Chapter 5

Dinner was awkward to say the least, but by the time the food had arrived, Hop had managed to numb his mind long enough to actually sit and have a conversation. Leon appeared to have backed off, at least for Hop’s sake, or what he thought might be his sake. His brother wasn’t pressuring him to speak or engage, and he only looked over at him if he absolutely had to. Leon himself was acting like the entire incident in the bathroom hadn’t happened, not that Hop had anything to offer for it either. A million and one thoughts were racing through his head, but he pushed all of them, everything that had happened both in the locker room and the bathroom to the back of his mind. Just don’t think about it right now. He could freak out later all he wanted.

Conversation was drab to say the least. It wasn’t that Hop wasn’t happy Gloria had won the title bout and she was the new champion or anything, but he was finding it hard to muster the enthusiasm he wanted to in order to give her proper congratulations. With so much on his mind, there wasn’t much he could do but offer her sheepish and awkward smiles every once in awhile. They had been friends for years at this point, so Gloria knew when Hop was upset or there was something on his mind. Not that Hop was the most subtle about hiding his feelings when he _did_ have so much going through his head, but she didn’t press him about it. He only told her he wasn’t feeling well and that was that.

It felt like hours they sat in that private dining room, eating, chatting, laughing (though that last one was a bit lost on Hop at the moment), and soon they were gathering their things to leave. The sun had long since set and it was dark once they walked outside, the moon in full view of the sky.

Gloria gripped hold of Hop’s arm and gave him a gentle squeeze, though he couldn’t for the life of him help but bite down the urge to flinch when she touched him. Nothing happened. Not like when Leon put his hands on him. It was nothing like that.

She smiled at him. “Me and Mum are going to stay here for a few days. She wants to tour the city, but I’ll text you, okay?”

Hop nodded, trying his hardest to smile back, but he couldn’t.

“See you later. Bye!” With that, Gloria leaned over just long enough to give Hop a quick peck on the cheek, giggling when she did so, and his face flared with heat when she did that, but she bounded away from him before he could react any further. Only a final wave was given to the group before Gloria and her mother were off down the street, leaving Hop alone with Mum and Leon.

“Are you boys ready to head home?” Mum was already heading down the pavement when she said that, leaving Hop and Leon to pick up the slack.

“Yeah, I’m pretty beat,” Leon said, giving a yawn for good measure. “A flying taxi might be faster than the train.”

Mum shook her head. “Everyone already has the same idea, dear. We won’t catch a Corviknight cab for days if we try that.”

Leon shrugged. “The train it is then. You alright with that, Hop?”

At the mention of his name, Hop perked up, trying to snap himself from his thoughts long enough to pretend nothing was wrong. “Yeah, that’s fine.” This was as awkward as dinner was, even though he was with his mother and brother, there was that creeping feeling that something was off. Hop knew why that was, but it was surreal all the same to feel this way. Maybe he had every right to be feeling this way, uncomfortable as it were, but he didn’t know.

Hop just didn’t know.

They boarded the train with no incidents, the ride all the way back to Postwick taking an hour at the least, but Hop had taken to absentmindedly playing on his phone. He texted Gloria the whole time while Mum and Leon chatted next to him, their conversation lost in the background noise as Hop was paying no attention whatsoever. Gloria kept sending him weird pictures and it made a smile curl on his face, even though it kind of felt awkward to smile around Leon, he didn’t know why, but he had to bite his lip several times to keep from laughing. He didn’t know why he was trying not to laugh in front of Leon, because it didn’t make any sense on his end, but he was only confusing himself. Maybe he felt laughing was too casual and would give Leon the impression he was okay when he wasn’t.

Hop sighed, the train pulling up to the Wedgehurst station soon after. Neither Mum nor Leon spoke to him much the entire ride, not that Hop was complaining. He had more fun texting Gloria anyway, even with all her weird reaction images and things she was sending him, he could still smile at it. Once the three stepped out of the station, the moon was only rising higher in the sky, Mum letting out a yawn as they walked the trail down to Postwick.

“I’m exhausted. If you boys decide to stay up late just keep it down, will you?”

Leon nodded. “Sure thing, Mum.” He shot Hop a glance along with a smirk. “We were thinking of watching a scary movie, right?”

Glancing down away from his brother’s stare, Hop only nodded a bit, his phone still clutched in his hand and vibrating as Gloria continued texting him. “Y-yeah…” Honestly, he was only saying that for Mum’s sake and to placate Leon, but the last thing he wanted to do was huddle up on the couch next to Leon. It was bad enough he didn’t want to be near his own brother right now, but did they have to watch a scary movie where Hop would no doubt be put even _more_ on edge than he was? He didn’t necessarily hate scary movies, but—he bit his lip. Leon had to know that, and Hop knew deep down he had done that on purpose, because he was notorious for getting scared during spooky movies and clinging to Leon’s arm when he did so.

Well. Hop clenched his fists, moreso to himself. He would just have to remember it was a movie, nothing real, and he wouldn’t get scared. Simple.

“Alright, don’t stay up too late.”

The trip from Wedgehurst to Postwick was only about a five-minute walk, and the trio were back to the house in no time, the only other indication that it was nighttime being the bug Pokémon that chirped and trilled around them. Hop followed behind Leon as Mum unlocked the front door, flooding the house in the light when she flicked the switch on the wall. Leon stretched beside him, popping his back before turning and looking down at Hop.

“I’m gonna shower before the movie. Why don’t you get some snacks ready?”

“Okay…” He knew his reply was less than enthused, but there wasn’t much Hop could do about that right now. At least it appeared Mum wasn’t aware of how he was acting around Leon. Eventually though, he knew she’d catch on that something was up and start interrogating him about why he was acting weird around his brother like he was. Hop gulped, because picturing that conversation was making him sweat, but he tried to brush it off as he made his way to the kitchen to scour for snacks and the like.

Both Mum and Leon headed upstairs, chatting the whole way. From where he was in the kitchen, Hop could just make out the indistinct sounds before Mum shut herself up in her room, Leon hogging the bathroom not long after. The whole time, Hop grabbed a bag of chips along with some soda before setting everything down in the sitting room. When he and Leon were little, they used to make blanket forts on the floor, turn all the lights off, and pretend their flashlights were the ‘fire’ before telling each other scary ghost stories. Leon was always way better at it than him, even making Hop tear down the fort in a panic when he was really little, all because Leon had said something like there was a white hand on his shoulder—and Hop freaked out, running and crying to Mum who chastised Leon for scaring him like that.

Memories like that were things Hop could laugh or smile about but thinking of things like that now only gave him a weird feeling, one he couldn’t even describe. He sank down on the sofa, the bags of chips, sweets, and soda off to the side almost mocking him with how out of place this felt. This was something he had done time and time again with Leon, something as simple as watch television with him, build forts with him, snack on chips and sweets—they were all things Hop could think of as normal and he had fond memories of it, but.

He closed his eyes, leaning back on the sofa as he let out a long sigh.

But he couldn’t stop thinking about everything that had happened. From kissing Leon, to Leon grinding against him like that, to losing control of himself whenever Leon touched him—it was too much for him to dwell on and he felt exhausted from the day’s events already. He just wanted to go upstairs, collapse into bed, and sleep for a long time. Maybe in the morning when he was well-rested, he would have a better idea of how to rationalize all of this crazy bullshit that was going on. Because there had to be a logical explanation, right?

No sooner had Hop gotten comfortable in his seat, having flipped the telly on to some random comedy show, than he could hear the stairs creak when Leon descended, no doubt just emerging from his shower. When he rounded the corner, Hop caught a whiff of his body wash and shampoo immediately and straightened up to face him. Leon had a smile on his face, dressed in a large baggy shirt and sweatpants. His hair was still damp from his shower, but already his cowlicks were starting to rise.

“Mind if I join you?”

Hop scooted over to the corner of the couch, curling into himself a bit when he didn’t mean to. He’d drawn his knees up to his chin, wrapping his arms around himself when Leon sank down into the cushion next to him, causing him to shift a bit with the added weight. This felt so awkward and uncomfortable, he didn’t want to do this—he didn’t feel like talking to Leon and listening to whatever bullshit excuse he was no doubt going to try and feed Hop about all that was happening. He was just tired, wanted to go to bed, not deal with this right now, and stay the hell away from Leon until the foreseeable future.

“So, there’s this new movie out I’ve been dying to see. I don’t know the name, but it’s about some trainer who gets lost in the woods and ends up in a mansion—”

To his utter bewilderment, Leon gripped the remote before flipping the channels and rambling on about some movie. Was he…was he serious? Hop only huddled into himself all the more as Leon prattled on, finally landing on some movie that was just starting with the opening credits crawl. Hop only glanced at it to see a car going down a winding road while a family had some conversation about a hotel from inside. Honestly, he wasn’t planning to pay any attention, but there was always the off chance he’d get invested in the movie and forget Leon was even right next to him.

“Do you want to build a fort?”

Okay, _that_ question sent Hop completely out of his thoughts until he jerked his head to the side to stare straight at Leon. His brother merely looked over at him, giving him a soft smile, but Hop couldn’t bring himself to smile back.

“No.” The fact Leon was still acting so nonchalant about this was bothering the absolute shit out of Hop. Why wasn’t he freaked out? Why wasn’t he just as concerned as Hop was? Why did Leon get to sit here and still act cheerful about this whole matter when Hop couldn’t even look him in the eye without getting unnerved?

When he thought Leon might give him lip about his refusal, he merely shrugged before lowering the volume of the telly. “Okay, maybe later then.” He then reached over toward the end table to grab a bag of chips, holding it out for Hop. “Want some?”

“No, Lee—” Hop unraveled himself just enough he wasn’t bunched into as tight of a ball as he’d been, but with his knees still tucked against his chest. “You said you wanted to talk to me, so talk to me.”

For a moment, Leon let out a sigh, leaning back into the sofa as he set the bag of chips next to his lap. He was silent for a few moments, a moment too long in Hop’s opinion, but he finally straightened up before giving Hop the sincerest look he’d given him all night.

“Okay. Let’s talk.”

The television volume was lowered until it was so muffled Hop couldn’t make out any of what was being said, only see the couple and their son had made it to the hotel and were walking around. Hop stiffened as Leon gave him a hardened stare, but he didn’t waste any more time.

“I guess there’s no beating around the bush about this, so I’ll just lay it out for you. Better to be honest, right?”

Hop’s stomach drew in knots when he dreaded what Leon was about to say to him. It couldn’t have been anything good, at least nothing Hop figured would make everything better. Still, he steeled himself for whatever was about to come out his mouth.

Leon drew in a breath, staring Hop straight in the eye, his expression completely serious. “Hop, I like you.”

Yeah that did _not_ make Hop feel any better. Not only was his stomach in knots, but that confession made him seize up, all but frozen, because Leon was just so damn _sincere_ about it. Maybe Hop was taking this the wrong way, but he lowered his gaze toward the telly. Leon couldn’t have meant… _that kind_ of like. Right? Because Hop would lose his fucking mind if Leon meant that the way he hoped to fuck he hadn’t mean it.

Nervously, Hop chewed at his bottom lip before opening his mouth. “Y-you’re my brother so I’d hope you like me.” He trailed off with a forced, awkward laugh, still hugging his knees, but drawing them in even closer until he was basically folded in half.

“Hop, you know what I mean.”

And that made him shake. Trembling, as badly as he tried not to, still avoiding eye contact with Leon, Hop held himself tight as his neck broke out in a cold sweat. That wasn’t—he wasn’t hearing this right. Leon was just playing a joke, he was going too far again and saying things he didn’t mean, because there was no way he _liked_ Hop. Not like that.

“F-funny. Hilarious, Lee. Don’t know where you got this new weird sense of humor, but guessing folks up in Wyndon make cracks like that all the time?” He was laughing, though way too forced and it came out shaky, just as shaky as the rest of him, and Hop had to fight the urge to get sick right then and there.

“I’m not joking. I’m being serious.”

Thing was, Hop _knew_ that. He knew Leon was being serious, but at the same time, there was _no fucking way_ he could be serious. He didn’t mean it. He was taking this too far.

Hop finally unraveled himself, draping his legs over the side of the sofa before he stood. “Okay, if you’re done with these weird jokes of yours, I’m going to bed.”

Before he could even make a move, Leon was on him, leaning up far enough he reached out and gripped hold of his arm. “Wait.”

And Hop was frozen. Just like before, just like any other time Leon touched him, there was nothing he could do, no way for him to move his body as he was forced to stand there frozen, heart thumping in his chest. Never had he ever felt this level of helplessness at the loss of control from his own body. It scared the shit out of him, especially considering Leon appeared so unbothered by it. He knew he was controlling him, and that fact probably scared Hop more than anything.

Leon didn’t waver. “You said you’d hear me out.”

“I did.” He couldn’t move.

“No, you’re brushing me off and trying to run away.”

 _He couldn’t move._ “Lee, let go already. I’m going to bed and you should too. Put this nonsense in the back of your mind because it’s insane.”

And when Leon moved, pulling Hop by his arms until he was almost in his lap, Hop could do little else but stand there frozen under his control and give him a wide-eyed, horrified stare. The look on Leon’s face was nothing short of terrifying. He didn’t look mad by any means, but Hop could feel in the way he gripped his arms, the glint in his eye suggesting this _wasn’t a joke and Hop knew that,_ and the way he was _looking at him,_ Hop couldn’t help but quiver under him.

“Hop, I’m trying really hard to lay this out for you. I know it’s freaking you out, but I’m serious. I like you. I _really like you_.”

Hop could only shudder and resist choking on his own fear at the harsh whisper Leon spewed that out with. Maybe he wasn’t trying to, but he sounded incredibly creepy, not at all a love-struck fool he was no doubt attempting to be. This joke was being taken too far and Hop was sick of it.

“That’s nice, Lee. And you know—” Hop tried to squirm out of his grip to no avail. There was just no way for him to move and he was trying his hardest not to panic and scream for help. “You know, it’s nice that we get along as well as we do. I-it’s nice you feel the need to tell me you like me, really. I’m glad you do. It wouldn’t do any good if we couldn’t get along, right?” There it was again, his voice was climbing close to hysterics and Hop knew he was rambling, but _holy shit_ , how could Leon sit there and expect him _not_ to? “I’m sure Mum appreciates that we get along too—I know she loves the fact you like me a-and I’m positive you appreciate that too—”

“Hop.” Leon’s voice lowered, eyes lidding when he gave Hop a more intense stare—not quite a glare yet but getting there. “You’re—”

 _Stalling, he knew._ He _knew_ that. Stalling for what though, Hop didn’t know, but he didn’t want to hang around here to find out what, and dammit if Leon would just let go of him already. “Stop—let go of me.” His voice was shaking, Hop was trying his hardest to keep his composure, but if it wasn’t evident already that he was breaking down, it certainly had to be painted plain as day on his face.

“Not until you hear me out.”

And he snapped, gritting his teeth, pinching his eyebrows, and trying to fight the urge to scream at his brother. How dare he be so fucking _calm_ about this? “Lee, what the fuck could you _possibly_ say to me right now that won’t convince me you aren’t crazy? Do you realize what you’re saying—”

“Of course, I do.” His grip waned, only for a moment, before his finger were digging right back into Hop’s arms. “You think I don’t realize what I’m saying? How hard it is for me to say it, because look how you’re acting.”

Heat gushed to his face then, because this was insane. Leon couldn’t seriously be standing here and—was this even a confession of sorts? Hop wasn’t sure. All he knew was that look Leon was giving him—there was just no way to rationalize with himself this was some joke or Leon didn’t mean what he was saying. His brother was confessing to him.

His _brother_.

Hop’s face flushed and he had no doubt it was red as hell right now, but he could do nothing but stand there frozen as Leon continued holding him still, in the most literal sense possible.

“Hop, I know this is crazy. I _know_ it is. That’s why—” He bit his bottom lip, giving Hop a pleading look before leaning in close, and for a horrifying second, Hop thought he might kiss him, but he stopped just in front of his face, until Hop could feel his hot breath on him. “I don’t want to scare you.”

“Y-you’re d-d-doing a fucking fantastic job so far.” Still, he was shivering, knowing Leon could feel every tremor he was making, but dammit, Hop couldn’t help it.

“Please don’t be scared. I’m not going to do anything to you, I promise.”

That did nothing to quell his anxiety. Absolutely fucking nothing. “What do you call this then? What about what happened in the locker room—what about the hospital—”

“I didn’t realize you weren’t the one doing that.” Another pleading look, this time with more guilt. And still, Hop couldn’t believe he was hearing all this. Was this really the same brother he grew up with? The same brother who held him in the middle of the night because of a nightmare? Who got in trouble with Mum just so Hop wouldn’t have to be punished?

_The same brother who rubbed his dick against him—_

Hop swallowed, trying to calm down, though his violent shivering was doing nothing for him right now. It was the only movement he was capable of, and Leon had to know that as well, Leon didn’t let go of him, Leon didn’t waver—he knew he was in control, and Hop was helpless. Fuck, that scared him way more than it probably should have.

“A-and you would have just gone along with it if I had?”

“Well…” Leon shrugged, and Hop still couldn’t believe he was hearing this, watching his brother unload these confessions on him, act like a shy teenager with a crush, and not his older brother in his twenties acting like a creep. “I mean…yeah?”

All the blood drained from Hop’s face and he could’ve sworn he passed out, black spots in his vision. No…he wasn’t hearing this right. Right? It was all a misunderstanding, a horrible joke that went rogue a _looooong_ time ago, but it wasn’t real, it wasn’t happening.

“L…Lee…” He couldn’t even muster the energy to reply to that, because how the hell did he reply? What the hell did Hop say to him? Did he call him a creep? Scream for help? Try to wake up Mum to come down and get him away from him? Too many thoughts were swarming, and Hop felt nauseated, merely melting in Leon’s hold until his knees were wobbly, but even then, he couldn’t fall, because Leon had told him to _wait._

“Hop, it’s okay.”

No, it wasn’t.

“I’ve had feelings like this for you for a while now, but—” He bit his lip then. “It wasn’t like I was ever going to tell you.”

So, this was somehow better? The fuck did Leon think was so much better about saying it to him this way? Also, what the hell did he mean by _feelings?_ Feelings for what? Certainly not—Hop couldn’t even think it. No. That was crazy. This was crazy.

Leon was crazy.

He didn’t have feelings for him. He didn’t _like_ him. He was playing some kind of cruel prank on Hop that was going off the rails and he was tired as hell of it right now.

“O-okay, whatever—let me go. I want to go to bed.” He tried to push, but still his body refused to obey him.

Leon only frowned down at him. “See, you still don’t believe me. You still aren’t listening.” Leon made a sigh before giving Hop a hard stare, his grip tightening just enough for Hop to notice. “Fine, I’ll just have to prove it to you.”

“Wh—” Hop didn’t even get to finish. Cutting him off as quickly as Hop had opened his mouth, Leon leaned down into him then, pulling Hop close to him, so close he was pressed up against his body, close enough to feel his bulge.

And kissed him on the mouth.

Immediately, Hop stiffened, though there was little else he could do under Leon’s control, but he swore his brain shut off then as well, and he could only stand there helpless while his brother kissed him on the mouth. Shoving his knee in between his legs, Leon only pressed against him all the more, until Hop was smothered. Every one of his senses was being invaded. He could only see Leon, smell Leon, smell that stupid shampoo that wafted off his hair, taste the remnants of toothpaste in his mouth, and feel him, holy _shit_ did he feel him.

It felt like hours Hop was trapped, forced up against Leon like he was, forced to kiss him, even when Hop had gathered himself enough to try and move, he couldn’t, but that didn’t stop him from trying to speak, tell him to _stop, let go of him, why the fuck was he doing this?_ But all he could manage was a muffled moan of protest and Leon only kissed harder, pulled him closer, until Hop was all but swallowed by his frame.

Finally, when Hop was sure he was going to pass out either from shock or lack of air, Leon leaned off him, ending the kiss with a shudder and a soft sigh. Hop trembled, still held by both arms, and could only look up at his brother with what was no doubt utmost horror.

His lip quivered. “N-no…” And it was so soft, so quiet, he doubted Leon had even heard him, but the smile he gave him only made Hop’s stomach cramp up with nerves when his anxiety skyrocketed.

“Do you see now, Hop? I’m serious.” Through lidded eyes, he gave Hop a look of complete sincerity and all Hop could do was tremble.

“I-o-okay— _okay,_ I believe you, Lee, n-now let go already.” His voice was shaking, quaking along with the rest of him until he was sure Leon could feel it with him shoved so far against him. He could still feel his bulge on his front, but Hop was trying his hardest not to think about it. “Just let me go, _please._ ” He hadn’t meant to sound so pleading, but at this point, Hop was desperate to get as far away from Leon as possible. Who the fuck just up and kissed their sibling on the mouth like that? Who unloaded confessions onto them, held them close, _rubbed their dick against them_ , and acted like a fucking creep?

Apparently Leon.

His brother merely let out a soft sigh before leaning up, straightening himself as he did so, but not letting go, which meant Hop was still frozen. He couldn’t move.

“Would you at least give me a chance?”

A chance _for what?_

That question, though Hop hadn’t said it aloud, must’ve shown on his face because Leon let out another tired sigh.

“Hop, I just want to show you that this isn’t a bad thing. I’m not going to do anything weird to you, I won’t make you do anything you don’t want—”

The fact he just _kissed him_ blew that statement out the damn water.

“—I just want to show you that I care about you.”

His lip quivered again, Hop forcing his composure that was all but gone. “Y-you can do that without touching me like this.”

“Would you just give me a chance?” A pleading look, that pleading look that made Hop’s stomach churn. “Please, Hop? Just one chance?”

“A chance for _what?_ ”

“To prove to you this isn’t a bad thing. I just want you to see how much I like you.”

Huffing, Hop let out a loud breath before giving Leon a half glare. “Lee, I don’t want _any_ part of this. Whatever you’re planning, whatever you’re thinking of doing, I’m _not_ interested, now can you please let go of me so I can go to bed? I’m tired.”

Leon only pinched his brow, his grip on Hop tightening enough to make him wince, but he bit the inside of his cheek instead. Like hell he’d show weakness like that in front of Leon.

“Hop.” And he leaned down into him again. That pleading look, that horribly pleading look that was making Hop’s blood run cold, sweat beading his forehead. “ _Please._ Please give me a chance. I promise I won’t do anything bad, I won’t do anything scary. Please give me a chance to prove that this can be a good thing. Don’t shut me out before you’ve even seen what I can offer you.”

What he could…offer? Hop froze again, no longer trembling, but no less horrified.

Leon didn’t back down. “Just give me one chance and if you don’t like it, if I still haven’t convinced you by then, I’ll stop. I’ll pretend this never happened, I’ll go back to Wyndon and you won’t ever have to see me again if you don’t want to.” His eyes lidded, the normal sparkle behind them dulled. “ _Please._ ”

Hop only stared back, unable to move, unable to say any of what he wanted to say. There were too many things happening right now that he had no explanation for, too many oddities all at once that made him feel as though he were living in a dream and this was all some weird, fucked up nightmare. Because people can’t control others, not like this, not like Leon was doing. Normal people don’t _confess_ to their sibling and try to coerce them into engaging, normal ass _brothers didn’t do shit like this._ Hop’s throat tightened. Normal—the fuck was even normal anymore?

He didn’t know.

And whether it was from Leon’s influence over him, clouding his judgement, making him say these things, he just didn’t know anymore, but a tiny voice in the back of his mind told him to humor Leon until he saw Hop wasn’t interested so they could move on from this already. He had a sinking feeling if he continued to reject him, Leon would only pester him more and Hop just didn’t know how much longer he could keep this up.

So, with that in mind, Hop closed his eyes, cheeks burning a bit in embarrassment for what he was about to say, because this was too messed up.

“Fine… One chance. Just one.” It couldn’t be that bad…right? Humoring Leon for a few days until he turned him down, maybe his brother would get this thing out of his system and they could move forward already. This was probably some weird phase Leon was going through and maybe he was upset over losing the title bout that he was going through a hard time while pretending he was okay.

Hop didn’t know. Better to get it over with, let Leon do whatever, as long as he didn’t get too handsy with him, then he would get over this silly nonsense in no time.

Hop huffed. Right. It’d be over and done with and he could put this whole ordeal in the back of his mind forever.

Leon’s face lit up at Hop’s response, a smile so wide spreading on his face before he pulled him in, wrapping both arms around him and causing Hop to blanch for a moment, not that he could move and pull away even if he wanted. All he could do was sit there.

“Thank you, Hop. Thank you, thank you, I’ll prove myself to you, just wait. I’ll make you see how good I am for you.”

Hop’s throat tightened. This was a horrible idea, he knew, he was playing with fire, but right now, he just didn’t know what else to do. He couldn’t get Mum involved in this—well, he _could_ , but that sounded like a recipe for disaster. Hop sighed. This was so fucked up, he knew it was fucked up, but maybe Leon would get this crazy thing off his shoulder, out his system, and realize none of it was real and they could forget it ever happened.

Yet even as he was held in his arms, still unable to move, Hop trembled as Leon dug his face into the crook of his neck, so close that Hop could only smell the soaps and shampoo that wafted off him. He smelled so thick, so unlike Hop, and it was almost suffocating, but at the same time, not exactly _unpleasant_. Enough Hop was ready to leave though.

“L-Lee…” He tried his hardest to push away, but he couldn’t move, and Leon was taking full advantage of that fact. He nuzzled his face into his neck, to the point Hop could hear him breathing and inhaling his scent. It wasn’t until he felt the warm moist texture of his mouth on him did Hop finally snap out of it.

“O-okay, Lee, that’s enough. I’m going to bed.”

Leon continued kissing his neck, soon trailing a line from his jaw down to his collarbone and Hop was _freaking out just a little._

“Lee!” The hysteria was climbing high now, but Hop fought to keep his voice in check, because he could _not_ yell and alert Mum. “Dammit, you just said—”

“I know what I said.” Stopping only long enough to speak, Hop felt Leon’s hot breath against his neck, and it made him shiver. “I won’t hurt you, I promise.”

“Then stop kissing me!”

“I will.” He only pressed his front further against Hop. “In a minute.”

“ _Leon._ ” Hop only ever dropped his full name when he was upset or angry about something, which didn’t happen often, but he noticed he was doing that a lot lately. “This isn’t up for debate. Stop kissing me _now,_ let go of me, and I’m going to bed. You have one chance, remember?”

The scoff Leon made shouldn’t have sent goosebumps all along Hop’s arms, but the sound was close to annoyance than anything. It wasn’t often Hop put his foot down like this, but Leon knew he was cross, but what Hop hoped he didn’t know was he was also scared shitless right now. He wondered if Leon would even care that he was scaring him, but just judging by how nonchalant he was about this whole thing, how when he finally raised his head, Hop could see without a doubt that look he had, his expression fallen into a frown, his brow pinched like he was irritated, all of it reminded Hop way too much of when they were children and Leon would pout if he didn’t get his way.

So not getting his way right now was Hop telling him he wasn’t allowed to kiss him.

“Fine,” Leon breathed, and even his voice spat with annoyance.

But, as freaked out as he was, Hop wasn’t about to waver. “Okay, now let me go.”

“Come on, Hop, at least give me a good night kiss.” His frown lifted into a sly smirk, and how the hell was it possible for Leon to look so annoyed one moment to mischievous in half a second?

“N—” Hop didn’t even get a chance to finish. Still under Leon’s command, his body moved on its own, and he stood up on the tips of his toes, kissing Leon on the mouth. He choked in horror, wanting to push back, but he couldn’t. As if feeling his resistance, not that he could move anyway if he wanted to (and _fuck did he want to_ ), Leon only reached up, gripped the back of Hop’s head, and kissed back.

The words he wanted so desperately to scream out were muffled in Leon’s mouth and all Hop could think was that _he was kissing him again_. Not once, but twice Leon kissed him tonight, Leon _was_ kissing him, pressing their bodies tightly together, gripping the back of Hop’s head just shy of tugging his roots, but Leon was going at him hard. He could feel his tongue prodding at his teeth, trying to coax Hop into opening up for him, but he couldn’t. Leon hadn’t told him to do so, and he had unintentionally or maybe intentionally (Hop didn’t know anymore), caused Hop to clamp his mouth shut.

Just when Hop felt he was beginning to suffocate under him, Leon suddenly pulled off, his cheeks gushing a deep red and his eyes lidded as he stared at Hop. He had never seen his brother make such an expression, and while it looked so soft and tender, Hop could only stare back at him in horror, because he was never supposed to see Leon give him a look like that.

That was meant for his partner, his lover, his girlfriend or boyfriend, whatever he was into, but _not his little brother._

“Stop…” Again, Hop’s voice was barely more than a whisper, his body trembling as Leon clung to him, and he could only pray this was the end of it. Leon had gotten his full, but the smile he gave him then made Hop’s stomach leap.

“One more.”

And he pulled up, kissing Leon in quick session, horrified at himself, but nausea pooled down in his gut when Leon _laughed. He laughed._ He was enjoying this—when he should have been freaking out, disgusted with it, but no, he was laughing and treating this entire thing as a joke.

“Damn, Hop, you give the best kisses. Who’ve you been practicing on?” That slight teasing tone did nothing to quell Hop’s growing terror. It might have been his imagination, and holy hell, did he _hope_ it was, but he could’ve sworn he felt his brother’s dick twitch up against him.

But, Hop’s face flushed at that accusation. “I’ve never kissed anyone!” Well, maybe he shouldn’t be confessing that, as his cheeks gushed heat when Leon only laughed again.

“Oh?” He leaned into him then, still holding Hop by his arms, still refusing to let go. “That makes me so happy I’m your first.”

“Dammit, Lee, stop—”

“Do it again.”

And again, Hop pulled up, kissing Leon on the mouth, a tiny squeak bubbling out of his own mouth when he did so.

“Stop!” He was pulled away only for a second.

Leon grinned. “One more.”

And he did. Once more, Hop kissed him on the mouth, face gushing heat, gushing so much he was sure Leon could feel it coming off him at this point.

“STOP MAKING ME KISS YOU!”

Leon craned his neck backward as though to let out a laugh, but before he could do so, before Hop could say anything else to him, there was a sound from upstairs, the unmistakable sound of their mother’s bedroom door creaking open, and both of them froze. Hop was already frozen by Leon’s control, but he could see the way his brother’s eyes widened, the smile from his face being wiped off as soon as it appeared and Hop silently cursed himself for saying that so _fucking loud._ He hadn’t meant to—he was just caught up in the moment, but if Mum had heard him say that—Hop didn’t even want to think of what might happen.

His stomach flipped, even as they could hear the sounds of Mum’s footsteps as she descended the stairs, Leon moved then. From where he had been stiff as a statue, he moved quicker than Hop had seen him, and whipped them both around.

“Sit,” he said, gesturing toward the couch. With his heart pounding so loud in his ears, it was the only sound Hop could hear, he obeyed, not that he had a choice. He hit the couch cushion and he hadn’t meant to, but he let out a choked breath when he did so, and Leon frowned at him before settling down next to him, picking the remote up and turning the volume back up on the television. “And stop looking so freaked out. Just calm down.” His voice had lowered to a whisper, and although he had stopped touching Hop, he had come to find out that the control could linger for an indiscernible amount of time, and he was forced to stare at the movie that was playing. There was a man sitting at his desk, trying to type on an old-fashioned typewriter, and began to yell at his wife when she said something to him, but Hop wasn’t paying much attention to anything else. All he could focus on was the cold sweat forming on his neck and the way he couldn’t seem to stop shaking, even under Leon’s influence, it was the only movement he was capable of, and even then, it was involuntary. Perhaps there were some things Leon _couldn’t_ control.

“Boys?” The sound of Mum’s voice when she rounded that corner was somehow the most horrifying sound Hop had heard that night, and he tensed, not meaning to, focus still glued to the movie, but Leon who had leaned back in his seat, turned to her and shot her a grin.

“Hi, Mum.”

She yawned, wiping the sleep from her eyes before leaning onto the doorframe. “Do you boys have any idea how late it is? I can hear you clear upstairs.”

The small gasp Hop made was audible enough that Leon gave him a soft jab with his elbow, but dammit, he couldn’t help it.

Still composed, still smiling at her, Leon tilted his head slightly. “Sorry. We were watching a scary movie, I guess we got a little rowdy.”

For Leon to lie so easily like this, it should have freaked Hop out way more than it did, but this only brought him back to the times they were little and Leon would cover for him, even if something was Hop’s fault to begin with, so that he could take the blame for him. Leon had become a master of worming his way out of situations like this and Hop only swallowed when he could feel his body becoming less stiff. Of course, Leon was a veteran at getting his way with Mum, but Hop never dreamed he would turn that on _him_ , especially with something as fucked up as—

“Alright. I know it’s been awhile you’ve gotten to see each other like this, but try and keep it down, okay?”

Leon nodded, still smiling. “We will. Sorry for waking you.” A soft jab into Hop’s ribs, one that snapped him from his thoughts enough he turned to look up at Mum’s sleepy face as well.

“Oh—r-right. Sorry, Mum.” He wasn’t nearly as good as Leon when it came to lying, but Mum appeared to buy it, and she let out another yawn before slowly making her way back upstairs. Both brothers held their breath, neither saying a word, until they both heard the creak and click of her bedroom door shutting.

Hop let out a breath, his heart pounding in his chest so hard, he was sure Leon could hear it. Leon had tensed next to him during that whole ordeal, but Hop noticed him relaxing as well, letting out a sigh as he did so.

“Shit,” he said.

Hop wanted to nod in agreement, but—this whole thing was Leon’s fault to begin with. And he couldn’t help it, but he felt some of his spite surfacing again, and with the control he could feel back in his own hands, he scooted across the couch until he was a few inches away from Leon.

“I _told_ you to quit kissing me.” He wasn’t shy about hiding the distaste in his tone.

Leon whipped around to face him before frowning. “Hey, I didn’t know she was going to come snooping around. Why’d you yell like you did?”

“Because _you kissed me_ , you dumbass.”

And Leon sneered down at him, leaning into his face as he did so, but Hop didn’t back down, he only frowned back at him, trying not to let his brother intimidate him. “If I recall, _Hopscotch_ , you were the one who kissed me.” The way that nickname rolled off his tongue was in such a mock endearment that it made Hop cringe at the sound of it. Leon rarely— _rarely_ —called him that, but never had he heard him say it quite like this. It was almost condescending.

But still, Hop didn’t back down. He wasn’t going to let Leon try and freak him out—well, any more than he already had, at least. So, Hop huffed, straightening his back as he glared back up at him. “You know _damn_ well you’re the one doing that.”

Pulling back, Leon crossed his arms, his frown only deepening as he leaned back into the sofa. “What do you mean _I’m_ doing it?”

“You’re so full of shit.” This time, Hop leaned up, pushing his face into Leon’s as he did so, knowing he looked ridiculous trying to size up his brother when Leon was so much bigger, but he didn’t care. Let him frown at him, let him look down at Hop like he was a tiny bug Pokémon he could simply squash under his shoe. Hop didn’t care. But he’d be _damned_ if Leon thought he was going to scare him, even though he _did_ , Hop could at least pretend he wasn’t scared by all this, that he wasn’t freaked out by all this. Because he was. There was no denying that. He was scared as shit, but he tried his best not to let it show in his body language, or quiver in his voice.

Leon only arched his eyebrow at Hop’s statement.

So, he continued. “Lee, I don’t know what the fuck is going on, but you know _damn_ well any time you touch me, I’m not doing any of that on my own.”

It shouldn’t have grated on his nerves as bad as it did to see Leon’s mouth curl into a halfway smirk, but it did. Hop’s temper was boiling, but he fought to keep it in check. He’d gotten lucky as hell Mum didn’t actually hear what had been said, only been awoken by the loud noises, but Hop was _not_ about to push his luck by getting carried away and yelling at Leon again.

“Why are you smiling like that?” There it was again, Leon looking down at him like Hop was merely saying something amusing, and not taking this seriously at all.

“What, I can’t smile?” Again, he was teasing him, he knew he was.

“Lee, why can’t you just explain to me why--”

But, he cut him off. “Because I don’t know, Hop.” Then he leaned forward, placing his elbows onto his knees as he rested his chin on one of his palms. “I’m just as lost as you are. All I know is this didn’t start happening until after I got taken out by Eternatus.”

Hop’s brow pinched, and he wracked his brain for any kind of logical explanation for this. He had never heard of anyone developing any kind of strange power like this from a Pokémon before. There were people who had strange abilities when it came to psychic Pokémon, but Eternatus wasn’t even a psychic type. And nowhere had Hop heard of anyone gaining the ability to control people because of it. He had a passing thought of taking Leon to Sonia and Professor Magnolia to see if there were any theories they could come up with, but he shook his head to himself.

There was just too much craziness going on right now. Not only had Leon gained some weird ability to take control of Hop, but he was also trying to talk Hop into—what exactly? He kept kissing him, kept begging Hop to give him a chance, but Hop was fighting with himself for what that even _meant_.

Because, it didn’t mean Leon was interested in him. It definitely _did not_ mean that Leon was attracted to him or was viewing him as anything more than his little brother. No way Leon was pressing his dick against—Hop shook his head to will the thoughts away. Enough of that.

“I don’t think it works on other people, though.”

The sound of Leon’s voice brought Hop from his thoughts and he lifted his head to face him, having not realized he had been gazing off into space. “Huh?”

Leon shrugged, finally looking somewhat serious as he leaned back on the sofa, spreading his legs as he did so. “I tried. With a security guard in the locker rooms. Grabbed his arm, told him to have a warmup battle with me before my match with Gloria, but he said no.” He shrugged again, letting out a rather tired-sounding sigh. “I figured it was some kind of fluke, so I don’t know what happened. It wasn’t until we were in the bathroom earlier, I realized it was only when I touched _you_. So…”

So why him then? Why did Leon’s influence only seem to work with Hop? Was it because after Eternatus wounded him, Hop had rushed to his aid to help him? He remembered holding Leon in his arms, afraid he had gotten seriously hurt, but relieved when he saw he had only been knocked out for a few seconds.

This entire thing was idiotic as hell, but Hop was merely throwing theories out there, mostly to make himself feel better as he tried to make sense of all this. Nothing made sense in the first place, but there was no denying anytime Leon touched him, Hop was helpless to his commands. Though, it only seemed to stem as far as physical commands. He couldn’t make Hop think a certain way, at least, not from what Hop could see so far. And he could still make small movements while under the control, like blinking, breathing, all things like that, so Leon didn’t technically have _full_ control of him.

Hop wasn’t a puppet, but—

He gripped a fistful of his trousers. He may as well have been one. But, as he scooted back, putting distance between himself and Leon, he would just have to be careful about touching him. As long as Leon kept his hands to himself, and as long as Hop watched his back and kept his distance, Leon couldn’t control him.

Hop let out a sigh that mirrored Leon’s before speaking. “Well, I’m telling you right now, you aren’t allowed to touch me, got it?”

Leon blanched for a moment, looking downright _shocked_ , as though Hop had asked him to jump off a bridge rather than a very reasonable request.

Before Leon could protest, having already opened his mouth to do so, Hop cut him off. “You wanted me to give you a chance to _‘prove’_ yourself, right?” Leon closed his mouth, looking taken aback, but Hop felt the smallest sliver of gratification at the sight of his expression. It only seemed like anytime Hop was putting his foot down did Leon appear to be taking this seriously and honestly, Hop wasn’t sure if he was happy about that or not. Maybe Leon had given him all the cards and not realized it, but Hop was going to milk it for all its worth. He didn’t waver, didn’t break his stare, and only gave Leon a hard stare from across the sofa. “You aren’t doing a very good job of proving yourself so far. It’s not _nice_ to force people to kiss you, especially if that person is your brother.”

A small tinge of blush coated Leon’s cheeks as he continued to look bewildered, and Hop hated—fucking _hated_ the sight of it for some reason. Why did that bother him so much?

Trying not to dwell on it, he continued. “So, we’re in agreement? You aren’t allowed to touch me. If you want to prove yourself--” And this was a bad idea, Hop knew this was a bad idea, but it came out nonetheless, despite how every part of his body was yelling at him not to egg Leon on. But, he did it anyway. “—you have to do it yourself. Got it?”

A long bout of silence passed between them. The movie droned on in the background, the man having now sat down in a bar and was conversing with the bar tender, but Hop could only catch bits and pieces of what they were saying through the quiet audio. Leon didn’t move for a long time, instead, lowering his head, eyes darting back and forth as he twiddled his fingers in and out of the fabric of his pajama bottoms.

He looked so deep in thought, it was almost comical, but Hop had never seen his brother so concentrated over anything in his life, as if this was one of the hardest things he was trying to think through. But at least he appeared to be taking this seriously. Hop still didn’t plan for a second to give in, as he wanted nothing to do with whatever the fuck Leon was thinking of doing—but he had blocked those thoughts out. It was insane. Leon didn’t like—

No, he would humor him, let Leon get it out of his system, get his thrills out and whatnot, and then he’d go back to Wyndon and Hop could pretend this never happened. Well, that was the best plan he could come up with at the moment, but finally, after sitting in silence for what felt like way too long, Leon let out a long sigh before he nodded.

“Alright, Hop. I promise I won’t touch you.” And he lifted his head, giving Hop the softest smile he had ever seen on his brother before. With his eyes lidded, that slight blush still tinting his face, Leon looked so serene then, and Hop could have said with honesty that it was beautiful. He wasn’t about to deny that Leon was handsome, as he had often been jealous of his brother’s seemingly effortless good looks, but all he felt then looking at that smile was—

All he felt was a horrible urge to vomit. Quickly averting his gaze, trying not to let it be known to Leon he was making him nervous, he faced the television again. “G-good. One wrong move and I’m done, though.”

Leon chuckled. “You’re the boss.”

There it was again, that tone suggesting Leon was treating this entire thing like a joke and not— _you know_ —like he ought to be. It should’ve made Hop want to kick himself in the teeth that he ever agreed to do something this outlandish, but he’d made his boundaries known and for the most part, Leon seemed to get the hint. Now all he could do was make sure Leon kept his promise on his end, because Hop wasn’t about to let him intimidate him into anything he didn’t want.

He sighed, mostly to himself. Right. He could put a stop to this anytime he wanted. To be fair, he wanted to right now, but that nagging voice in his head kept telling him to let this thing run its course. Let Leon down gently, just let him know Hop wasn’t interested in him that way and everything would go back to normal.

With a resigned sigh, Hop finally stood off the couch, biting back a yawn as he did so. “I’m going to bed.”

“You don’t want to finish the movie?” Leon sounded so disappointed that Hop almost broke and sat back down, but he bit his lip instead. For once, he was going to have to show his brother he wasn’t always going to get his way with things, even something simple like this.

So, he shook his head. “No, I’m tired. Goodnight.”

Without another word, Hop tore across the room, a bit too enthusiastic even for his tastes, before rounding the corner to the stairs.

“Whatever you say, Hopscotch.”

The house had quieted a considerable amount by that point, and just as Hop gripped hold of the stair railing, one foot on the bottom step, Leon spoke again, quietly, but Hop could hear it loud and clear.

“Can’t wait for tomorrow.” A small, soft laugh came from him that somehow sounded so ominous, but Hop couldn’t figure out why.

He couldn’t have climbed up those stairs fast enough if he tried. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bonus points to any of you that can guess the movie leon and hop were watching ;)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys so much for all your nice comments!! your support means the world to me ;-;

Hop was awakened by the sounds of footsteps shuffling across the hall. The bathroom door was opened, followed by miscellaneous sounds like the sink turning on and the like. Grumbling as he was brought more out of sleep, Hop leaned up in bed, noting a thin line of drool that had dried on the corner of his mouth at some point and he shivered as he wiped it off. Fourteen years old and he _still_ woke up with drool stuck to his face like he was still a kid. Ugh.

He rose from bed, stretching and popping various bones as he did so before crossing his room and opening the door. He figured Leon had hogged the bathroom and he was prepared to wait ten minutes until he did his business, but what he didn’t expect was seeing Leon right outside his door, looking as though he’d been about to knock. Not expecting it, Hop froze for a second at the sight of him, Leon shooting him a grin before he straightened himself back up.

“Morning, sleepyhead.”

Hop grimaced but replied with a rather halfhearted, “Morning…” in return.

“You sleep okay?”

This…was awkward. Hop just wanted to get into the bathroom and do his business, but he couldn’t help but cringe at Leon’s rather obvious attempts at casual small talk. For fuck’s sake, he kissed him last night, had roped Hop into some weird situation where he planned to ‘ _prove himself_ ’, whatever the hell that meant, so how could Hop stand here and pretend everything was normal?

It wasn’t normal. Leon _liked_ him. And it wasn’t normal.

Hop sucked in a breath before replying. “Fine. I gotta pee—move.” He weaved his way around Leon, taking extra care not to accidentally touch him as he did so. To his surprise, Leon pulled back, but gave Hop a bit of a sly grin as he did so. Hop tried ignoring it as he crossed the hall and shut himself in the bathroom. The whole time he did his business, he was overly aware that he never heard the sound of Leon actually leaving, as there was no shift of movement or tapping of his feet, and Hop felt a bit nervous his brother was intentionally waiting outside the bathroom for him. It made doing his business all the more awkward. He didn’t exactly _want_ Leon hearing him go pee and the like. Hop knew that was an odd thing to be nervous about, but with all that had happened yesterday, how could he _not_ be a little uncomfortable around Leon? First the kiss in the hospital a few days prior and now _this_.

Hop sighed, washing his hands and drying them before exiting the bathroom. Just as he suspected, Leon was still there, giving him a smile as Hop emerged, but all it did was make a wave of nausea roll in and Hop had to fight to physically react to it. So instead, he picked biting snark as his go to conversational starter when he was uncomfortable with something.

“Isn’t it a little creepy to be waiting for me outside the bathroom?”

Leon merely shrugged, still appearing so unbothered by this entire ordeal which only made Hop wonder that much more if he was truly joking or not. Even for Leon, this was a joke in poor taste, but for him to _look so carefree_ about it, that upset Hop more than if he were to be serious and dead set.

“No? Why would that be creepy?” And to ask that so innocently—how on earth could Leon not see what was wrong with this?

Hop scoffed, mostly to himself. Maybe his brother really was stupid. “Never mind. Do you need something?” He was kind of hungry and the longer he lingered up here, the more he could feel his stomach cramp.

“Yeah, actually. Wanted to ask you something. I was just coming to wake you, but obviously you beat me to it.” He let out a sheepish chuckle, one that made Hop frown at him even more. He wasn’t used to acting this way around Leon and even though he knew he had every right to be uncomfortable, a part of him felt guilty he wasn’t playing around, teasing, and he felt like a killjoy, but—

“Okay, what?” Hop shifted his weight to one side. “Make it quick, I’m hungry.”

The glint in Leon’s eyes just then did _nothing_ to placate Hop’s growing anxiety. “Bit feisty this morning, huh?”

“No, I’m hungry. What do you want already?” He was in no mood for Leon’s _teasing_ and if his brother continued to toy with him like this, he had no problems being an asshole to him.

“Let’s go on a date.”

Hop sucked in a breath before slowly letting it out. Deep breaths. In and out. In and out. Okay. Leon was going to have to run that by him one more time, because he must have misheard.

Hop blinked up at him, hating how sincere he looked still. “Pardon?”

Leon shrugged. “A date? You know? I take you out somewhere nice, buy you a meal somewhere, we can go see a movie together or tour the city. I hold open doors and stuff for you—”

The longer he went on, the redder Hop’s face got until he could feel the heat pouring out of it by now. Yeah, he knew what a date was—but there was no way Leon, _his older brother_ , was asking him out? The fuck?

Taking a moment to gain his composure yet failing, Hop didn’t catch most of what Leon said as he continued rambling on.

“—and if you want, I’ll buy you a box of chocolates, whatever you want, then we end with a kiss or something.” He smiled, the glint in his eyes returning. “How does that sound?”

How did…that sound?

The more Hop stood there, wanting to shake his head and say no? No, that sounded horrible, who the fuck asked out their own sibling on a date? The more he froze in place, too shocked to say anything. Granted, had this been one of their playful banters, Hop would have gone along with it. He would’ve said sure, a _date_ sounded fun, because he knew it was only a joke and all in good fun.

But the fact Leon kissed him made all that null in a heartbeat. No matter how hard Hop was trying not to lose his mind, he just couldn’t look at Leon the same anymore. Ever since the incident in the locker room, he had been on edge, uncomfortable, and wanted to distance himself from Leon for awhile, but this—

He swallowed. This was too much.

“No.”

“No?” It was amazing how such a tiny rejection like that made Leon’s entire demeanor change. One second he was speaking with confidence and gusto, and with one simple word, Hop had reduced him to _this._ Just by the look on his face, Hop could see his expression falling and he hated—fucking _hated_ that he felt the tiniest pang of guilt because of it when he knew he had every right to say no to him.

Hop bit his lip, trying not to let that look on Leon’s face get to him. He couldn’t tell if Leon was genuine or simply trying to jab at his weakness when he knew Hop couldn’t turn him down if he got desperate enough. Hop knew he was going to have to find his own resolve to put Leon in his place. He didn’t have to go on a ‘date’ with him if he didn’t want to _dammit_.

“Then…” Leon looked off to the side, appearing oddly uncomfortable which Hop wasn’t used to, but it was apparent he didn’t expect Hop to shut him down so quickly. What did he expect though? For Hop to leap in his arms, tell him he’d _love_ to go on a date with his own brother, and kiss—Hop shook his head. Even his own sarcastic fantasy was making him ill and he couldn’t finish that thought. Point being—no. He wasn’t going to bend over backwards like Leon thought he might. No meant _no_.

“Then, w-we don’t have to go to the city. We can hang out here.” It was obvious by the way his voice wavered Leon didn’t have any clue what the fuck he even planned to do if they hung out at the house. Maybe Hop was just ignorant, but date night at the house didn’t exactly spark off any romantic flames in his book. Not that he was an expert by any means but Hop always figured if he ever went on a date with anyone (and he blushed just slightly at the thought of his first date being with Gloria), then he would buy them flowers and take them shopping if anything. It just occurred to Hop that he had no idea what the fuck was supposed to happen on a date. Only that normal people don’t tend to go on them with their _sibling_.

Hop huffed, wishing Leon would hurry up and move so he could go downstairs. During his brother’s spill, he had inched his way over enough that he wasn’t exactly blocking the stairs, but enough that Hop didn’t want to risk pushing him away, because—then he’d be touching him. And he didn’t trust Leon to keep his hands to himself and not start up with his bullshit again. So, Hop crossed his arms. “Are you done? I told you I’m hungry, now move.”

“Hop, come on, you said you’d give me a chance.”

And he sucked in air between his teeth. Fuck, there it was. The catch. Of course, Leon was going to hold that against him, but Hop wasn’t about to let that mean that Leon could just gallivant off with him wherever the hell he pleased. If he didn’t want to go to the city— _dammit_ , he didn’t _have_ to. Leon could stand not to get his way for once, and right now, Hop was hungry, so he was going to go downstairs and eat.

“You can prove yourself without having to take me out somewhere.” He hated that he blushed a little at that, but it was so surreal saying these things to his brother. Fuck, did Leon even realize how insane this entire thing was? He must have, because surely Eternatus didn’t fry his brain when he knocked him out like he did (though at this point, Hop wouldn’t have been surprised).

Leon only gave him a pleading look. “Please? I could take you to Motostoke—or Hammerlocke! It’s a lot fancier. Wyndon is too crowded right now, especially with the new champion being there. We could eat wherever you want and sightsee!” This was insane. Absolutely insane. Hop couldn’t believe he was even standing here listening to his brother prattle on about taking him on a date—not even prattle but _pleading_ — ** _begging_** with him. Leon was literally begging and Hop suddenly didn’t feel so hungry anymore.

All he could feel was a cold sweat form on his neck as his throat tightened. He was trying his hardest not to let Leon get to him, but he couldn’t help how this made his skin crawl. “Lee, why—” And it even felt weird to call him by his nickname now. He hadn’t meant to. He was just so used to it, but that might have made Leon think things weren’t as dire as Hop thought they were, and he bit his lip before continuing. “Why are you pushing so hard for me to go with you like this?”

That pleading look, the way his eyebrows pinched and _his fucking eyes_ —there was no way Leon wasn’t doing this on purpose to try and play Hop’s sympathy. “To prove myself to you, Hop. I already told you.”

Sucking in a deep breath, Hop closed his eyes before letting it out, trying to soften his heartbeat that was only pounding harder and harder the longer he stood there. “What exactly are you trying to prove to me? I still don’t understand.”

“That I like you.”

That. That one sentence sent Hop’s heart skyrocketing, and his eyes snapped back open. Leon could say that all day long, but every time those words flew out his mouth, because _how could anyone say that so easily to their sibling_ , he could deny that this whole thing was a joke, but he couldn’t deny the look on Leon’s face. And he was begging with him. There was no way he wasn’t sincere, Hop could see it in his eyes, but he hated it. He hated that look and had to avert his gaze to avoid bending over backward and giving in. Instead, despite his heart rate increasing, his palms sweaty, and the cold sweat beading his forehead and neck, he swallowed, trying to calm himself, and couldn’t help but bite back at him.

“Wh-what do you think is going to happen? If you take me on a da—if you take me out--” He couldn’t even say that word. “What do you actually think is going to happen?”

“Um…” Leon trailed off, a silence way too stiff and awkward filling the room then. “I don’t really know. I was hoping you’d see I’m serious about this whole thing.”

More cold sweat, and Hop knew his knees were shaking together, but he was too focused on remembering to breathe and not pass out to worry about that. “Okay. Let’s say you are serious--”

“Hop, I _am_ serious.”

He ignored him. “—and you take me out. What if it doesn’t go the way you hope it goes?”

Another moment of awkward silence in which, while Hop’s gaze was focused to the floor, he could hear Leon suck in a breath before he finally responded. “Then…I guess I’ll have to think of something else.”

Hop huffed. “You have one chance, remember?”

“Well, it won’t do any good if you won’t even _try_ to give me that chance, will it?”

Fuck. Hop lifted his head to see Leon giving him a hard stare, though not exactly annoyed by any means, he still had that pleading expression and it made Hop sink into himself. Dammit, he knew he was digging a hole with this one, and Leon was not about to let him forget it. He had every right to say no, and he knew that, but he also promised he would give Leon a chance. Not that he had any plans to give in by _any damn means,_ but he had already decided he would humor Leon, and humoring him unfortunately meant he could at least go along with this. They were just going to the city, it wasn’t like Leon was asking anything outrageous. Yet anyway.

Hop would put his foot down if this turned into anything more than an innocent day out. A nice, definitely not uncomfortable day in the city with his big brother. That’s all this was.

Hop let out a long drawn out sigh. Yeah right. This was going to be a disaster, but he frowned, casting his gaze to the side once again.

“Fine. We can go to Motostoke.”

A sharp gasp from Leon then, and Hop didn’t expect for him to jump toward him, arms outstretched in an obvious attempt to hug him, but before he could do that, Hop leaped backward, holding his hands out in front of him as he put back the distance between them. “Don’t touch me!”

That didn’t wipe the smile from Leon’s face, but he at least pulled himself back, looking a bit disappointed more than anything else. “I’m sorry, I just got excited.”

“Clearly.” The cold sweat that had formed on his neck was gathering faster, and Hop had to force himself to look away from Leon when he had such a huge smile on his face. It shouldn’t have unnerved him to see his brother so happy, but the fact he was so happy about going on a date with him just gave Hop a bitter taste in his mouth. There was just something so…off about this. Obviously, it was because of what happened in the locker room (and last night didn’t help either), or maybe it was because Leon was asking things of him like this that weren’t—well, weren’t inherently _bad_ , so to say. Weird as fuck, yes, but Hop couldn’t say Leon asking him out on a date was bad. It wasn’t like he was telling him to go jump off a bridge or anything, but Hop couldn’t stave off the nerves piling in his stomach.

So, if he went on a date with Leon, his brother kept his hands to himself, all went according to plan (whatever that plan even was), and Hop let him down gently, who was to say Leon wouldn’t just push further for this whole thing, because while Hop seemed to get the point across he wasn’t in the mood for his bullshit and Leon was complying at least on that front, he had a deep rooted fear that Leon would only pester him more until Hop gave in completely. Even if he let him down, told him his one chance was up, and move on, from seeing how his brother was acting with this, Hop feared him trying to ask him for more.

Whatever _more_ even implied. Hop tried not to think about it.

For now, he sighed, maneuvering himself from around Leon and making sure not to touch him. When his brother jumped forward, he had moved out from in front of the stairs, giving Hop a clean shot down, and he wasted no more time when he gripped the railing and descended. He was about halfway down when he could hear Leon’s footsteps behind him, and he tensed a little, paranoid he would reach out and grab him and make him do something weird, but Leon kept his hands to himself the whole way down, which Hop guessed was a mercy on his end.

Their mother was in the living room, the television blaring some soap opera which Hop could hear a woman crying all the way up the stairs and only realized in that moment that they had had that entire conversation with Mum only a floor down from them. They hadn’t been talking that loud though, but still—another thing for Hop to be paranoid about his mother hearing them talk about going on dates and whatnot. If she questioned him, he could always say it was a joke, but he wasn’t sure if she’d believe it or not. She’d probably believe Leon.

“Morning, Mum,” he called to her as he headed toward the kitchen. Leon had killed his appetite with all that, but he still wanted a glass of milk or something. He was incredibly thirsty.

“Morning, boys,” she called back, still apparently engrossed in her show.

As he reached into the fridge for the carton of milk, Hop was surprised to see Leon hadn’t followed him in here, but rather crossed the way to the living room and he could hear him talking with Mum, their conversation loud enough he could hear the whole thing.

Leon started. “We’re going to Motostoke for a while, is that alright?”

“Of course, dear, why wouldn’t it be?”

“Figured I’d ask.” Hop could hear a soft laugh from him and couldn’t help the goosebumps that formed on his arm at it while he poured his glass. There was something even more fucked up about the way Leon could so casually talk with their mother like this after all he had just said to Hop, and it made his skin crawl.

“Well, thank you dear. I know it’s been awhile you’ve been home, so you boys go have fun, alright? We can all sit down tonight and have a nice family dinner.”

“Ooh, I’d love that.”

Hop had drained about half his milk before Leon suddenly stuck his head through the doorway. The grin that stretched across his face only made Hop drink faster. “Hear that, Hop?”

A small nod from him, his milk now almost all gone.

“Okay! I’ll go get ready.” With that, Leon tore from the kitchen, bounding up the stairs like a child excited to go to the fair. Hop sighed, his milk now finished and his stomach only churning in uncomfortable knots as he washed his glass out. That was his cue to go get dressed, but he was much less enthusiastic about it than Leon. Trudging up the stairs, Hop shut himself in his room before dressing in plain jeans and a T-shirt. He contemplated grabbing his jacket but tossed it over his desk chair. It wasn’t that chilly out, not enough for him to bring a coat anyway.

As he slipped into his shoes, he spied the poké ball on his desk that housed Dubwool and froze for a moment. Would it be considered overkill to bring his partner with him? Rationally, he said yes, but his paranoia said to bring any backup he could afford.

With a heavy sigh, Hop grabbed Dubwool, tucking him around his belt before exiting his room. Dubwool was for moral support—just in case. Hop doubted he would need him to hold Leon at bay, but it would make him feel better to have something comforting with him.

It wouldn’t hurt anyway.

* * *

The train ride over to Motostoke was only about fifteen minutes, but Hop felt _every_ _second_ of those fifteen minutes pass by like sludge. Leon had sat opposite him on the train, a table between them which Hop took advantage of to play on his phone and text Gloria. He knew it was rude to play on his phone while someone was talking to him, but he didn’t really care right now. Leon didn’t seem bothered by it, at the very least, and prattled on across from Hop, talking about this and that which would garner a random nod from Hop when needed. He wasn’t even paying attention, so he had no idea what he was even nodding along with.

As the train screeched to a halt, the Motostoke station greeting them once they stepped out, Hop led with Leon behind him, his brother soon coming to his side and shooting him a wide grin.

“So, what do you want to do first?” It was weird seeing him this excited over something—almost like he was wired or hopped up on sugar. Hop couldn’t help but grimace a little before pocketing his phone and sighing.

“This is _your_ thing, so you do whatever you want.”

A small laugh came then, and Hop felt an unpleasant shiver run down his spine when he realized too late just what exactly he’d said.

Leon’s grin did _not_ help at all. “Anything _I_ want? Well, if you insist, why don’t I just give you a ki—”

“Anything that doesn’t involve touching me,” he quickly interrupted him before Leon could finish, Hop now feeling the urge to reach down and grab his Dubwool from around his belt.

One chance. That’s all Leon got. One shot to do whatever he needed to do, all without touching Hop. If he so much as laid a finger on him, Hop was calling out Dubwool for backup. A fierce slam into Leon’s gut ought to get the message across.

But Leon’s face fell at Hop’s statement and he leaned back, crossing his arms and letting out a defeated sigh. “Alright, whatever you say.” And then he laughed again, that kind of dismissive laugh as he gave Hop a sheepish look that suggested to him this entire affair was one big joke. “You’re so fun to tease, Hop, I can’t help it.”

His stomach cramped again, fingers dabbing gently at Dubwool’s poké ball. Something about the way Leon was treating this whole thing, laughing, teasing him—Hop knew this whole thing had to be a joke, and even wanted to convince himself it stemmed as far as the kissing. It was an over the top joke, and as freaked out as he was that he and Leon had kissed _more_ than once, Hop could put something like that in the back of his mind if he tried hard enough. He could move on, write it off as Leon having gone through a hard time at losing his title since he’d been the champion for so long, and Hop could even make the excuse for him that Leon would get over this soon enough. It was because of the championship match. Leon didn’t expect to lose, and it sent him to a weird place, so he was coping by carrying Hop off on this extravagant prank about how he was going to ‘prove’ himself to him and whatnot.

Hop let out an irritated sigh, mostly to himself. The sooner they got through this, the faster Leon would get out of this weird funk and go back to normal. While it weighed a little heavy on his mind the fact he kissed Leon on the mouth, he could forgive it if Leon were to eventually realize this was all part of some meltdown he was having. He would realize there was more to life than being the champion, realize taking it out on his younger brother by kissing him wasn’t fair, he’d apologize, Hop would forgive him (maybe), and they could move on already.

That was easier said than done anyway, but Hop tried to be optimistic about it. Again, he brushed his fingers against Dubwool’s poké ball around his belt, hoping his partner could offer him a little reassurance, even if it was through contact like that alone. He did feel a bit more comfortable having his Pokémon there with him, but he shuddered at the idea of having to actually take him out to use him.

Leon’s smile only grated at his nerves. For fuck’s sake, Leon was still his _brother_. He didn’t have to be scared of his brother. They kissed—they just kissed, and kissing wasn’t a big deal. There were probably plenty of people who kissed their siblings and it was even normal in some cultures to kiss family on the mouth like that. Hop sucked in a breath, having to tear his eyes away from Leon’s. Yeah right, there was no way he could possibly convince himself Leon hadn’t kissed him with some other meaning in mind. A meaning Hop did _not want to think about at all._

“You hungry?”

The question drew him from his thoughts and Hop once again leaned up to look over at Leon. He had been absolutely starving, and with what happened up in the hallway earlier that morning, he’d lost a bit of his appetite, but now that Leon had brought attention to it, his stomach gurgled right on cue as if in response and he nodded.

“Yeah… I am.”

His brother’s smile grew as his eyes sparkled with that rather innocuous glint. “Then, let’s go get breakfast. Anything in particular you want?”

Hop shrugged. “Food would be great.” Wait…was he cracking jokes? Or was that sarcasm? Hop couldn’t even tell anymore, and his cheeks burned at the fact he’d said that so casually, even gaining a quiet laugh from Leon. Fuck, he didn’t want Leon to think he was relaxed or that everything was normal. Well—Hop wasn’t even sure how he was _supposed_ to be acting right now, as he knew he had every right to snap at Leon and call him a creep for all that he’d put him through, but he couldn’t help it.

This was still his brother. Still someone he grew up with, knew his sense of humor, knew what all they could and couldn’t say to one another. So, he shouldn’t feel bad about feeling relaxed around him, right?

But that nagging voice in the back of his mind also reminded him that this was the same Leon who kissed him and dry humped him in the locker room. The same Leon who used to sneak into the kitchen in the middle of the night so as not to wake Mum and steal a carton of ice cream for them to share was also the same Leon who _rubbed his dick against him._ Hop grimaced a bit.

What he wouldn’t give just to forget that had ever happened.

“Should’ve been more specific, I suppose. What kind of food?”

“I don’t care, you pick.” Despite his hesitance, Hop was getting antsy the longer they stood around and could already see a few people walking by staring at them, no doubt recognizing Leon. Motostoke was usually a bustling city, but with the championship having taken place only a day prior, most people had gathered and crowded to Wyndon for the weekend. The city wasn’t deserted by any means, but Hop could see a definite change as they walked from the station, Leon now taking the lead as he looked about like a place to eat would jump out in front of him.

“Umm, I’m not really sure what Motostoke even has.” Hop followed behind as his brother continued leading. It was probably a bad idea to let Leon guide the way as he already looked rather lost while he looked around. Hop had to snort to himself at the sight of it. For his brother to be such an idiot on the norm, it gave him whiplash thinking about all the things he’d said to him. It was almost like he was living in a dream and none of this was real—because it was too strange. Leon had told him before he’d had feelings like that for him for a long time, but it made Hop feel better if he kept telling himself it was a combination of Eternatus knocking him out and Leon losing his title. He’d taken two blows, one literal, and one to his pride, so of course he was going to be a little crazy from that.

At least, it made Hop feel better to think of it like that.

“Ohh! How about over there?” Leon turned back, giving him a smile as he pointed across the way at a rather quaint-looking breakfast shop. From where they stood, Hop could barely make it out from across the bridge, but it was definitely there hidden in the corner. Odd how he’d been here a few times and never even seen it.

He shrugged. “Sure.”

“Okay!” With that, Leon strode across the bridge, Hop at his heels. Not a lot of people were roaming around the city, so Hop was thrown off a little when they entered through the front door to find nobody seated at the tables strewn about. Damn, people really did high tail it to Wyndon for that match. Hop felt a little out of place as he shuffled behind Leon, his brother seating himself at a nearby booth, Hop joining him in the adjacent seat.

Leon propped up the little menu on the table and leaned back in his seat as he placed his chin in his palm. “Get whatever you want. I’m buying.” He shot Hop another smile as he said so and he nodded.

“Thanks…” Truth was, Hop was starving again, his stomach grumbling in protest as he spotted a picture on the menu of a stack of pancakes. His mouth watered in response and he’d already settled. It’d been way too long he had eaten anything like this, as during most of his travels during the gym challenge, he relied on curry or quick take out meals when he could afford it. It wasn’t the healthiest, but Hop didn’t necessarily mind, as long as his Pokémon were happy, he didn’t really care what they ended up eating.

It wasn’t long a young waitress came over before gathering their orders, Leon offering her a charismatic smile which made her gush, which also sparked a whole back and forth how she wanted to go see his match but couldn’t miss work.

Hop sighed as he slumped in his seat, watching the girl gush to his brother like this. For Leon to be so good with people, smiling and carrying on, making people fall for his charms as he took the time to converse with fans—it gave him a sour taste in his mouth thinking of all that was going on.

With the girl having left, Leon turned back to him and must’ve noticed the expression on his face (though Hop wasn’t sure how he looked only that he was frowning), because he shot Hop a smug grin. “Jealous?”

Hop snorted before rolling his eyes, placing his chin in his palm, very similar to how Leon was leaning. “Of what?”

“I don’t know. You looked pretty unhappy I was smiling and talking to someone like that.” Another smug grin, one that made Hop recoil until he straightened himself, leaning backward in his seat until his back hit the booth.

“I don’t care who you talk to. Why should it matter to me?”

Leon shrugged. “Honestly, I’d be incredibly happy if you were jealous I was talking to someone like that.”

Again, Hop rolled his eyes, this time crossing his arms as he slouched back, giving Leon a bit of a hard-pressed stare as he did so. “Hate to disappoint you, but I doubt I’ll ever be jealous of that.”

The sight of Leon’s face falling shouldn’t have made him feel _guilty_ for saying that, but he felt a bundle of irritation swarm in his stomach and it was more at the fact he was even feeling this way. He had every right to call Leon out on this crap, but— Hop couldn’t help but feel bad when he saw his brother look so disappointed. This was fucked up.

So, he sighed, trying to save his own sanity as he looked off to the side. “I mean—don’t you have a girlfriend or something back in Wyndon? Or maybe a boyfriend? Figured you’d be with Raihan right now.”

“No girlfriend and Raihan is just a friend, you know that, Hop.” The way he said it—Hop could hear a vague stiffness in his voice and even without looking at him could tell Leon was frowning, his tone dipping down further and further.

Before Hop could reply, the waitress suddenly returned with their plates of pancakes, Leon immediately perking up once she did so and giving her a smile. Hop had to grimace at it, because if Leon was spry enough to still act that way for the waitress then he couldn’t have been that upset with what Hop had said. It only made Hop sigh again as he thanked the waitress before she took off, leaving the brothers alone at their booth once more.

Letting out a small sound of excitement, Leon rubbed his hands together with vigor before picking up his fork and drowning his pancakes in syrup. When he looked over at Hop, he offered him the bottle. “Want some?”

And he scoffed, mouth twitching into a half smirk. “Can’t now that you’ve drained the whole bottle.” And there it was _again_. Hop was still joking with him, still giving in and allowing himself to relax enough that his dry sense of humor showed, and he didn’t know _why_ it was bothering him, especially when Leon only returned his statement with a grin before pushing the bottle toward him.

It was so strained, and Hop had to wonder if he was doing it on purpose for the sake of trying to keep things normal. He was desperate for Leon to finally pull the rug out from under his feet and yell _gotcha_ that he couldn’t take it anymore. Even if it meant joking around with his brother while at the same time trying to block out the fact he had dry humped him the day before.

His stomach cramped. Best not to think of that now—or ever again. Hop would be happy to never have to deal with that single thought for the rest of his life if he could. With that in mind, he took the bottle from Leon before dribbling a liberal amount of syrup onto his pancakes. In some weird way, he didn’t want Leon thinking everything was okay when it wasn’t—but he couldn’t help trying to force himself to pretend at the same time. It made no sense, and he finally settled with an exasperated huff of air, mostly to himself as he took a few bites of his pancakes. They were nice and warm, the heat only contrasted by the cooler syrup, and it mixed in his mouth until he wanted to moan at it.

It’d been way too long that Hop had pancakes, and while these weren’t Mum’s by any means, they were still delicious. Before he knew it, he had finished one off, the one beneath it having soaked up some syrup while he ate.

Leon let out a soft laugh through his nose from across the table, and Hop perked up, wondering if he was laughing at him, or something else, but when he drew his face away from his food to see Leon staring directly at him, he got defensive for some reason.

“What’s so funny?” Another bite, another wave of heat in his mouth and it should have been illegal for something to taste this damn good. Did Leon unknowingly bring them to some gourmet restaurant on accident? It looked so quaint from outside, but _damn_.

Leon shrugged, digging his fork into his stack and taking a bite of all three pancakes at once. “Just the way you eat.”

“What do you mean?” He straightened up slightly, no longer hovering over his plate to keep from dribbling syrup down his front.

“You eat one thing at a time. You always have.”

Hop shrugged, arching his eyebrows and failing to see Leon’s point. “So? You’re supposed to eat things one at a time.”

“Yeah, but generally people tackle their pancakes as a stack—like this.” Smiling, he held up the mushy pancakes he’d stabbed with his fork and Hop frowned. “Don’t get me wrong, Hop, I think it’s cute.”

 _Ugh_ —and. There was that also. Straightening back until he was rested against the back of the booth, Hop’s frown only intensified. Leon had been speaking to him like that ever since the incident at the hospital, almost like he was—well, Hop didn’t want to say condescending or even patronizing, but there was definitely something off about the way Leon was speaking to him. Not talking down to him, but—

He couldn’t put his finger on it. It just made him uncomfortable anytime he did it, especially with that stupid shit-eating grin on his face. Hop couldn’t help but come to his own defense at that one, not even giving Leon a sarcastic reply.

“I’m not cute. I’m fourteen. I don’t do _cute_ things anymore.”

The laugh Leon made from across the table almost made Hop want to take his plate and break it over his thick skull with. Why in the ever-loving hell did that irritate him like that? Maybe this _was_ patronizing, and he was just trying to rationalize Leon wouldn’t look down on him like that.

After all, this entire thing was a joke, right? That’s why he kept laughing, that’s why he kept saying things like that and acting the way he was—because it was all a big fucking joke. This ‘date’ was a joke, the kissing had been a joke, and when Leon dry humped him in the locker room—that was a joke too.

Hop audibly scoffed and glared over at his brother, not meaning to give him such a hateful look, but Leon suddenly straightened back, his smile not wavering, but if the look on Hop’s face was any indication of how he felt, Leon must have gotten the message.

“I’m sorry to laugh, I just—” His grin widened, that sparkle back in his eye. “I can’t help it. Even when you’re trying to say something like that, you’re still cute. You always will be cute.”

Hop’s grip on his fork tightened and he suddenly didn’t feel so hungry anymore, but he stuffed a mouthful of pancake down his gullet despite it. With a gulp of his milk, he only continued glaring back at Leon whose smile never waned. “Is that why you’re doing all this? Because you think it’s ‘cute’?”

Finally, a change in his expression. Not what Hop wanted to see by any means (and honestly, he didn’t even know what he wanted Leon to even do) but seeing his brother’s grin drop shouldn’t have felt as good as it did. It was way more satisfying than the pancakes were by a long shot.

“What do you mean?” Leon tilted his head a bit, like he was studying him or couldn’t quite figure out what to do with that question.

Hop huffed again, his irritation surfaced and his temper not quite boiling, but getting steamed to say the least. “This whole thing you’re doing. I don’t even know what to call it. But saying all the weird shit you’re saying, doing all this weird stuff you’re doing—” He dipped his head, lowering his voice as though the waitress from the other side of the room could hear him. “…taking me out like this…?” His cheeks gushed and he couldn’t help it. There was something both incredibly stupid about this whole thing and incredibly uncomfortable at the same time.

Leon shrugged. “I don’t see the problem asking you on a date. Was there something else you wanted to do?”

Hop’s cheeks gushed even more heat. “No, Leon—you idiot—” He hated saying this out loud, because it was so glaringly obvious, but Leon just wasn’t _getting_ the fucking hint. “There’s nothing wrong with going on a date, okay?”

Another shrug. “So, what’s the matter?” Still, Leon appeared so unbothered, so relaxed, if not a bit put off by Hop’s questions, but he still wasn’t seeing the underlining issue here, when it was so _obvious_.

Trying not to let his nerves bundle over with his irritation and spill out until he got upset, Hop sucked in a breath, closing his eyes to calm himself down, before he slowly let his breath out and looked up at Leon once more. “Generally, people don’t ask their siblings out on dates.”

Still so nonchalant, still so unbothered, Leon only took a swig of his coffee before shrugging again. “I figured you’d never been on one before, but I haven’t really either. Maybe a few back in my day, but nothing ever really serious.”

Hop blinked. He still. Wasn’t. Getting it. Holy _fucking_ shit. He almost wanted to slink down in his seat until he melted to the floor. Maybe then this madness would end.

“Lee— _dammit_ , are you really that thick?”

Leon blinked in confusion. “Is there something I’m missing?”

And he asked with such genuine confusion that Hop had to lower his head, leaning forward a bit until he had hushed his voice to a whisper. “I’m your _brother_.”

Leon nodded. “Brilliant observation, Hop.”

His cheeks gushed even more heat. “Are you really going to make me spell it out for you?”

Before Leon could even open his mouth, Hop had leaned almost completely over the table, knowing he was being incredibly rude by doing so, but not caring. His voice was so low, he only prayed Leon could hear him when he whispered to him, leaned up enough that he stood taller than Leon, and that Leon had to look up at him from where he sat, but even then, Hop knew it wasn’t intimidating, not that he was even sure he wanted that. But he glared down at Leon through lidded eyes even still.

“Leon, normal people— _normal_ , _rational_ people don’t ask their little brothers on dates. That’s something couples do, or people who are in love. Not siblings.”

Leon smiled. And his next words made Hop’s stomach flip. “We could be a couple, though.”

Suddenly uncomfortable with the small amount of space between them, Hop quickly leaned back until he sat on his bottom, face gushing heat at the fact Leon had disarmed him so quickly, with such a seemingly innocent statement, but it made Hop’s nausea kick in full force until he wanted to throw up his breakfast.

“L-Lee…” And he hated how Leon could turn his anger on him like that until Hop was back to being anxious. He was just…he didn’t even know anymore. But, despite how his palms were shaking, Hop didn’t allow his rather shocked glare to turn away from his brother, no matter how much it was waning. “Do you realize what you’re saying?”

Another unassuming shrug from Leon as he took another bite of his pancakes. When he swallowed, his soft smile was still there, still unnerving as hell as Hop stared at him. “Of course, I do. What’s wrong with that?”

“I’m. Your. _Brother_.”

“Exactly.” Leon reared back this time, sitting straight and placing his fork down on his unused napkin as he sipped a bit of his coffee, the smile never leaving his face for long, but now the longer Hop stared at him, the more he feared his stomach cramping until he either had a panic attack or threw up. One or the other. “Hop, I don’t understand this stress you have about us being brothers and doing things like this. Personally, I think that only makes something like this more meaningful, don’t you think?” He gave Hop a wink before taking another sip of coffee and Hop finally had to tear his gaze away from him. Somewhere other than Leon, before he went insane—holy shit, he was shivering a bit now, regretting how he hadn’t brought a jacket with him when it suddenly got way too cold. “If you’re worried about what other people are going to think, don’t be. I won’t let anyone mess with you if that’s what you’re worried about. I mean—since when have I ever let people bother you? I’ve felt this way for a long time and I don’t plan on changing my mind.”

 _A long time._ “How…” Hop gulped, his throat feeling tight then and making speaking more difficult. This was crazy. This wasn’t happening. “H-how long have you…h-have you…” It was just a joke…right?

Leon finished for him. “Had feelings for you?” He shrugged, leaning back in his seat. “Several years. Probably since I was a teenager.”

Hop’s blood ran cold. When Leon was a teenager, he was just a…

“Don’t worry, I didn’t do anything weird to you like sneak into your room or anything like that. I already told you, I was going to keep it to myself, I really was.”

Hop only grew colder, shivering until his entire body was trembling as Leon continued.

“I had the same thought you did. I thought back then it was a silly phase, something I was going to grow out of, so I ignored it for awhile.” His coffee mug was set on the table as Leon let out a long, drawn out sigh. “But, it didn’t. My feelings for you never changed, Hop. Even now, right here, I still feel the same way about you I did all those years ago. Like I said, I don’t plan to change my mind, because—Hop—”

It was so cold, when the hell did it get so cold? Hop wasn’t even sure if he was shivering still, but everything in that moment seemed like it was frozen. There was no sound in the back from the staff, no background noises coming from outside, nothing but the sound of Leon making a soft laugh from across the table when Hop finally braved to look up at him.

At his flushed cheeks, one of those soft expressions on his face with his eyes lidded. He looked over at Hop like he was admiring something priceless before he opened his mouth.

“I love you, Hop.”

When Hop moved, it wasn’t until he banged his leg against the table, shifting the entire thing and almost knocking their plates over did he realize he moved at all, wincing in pain from where he’d hit himself on accident. He had all but jumped out of his seat, his chest tightened, and he knew he was about to fucking panic. If he hadn’t already, that is.

Leon looked up at him with wide eyes then, the expression from earlier completely gone, but before he could open his mouth, Hop tore away from him, sprinting across the room until he reached the front door and burst through it. The cool morning air felt so sobering then, and Hop was shaking so bad that he almost tripped over his feet before he stumbled to the nearby wall, catching himself against it as he threatened to vomit.

His stomach contracted, but nothing came up, and he gasped a bit at the sensation of his insides literally rejecting that entire confession Leon had just unloaded onto him. There was no way— _no fucking way_ he meant that the way Hop thought he meant it. No way his brother just admitted he had been looking at Hop that way ever since he was a child—no way Leon just up and admitted that. Because then Hop would have to accept the reality that his brother was attracted to him—and he couldn’t. _Hop couldn’t fucking deal with that right now._

He was shivering too much, frozen once again now that he was outside and tried to suck in gulps of cool air in a desperate attempt to calm himself down.

This was just a phase.

Just a joke.

Leon was joking. He was just joking he was just—

“Hop?! Are you okay?”

The moment he felt his hand pat at his shoulder, Hop whipped around, not meaning to when he backed up against the wall, but Leon towered over him, his face drowned with concern, but Hop couldn’t even look at him the same way. This was the same Leon, the exact same Leon who used to let Hop sleep in the bed with him when he had a nightmare. Who wrapped his arms around him to keep him warm, who sneaked sweets out of the kitchen when Mum wasn’t looking because Hop wanted candy, the same Leon who just admitted that he had been looking at Hop differently that entire time.

“D-D-Don’t touch me…” His voice was low, even throwing himself off when he spoke, but Leon backed off immediately. As though he’d touched a hot surface, he retracted his hand back, straightening as he did so.

“I’m sorry. Hop, I didn’t mean to freak you out.”

What in the hell did he _think_ was going to happen with a confession like that?

Hop was overly aware how the passerbys that walked by them, while not many, were staring as they did so, and he wanted to throat punch Leon for ever suggesting they go out in public like this. This was a private conversation—everyone would know what was going on just by looking at them, they must already know what Hop was panicking over, but he cursed himself for up and running out of the restaurant like that, knowing that was the most private they were going to get, but he was trying his hardest to calm down. Cold sweat had formed on his forehead, and he had fucking panicked, needing to get the hell away from Leon as fast as he could.

“Y-you…” His throat was still tight, too tight for proper words to come out, and he couldn’t look up at Leon as he spoke, as he struggled to make the words come out. “You were…you were looking at me like that since we were _kids?_ ”

“Hop, no! I just had some confusing teenaged thoughts is all!” Now Leon was sounding desperate, and it was such a stark contrast to how he was acting earlier, like this was no big deal. Well, it just became a fucking big deal now that Hop knew he was a pervert.

“Hop.” Leon was back in his face again, having crouched down somewhat to get level with him, but Hop refused to make eye contact anymore. “I didn’t do anything bad to you, I swear. I never once touched you. I never once had any ill intentions, I promise you. All I was saying was I had _thoughts._ I never acted on any of them. I knew you were still a kid; I didn’t want to hurt you, I promise.”

Then…what was this supposed to be then? Was waiting a few years before he ever said anything about it supposed to make Hop feel better? Was this entire thing supposed to make Hop feel better?

“I’m not going to hurt you. It’s still me, Hop. I know I’ve been teasing you a lot, and I’m sorry, but I swear I won’t hurt you. Don’t be scared of me—of this. There’s nothing wrong with it, I _promise_ you.”

He didn’t believe him. As much as he wanted to, Hop didn’t believe him. Not after that. Not after what Leon just unloaded onto him in that fucking restaurant.

“Nothing…wrong with it?” Hop grabbed a handful of his shirt in his hands before squeezing. All the things he wanted to say, like calling Leon a pervert, tell him he blew this whole date thing, he blew his one shot, he wanted to tear out his hair in frustration that Leon just _wasn’t understanding how messed up this was_ , but all he could do was bite his bottom lip, refuse eye contact, and try not to freak out anymore than he was.

Leon shook his head, his voice, while having sounded a bit desperate earlier, lowered into what Hop supposed was meant to be a soothing tone. “I know you’re uncomfortable—I get it. This is all new to you and you don’t know how to handle it, but I swear to you, Hop, I’m going to prove to you it’s not anything bad or anything scary.” And he leaned down further toward him, just enough if he wanted, he could reach out and touch him. Leon was below him, crouched all the way to his haunches and looking up at Hop to try and engage eye contact of some sort, but he gave him a pleading look.

“Hop, _please_ believe me. I’m your brother. You know I would never hurt you, right?”

Hop wanted to believe that, and while a nagging voice was prodding him in the back of his mind, he wanted so, so bad to say yes, but— He swallowed. He didn’t know why he was acting like this, because in a messed up way, Leon _did_ have a point. He hadn’t hurt him. He kissed him and dry humped him which freaked Hop out to no end—but that wasn’t hurting him…

Right?

Slowly, way too slowly, Hop nodded, still not looking at him, still fighting to stop his trembling as he stood backed against the wall.

“You trust me, don’t you?”

An even slower nod, one strained with too much hesitance.

“Okay.” Leon stood then, straightening back up to his full height. “If it really bothers you so much, I’ll…” He trailed off only for a moment before clearing his throat. “I’ll stop teasing you so much. I know this whole thing is new to you and I don’t want you being scared of me, but I just want you to know that I _love_ you.”

Hop’s stomach cramped again at the sound of that word. Why did something meant to give him comfort and warmth only feel as though it were drowning him?

He wanted to say it was okay, that nothing was wrong, and he wanted to believe Leon, he really did. But—

Hop only swallowed, his face feeling so hot and he was embarrassed they were even having this conversation. All he wanted to do was get out of here already. So, he nodded, trying to quell his shivers as he leaned off the wall, standing far enough away from Leon that he couldn’t touch him.

“O-okay…”

“Are you okay?”

Hell no, he wasn’t okay and as much as he wanted to scoff, Hop only nodded. He was a little frustrated he couldn’t quite make Leon understand _why_ this was messed up, but he simply moved around him, making to head back into the restaurant, but the young waitress opened the door before he could, looking over at Leon.

“Um—Mr. Leon, y-your bill.”

In seconds flat, Leon bounded up next to Hop, making him flinch when he became paranoid he’d touch him, but Leon kept his hands to himself. “Sorry! We’re still eating. At least I think my brother is, right?” He looked over at him, causing Hop to sink into himself a bit. After what happened he really didn’t feel like talking to him anymore than he had to, but for his own sanity’s sake, he gave the girl a small nod as he led himself back inside.

“Yeah.” Feeling rather foolish he’d jumped up and ran the way he had, Hop sat back down in his booth with a defeated, stiff sigh as he forced himself to eat the remainder of his breakfast. Leon ordered a refill on his coffee before joining him, only a few bites left of his own pancakes.

“Are you okay?” he asked once more now that the both of them were settled.

Hop gave him another nod before finishing another pancake and taking a swig of his milk. The waitress returned with Leon’s coffee before offering them both a smile and they were left alone again.

There was so much weighing on Hop’s mind right now that he couldn’t even form a proper thought. If he was being honest what he wanted to do was scream at Leon in frustration for _why he was so calm_ about this whole matter, but honestly the fact that he _was_ calm probably freaked Hop out more than anything. Why couldn’t he understand this wasn’t _right?_

“Hop?”

It occurred to him he’d been staring at his plate, his entire stack almost gone, but before Leon could press him about it, he lifted his head to stare him in the eye. “I just want to know something.”

Leon offered him a slow, if not rather hesitant nod. “Yes?”

“If there’s nothing wrong with this whole thing—if you’re so dead set on showing me this isn’t a big deal or anything like that—” He narrowed his eyes. “Why were you so scared about Mum seeing us last night?”

Seeing Leon freeze and grow stiff should have made Hop feel better—he thought anyway. It was supposed to be a _gotcha_ moment, a moment he would prove that even Leon couldn’t make an excuse for why he was afraid of that, but seeing his brother react exactly the way he hoped was just… Hop could only sigh. He looked guilty. He wanted him to be guilty of something, but at the same time he _didn’t know what the fuck he wanted, and it was making him angry at himself._

“Be-because you know she’d freak out. I don’t have to tell you that, surely?”

And all Hop could feel was his energy leaving him the longer they sat there, his pancakes having grown cool and no longer tasted all that great. “You just said there’s nothing wrong with it, so if there’s nothing wrong, why are you worried about Mum?”

“Because I don’t want her to panic over something she doesn’t understand.” That quick response wasn’t what Hop was expecting but all he did was lean back before shoving his plate away, no longer feeling the need to finish. This conversation was going nowhere, and he knew Leon was only talking in circles to justify this, but—

And Hop really.

_Really._

Fucking hated this.

But he almost wanted to believe that. He wanted to believe Leon when he said he’d never hurt him. He wanted to believe him when he said he loved him and that he only had good intentions as far as this whole date thing was concerned. Hop wanted to believe this was all innocent, maybe Leon had confusing feelings, maybe he was mistaking a love for Hop for something else, but he really, really, truly wanted to make excuses for him and pretend Leon had no ulterior motive other than making innocent moves on Hop because he liked teasing him too much. Even if this was a joke gone too far, Hop could forgive him.

This was messed up. It wasn’t right, none of this was right. But Hop was losing his resolve, because Leon wasn’t…entirely wrong? He hadn’t hurt him. He knew his brother loved him and would never hurt him. Not intentionally anyway.

And he wanted to trust him. Even with this. He really did—as uncomfortable as he was, Hop wanted to believe Leon only had good intentions in mind. He would go insane otherwise if he kept trying to rationalize with himself that this was fucked up and he knew it was fucked up. Surely, Leon had to know that as well?

But, looking over at his brother as Hop crossed his arms, feeling exhausted from today, after only one meal with him, he could only slink down into his seat at the fact Leon was giving him another pleading look. The longer he denied it, the more it weighed on his mind. What Hop really and honestly wanted was for Leon to forget about this silly thing, to forget he ever dry humped him, forget he ever kissed him and they had made out a couple times already, but Hop knew his brother would only continued pushing with this until something happened—until Hop accepted him.

At least, Hop wanted to say he could let him down gently. Don’t hurt his feelings or anything like that. Maybe this was a joke, or maybe Leon was genuine, and Hop _knew he was_ —he had to be telling the truth to go to these desperate lengths. It was easier to tell himself it was a big elaborate prank, but looking at his expression now, Hop knew. He knew the truth that was laid out right in front of him.

And he knew eventually he was going to have to reject Leon one way or another, but maybe it wouldn’t hurt to continue humoring him, even at the cost of Hop’s own comfort. In some fucked up, _morbidly_ fucked up way, Hop was a little curious just how far Leon was willing to go with this. How much of a pervert was his brother, really? While Hop knew he was playing with fire, he couldn’t help but wonder if this entire thing was meant to be innocent—was Leon all that innocent to begin with? What if he ended up seeing how much of a degenerate his bother was? Or what if it was none of those things? Hop felt a headache coming on.

It was stupid and dangerous, but he made the decision then and there, as badly as he wanted to cry out that Leon blew his shot, he feared his brother freaking out, and Hop didn’t want to deal with that right now. So (for now anyway) he would go along with it. Just to humor Leon. Just to indulge him for a little while, and then he would let him down gently, tell him he appreciated it, but he wasn’t interested. It would be no big deal, they could move on, Hop could pretend none of this ever happened and things would go back to the way they’d always been before.

The waitress came over, Leon handing her a handful of money before they finally gathered their things and left the restaurant. Leon had recovered, though not fully, from Hop’s freak out, but he was a bit livelier than he had been, offering Hop a smile as they walked down the street. Despite his smile and attempt at being light-hearted, Hop could tell Leon was affected by that conversation as well. He wasn’t as playful nor did he insist on teasing Hop about every little thing, but maybe he was trying to keep good on his word and pull back on that for Hop’s sake.

“Anything you want to do?”

Hop shrugged when they crossed the bridge, the water underneath sparkling like diamonds as the sunlight streaked across it. “It’s Motostoke, there isn’t much to do here to begin with.”

“You enjoyed breakfast though, right?” Leon’s voice shifted a bit, not by much, but enough Hop could sense a dip in his tone. It was unusual seeing Leon get—well, not exactly _down_ , but definitely unusual seeing him be more reserved. Hop was used to fooling around, making playful jokes toward one another, rolling his eyes, laughing, all things like that, but rarely did he witness Leon grow serious like he had back at the restaurant, and Hop would be lying if he didn’t admit it put him on edge at little.

Just a little.

He nodded though, looking up toward the sky just in time to see a Corviknight pass over them, casting a shadow as it did so. “Yeah. It was delicious.”

“I’m glad.”

They both paused on the bridge, Leon leaning into the railing as he did so before he let out a sigh and looked up to the sky where the Corviknight cab had flown off. Hop soon joined him, also leaning with his back against the railing and he fidgeted, having a compulsion to reach into his pocket and check his phone. Gloria was still in Wyndon with her mother, and he had been texting her on and off since last night, but he hadn’t checked his phone since breakfast, and he was a little antsy to see if anything she sent him might bring him a little comfort right now. Comfort wasn’t something Hop felt he _needed_ by any means as he wasn’t necessarily upset, but—he wouldn’t complain one bit if she could make him feel better for a few seconds.

He had a passing thought of wondering what she’d think of this entire mess if she knew he was on a date with Leon. _Date_ might have been too strong a word, as all they’d done was eat breakfast and with Leon leaning against the railing like he was, he looked lost in thought for what to do, not that Hop really cared.

But. If he was going to go along with this thing for now, he could at least try a little harder to put in effort for Leon’s sake. He’d told him he’d give him a chance, and while the love confession had thrown him off guard and freaked him out, Hop had promised he would be fair about this.

So, with that in mind, he resisted the urge to check his phone before glancing over at Leon who was still gazing up at the sky. The sun’s rays beat down on his hair, making it shimmer in the light, and the heat was mild, but comfortable enough Hop felt he could take a nap out in weather like this. It really was a nice day and all, and he fidgeted again before opening his mouth.

“We could, uh—” He wrung his hands in and out. “Walk around. We don’t really have to do anything big or extravagant.” His cheeks gushed a little, feeling awkward as hell he was bending over a little just for Leon’s sake. In truth, he wanted nothing more than to jump on the train and head back home, but he couldn’t do that. Well—he _could_ , but he had already made his decision for what he was going to do, and Hop was determined to stick with it.

Glancing over back at him, Leon’s mouth curled into a half-grin. “You wouldn’t mind walking around?”

He shrugged. “Why not? I like walking. Unless, you don’t want—”

Leon quickly cut him off. “No, no! I like walking.” If it wasn’t evident by how fit his older brother was, Hop wasn’t sure what else was. Leon was prone to work out, lift weights, the works, so of course he liked walking too.

Hop looked down at his own frame for a moment, grimacing at how thin and scrawny he was. When Leon first started getting into shape, Hop often thought of how he wanted to follow in his footsteps and do the same. Get fit and muscular just like his brother, but now he wasn’t really sure if he wanted to do that anymore. Working out was Leon’s thing, and Hop wasn’t very athletic to begin with. He’d hyperventilate just from running five feet.

“Okay.” Before he could lean off the railing, Leon suddenly reached out behind him, toward one of the flowerpots that dangled from the bridge as decoration and Hop watched as his brother plucked one of the pansies out of the pot before handing it to him.

Leon gave him a smile with his arm outstretched, urging Hop to take the flower from him.

His cheeks only gushed more heat as he gave in, though not really wanting to, but for Leon’s sake, he took the flower from him, mumbling a quiet but embarrassed, “Th-thanks…” when he did so. Wasn’t that against some kind of rule to pluck public flowers like that? Hop wasn’t sure if it counted toward defacing property or anything, but he couldn’t really be bothered to worry if Leon would get in trouble for taking something like that, when—when his brother was handing him _flowers._

The entire love confession hit him all over again and Hop fought with every fiber of his being not to freak out and panic. Stay calm and rational—calm and collected—calm. Calm…

“Hop, would it be okay—I mean—” Leon gave him a rather shy smile then. “Can I kiss you?”

Hop’s heart was so loud then he almost broke out in a cold sweat all over again, the pounding in his chest painful at this point and he looked over at Leon as though he’d lost his ever-loving mind. “Wha—no!”

“Please, Hop? Just a small one?” That pleading look again, and Hop sank back into himself, almost crushing his flower in his hands as he trembled a bit.

“We’re in public—someone might see. No.” He was putting his foot down and he could tell Leon was getting frustrated as he let out a curt huff of air, but his smile didn’t disappear, and the glint in his eyes returned to that playful air he’d held earlier that morning.

He wasn’t supposed to be teasing him so much, but Hop hated how he thought that at least Leon asked permission this time. Even though he’d rejected him, his brother was persistent, and he almost groaned in irritation when he kept at it.

“Just a small one. Not on the mouth—I promise!”

“Lee—”

“I won’t let anyone see. There’s not a lot of people around. Please, Hop? One kiss?”

And he was in his face, Hop still leaned against the railing, his back toward the river below them, but Leon was so close, he could smell him all over again, and he smelled just like the syrup from the restaurant, despite how Hop couldn’t tell if he’d spilled any on him, he could smell it on his hot breath, and he clutched at the flower in his hands, trying not to crush it, but holy shit was it difficult. Leon still didn’t see anything wrong with this situation, and well—Hop swallowed. There wasn’t anything inherently bad with his request, but it was just wrong? Something about this entire situation, this entire date thing, even despite Leon’s attempts to be kind to Hop and try to be decent—something was off. And Hop knew it was because this was his _brother_ he was talking about.

And he wasn’t attracted to Leon. Not that way. Not the way Leon kept insisting, but Hop tried not to think about it too hard. He could convince himself this was innocent, there was no malice in Leon’s intent, no desire to outright hurt him, and he swallowed at the thought of it.

Right. If he could just keep telling himself that. Leon’s pleading face didn’t make it any easier and Hop found himself giving in way too easily than he knew he should have, but this was all to make Leon feel better anyway…right? Then he could let him down gently, tell him he wasn’t interested. Simple as that.

Cheeks gushing, Hop glanced off from side to side, making sure there were no people around who could see and he quietly muttered, “Fine, but make it quick.”

The sound Leon made was a mix between an excited gasp and a joyful cry, but he wasted no time, absolutely no time once Hop gave the okay to wrap his arms around him, trapping Hop in a gentle hug before he planted a kiss right on his cheek.

Immediately, Hop shoved at his chest, his face burning as he pushed himself from the hug, Leon making a disappointed whine when he did so. He didn’t expect his brother to hug him like that, but he knew his face was red, and despite how quick it had been, could still feel his mouth against his cheek. The spot there burned even hotter than the rest of his face.

Leon gave him a crestfallen look. “That’s all?” Leaning in a bit more, he looked as though he were about to jump on Hop once more, but Hop kept his hands out in front to keep the distance, hoping Leon hadn’t tried to control him in the brief moment he touched him like that. But it didn’t appear to be the case. Hop could still move himself.

And he nodded, face on fire, gaze averted. “I said a quick one.”

“It was so fast though.”

“Too bad, that’s all you’re getting.”

Another huff of air from Leon, but he finally let out a small laugh before he leaned back against the railing. “Alright, whatever you say. Thank you, by the way.”

Hop opened his mouth to say _‘you’re welcome’_ more out of habit than anything before he realized what he actually was saying and promptly shut himself up, his face still burning. Leaning off the railing, Leon gave him a cheery smile before ushering Hop to follow. With an uncomfortable rather stilted hesitance, Hop eventually pushed himself forward and followed his brother.

The spot on his cheek burned with his heated face while they walked, Hop’s heart pounding when his anxiety was threatening to surface, and while Leon rambled on about something next to him, appearing in much higher spirits because of the kiss, Hop could only dwell on what the fuck he had gotten himself into.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys again for your support! ;-;

The majority of the day was spent wandering around Motostoke, Hop mostly leading as Leon tended to lose his sense of direction quite easily. He still held a firm grip on his pansy, not sure why he felt the need to keep ahold of the flower when it was going to wilt soon enough, but he almost felt obligated to at this point.

There was nothing grand about Motostoke other than the stadium, but with the gym challenge wrapping up for the season, there wasn’t much point in going there other than to see random matches Kabu would have which Hop wasn’t very interested in. He’d had his fill of Pokémon battles for a good while and losing in the semi finals didn’t do much to help with that to say the least. They wandered here and there, talking about nonsensical things, trailing off into a random store every once in awhile where they would browse, Leon insisting he buy things for Hop which he always turned down (mainly because it was always something stupidly expensive), but it wasn’t long that the sun was beginning to dip lower and lower, and they had seen all Motostoke could offer them.

Hop still felt a bit odd he was even doing this but would have been lying if he said that wandering around the city with his brother while they chatted about this and that—he’d be lying if he said it wasn’t…nice. At least, Leon kept his hands to himself, he didn’t press him for a kiss, although there was one moment he asked to hold Hop’s hand, he gave him a firm _no_ , and while Leon looked disappointed, he didn’t pressure him into it. He must have known Hop was still uncomfortable being in public like this. It wasn’t unusual for siblings to hold hands by any means but Hop just felt…childish and too ashamed to give into Leon’s pleading. It was more his own embarrassment than anything.

Eventually they settled down on a bench, watching people come and go, and Hop still had his flower clutched in his hand, the petals turning brown on the edges and he was surprised it had begun to wilt so fast, but he didn’t throw it away. Leon appeared happy he was still carrying around, but honestly, he forgot he was still holding it half the time.

“You tired?” Leon asked him as they both settled down on the bench. All throughout the day, while it started off a bit awkward (and things were still awkward, but not nearly as bad) and strained, Hop could have said throughout the day as he spent wandering around with Leon, he was a bit more relaxed. If nothing else, at least he slumped down into his seat, not really feeling as uncomfortable as he had before. It was a strange sensation, because for awhile there, it felt like he was hanging out with the old Leon again.

Even though this was the same old Leon, but Hop knew no matter how much he denied it that things were different now. Things were strained. In one fell swoop, it felt like the relationship he’d had with his older brother was changed forever because of a kiss, and Hop tried desperately to rationalize with himself that things could still be the same as they always were. Look at what happened today—look at him now. He was leaned back on the bench, looking over at the soft expression on Leon’s face as he spoke to him, and Hop didn’t feel terrified in that moment. He wasn’t scared of Leon, or thinking about the kiss, and he wasn’t even all that uncomfortable.

It almost felt normal again, and he allowed himself the luxury of feeling like things were back to the way they were supposed to be for once.

“No, not tired.” His pansy was shriveling around the edges just enough he noticed it, and he knew having it wrapped in his hand all day was only making the flower die that much faster, but he twirled the stem around his fingers as he glanced off away from Leon while they took a rest.

“Good. Wouldn’t want to wipe you out before we even got home for dinner.”

Hop scoffed a little, breaking off the end of the stem as he twiddled the flower around and around. “I’m not made of glass, Lee.”

“I know you aren’t. I was just saying.”

Right as Hop drew his gaze away from his flower back to his brother, he caught Leon giving him a sheepish smile, and suddenly Leon let out a small laugh.

“Hey—you’re smiling.”

Hop’s face flushed when he realized—shit, he was. At one point when he’d been playing with his flower and looking over at Leon, he had subconsciously let himself relax to the point he had begun smiling, though now that Leon called attention to it, he quickly shifted his gaze elsewhere and his face fell. “Am not.”

“You were too. You don’t have to be shy, Hop, I’m glad you’re smiling.”

While Hop was desperate for things to go back to normal and maybe he was only pretending at this point, he was still embarrassed to be doing things like that around Leon. It made no sense, because why would he feel the need to hide his smile, to pretend he wasn’t okay—because he wasn’t, Hop definitely wasn’t okay still, but he had forced himself to pretend all day long that everything was fine, he’d probably convinced himself it was true at some point.

Regardless.

He stood from the bench, suddenly feeling uncomfortable in his seat, and twiddled the flower in his fingers once more before dusting off the back of his jeans from where he’d sat. “A-anyway, are you ready to go home yet?” They had been out all day long, walking, talking, browsing shops, and not doing much of anything.

It wasn’t a big extravagant date that Hop figured Leon was going to try to make it, but he couldn’t lie and say it was awful either. It was almost nice to hang out with his brother like this, even though Hop felt awkward at the same time. It wasn’t bad. It wasn’t awful.

Just… _nice._

Leon shrugged then, also standing up before he stretched, popping a few bones in the process. “We can. I feel bad though, we didn’t really do anything but walk and talk.” He let out a laugh, shooting Hop a wide grin as he did so. “And here I was going to buy you chocolates and whatnot.”

Hop couldn’t help but grimace a little, squeezing his flower as he did so. “You…got me a flower though.” There it was again—he was growing uncomfortable as they stood there, but he tried his damndest to ignore it.

“That’s not chocolate, Hopscotch.”

And Hop let out a sigh, because the climbing anxiety that was beginning to pour down in his stomach was surfacing at the inevitable fact he knew he was going to have to let Leon down gently. He wasn’t sure if he should do it now in public, as the date wasn’t technically over, but maybe once they got home and he could have some privacy he could tell Leon he appreciated it, but this entire thing wasn’t his cup of tea.

He loved Leon, he did—but _only_ as his brother. He didn’t want anything more between them and he could only hope that Leon would understand when he sat him down to talk with him. While Hop knew he had every right to be freaked out about this, call Leon out for being a creep, he wanted to keep things as civil as possible. Maybe if he talked with him, let him know he was uncomfortable with this, and while it was flattering, it was, Hop just wasn’t interested.

He hoped he’d understand now that this date thing was out of his system. Maybe they could move on with their lives now.

With those thoughts weighing on his mind, Hop led the way back to the station and in no time at all, the brothers arrived back in Wedgehurst, the sun dipping so low that the whole area was cast in an orange glow. The warm air around them lowered into a chill as they walked up the path toward Postwick. Hop had never wanted to get back home so much in his life and while the date wasn’t bad by any means, he was exhausted in an emotional sense and just wanted to fall flat on his face in bed and sleep for fourteen hours.

The moment they opened the front door, Mum greeted the two, having started making dinner in the kitchen, and Hop gave a wave to her, just now realizing he was still holding the pansy. With a small frown, he had the urge to tip it over in the trash but opted instead to head up to his room where he placed it on his desk before taking his shoes off. He could dispose of it later, but after a quick wash up in the bathroom, he and Leon were sitting at the dinner table, laughing, conversing with Mum and…

It was supposed to be normal. This was normal dinner time, Hop was even relaxed enough to laugh a few times during Leon’s crazy stories, but he felt guilty for doing so, not sure why that of all things should make him feel guilty. Maybe it was because Leon seemed so happy right now, a giant smile plastered on his dumb face the whole time they ate dinner, and Hop knew the inevitable rejection was coming. He was preparing for the worst as he steeled himself and tried to think of something to say so Leon wouldn’t get too upset. He could be polite about it, tell him thanks, but he wasn’t interested. Surely Leon would be satisfied with that?

The longer the night waned, the sun having set long ago, Hop was now in his room, playing on his computer as he tried his hardest not to allow the nerves in his stomach to come back up. Dubwool’s poké ball was right next to him and he found himself more often than not dragging the edge of his fingers against it like that would offer him any comfort. It didn’t, but he pretended it did.

Leon was in the shower and Hop swallowed an unpleasant lump in his throat. He planned to talk with him once his brother was done in the bathroom, but the longer he waited, the worse his nerves got until Hop was irritated at himself. What was he so scared of? This was his brother—surely a simple rejection just because Hop wasn’t interested in anything like what Leon wanted was a big deal? His expectations were that Leon would shrug, smile, ruffle his hair before apologizing and telling him he just needed to get some craziness out his system and Hop would forgive him.

That was the expectation anyway. Hop feared things going south once he finally spoke to him, but if things got out of hand, he could always pull out Dubwool or call for Mum. He didn’t have to be scared of Leon and he wasn’t.

…right?

The shower turned off and Hop froze, his nerves making his stomach cramp. This was it—he was about to reject Leon and he swallowed, listening for the sounds outside as his brother shuffled around in the bathroom. Once the door opened, Hop was on his feet, crossing the room to push his bedroom door open where he spotted Leon towel drying his long hair, already dressed in boxers and a T-shirt.

“L-Lee?” he called out meekly.

At once, Leon whipped around, shooting him a huge grin. “Hi! You need something?”

That stupid grin on his face didn’t help one fucking bit, but Hop swallowed again, hand shaking as he gripped the handle and he sucked in a breath to try and calm himself down. “C-can I talk to you?”

That big smile on Leon’s face dropped all at once and he fell serious, his voice much softer when he spoke next. “Of course, Hopscotch.”

Hop moved out of the way as Leon strode by, and he closed the door behind him. When Leon walked by, Hop was overcome by the scent of his body wash, that thick musk wafting off him and making Hop feel suffocated. It wasn’t a bad smell by any means but just—too thick. Too much. Hop couldn’t breathe with all the shit that had happened and as Leon sat down on his bed, looking up at him with an expected expression, Hop feared his resolve would crumble completely.

“Um—” How the hell did he even say this? Don’t hurt his feelings, just make out like Hop wasn’t interested which he wasn’t. He had every damn right to say no to Leon, he knew that, but he just… “About today—”

And Leon cut him off immediately. “Did you have fun? Sorry it wasn’t anything big or exciting, but we still got to hang out, right?” Desperate, why did Leon sound so _desperate_ then? It made Hop’s stomach draw in a knot as he stood there, not sure what to say.

“Uh—y-yeah, it was okay…” This was awkward, holy _shit_ was this awkward. “I just—um…” Twiddling his fingers, Hop couldn’t help when his gaze fell off to the side and away from Leon’s stare. If he looked at him anymore with that pitiful look, he knew he wasn’t going to be able to do this. And that was fucked up. Just because Leon quivered his lip and gave him the sad eyes didn’t mean any of this was okay and Hop had to go along with it if he didn’t want to.

A moment too long passed, and Leon broke the silence when Hop trailed off. “I know I came on to you too strong, Hop, but today wasn’t bad, was it?”

Hop shook his head, though a bit hesitant with the motion. “N-no…” But it was uncomfortable. “I’m just—” He bit his lip. “I don’t…”

“Next time we can go to Wyndon. O-or Hammerlocke! They’re much bigger cities and I’m sure there’s a lot more to do there—if you want.”

Again, Hop bit his lip, and he clenched his fists as he stood firm then. No. Leon had one shot—just one shot, and he knew that. Leon fucking knew he had only one shot, so there was no _next time_ , no whisking Hop off to Wyndon, and no taking him on anymore dates. He was done. This was it, this was all Hop was willing to give him, and he was done with this whole thing.

“Lee—Leon.” He caught himself quick, not sure why he felt the need to say his full name right now. Maybe to convince Leon how serious he was. “You had one shot, remember?”

Leon’s eyes flew up, widening and surprising Hop by such a reaction, but he couldn’t for the life of him figure out why seeing his brother looked so shocked surprised him. “I-I know, but—” Now Leon bit his lip, flipping his gaze back and forth across Hop’s room like he couldn’t make up his mind what to focus on. “You just said you—”

And Hop cut him off this time. “I know I said it wasn’t bad, but it doesn’t matter. Leon, you could have taken me on the best day of my life—you could have flown me around the city, fed me the best gourmet food ever, showed me a rare Pokémon nobody had discovered yet—it could have been the best day ever.” He took a breath. This was it. All he had to do was make sure Leon didn’t get his feelings hurt. It wasn’t the date, it was never about the stupid fucking date—it was-- Hop let his breath out before giving Leon a hard stare, his stomach filling with a bundle of nerves as he tried his damndest not to let his voice quiver. “But, I’m just not interested, okay? I appreciate it, I really do. It’s…flattering.” That was a lie, but Hop said it anyway. In truth, it was creepy as hell, but he didn’t dare say that and risk having Leon freak out on him. “I mean, it’s not everyday your older brother confesses to you like that, so it’s just—I mean yeah.” He swallowed, knowing he had fumbled his words, and he probably wasn’t making sense anymore, but he risked gazing off to the side where his television was and wishing this wasn’t awkward as hell. “I’m sorry.”

An uncomfortable wave of silence passed through his room, and Hop worried he had hurt Leon’s feelings—even though he knew he had every right to reject him, weirdly enough, he felt guilty if he had upset his brother, and he finally lifted his head to see Leon had leaned back on his bed, his brow pinched and gaze focused to some random part of the floor. He looked deep in thought, so deep that Hop wondered if he was so spaced out, he forgot where he was, and he cleared his throat.

“L-Leon?”

“Is it because I’m your brother?” Leon lifted his face, his lidded eyes staring straight through Hop until he almost physically blanched back at it, but he caught himself.

“Wh—what?” Of course, that didn’t help matters at all. Hop was definitely uncomfortable with this entire matter because Leon was his brother, it was true, but knowing Leon could control him at the drop of a hat, when all he had to do was touch him put Hop in a constant state of unease, and while he knew Leon was just as lost as he was where this strange power came from, it didn’t stop Hop from feeling the way he did.

Leon stood from the bed, towering over Hop in the small amount of space that stretched between them, and he suddenly felt much smaller than he had before. “If I wasn’t your brother—would you be interested then?”

Sweat beaded the back of Hop’s neck, and he struggled to come up with the words he desperately wanted to say. “L-Lee, that’s not—I mean—maybe…?” What was he saying? Hop didn’t know anymore. He felt cornered, despite being in his own room, but with Leon looming over him the way he was, he had a passing fear that his brother would lunge at him, attack him, or something similar, but why the hell was he thinking things like that?

Leon would never hurt him.

“I bet if I was Gloria, you’d be all over me then, huh?”

Hop actually sputtered at that one, and he shook his head. “ _What?_ ” What the fuck—was Leon--? Was Leon actually _jealous?_ No, there was no way. No damn way Leon was jealous.

He looked guilty, his smile having disappeared into a frown, and Hop took a subconscious step backward, suddenly feeling vulnerable with Leon looking at him the way he was. This wasn’t fear he was experiencing, but Hop was by no means comfortable in the same room with his brother anymore.

Leon kept talking. “Is that why you’re so against this? Are you really that ashamed because we’re related?”

“Lee.” Hop took a breath, trying to steel himself. This was insane, this was fucking insane he was even having this conversation in the first place. “You’re my _brother_ , okay? Again, I’m flattered you like me, but I’m just not interested. Surely you can understand that, right?”

“So, you won’t even try?”

Leon took a step forward, and Hop another one backward, without realizing he’d even done it. There was an innate urge to keep the distance between them no matter what, and Hop’s body was moving on its own each time Leon tried to get closer to him. But, at his question, Hop had to put his foot down.

“What the hell do you mean _try?_ We just went out on a date! I let you take me out, isn’t that enough to show you I tried?”

Now Leon was—not glaring at him, but definitely not giving him a pleasant expression. His brows were pinched, his frown having fallen long ago, and he never broke his stare away from Hop as he continued closing the distance between them. “No? Hop, you can’t just walk around the city with me for a few hours and call it a day. You said I had one shot, but in my mind, that one shot isn’t even over yet.”

Hop blinked. Just what the hell did that mean?

Without waiting for him to reply, Leon was on him, having crossed the distance between him so fast, that Hop could only yelp and jump back, but when he hit his bedroom door, he realized Leon had inadvertently trapped him where he couldn’t move. He placed his hands on either side of Hop, not touching him, but not allowing him any space to move at the same time, not that Hop wanted to move. One wrong move and he’d be touching Leon, he’d risk losing control of himself if he did that, so all he could do was stare up at his brother, stare straight into his eyes that seemed to glow with intensity as he looked down at him with the most serious look Hop had ever seen him give.

“Hop, just let me prove myself to you.”

“You already did!”

“No, I haven’t! I mean really prove myself.” He sucked in a breath, his stare hardening, but never faltering. “Please, let me kiss you.”

Hop’s heart pounded so hard in his chest that he could’ve sworn it tore itself out at some point. “Y-you already—”

“You know what I mean.” And that pleading look. That fucking— _fucking_ —pleading look that Hop couldn’t stand, the one that made him feel like _he_ was the one doing something wrong by making Leon act like this. This was so fucked up. “Please, Hop. There’s nobody around. Mum’s downstairs watching her shows, and you know how loud she likes to crank the volume up. Nobody will judge you, nobody will think any less of you.” His eyes softened, and Hop could have sworn he let out a gasp of horror at the sight of it. Somehow, he felt like he wasn’t supposed to be seeing this—this wasn’t a look _meant for him._ Not from his brother. That was something Leon was supposed to only do for his most intimate partner, his lover, his—

Hop swallowed, trying to back up further against the door, but he was already pressed so hard, he was mere inches from touching Leon, and he wanted to stop that from happening as much as possible. “N-no…”

“Please, Hop. _Please_.” Leon lowered his head, until he was right in front of Hop, until his eyes were shining, sparkling almost, as he begged, as he pleaded with him, and Hop was losing himself. “I’ll prove it to you. I promise—just let me kiss you, _please_. It’s nothing bad, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. I’m the only one here, I’m the only one looking at you, and I love you. I won’t hurt you; I would never hurt you.”

Hop’s throat tightened so much he almost choked on it.

“ _Please._ ”

Sweat beaded the nape of his neck as he was forced to look up into Leon’s eyes, at his lidded eyes, the blush prominent on his cheeks, but his fucking _eyes_ —Hop couldn’t look away. As badly as he wanted to, as much as he wanted to throw Leon off him, cry for help, tell him to get the hell away from him and quit acting like a fucking creep—he couldn’t.

This was still his brother.

This was someone he didn’t have to be afraid of.

Right?

He could trust Leon. He could…he knew this was fucked up, surely Leon had to know how messed up this was, and Hop knew that too. Hop wasn’t interested in him, Leon had to know Hop wasn’t interested. He’d already rejected him, and he was just desperate. Maybe the title loss really did go to his head, but Hop found himself letting out a sigh, his cheeks burning at the thought of what he was about to say.

It wouldn’t hurt to…let Leon have his way for a bit. Right? Hop was uncomfortable, he was so uncomfortable, but he knew Leon would never outright hurt him for the sake of hurting him, so—this was fucked up. Hop didn’t want to do this, but at the same time, he just—he didn’t know what else to do.

Leon had him trapped, literally. Maybe if he gave him what he wanted, it would satiate his appetite and Leon would find out how boring Hop actually was, how creepy this entire thing was, and he’d leave him alone to go about his business. If Hop gave way just a little, then this entire thing could be over so much faster.

So.

Cheeks burning, stomach churning, and his pride all but shot, Hop slowly nodded his head. “F-fine, but—”

No sooner had the words escaped his mouth than Leon was on him, not even giving him a chance to finish his sentence. Bringing both hands in, he gripped Hop by the sides of his face and pulled him in close, Hop not able to react or say anything before Leon had crushed his mouth up against his. It was, in every sense of the word, desperate.

Hop’s immediate reaction was to shove his chest and tell him to slow down—back off for a moment, just let Hop get his bearings, but Leon was smothering him. He was desperate as he clung to him, desperate as he kissed him, desperate as he pressed his body against him until Hop was flattened against the door. His protests were muffled through the kiss, and try as he might, Hop could do nothing but sit there and wait it out.

After what felt like hours being kissed by Leon, he finally drew away, breathing heavy like he’d been running for miles and not kissing Hop like he had been. Hop took the moment he wasn’t being pressed into to catch his own breath, knowing his face had to be gushing heat at this point.

“L-Lee—slow down.” He gulped, throat feeling too tight and the embarrassment engulfed him at the sound of the words spewing out his own mouth. “Take it easy.”

“I’m sorry.” Leon cradled the sides of his face, running his thumbs along Hop’s cheeks like he was something priceless and breakable. “I just love you so much.”

He was touching him.

Hop swallowed, his knees knobbing together. “J-just take it easy, if you’re going to do this.” Why was he even letting this happen? Hop was supposed to be crying for help, crying for Mum, shoving Leon off him and telling him to go fuck himself.

_He was touching him._

Maybe Hop was too afraid to deny Leon, when he was obviously upset, but he didn’t know anymore. All he knew was that he was incredibly uncomfortable, shuffling in place as Leon continued to hold onto his face and stare into his eyes, a tinge of blush coming to his cheeks. While Hop wanted nothing more than to throw him off him, he just wanted Leon to hurry up and leave him alone. Let him get his fill, let him kiss him all he wanted—Hop didn’t give a fuck, so long as he just _left him alone._

But Leon nodded slowly, sucking in a breath as he closed his eyes then, his long lashes casting small shadows across his cheeks. “I’m sorry. I’ll be gentle. I-I just—Hop, you don’t understand what it is you do to me.”

He froze then while against the wall, his back all but pressed against the door, and his face gushed heat when Leon once again leaned into him, pressing his mouth against his, but with much more resistance this time. Hop made a muffled sound of protest against him, but Leon took one of his hands that was placed against Hop’s cheek and ran it gently through his hair, until Hop could feel his nails tickling his scalp as his brother stroked him. He kissed him with much more reverence this time, his kiss not fleeting, but not suffocating, and Hop had to slam his own eyes shut at the sensation of Leon’s mouth on his.

Because it wasn’t _awful_. He hated that he even had the gall to stand there and think that—think that Leon’s lips felt so soft, he could feel his facial hair tickle the bottom of his jaw, and Hop made a small moan against him, not even sure what he was supposed to be doing anymore. Throwing Leon off would be a good start, but he couldn’t do that now, not with his body shoved so far against his that Hop couldn’t move, not with Leon’s hands on him. Hop knew he was trapped, but he could only hope once Leon was done kissing him, if he was satisfied with that, that this whole thing would be over.

Leon would get bored of him. He’d realize Hop wasn’t good enough for him, he’d realize kissing his brother like this probably wasn’t the best idea, and he’d go off chasing skirts and whatnot.

Leaning off of his kiss for a moment, Leon let out a breathy moan against him, his eyes still closed as Hop fought to breathe himself. “H-Hop…” Then slowly, almost too slowly, Leon drew his eyes open, Hop along with him, a horrible feeling of nausea falling down into his stomach when that look in his brother’s eyes suddenly got much darker. The sparkle was no longer there. Leon leaned into him further again, pressed so far against him that Hop felt the bulge of his crotch and it made him gasp when he could feel the slightest sensation of Leon thrusting up against him. “Hop—please, let me— _nmm_ —let me--” The look of hunger on his face didn’t escape Hop, and his body froze all at once, suddenly way too aware of the fact his brother was looking at him like a piece of meat ready to be devoured. Despite the softness in his eyes, his lidded expression, he was desperate. Hop could see how desperate he was in his face alone. “H-Hop, please, let me touch you.”

His entire spine went rigid and Hop stood straight up, frozen under Leon’s gaze, the feeling of his fingers in his hair so cold. “No.” He had to put his foot down for this one.

Even still, Leon gave a small whine of disappointment when he pulled Hop in, wrapping one arm around him as he dug his face into the crook of his neck, Hop gasping and reaching up to shove at his chest when he could feel Leon’s hot breath pour onto his throat. “Hop, please. I just want to show you how good it is.”

**_Leon was already touching him._ **

“Get off!” Hop’s voice was strangely high-pitched, even as he stood there, breathing heavy, heart pounding, he was getting more than just uncomfortable—he was getting scared. Leon was much bigger than him, having smothered him in his arms, and everything was suddenly overwhelming. Leon was overwhelming, still breathing on his neck, until Hop could feel him kiss the side of his throat, and he shivered at the feeling of his mouth against him.

Still, he pleaded. Leon pleaded with him as he continued holding onto him like Hop would blow away in the wind. “Please, Hop. It’s nothing bad.”

“No!”

“Nobody is looking—it’s just me.”

“Leon, dammit, let go of me!” His voice was dangerously close to shouting, and if he wasn’t careful, Mum was going to hear everything that they were doing. Fuck, Hop was panicking, knowing Leon had to be able to feel the pounding of his heart against his chest like this, he had to hear the way he was breathing, hear the strangled moans Hop made as he attempted and failed to push him off.

“Please, Hop. If not you, then can I just touch myself?”

He froze, eyes wide and he couldn’t see Leon’s face with him having dug it into his neck like this, but he could still feel his mouth against him as he paused to give him random kisses here and there. “Wh…what…” It came out like a breathy whisper, and he had probably gone into shock at that point.

“I won’t touch you, I promise. Just— _Hop_ \--” He paused to grind against him, and Hop felt a scream threaten to bubble in the back of his throat when he could have sworn he felt it twitch against him. “Please let me show you what you mean to me. Let me touch myself to you. I’ll show you it’s not scary. It’s nothing bad or scary—that’ll prove to you how I feel about you.” He dug his face further into his neck, until Hop couldn’t move at all, until he couldn’t even move enough to scream. “ _Please._ ”

Did Leon even realize what he was asking from him? He wanted Hop to sit there while he masturbated in front of him? Is that what he planned to do? Hop didn’t want to watch him do that, he could go to his own damn room and touch himself, but he swallowed, shivering each time Leon pleaded with him, planting more kisses to his neck and shoulder, until Hop’s skin was moistened by the spots his mouth had touched. He was terrified by this point, heart pounding so hard that it was painful, but with every kiss Leon gave him, every small thrust he could feel him do against his leg, Hop was growing more and more afraid.

What if he told him no? What if he denied Leon any further—because it was obvious the way things were going that Leon wasn’t going to take no for an answer. He had to see how against this Hop was—he must have, because surely, he wasn’t that stupid? He wasn’t daft enough to think Hop wanted any part of this? That’s why he was desperate to ‘prove’ himself to him, that’s why he kept making these outlandish requests, so that Hop would finally give in and let him have his way.

Hop knew he was only enabling him, having let him go as far as he had let this. This situation was dangerous, and he trembled as he stood there trapped in Leon’s hold, shivering as he fought with himself over what to do. Every part of him screamed to tell Leon to fuck off, get off him, and leave him alone, but another voice in his head told him if he did that, Leon would do something much worse. Leon might hurt him. If he flat out rejected him, screamed at him, what if Leon got angry with him? What if he held Hop down and—

He swallowed, the fear dipping down far enough that he nodded his head. Maybe if he went along with Leon, he would leave. He wouldn’t hurt him, he would just touch himself, like he said, and he would be satisfied with that. He might even realize how fucked up this was. But, Hop shivered, slowly nodding his head as he forced himself to finally open his mouth.

“O…okay…” He hated himself for giving in like this, for letting Leon get his way when he had told himself from the start he wouldn’t do that. He would put his foot down. Well, even though he’d rejected him, Leon still got his way. Leon was insistent as fuck and Hop was too afraid of finding out how far his brother would take this if he denied him anymore.

He just didn’t trust Leon not to hurt him right now. He was too afraid of something bad happening. Something much, much worse than this. And he felt disgusting because of it, he was ashamed he was allowing this to happen, for letting Leon talk him into this. Fuck him. Fuck Leon.

But Hop had nobody to blame but himself for this.

Even as Leon leaned away from him, his hands moving around to clutch at Hop’s shoulders, the desperate look on his face had lifted somewhat and he gave Hop an incredulous smile. “Really?”

Hop’s face gushed heat, and he had to look away. “J-just make it quick.”

“Oh Hop, I don’t know if I can promise that, but thank you.” He leaned back in, giving him a quick peck on the mouth. “Thank you. You’ll see. You’ll understand.”

More heat flushed in Hop’s face as he fought not to break down right then and there and freak out. If he could keep his cool throughout this and try not to think too hard about it, maybe he could come out of this while still holding onto the hope that Leon was just suffering through a loss right now. He was fucked up in the head from his title loss, and he was just a little crazy right now. That’s all this was.

It wasn’t that he was attracted to Hop or anything like that.

Hop would lose his fucking mind if Leon were to actually be in love with him.

“Come.” Leaning back away from him, Leon trailed his grip with one hand from Hop’s shoulder, down to his wrist. With him touching him, Hop was obligated under the control to follow him, and it freaked him out for a moment, but all Leon did was lead them both to the bed. Still smiling, he sat down, pulling Hop down with him as he sat right next to him.

Hop’s throat tightened. “I-I don’t wanna touch you.” Surely Leon didn’t expect him to do it, right?

Leon made a small laugh through his nose. “I’m not going to make you do it, don’t worry. I wouldn’t make you do anything like this to me.”

“Just don’t get it on me.” He looked away, cheeks flaring, trying to ignore the tiny laugh Leon made, and Hop’s heart almost thumped straight out his chest when he heard the sound of Leon maneuvering his boxers undone.

It was happening.

It was actually happening.

Leon was about to touch himself with Hop right there, and he had _let_ this happen, he had allowed Leon to do this, because he was too afraid of saying no to him. Hop swallowed, throat so tight that he gurgled a bit as he did so, trying to focus on his television and not the sounds of Leon bunching his boxers down his hips. He had one hand still on Hop’s wrist, and he was still under his control, not able to scoot off to the side of the bed like he wanted, especially when he glanced out of the corner of his eye to see Leon fully releasing his cock from his boxers.

Hop gasped, not meaning to, but Leon chuckled at the sound he made. “Not what you expected? I don’t want to brag, but—” He made another low chuckle, and Hop finally snapped out of it enough to try and pull his hand away from Leon. He wasn’t forcing him to touch him, but he held a firm grip on his wrist nonetheless, refusing to let go even as he took his free hand and gripped hold of his cock.

“L-Lee, let go.” He tried to pull back, but he couldn’t. His gaze was transfixed as Leon stroked himself, not shy at all about going up the length of his cock, and all the way down, staring over at Hop with a smile on his face the whole time he did so.

“I already told you, I won’t make you touch me, Hop.”

He swallowed. “You aren’t supposed to be touching _me_ , remember?”

“I don’t automatically control you when I touch you.”

 _What?_ That actually made Hop snap his head up to stare at Leon, though at the same time trying to ignore the way he was leering at him, his opposite hand still stroking his cock which was growing erect the longer he did so. “How do you know that?”

“I’m still testing the waters with these powers, Hop. Just because it happens doesn’t mean I’m going to know how everything works just yet. I told you—I’m just as lost as you are, but watch this—” Before Hop could open his mouth and ask, Leon removed his hand from around his wrist, instead moving it to Hop’s palm where he linked their fingers together, only making Hop’s cheeks gush more heat. “See? I’m touching you. Now kiss me.”

Hop steeled himself for the moment his body would move on its own, not sure if he could possibly blush anymore than he was, as he could feel the heat coming off his ears now, but he never moved. Not once as he sat there next to Leon did he ever spring up out of his seat and plant a kiss on his face.

As if feeling how tense he’d gotten, Leon gave his hand a gentle squeeze to reassure him. “See? I can control whether or not to even control you. Does that make you feel better?”

No. Fuck no, it didn’t. This didn’t mean anything, but instead of voicing his concerns, Hop only nodded. He was still going to try and placate Leon for as long as he could, still trying to ignore how his brother had gotten an erection then and hadn’t stopped stroking himself since.

Leon smiled, seeming satisfied. “Good. I was hoping it’d make you feel better. I wanted to test it out for sure, though, but I’m glad to know it works.”

That didn’t stop Hop from stiffening, as now Leon had unraveled their hands, but he wrapped his arm around him, pulling him close until their shoulders were touching. Hop was dangerously close to his erection, and every pump Leon made, a small moan wasn’t far behind, and Hop couldn’t help but stare at him, trying his hardest to look away. It was more out of morbid fascination than any kind of attraction. He was honestly a little jealous his brother was as endowed as he was, he had one of those dicks people only seemed to have in porn movies where everyone has the perfect body. And with Leon already having worked out and toned himself like he was, he really did look like one of those movie stars.

“Like what you see?” Leon made a small chuckle, thrusting into his own hand as he did so, his palm having come around to grip hold of the side of Hop’s hip as he pulled him closer.

Oh fuck, Leon caught him staring, and Hop, face ablaze, turned his gaze elsewhere. He didn’t even reply to that.

“Hop, it’d be really— _hnn_ —it’d be r-really—it’d f-feel so much better if you—if you touched yourself with me.” The moans he couldn’t hold back were seeping out until Leon couldn’t even say a complete sentence without pausing to breathe or grunt, and Hop wasn’t sure how much longer he could take sitting here as he stroked himself. This was already taking too long, and Leon had pulled him so close, he was almost in his lap at this point, but he gripped a fistful of his trousers in his hands as he fought not to freak out.

“No thanks.”

“Come on, Hop. I won’t touch you if you don’t want me to, but you don’t have to feel shy. You’ve already seen me, right?”

He swallowed, trembling again, fingers gripping the fabric between his hands so hard he could feel his nails digging into his palm as cold sweat beaded the back of his neck.

“Please, Hop?” And Leon, with his arm still wrapped around him, leaned into him, pressing a gentle kiss to the side of Hop’s head. “Touch yourself.”

Hop’s hands slowly withdrew from his trousers, picking at the front of them until he’d undone the button, and he trembled the whole while he did this. This was just to satisfy Leon. It wasn’t scary. _It wasn’t scary._ All Hop had to do was masturbate in front of him and then Leon would leave him alone forever.

Hands shaking like a leaf, he maneuvered enough out of his trousers that he’d rolled them down past his hips, leaving only his underwear in the way. All Hop did was pull the elastic back before he pulled his own cock out, and the air never felt colder then. Leon gasped above him, stroking himself harder, and Hop froze when his arm he’d had around him pulled him in, lifting his hip up until Hop was in his lap now, and he shivered, Leon kissing the side of his face as he did so.

“You’re beautiful. Look at you, Hop—holy _shit_ , I want to suck your cock so bad.”

His heart pounded in his chest, hurting— _it was hurting_ , Hop didn’t want to do this in front of his brother, he didn’t want Leon seeing him at his most vulnerable like this, but he couldn’t help it. He was too afraid of him going off the deep end, and maybe in some fucked up way, Hop was scared of Leon taking the plunge and actually stooping low enough to fuck him, because if he was willing to go this far, how much further was Leon going to take this before he snapped out of it?

Hop was scared. Even as he gripped hold of himself, starting off with tentative, shy pumps, he tried to quell his shivering as he did so, trying to do anything to please Leon, but while his brother had started leaking precum when Hop started on himself, the sight of it only made him shrink into himself. This was fucked up. It was too fucked up—how the hell did Leon expect him to get hard when he was going at himself like this?

Leon was thrusting into his own hand, each thrust he made, he planted a barrage of kisses to Hop’s face like he was absolutely starving for him. Hop couldn’t even think straight anymore, only feel the sensation of his own hands against himself as he pumped, as Leon kissed his face, pausing to breathe before he was kissing him again, and Hop was sure he could feel the heat on him now.

“You’re so beautiful, Hop. I love you—I love you so much.” Another onslaught of kisses as Leon kissed up from his jaw, to the side of his temple. He even dipped his head to catch his mouth when he could, but Leon’s eyes were shut in concentration as he pumped himself, as he used his own precum for lube, smearing it down along his length as he stroked up and down. “Y-you love me, right, Hop?”

He nodded. “Yeah…”

“S-say you love me.”

Hop swallowed, face on fire, and no matter how much he pumped himself, he just wasn’t getting hard. “I love you, Lee.”

His brother moaned, pulling Hop as close as he could possibly go in his lap as he kissed the side of his face, Leon’s own face focused, brows pinched in concentration as pleasure drew his features. “Y-you wanna b-be a couple, don’t you?”

His heart pounded incredibly hard in his chest, until Hop was sure he could hear it. “Y-yeah…”

“Y-you want to— _ahh_ —Hop, you want—you wanna go out with me? You wanna—” He sucked in a huge breath, his orgasm no doubt creeping, still kissing Hop’s face between each breath he took. “You wanna be with me?”

Hop nodded. “I do.”

“Fuck, I love you, baby.” And Hop was sure his brain shut off at the sound of that word alone. He no longer stroked himself, only sat there holding his dick awkwardly as Leon continued creeping higher and higher. He hadn’t heard that right. Leon wasn’t talking to him like this—he wasn’t saying all these things to him—he wasn’t high on orgasm and mumbling a bunch of nonsense.

Tears threatened to creep up, but Hop blinked them away.

He was just…Leon was just…upset about his loss was all. That’s all this was. That’s all.

A final moan climbed out of Leon’s throat then, and Hop drew back in abject horror as he watched his brother come all over himself, his cum spraying out against his hand, Leon pumping himself dry for everything he had left. Hop watched yet again, not able to look away as his brother spurted his cum out not only on his hand, but on his own shirt, and Hop knew then and there, there was no way he was touching himself to that. He couldn’t get hard anyway, not in Leon’s lap, not sitting here listening to him go on and on about bullshit like this—it wasn’t going to happen. He let go of himself, hoping Leon’s own orgasm was enough to placate him.

But Leon breathed heavy, pulling Hop in as he leaned his head against his shoulder, catching his breath and composing himself, and even while in his lap, Hop could feel his brother growing lax beneath him, his breathing finally evening off before he pulled himself together, straightening off Hop’s shoulder and giving him a look that was laced with pleasure.

“Th-thank you. See, Hop? See what you do to me? I love you.”

Despite his shivering, despite how Leon still hadn’t unraveled his arm from around him, Hop couldn’t look away from his lidded eyes, his softened features that had fallen from orgasm, and he slowly nodded, Leon finally straightening up enough to give him a full smile.

“Good.” And then he looked down to see Hop was still exposed, having not fixed himself back into his underwear yet, and Leon gave a small chuckle. “Need some help?”

His reply was immediate. “No.” His shivering only intensified at the sight of Leon looking down at his cock, Hop feeling embarrassment swallowing his body whole.

“I don’t mind, Hop, I can do it.”

“It’s fine, Lee, it’s okay—I-I don’t wanna come anyway.” His face only flushed harder at the sound of those words. He would never forgive himself if he ever actually touched himself to Leon of all people—those thoughts were reserved for someone else. Not his brother.

“Don’t be silly.” Without waiting for his reply, Leon reached with his cum-stained hand, wrapping it around Hop’s exposed cock before he gave him a small pump, Hop letting out a gasp from the contact, and sitting straight up in his lap when he did so. “Just relax, baby, I’ll do it for you.”

Hop’s breath hitched, his entire body growing rigid at the contact as Leon stroked him, the feeling of his brother’s cum being smeared against him like this enough to make Hop want to scream, but he couldn’t—what if Mum was to walk in on them? What would she say if she saw Leon stroking him like this? Hop’s face gushed more heat, and he struggled when he reached out to grip Leon’s wrist, trying to pry him off, but with every stroke he made, Hop repressed a shiver, bit the blood from his lip to stop from moaning at it—because it wasn’t supposed to feel this good. Leon’s warm hand—his cum being used as lube on him like this wasn’t supposed to feel this good.

Hop’s face flushed, and he instead could only say in a quieted voice, “S-stop…” but to no avail.

He hated himself, he hated how he thrusted into Leon’s hand like he did, as he moved with his rhythm, every pump Leon giving him only making Hop hate himself that much more, especially because he was getting off so easily. How was it possible for Hop to touch himself and not even get hard, but he had already grown an erection in Leon’s hands like this in such a short amount of time?

His brother took note of it, dipping down to kiss his cheek as he did so. “Eager aren’t you, baby?”

Why the fuck was he calling him that? Hop wanted to open his mouth and tell him to shut up, don’t say that word to him anymore, don’t dare call him that, but as if sensing the obscenities just shy of spewing out his mouth, Leon used his free hand that had been wrapped around Hop’s hip to reach up, grip his chin, and pull his face up where he kissed him on the mouth. Not shying away from his strokes, Leon pumped him until Hop could feel his own precum leak out, mixing with Leon’s cum, and his face gushed at it, gushed at the feeling of the mess his brother was slathering on him, forcing to mingle with Hop’s own cum, and he couldn’t help the moan that came out.

Leon leaned off, smiling down at him. “Feels much better when I do it, right?” Another kiss, this one more fleeting, and Hop couldn’t help but let out a breathy moan as he was pumped, as he started thrusting into Leon’s hand, and his brother chuckled. “You make the most beautiful sounds. I can’t get enough of it.” And he dipped his head into Hop’s neck again, giving him a kiss there as he pumped, having started off slow, but was gaining speed as Hop’s orgasm continued to build. Anymore of this and he would—

He shuddered, wishing Leon would stop, wishing he would let go of him, deny him orgasm if he wanted, he didn’t care, but just let go of him so that Hop could forget this entire thing even happened. How the fuck did he ever think he could face Gloria knowing what he’d done? How could he look Mum in the eye anymore? Or even Leon for that matter?

This was his fault. He knew that. Even knowing that, he still thrusted into Leon’s hand, orgasm just on the cusp as he threw his head back then, not meaning to when he let out a loud moan. Just as fast, Leon’s free hand came up, his palm cupping around Hop’s mouth as he gently shushed him, kissing his ear as he did so.

“Shh, not so loud, baby. Wouldn’t want Mum to hear, would you?”

He breathed hard through his nose then, Leon holding his palm firmly over his mouth where no more sounds escaped, and the ones that did were muffled enough they weren’t loud. But he pumped him, both their cum having mingled together until Hop couldn’t tell the difference anymore. It was disgusting—it was _fucking disgusting_ , but he couldn’t help himself. Every pump Leon gave him, he thrusted back into his hand, every kiss Leon planted on the side of his face, Hop felt like his chest was tight, and he was almost there. Hop was so close to coming, he was about to lose it.

Leon kissed his cheek one more time. “You want to be lovers, don’t you, baby?” He smiled down at him. “Don’t you?”

Hop nodded, his orgasm finally taking him over and Leon continued holding his mouth shut as he pumped him dry, as Hop arched backward in his arm, spasming when his cum spurted out, all into Leon’s already messy hand. It wasn’t nearly as much as Leon had managed, but he still took all that Hop had expelled and smeared it together, pumping him further and overstimulating him to the point Hop wanted to sob at it, he was so overwhelmed with feelings right now. Any grunts or moans he made were muffled under Leon’s hand, and his brother only held him close, nuzzling the side of his neck as Hop’s orgasm finally rode itself out.

He was spent. Sitting there, exhausted as fuck, his body finally relaxed and his breathing evened back out, Leon finally removing his hand from his mouth before planting a kiss there, lifting Hop’s face up by his chin to better reach him. He allowed him. Hop allowed Leon to kiss him like this, his entire face and body flushed to the point he wasn’t sure what was orgasmic heat or embarrassment anymore, but he didn’t really care.

He was already ashamed of himself. What the fuck did this matter?

“Hop?” Leon spoke between kisses, eyes lidded once more as a breathy laugh escaped from his mouth. “Do you love me?”

Hop nodded. “Mm, I do.”

Another kiss, another breathy laugh as Leon teased the back of Hop’s hair with his clean hand. “You want to be with me, don’t you?”

Another nod. “I do.”

“You want to be a couple?”

Hop’s cheeks were flushing with heat, and his mind was so foggy at that point that he wasn’t even thinking about what he was saying. “Yes.”

Leon smiled, tousling his hair as he did so, as his own cheeks flushed with a faint red that even Hop noticed. “Me too.” And for the final time that night, he gave Hop a kiss on the mouth, lingering, lingering much too long until Hop needed to pull back to breathe, but Leon gave him a soft laugh as he did so. “I love you, Hop. I really—really do.”

Hop gave him lopsided smile in return. “I love you too, Lee.”

They stayed like that for a long while, Leon holding onto Hop, rocking him back and forth on the bed, and Hop was trembling again, his mind thick with fog until he had all but drawn a blank then. It wasn’t hurting, nothing was hurting, but he felt the urge to be sick, and when Leon finally unraveled his arms from him, laughing at the mess Hop had made all on him—at the mess they both made, Hop finally stood from bed.

“I’m going to shower.”

Leon nodded, face still flushed as he smiled up at him. “Alright. I’ll clean up what I can here, but I don’t think we got any on your sheets anyway.”

Hop shook his head. “It’s fine.” And before Leon could say anything else, he high tailed it to the bathroom, the sounds of Mum’s show from downstairs so loud Hop could hear it all the way up here, and he shut the door behind him, locking it. In quick session, he undressed, throwing his soiled clothes to the floor before he kicked them into the corner and turned the shower on as hot as he could stand it.

It felt like hours Hop stood there under the running water, the steam that clouded the room feeling much like the fog in his head, and he looked down at his own hands, the severity of what he’d just done hitting him like a freight train. Because he had just allowed Leon to touch him—he allowed Leon to touch himself while Hop sat there and didn’t do a damn thing about it. He didn’t tell him to leave, didn’t tell him to fuck off, no—Hop allowed his brother to push past a boundary he wasn’t supposed to and now he’d seen his dick. He knew what Leon sounded like when he orgasmed, he knew the way he stroked himself that got him off and Hop clapped his hand over his own mouth to stave off the sounds of horror that threatened to claw out.

What…had he done. He fucked up, Hop fucked up, he fucked up so bad he knew there was no coming back from this. Tears threatened to spill, but he blinked them away. How dare he feel like he had any right to cry when he’d allowed this to happen? When he sat there and did _nothing_ to stop Leon? How could he possibly stand here and think this entire thing wasn’t his fault to begin with?

 _He_ let Leon take things this far. _He_ let Leon take him on the date. He allowed Leon to talk him into kissing him, touching him, watching him touch—

Hop swallowed, blinking away more tears as he washed his body like he was scrubbing off hardened grease. No matter how much he scrubbed, how hard he washed until his skin was red and patchy from the abuse, it wasn’t going to erase what he’d done. And what he’d done was allow his own brother to kiss him—to touch his cock. Hop had nobody to blame but himself, and it must’ve been an hour he stayed in the shower, until the water ran cold and still, he washed himself.

Why did he say those things to Leon? Why did he think going along with this was any kind of a good idea? That whole plan he had was a disaster from the start, and all he could do was scrub and scrub until his body was rubbed so raw that that was the only thing he could focus on anymore.

Not what he’d just done.

Not all the things he’d just said to Leon.

Now there was only the bitter sting left on his body from his shame. Because he was disgusting— _disgusting_ — ** _disgusting_** and he deserved to feel this way.

When Hop finally emerged from the bathroom, his entire body sore from his vigorous scrubbing, he found his room empty. The bed was straightened, the sheets flattened, and Leon was nowhere to be seen. Probably retreated back to his own room, Hop figured. As he strode across his room, shutting his door behind him, he caught sight of the pansy still on his desk, having dried and wilted a good bit from being left out to die like that, and with a horrible taste in his mouth that Hop could only blame himself for, he snatched the flower off his desk, crushing the delicate petals under his fingers before tossing it straight in his trash.

He wasn’t going to cry.

He was _not_ going to cry, dammit. Hop had no right to cry. What the fuck gave him any right to cry about what just happened? It was his fault, it had been his fault from the start, and he had let things get this way. He didn’t try harder to rebuff Leon’s advances. He didn’t try harder to tell him to fuck off, he wasn’t interested and now look what happened.

The image of that look on Leon’s face as he touched himself crossed Hop’s mind and he wanted to vomit, but he didn’t even deserve that.

With his soiled clothes tucked deep away into the corner of his room, Hop having dressed in his pajamas, he hesitantly climbed into bed, wishing he could go sleep on the couch instead, but also not wanting to explain to his mother just why that was, and he was too tired to concoct any kind of lie right now. He was spent and all he wanted was to sleep and forget this whole thing even happened.

Forget the way Leon looked at him. The way his voice sounded so choked and breathy when he came. The way Hop sat there and did _nothing._

He finally closed his eyes, falling into a deep, uncomfortable sleep.

* * *

“HOP!” The sound of Mum’s voice at the foot of the stairs was so loud it made Hop jump from sleep, almost falling from bed as he shot straight up, heart pounding. Still groggy, he flew out of bed to his door, pushing it open and sticking his head through.

“Yeah, Mum?!” he called back. That single second he stood with his head out the door, a flash of horror overcame him when he thought maybe she had known what had happened last night and he wanted to vomit all over again. Surely Leon didn’t tell her--

“Leon is leaving. Come say bye!”

Immediately, Hop relaxed, his grip on the door waning as he backed into his room, covering his face and trying to gain his composure as his heart continued racing. Oh, thank whatever god liked him for that one, because he didn’t know if he could deal with the idea of Mum ever finding out what he’d done last night. Still groggy, heartbeat beginning to dwindle down from his anxiety, Hop crossed his room to throw on a T-shirt and sweatpants really fast, wiping the sleep from his face as he exited his room.

Why on earth was Leon leaving so early? A quick glance at the clock on the wall when he made it downstairs showed it was barely nine in the morning. That was so odd—Leon at least stayed around to eat lunch whenever he had to leave. What made today so special? Then again, as Hop rounded the corner, spotting Leon with his back facing him as he helped Mum in the kitchen, he froze at the sight of his brother. Maybe it was best for him to leave. Hop didn’t know how he could awkwardly skulk around the house all day otherwise, as just the sight of Leon made his nausea rear back and he didn’t realize he had taken a step backward until Leon turned around, shooting him a huge smile.

“Morning, Hopscotch!” He set down a plate he’d been washing, wiping his wet hands on his trousers before crossing the room to Hop. Apparently, he and Mum had gotten a very early start and she had already fed him, not bothering to wake Hop up—not that he was going to complain. He was still exhausted from last night’s events and couldn’t even muster up a smile at his brother when Leon reached him, wrapping his arms around him in a hug.

Hop didn’t hug back. Instead, he awkwardly shifted backward, uncomfortable with how Leon was touching him and paranoid he would take control, but he didn’t. Hop moved out of the hug without ever returning it and glanced off to the side at the floor where he rolled on the heels of his feet. “Why—wh-why are you leaving so early?”

Standing up straight, Leon let out a loud tired sigh before crossing his arms. “Gotta get to work. There’s some things in Wyndon I need to take care of, and I figured there’s no time like the present, right?” He clapped Hop on the back, making him jump before righting himself back up. “Don’t worry, I’ll visit soon.”

Hop swallowed. He really wished he wouldn’t, but he couldn’t say that—not with Mum right there. She didn’t need to know why he was less than enthused about Leon wanting to come back so soon. So, he nodded, still gazing off to the side. “O…okay.”

“I should go. The train leaves at nine. Sorry to run off on you.”

Mum sidled up, shushing Leon as she did so. “Enough of that, dear, we understand. Hop—” She turned over to him. “Help your brother with his things, won’t you?”

With a wave, Leon brushed her off. “Oh, _come on_ , Mum, I only brought one thing with me. I think I can handle it.”

“Whatever you say.”

Hop and Mum followed Leon as he threw a small bag over his shoulder and headed toward the door. With the morning dew still casted over the lawn, the chill in the air prominent, Hop held back on the porch as Mum gave Leon a hug.

“Come back soon, honey. It’s always much livelier around here when you’re home.”

“I will, Mum.”

Breaking the hug from her, Leon turned to Hop, giving him a huge smile, which made Hop’s cheeks flush, worried that Leon would want to hug him again, but all he did was ruffle his already disheveled hair.

“You be good, alright, Hopscotch?”

He nodded, face still flushed as Leon finished mussing his hair, and tried his hardest to force a smile, more for Mum than anything, but he couldn’t even do that. He didn’t even reply—he just nodded and mumbled out something even he couldn’t decipher.

Apparently not bothered at all by it, Leon, still with that huge stupid grin plastered on his face, gave Hop a wink before adjusting the strap of his bag across his shoulder and turned, rounding the corner to head down the path toward Wedgehurst. Mum extended her arm and waved to him, calling out for him that she loved him as he disappeared down the road while Hop stood beside her, mustering a small wave of his own, but still not able to say anything.

His mind was awash with the memory of what he’d done last night. Leon was in such a good mood that morning that it contrasted horribly with Hop’s lack of any enthusiasm or any emotion whatsoever. All he could think of was how he had allowed that entire thing to happen, when he should have pushed Leon off, called him a pervert, maybe even yelled for Mum to come and pull Leon off him—but he sat there. He sat there and did absolutely _fucking nothing_ to stop it.

He was disgusting.

 _Disgusting_.

How the fuck did Hop think he had any right to tell Mum about it when it was his fault to begin with?

“Hop?”

Mum’s voice sounded next to him, rousing him from his thoughts, and he perked up, realizing then he had been staring off into space.

And her voice came again, much softer, along with her arm as she draped it over his shoulders.

“Sweetie, are you crying?”

He gasped, reaching up to wipe his face, feeling the tears smear against his arm—because he had. He had started crying and not even realized it, but he tried his hardest to make them stop, but they kept falling. Why on earth was he crying? Hop didn’t have the right.

“Honey, do you miss your big brother already? That’s so sweet of you, but he’ll be back.”

He wanted to shake his head, no. No, that wasn’t it at all—he wasn’t crying for Leon. He wasn’t crying because he was lonely or because he missed Leon or any of that, but he couldn’t even open his mouth to tell her, because Hop didn’t know _why_ he was crying. He really didn’t understand why he stood there and cried, even as Mum wrapped both arms around him and held him close, pulled him into her warmth that should have felt comforting, but it only made him feel disgusting.

Hop had never felt so suffocated by a hug in his entire life, and he cringed as his mother held onto him, as he cried and cried.

As he felt so _dirty._


	8. Chapter 8

It was rather muggy that morning when Hop was awakened by the buzzing of his phone. When he rolled over in bed, fumbling in his groggy state, eyes not completely focused just yet, he grabbed his phone from his nightstand before rubbing the sleep from his eyes. There on his notification screen was a text from Gloria, asking him if he wanted to come over and hang out.

One quick glance at the time let him know Hop had slept till noon that day and he silently berated himself for it. It wasn’t unusual for him to sleep in, but he’d been doing it more often than not lately, to the point even Mum was asking him if everything was okay. He wished he could have told her yes, things were just fine and dandy, but—

Hop sighed, swiping open his screen to send a reply back that read, ‘ _sure just woke up give me a few’_ which was followed up by a quick smiley face when Gloria replied. He couldn’t help but laugh through his nose a little at it. Even after all that was going on, Gloria was one of the few people who could always get him to smile. With that out of the way, Hop stumbled out of bed, stretching his back, popping a few bones in the process, and letting out a few still-sleepy yawns before he headed to the bathroom to do his business.

It had been about a week since Leon returned back to Wyndon and Hop hadn’t heard much from his brother since. Not that he was complaining all that much, but there was still that underlying feeling that something was horribly wrong that haunted Hop day and night he couldn’t shake. The conversation he and his brother had that night before he left weighed on his conscience until Hop had taken to mindlessly playing video games from sunup till sundown to take his mind off of it. It wouldn’t do any good to dwell, but he’d still told his brother he loved him, and that he wanted to be a couple, so he was a bit surprised Leon wasn’t spamming his phone with text messages about it like he figured he’d be. Maybe his older brother realized how crazy this whole thing was and decided to back off for a while. It wasn’t like Hop took the initiative to try and speak up about it, because he could live the rest of his life not thinking about how Leon made him orgasm just a week prior.

Hop shivered at the memory, the one he’d been trying so hard not to think about. Leon made him orgasm. His older brother sat with Hop on his bed while they both touched themselves, because Hop gave in, Hop just wanted to placate him, and his face gushed with shameful heat at how far he had let this entire thing go. He was the one who decided to let Leon have his way with things and look where it landed him.

Splashing his face with cold water did nothing to ease his worries, but Hop did so several times anyway. If anything, it would help wake him up, but as he stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, he grimaced at the sight of himself. It had only been a week since all this mess first started, but Hop’s body was suffering from lack of sleep sometimes to too much sleep, to not eating enough. He looked ill, the bags under his eyes and his paling skin worse for wear. Trying not to think of what happened was only delaying the inevitable, he knew. Hop knew this whole thing was far from over, as he just wished Leon would get bored of him, get that whole crazy thing out of his system and move on, but Hop seriously doubted he was.

He sighed, gripping the edge of the counter and squeezing it. It was strange for him to be acting this way, as a part of him really wanted things to go back to normal. He missed joking around with Leon. He missed teasing him, laughing with him, getting excited whenever he would visit, but now Hop felt as though everything was wrong. Horribly wrong. And it was his fault.

It freaked him out all the more, because he often caught himself thinking—was this really as bad as he was making it out to be? Was he just blowing this entire thing out of proportion when it wasn’t even that big a deal? It seemed irresponsible to shrug it off though, as Hop told himself time and time again, he didn’t _like Leon like that._

…but what if he did?

Hands shaking, Hop lifted his head back up to stare at himself again, feeling ashamed of his own image in the mirror for thinking things like that. After all, if he was completely against this, why didn’t he fight harder to push Leon off him? Why did he keep giving in so easily when Leon wanted to go further? Hop didn’t _have_ to give in like he did. If he really hadn’t wanted to be intimate with him, he would have screamed, pushed Leon off, and called for Mum to come save him.

So why didn’t he?

He could argue it was Leon’s control, but he didn’t even know anymore. Leon couldn’t control his thoughts, at least not from what Hop could tell—only his body. So how come this entire week his thoughts constantly drifted back to Leon? Back to the way it felt to kiss him? To the way he smelled?

Because it hadn’t been _awful_. It wasn’t like Leon had held him down and forced himself on him.

Hop wanted to cry in frustration, not understanding why he was feeling this way. He was so confused. All he knew was he felt ashamed for some reason, embarrassed that Leon had seen him the way he saw him, ashamed of himself for not understanding what it was he even wanted anymore.

Reaching up, Hop dabbed the pad of his fingers against his lower lip, remembering how it had felt when Leon kissed him. His brother often washed with shampoo that smelled thick, way too thick that Hop felt smothered by the scent alone, but it wasn’t _bad_. His lips were soft, way too soft for Hop to ever imagine them being. Leon didn’t have working man’s hands or chapped lips or anything like that, and despite how he worked out a lot and toned his body, he had held Hop as though he were made of glass.

He was so gentle with him that Hop wished he had held him down and hurt him. He _wished_ Leon had been cruel to him, hit him, kicked him even, called Hop disgusting. How fucked up was that for Hop to _wish_ Leon had done something horrible? He was so fucked up.

Because the fact he hadn’t only made Hop angry with himself he also couldn’t say it had been _bad_. He couldn’t say Leon forced him. He didn’t force it—Hop was the one who didn’t try harder to put a stop to it.

And really, it was still his brother for crying out loud. Hop could never hate him. He could never be truly afraid of him, because he knew Leon would never hurt him like that.

He gripped the edge of the sink again, hating himself even more the longer he dwelled on this.

What did he do? What was he supposed to do? Hop didn’t want to lose Leon over something like this—he didn’t want this to be the reason he never spoke to his brother ever again. He loved him, he missed him. He missed hanging out with him and joking with him. Leon was his best friend, not just his brother but someone Hop knew he could go to with his problems, someone he could look up to, someone he trusted.

The bags under his eyes seemed more prominent than ever.

He just…

Hop sighed, splashing cold water against himself for the umpteenth time that day.

He hated this. He hated being so confused, he hated that his brother hadn’t been cruel to him, because Hop couldn’t put the blame onto him then.

He really had nobody to blame but himself for this, for letting things escalate. And really—if he hated it _so much_ like he kept telling himself he did, why the fuck couldn’t he stop thinking about it?

Hop sighed. He only knew one thing for sure, and that was how he didn’t want to cut off his brother, Hop didn’t want this thing to be what ended their good relationship with each other, so with that in mind, as much as it pained him, he strode from the bathroom, picked his phone up from his nightstand, bit his lip, and shakily pulled up Leon in his contacts.

He really.

 _Really_ wanted to talk to him. Maybe his brother could offer him some comfort, or some answers. Hop didn’t know anymore—he didn’t even know what he wanted right now.

He just didn’t want to lose his big brother because of this. That wasn’t wrong, right?

And maybe Hop was just garbage after all, but if he was, he could accept that. If Hop took the blame for this, that was fine. He could deal with it.

Shakily, he tapped Leon’s name, bringing up the text message box and tried his best to write out something that didn’t sound as though he were about to have a breakdown.

_‘Hey lee how are you?’_

Delete. Too casual.

_‘How are things in wyndon?’_

Delete again. Not casual enough.

Hop let out a frustrated sigh, not even knowing why he was bothering to text his brother, but he’d be lying if he said going all week without hearing from him even once put him on edge. The two of them never really texted all that often but at least every couple days was normal. Going all week without one peep was unheard of and Hop was honestly worried if Leon was mad at him. It only made the creeping paranoia sink in all the more, because Hop took it to mean Leon might actually be upset with him for all that. Maybe Leon was testing him to see if he really would shove him off and call out for help, but since he didn’t, that meant Hop was consenting and maybe Leon was wanting to see how far he could push Hop before he put a stop to it.

Right…? It couldn’t mean Leon had feelings for him, not like that anyway. Not the type of feelings couples had.

Hop sighed again, deciding to bail on messaging him and just leave it. It would only make him anxious if Leon didn’t reply and he didn’t want to be a bundle of nerves all day, especially not at Gloria’s.

Speaking of her, Hop was supposed to be over at her house by now. With a weighted, resigned sigh, Hop threw on some clothes after changing from his pajamas before pocketing his phone and heading down the stairs.

It wasn’t fair to rely on Gloria when Hop was having problems, but he really wanted her company and comfort right now, even if she didn’t realize what she was giving him, Hop would take it.

* * *

It took Hop about fifteen minutes to actually get his shit together and leave the house, saying bye to his mum in the process. Gloria lived right across the road from him, so he was at her place in seconds flat, being greeted by her mum after knocking on the door.

“Well hello, Hop!” her mum called with a bright smile as he crossed the threshold. Hop offered her one back even if he didn’t feel very cheery at the moment, but he wanted to be polite. “How are things with you and your mum?”

“Good. Nothing to report.”

She gave a soft laugh at his attempt to be light-hearted, but Hop could only hope he did a great job of pretending everything was okay when it wasn’t. Gloria’s mum of all people didn’t need to know what the hell was going on with him.

There was the patter of footsteps from across the hall and before Hop knew it, Gloria rounded the corner before wrapping her arms around his neck, trapping him in a tight hug. “Hop! I’ve missed you!”

“Hey!” It took every ounce of his willpower not to throw her off him right then and there—and for the life of him, Hop couldn’t figure out _why._ Gloria always hugged him, she always got more touchy feely with him than anyone, even his own mother didn’t hug him as often as Gloria did, but while it had never bothered him before, even made him blush sometimes at her affections, he felt so uncomfortable with any kind of touch that he flinched a bit, not returning the hug. Instead, he settled for awkwardly patting her on the back, but it didn’t appear she noticed anything amiss.

Tearing herself away from him, Gloria gave him a wide smile. “Sorry, it’s been crazy lately with all the interviews and stuff. I’ve never had so many people want to talk to me before. I’m not ignoring you, I promise.” She gave a sheepish laugh, twirling a strand of her hair when she did so.

Hop gave a dismissive wave with his hand, forcing himself to smile back. “No biggie, mate. I know you’re busy right now.” He didn’t want to admit he was clingy, lonely, and desperate for her comfort (because he kind of was), but he would never own up to it. It was true Gloria also hadn’t really contacted him all week, but he knew how busy she was now that she was the new champion. He couldn’t blame her for putting that before him.

“I just got back last night. I wanted to see you.” As she spoke, Gloria led the pair into her bedroom where her television was sitting idle on what looked to be a racing game pause screen. She had a giant bow of crisps and candy strewn about, along with bottles of soda, obviously snacks for when Hop visited. They often used to get together to play video games all day like this, but since the gym challenge, it had been way too long they hung out together. Basically, Hop had kept himself holed up in his room the past week, playing on his phone, or with Dubwool when he wasn’t engrossed in a game of his own. They were nice distractions at the time, but he would inevitably get placed right back where he started—thinking about Leon that is.

Hop grimaced at himself when his thoughts ran back to his brother. He could feel his phone in his pocket and resisted the urge to pull it out and shoot him a text, but what did he even say to him? Hop knew this was stupid, not being able to make up his mind for what exactly he wanted, because he both wanted to be alone, never talk to Leon again if he could help it—but Leon was still his brother. He still loved him.

Just because they’d been…Hop swallowed, cold sweat beading the back of his neck at the memory. Just because they had been intimate didn’t mean it had to ruin what they had. Hop loved his brother, he really did, and while things like that made him uncomfortable, he wasn’t sure what else he could do. Reaching out seemed like a bad idea, but so did staying silent. It was like Hop was stuck in a never-ending loop of fuck, and he hated it. He could only ask himself, if he truly, honestly, without any doubt hated that, then why in the hell didn’t he fight harder to push Leon away?

Why did he go along with the date? Why did he let his brother kiss him when he asked for permission? Why did he allow himself to sit there while he touched himself in front of him? It didn’t make any sense and only served to add fuel to Hop’s already worsening anxiety.

In the end, no matter what happened, Hop just didn’t want his brother to hate him. He had a deep-rooted fear that this entire thing was some breakdown Leon was having, maybe from his title loss, or other stressful things Hop wasn’t privy to, but he worried over Leon using him just to throw him away. He already knew Hop wasn’t as into this as he was, but he seemed determined, at least he had _seemed_ determined about it the week before to ‘prove himself to him.’ Now Hop hadn’t heard from him all week, and he couldn’t stop worrying if it actually meant Leon had gotten what he wanted and was throwing him away.

As they settled down onto Gloria’s floor, his friend already digging into the bowl to start snacking, Hop sat cross-legged next to her and squeezed his trouser leg, if nothing else, just to have something to hold onto.

Why was he _acting_ like this? Hop was supposed to be angry at Leon for coming onto him, for begging him over and over to get his way even after Hop said no multiple times. He should have slapped Leon in the face the moment he told him he wanted to touch himself in front of him—Hop should have kicked him out of his room and slammed the door on him. He should have told Mum what a pervert her eldest son was and tattled about all the things he had said to him, all the things he’d done to him.

But.

Hop swallowed, his throat so tight that it was almost painful.

He wasn’t mad at Leon. If anything, he was angry at himself for acting this way, because one thing he wanted right now was to be with Leon. He wanted to be beside him, held in his arms, comforted. Even if Leon was also the source of his anxieties right now, his fears and worries, Hop didn’t want to lose him. He didn’t want Leon to throw him away because he fucked up something between them.

After all, Hop had been the one to kiss him first in the hospital room. Hop was just as much to blame for this as Leon. He couldn’t play victim in this when he knew it was his fault from the start.

“Hop?”

Gloria had been talking to him for some time off to the side as they raced together, his mind so far gone, he barely caught any of what she said, but at the sound of his name, Hop perked up. “Huh?”

“You okay?” When he tore his gaze away from the television screen to gaze over at his friend, he could see the beginning signs of worry etched on her face and he snapped himself out of his daydreams. It never failed his thoughts went right back to Leon whenever they could, and he hated himself for it.

“Yeah, sorry. Didn’t get a whole lot of sleep last night.” He tried to play it off with his poor excuse, but the truth was, Hop had been getting possibly _too_ _much_ sleep. Sneaking into Mum’s medicine cabinet and stealing a few of her sleeping pills didn’t help his situation, but it was better than lying awake at night, one hand on his phone while he fought with the urge to call Leon and talk to him.

Why hadn’t Leon called? Why hadn’t he texted? Hop would have probably just ignored him, but the fact Leon hadn’t reached out _at all_ especially after all his gushing and crooning only reinforced Hop’s theory that his brother had gotten bored and tossed him. Wasn’t he supposed to be overjoyed Leon wasn’t contacting him? Maybe it would have been easier if his brother hadn’t been so…

Hop sighed, fighting to knock those thoughts back down far away where he wouldn’t have to deal with them. He was with Gloria right now, and they were supposed to be having fun.

Trying his best not to let on to the fact he was uncomfortable, Hop turned his attention back to their race, realizing in that short span of time he’d neglected to pay attention, he had fallen off a cliff. “A-anyway, tell me about Wyndon.”

Gloria also focused her attention back to the race, while laughing softly as she did so. “Not much to tell. I’m sure Leon’s told you all about it.”

Hop’s skin crawled, but he forced himself not to physically react to it.

“I mean, it’s just a bunch of paparazzi, answering questions. They wanna know all about me, when there isn’t much to say. I really only stayed as long as I did because of all the press. They wanted to dissect me, know all there was to know about my secrets.” Another laugh, and this time she hit Hop’s race kart with a red shell, causing him to lose his footing and go tumbling down the cliff again. Seemed he couldn’t even beat her in video games, let alone a Pokémon match.

“Oh, I see.” A bit frustrated he couldn’t focus enough to even properly play games with her, as any other time, the two of them would be neck and neck, laughing, carrying on, all the works, but Hop was so stiff, even he knew he was being way too quiet, not actually absorbed in the game at all. Just playing for the sake of having something to do.

Gloria noticed. This time, she paused the game, forcing the both of them to stop, and the music quieted on the menu, giving the pair a moment of peace. She turned back to Hop, apparently done with his bullshit. “Talk to me, Hop. You’ve been acting out of it ever since the tournament. Are you upset because I beat you?”

His eyes widened at how quickly she could put him on the spot like this, and while he knew her question wasn’t meant to jab at his pride, it still hurt a little, but he couldn’t blame her for it. For there to be winners, there had to be losers, and he just happened to be the latter. “N-no, of course not! I mean—I wasn’t thrilled to lose, but I’m not mad at you or anything, I swear!”

If Leon was going to ignore him and possibly be angry at him over what happened last weekend, Hop couldn’t handle Gloria being mad at him too. He didn’t know what to do, especially with her giving him that hard-pressed stare, like she was staring through his body and could understand everything he was thinking right now.

“Okay.” Sighing, she placed her controller down in front of her before grabbing a handful of candy and popping a few pieces of chocolate in her mouth. “You don’t seem the type to let a loss get to you like that. I’ve been worried about you, you know.”

“I’m sorry.” Now he really felt awful, as his mood was starting to affect his friends as well. Ugh, this really did suck ass.

“So, what’s the matter? Did somebody say something to you? Is your mum giving you a hard time about something?”

Hop shook his head, also placing his controller down, and let out a resigned sigh as he did so. “No, nothing like that. I just…” He trailed off, biting his lip, not sure if he should say anything or not.

Well, the truth was definitely out of the question, but it wouldn’t hurt to leave out specific details, right? This was low, taking advantage of Gloria’s kindness and willingness to listen, but Hop was at such a loss, he didn’t know what to do, and he wanted—he _needed_ comfort right now of any kind.

“I-I think Lee is mad at me.”

“Why would he be mad at you?”

His palms were sweaty, but he fought hard to keep himself in check. It wouldn’t do any good to have a breakdown right in front of her but Hop surely was fixing to hit his breaking point any minute now. “I-I just have reason to believe he is. He hasn’t texted or called me all week.” Cheeks gushing a bit, Hop felt stupid laying this out for Gloria like this, because it made him seem like some clingy younger sibling who couldn’t handle the thought their older brother had other matters to tend to. “I-I mean, it’s not like him is all I’m saying.”

Again, Gloria dove for the candy, offering some for Hop who shook his head no before she stuffed them in her mouth. “Have _you_ tried calling him?”

Well…yeah. He had. But all his attempts ended in failure one way or another. Hop either got cold feet or lost the nerve for what he could even say to him. This was ridiculous, he shouldn’t have been afraid to contact his own brother, even if his brother was what was causing him worry in the first place.

He lied. “No…”

Gloria shrugged, giving him a rather confused look. “Maybe try then, even if you think he’s mad. Did you do anything to make you think he’s mad?”

Hop wasn’t sure what to say to that one, because honestly—he had no fucking clue, so he shrugged.

Gloria shrugged back. “You could apologize. I mean, it’s not like the two of you to bicker, at least you’ve never seemed the type. You always got along with him, but if you feel something’s up and he might be upset, you could simply say you’re sorry to break the ice, even if you didn’t do anything wrong.”

Hop swallowed, having to lower his gaze from her, because while he knew she was just trying to help and he had purposefully withheld information from her, he had to cringe at the thought of simply apologizing to Leon for all that had happened.

For leading him on.

For allowing things to escalate like they had.

It was all Hop’s fault for not putting a stop to this sooner—even if Leon threw him to the curb from the beginning, Hop wasn’t sure what was worse. Rebuffing his advances and Leon throwing him away or allowing Leon to get his way where he would grow bored and dispose of him once he realized he got this weird shit out of his system.

Hop shivered, because either one of those wasn’t a very pleasant scenario. Why couldn’t things just go back to normal? He missed having his big brother there to joke around with, joke around in ways he couldn’t with his other friends. He and Leon shared that special closeness he knew nobody else would ever be able to understand, not even Mum.

Bunching his legs up until he’d folded into himself, Hop rested his face down into his knees, letting out a tired sigh when he did so.

He just. While Leon never hurt him, while it even felt nice kissing him sometimes, being held by him, and Hop was even flattered somewhat that Leon felt the need to compliment him like he did—he was _uncomfortable_. Unsure of so many things, because it all just felt _wrong_.

He hated that it felt wrong. Something was horribly off, horribly fucked up about all this, especially coming from his frustrations of not reacting the right way that somebody in this situation was supposed to be reacting. Wasn’t he supposed to be crying for help because of his pervert brother? Why wasn’t he doing that?

Why was he so concerned with making sure Leon didn’t hate him for this—didn’t throw him away? Hop loved him. He couldn’t bear the thought of losing Leon over all this nonsense. 

“You’re right. I should apologize.” His cheeks gushed with heat before he brought his face up out of his knees, offering Gloria a small smile as reassurance for her not to worry. “Thanks, mate. Sorry to complain.”

She smiled back. “You weren’t complaining, Hop. I hope you can patch things up with him soon. It’s not like you guys to be at odds like this.” Reaching over then, Gloria wrapped both arms around Hop in a very quick hug, one he didn’t return, but hated how he had a passing thought of wishing it was Leon hugging him instead of Gloria.

He scoffed at himself. He really was fucked up if he was thinking of things like that.

* * *

The sun was dipping lower and lower in the sky until Hop felt he’d overstayed his welcome. He and Gloria spent all afternoon playing video games and watching movies, catching up and chatting. It was nice. At least, after their conversation, Hop felt a little more confident about what he should do, even if he felt guilty for doing it in the first place, but he at least had an idea to go off of now.

Sometimes he wished he could spend the night with her, but both their mums would have a problem with it. Gloria had moved next door when Hop was still fairly young, but old enough Leon had left on his gym challenge, so he had latched onto Gloria almost immediately, but the older they got, the more he could tell things were changing.

Their innocent play dates suddenly weren’t so innocent anymore without either of their mothers giving them a hard time about how cute they looked together and whatnot. Hop even sometimes fantasized about asking her out on a date, but he always lost the nerve to the point he was happier with the way things were. They were just friends. Nothing more.

The short walk back to his house was uneventful to say the least. The weather was getting warmer as the days waned on, but it was at that point it was cooler in the mornings and evenings, but hot during the day, so Hop never knew how to dress comfortably. The distance sound of Pokémon could be heard which made for a quaint, serene setting and Hop had half a mind to sleep out in the backyard under the stars, if just to give himself something to do, but he shook his head to himself. That could wait till another time, but if anything, Hop enjoyed camping out during his gym challenge. It was one of the few things he often looked forward to once the sun went down and he and his Pokémon got to settle in for the night.

When he opened the front door, Mum was in the kitchen, apparently chatting with someone over the phone. He could hear her gushing and going off about something, but she stopped once he crossed the threshold. “Oh—that’s him now. Hop?” she called out, peering from around the corner at him. He closed the door behind him, sliding his shoes off as Mum ushered him to come. “Come here for a moment, will you?”

Curious what was going on, he crossed the way to the kitchen. One quick glance told him she was in the middle of cooking, and from the look on her face, she wasn’t upset with him. Hop always had this innate fear anytime his mum called for him it meant he was in trouble, but she merely handed the phone to him, a wide smile on her face.

Gingerly, he took hold of the phone before pressing it against his ear with a rather shy, “H-hello?”

“Hopscotch!”

Leon. It was Leon. Immediately, Hop felt like his entire insides had frozen up all at once and the back of his neck broke out into a cold sweat. It was one thing to talk to him in private, but with Mum right next to him, he was forced to keep his cool. At least, from the sound of his voice alone, Leon sounded incredibly excited, and it gave Hop a little peace of mind to know it probably meant he wasn’t mad at him like he suspected. Probably.

“Oh—h-hey, Lee. It’s nice to hear from you.” Though he wished that statement could have actually been true, he wasn’t all that earnest about it.

“Sorry, I’ve been incredibly busy all week. You wouldn’t believe all the paperwork I’ve had to sit through. You ever sit at a desk for eight hours a day in the same place looking at file after file? It’s maddening!”

And Hop couldn’t help how he snorted through his nose at it. Leon sounded almost out of breath as he talked, like there was too much on his mind at once for his mouth to keep up with and he couldn’t get it all out. Excited. That was the only way to describe it and despite Hop’s reservations from before, he could feel himself relax a bit at just the sound of his voice alone. It was almost like nothing was wrong, all of what happened last weekend was forgotten in that moment as he listened to his brother go on and on.

“Anyway—point being, now that I’m the ex-champion, I’ve renovated Rose Tower, so I’ll be working there from now on. You should come by one day! And I don’t want to _brag_ or anything, but your older brother certainly has his way with sprucing up places like that. I think it looks much nicer and better yet—it’s easy to navigate so I don’t get lost!”

At that, Hop found himself smiling when he leaned against the edge of the counter, twiddling with the hem of his shirt. Mum was off next to the stove, smiling as well while she continued moving to and fro as she cooked. “That sounds great, Lee, I’m glad you’ve found something you can do.” He pinched the fabric of his shirt between his fingers, biting his lip as he contemplated whether or not to say his next sentence. Oh well, it couldn’t hurt. “I was worried you’d let the loss get to you.”

“You and me both, Hopscotch. But, I’m not as upset about it as I thought I’d be. Honestly, there’s some baggage that comes with being the champion I could live without.”

He grimaced just a bit, not entirely sure he knew what that meant, but he didn’t pry. “Still, I’m glad. You seem like you’re having fun.”

“It’ll be even more fun when I come see you. Mum told you I’m coming down again, right?”

His heart thumped, not sure if he heard that right, but his grip around the phone suddenly tightened. “N-no, she didn’t.” A quick glance out of the corner of his eye showed Mum perked up in curiosity while she fussed over the pot, pouring spices and whatnot to the mix.

Leon continued. “Well I just told her, so she probably didn’t get a chance to tell you yet, but yeah! She said she’s leaving for a few days and I suggested coming down to stay with you. We could have the place to ourselves, hang out, eat pizza every night if you want.”

Normally news like that would have been enough to send Hop flying high for the rest of the week, but he had an awful hard time mustering the enthusiasm for it and only gave a forced smile he knew Leon couldn’t see, but did it anyway. “O-oh, that sounds fun…” Yeah, with the way he forced that response out, that was sure to convince anybody nothing was wrong. Sarcasm, obviously. Even Hop was frustrated with himself over not being as happy as he should have, but he didn’t know what to think.

Truth be told, he was glad, so glad Leon didn’t appear to be mad at him and was gushing and ranting like he always did when he and Hop talked over the phone. He hadn’t made any creepy comments at him, probably suspecting Mum was still nearby and might hear him, though Hop certainly wasn’t complaining.

He did want to talk to him in private though. There were a few things weighing on his mind he wanted to get off, and this was just a hunch, but he had a strange feeling Leon was simply putting on an act for his sake. Maybe his brother was trying to remain light-hearted so Hop wouldn’t worry, but he wasn’t even sure. Sometimes Leon could be scarily intuitive, as clueless as he was any other time, it threw Hop for a loop how he sometimes knew more than he let on.

Still, he tried to save face, more for Mum’s sake than anything. “Um—a-anyway, yeah! Sounds fun, Lee. I-I’ll call you in a bit, okay? We need to properly catch up.” He was just desperate to get off the phone in front of Mum so he could go to his room, but she didn’t appear to notice anything was amiss.

Apparently neither did Leon, as his voice remained cheerful. “Oh—right! It’s probably supper time. Of course, call me when you’re settled, Hopscotch.” Even though he couldn’t see it, Hop could hear the smile in his voice.

“I will. Bye.”

“Bye~”

With that, he handed the phone back to Mum who continued on with the conversation they’d been having before Hop walked in, and he took that as his cue to leave up the stairs.

Supper was quite uneventful other than Mum relaying the information Leon already told him. She was going on a trip for a few days, which would give the brothers a perfect opportunity to get together and hang out at the house by themselves. Leon was due to come by that following Thursday, so they’d have the whole weekend to themselves.

Needless to say, Hop was a little less than thrilled, but if push came to shove, if Leon overstepped any boundaries he shouldn’t be overstepping, Hop could always go next door or even grab his camping supplies and leave for the night. It wasn’t that he was paranoid Leon might try to sneak into his room at night and do something to him, but—well no, that was pretty much it, yeah. He didn’t exactly trust him one hundred percent right now and he had every right to suspect him.

Still.

Once the dishes were cleaned and put away, Hop climbed the stairs back to his room. He eyed Dubwool’s poké ball on his desk, wondering if he should let him out as moral support, but decided against it. Leon couldn’t do anything to him over the phone. All they were going to do was chat and speaking to him wasn’t what Hop was worried about.

With that in mind, Hop settled down at his desk, fishing his phone from his pocket before he dialed Leon’s number. It rang only once before his brother picked up.

“Hey, Hop! I was waiting for you.”

Hop cringed just a little, not sure why hearing how excited his brother always got when talking to him made him feel guilty when it should have made him happy. Fuck, what was wrong with him?

“Y-you didn’t have to do that.”

“Nonsense, you’re the best part of any day, even if it’s the worst day of my life, you always make it better.”

Hop’s chest tightened at it, at the way Leon could so casually say things like this. Any other time he’d brush it off as Leon teasing him, but now that he knew the truth of his brother’s _real_ feelings, it made him a little uncomfortable. Oddly enough, he didn’t feel fear necessarily, but simply a strange sensation he couldn’t put his finger on.

The voice in the back of his head reminded him yet again—what if he _did_ harbor feelings for Leon as well and was just being stubborn about it? Hop’s face gushed with heat, though more out of shame than anything. He didn’t _want_ to feel that way about his brother. He loved Leon, he did, nothing would ever change that, but he didn’t know if he could ever push it further than simple familial love. Nothing else.

“Um.” Hop nibbled his bottom lip. “Lee, can I talk to you?”

In an instant, the tone of his brother’s voice shifted when he no doubt heard how serious Hop was, and he quieted down. “Of course, you can, Hopscotch. What’s the matter?”

And it felt like all those times before when Hop would call him with a problem, even if it was something dumb like homework he didn’t understand, or puberty questions he was too embarrassed to ask Mum. His brother always took the time out of his day to chat with him, especially if Hop was worried about something.

Hop sucked in a breath before letting it out to try and calm his nerves. “I-I just want to say I’m sorry if I’ve upset you.”

“What—you didn’t upset me. Why are you sorry?” He didn’t sound angry or even annoyed, but Hop could hear the confusion and worry in his tone.

Cold sweat broke out in his palms and he moved the phone to his other ear. “I don’t—I mean…last week. I can’t stop feeling like I’ve done something wrong.”

And Leon’s tone turned soft, softer than Hop thought he’d ever heard before. “Hop, you didn’t do anything wrong. I don’t want you worrying about that. The only reason I didn’t contact you at all this week was I was very busy, but I figured you needed space too and you’d call me when you were ready.” A small pause, one in which Leon let out a sigh. “I promise you—I know I came on strong and I’m sorry, but you aren’t at fault for any of it, okay?”

It didn’t really make him feel better, but Hop twiddled his fingers, just to be doing something else. “O…okay…”

“Hop, you know I’d never hurt you, right? Do you trust me when I say I love you?”

A bit hesitant, Hop’s chest tightened when he replied again. “Yeah…I believe you.” Though his tone of voice suggested otherwise, he couldn’t help but be apprehensive.

“I’m crazy about you, and sometimes it gets hard to keep myself in check when I’m around you, but I would never, ever hurt you.”

“Did…” If Hop didn’t shift topics soon, he might throw up, but this attempted comfort his brother was giving him was doing very little to quell his anxieties. “Lee, did you mean all that stuff about wanting to be a couple?”

He could hear a soft gasp through the receiver, along with what sounded like shuffling paperwork. No response from Leon, at least there was an uncomfortably long stretch before he finally replied. “I mean…yes? I might have said that in the heat of the moment, but it wasn’t a lie.”

And Hop’s heart thumped at his brother’s next question.

“Would you…I mean—Hop, would you want to be a couple? Do you want to date me?”

“I don’t…” He bit the inside of his cheek when he trailed off, not entirely sure he even wanted to finish that sentence. His first instinct was to say no, hell no, he didn’t want to date his own brother, but he didn’t know why he paused. Maybe it was the nagging voice in the back of his head screeching at him over and over that he really _did_ have feelings for Leon. What if all those times they joked about being husband and wife weren’t just silly little back and forths they said?

Hop’s throat tightened.

Because he wasn’t even sure how true it was anymore to say he didn’t have feelings. He wanted to say no, he had never been surer of anything in his life, but now—now faced with the question while Leon waited patiently on the other line had him at a loss, and he sighed in defeat, angry at himself for his indecisiveness, angry at himself for daring to be confused at this when it felt all wrong, but also being at war with himself over what he truly felt were his actual feelings.

Hop just didn’t know anymore.

“I…I don’t know.” It wasn’t a rejection, but definitely not a yes either.

He half-expected Leon to start pleading with him again, trapping Hop in a corner until he said yes, but he merely sighed from the other end of the line. “It’s okay, Hop. You don’t have to say yes just because you think it’ll make me feel better. I want your honest answer.”

Hop braced himself as he closed his eyes to steel himself, his cheeks burning with embarrassed shame. “The truth is just that—I don’t know, Lee. I really don’t know what I should do.”

If he could see Leon, he’d probably be shrugging right now. “What about a trial period?”

Hop snorted, not believing he was even entertaining this idea in the first place. “A trial period?”

“Yeah you know—we date for a bit, you see how you like it. If you aren’t into it, just say so.”

Well…he wasn’t particularly _into it_ right now, but he didn’t know why he hesitated on saying no. He was so fucking stubborn before to humor Leon so that he’d stop with this whole mess, but now Hop found himself not even sure of his own feelings on the matter anymore.

It just made him hate himself. He was supposed to be against this. He was supposed to tell Leon to fuck off, but he didn’t want to shun his brother. He didn’t want there to be no relationship at all.

Voice trembling, trying to gain his bearings, Hop finally opened his mouth. “Um—y-yeah…a trial period sounds good.” Anything to gain a sense of normalcy again. Anything for Leon not to toss him to the curb like garbage. Hop didn’t want his brother throwing him away—even at the expense of something like _this_. His hands were trembling on the phone now, not sure he could handle much more of this, not believing he just agreed to be a couple with his own brother.

He was digging his own grave, he knew. Where was his resolve from earlier? What happened to Leon’s _one shot_? Look what all Hop had allowed to happen because he kept giving in to the point he wasn’t even sure of his own feelings anymore. Did he love Leon like that? Did he not? Hop didn’t know.

Leon sucked in a sharp breath, like he couldn’t believe his ears. “Wait—really? You’d really be okay with that?”

 _Say yes to him_.

Hop’s palms were trembling to the point he was afraid he might drop his phone, surprising himself that his voice had remained strong throughout this whole spill. “Y-yeah. I’m fine with that.”

Why _the fuck_ was Hop allowing this? Why wasn’t he stomping his foot down and putting a stop to it? He shouldn’t have cared so much if Leon chose to abandon him after this—he should have been overjoyed that his perverted creepy older brother wouldn’t want anything to do with him anymore.

And yet.

The idea of never seeing or hearing from Leon ever again broke his heart to the point Hop knew he was setting himself up for disaster, but…

He swallowed. He just wished everything could go back to normal. He wished Leon never admitted he was in love with him, because now Hop was afraid of losing him if he ever decided Hop wasn’t worth this much heartache. Surely, Leon could do much better than him. It was a wonder he didn’t have fangirls and fanboys dropping at his feet at all times.

Hop was no different. He looked up to him too, always so smug that his brother was a celebrity. Maybe that’s why Leon got the wrong idea. He mistook Hop’s praises and gushing to mean something else when Hop never meant for it to be anything other than his admiration for him.

Sometimes he wished he could be just like him. Hop and Leon were nothing alike. Nothing.

Leon’s voice grew more excitable from the other line. “Oh—that’s great! I-I’ll be slow about it, I promise. I’ll try to keep from coming on too strong, but I might not be able to help it.” He gave a soft laugh. “I love you so much, Hop. It’s been rough keeping myself busy up here when all I want to do is be with you.”

_Me too._

Those words were right on the tip of his tongue, but Hop held off on saying anything. This made no sense. Why would he be so adamant about not letting Leon get his way one day then be desperate for his company another? Hop had no right to complain about this when he was the one letting this all go downhill.

Leon continued, his next request making Hop’s eyes grow wide. “Hey, let’s video chat. I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages. Just hearing your voice is a relief, but I want to see you.”

Hop tensed, his palms growing sweatier.

“Can I, Hop?”

Hop could have cut this conversation off right there, told Leon he was tired, had a headache, something to that effect, anything to get off the phone when Hop was in no mood to see his face. But—his throat was tight, the uncertainty of what Leon might say if he told him no, if he rejected him, the fear of Leon throwing him away once he found he wasn’t going to be any use to him and Hop broke.

“O-okay…”

“Great, hang on. Let me, um…where’s the video call button...” Even though he couldn’t visibly see what his brother was doing, Hop had a hunch he was holding the phone away from his face, squinting his eyes like an old man trying to figure out which button to press. He almost wanted to laugh at the mental image, because Leon never was one who was all that tech savvy, even though he wasn’t even that old. Their Mum handled her phone better than he did but Hop always found it charming about him.

His cheeks gushed with heat. Charming…what an odd way to describe his brother. Hop felt compelled to touch his bottom lip again, the memory of how Leon felt kissing him never once leaving his mind. It was almost suffocating, but he quickly drew himself out of his thoughts when his phone dinged, signifying he had a video request. In no time flat, Leon’s face (or more specifically, his eyes and nose), were right there on Hop’s phone, and even through the video feed, Hop could tell Leon’s eyes were sparkling with excitement. Once they landed on Hop, he backed away from the phone.

“Hey!” His grin widened once they could both see each other. “It’s felt like ages, hasn’t it?”

Hop nodded, holding his phone out enough to show his head and shoulders, but he averted his gaze from Leon’s eyes. He might lose his resolve if he stared at him for too long. “Y-yeah…” It was then he noticed that Leon had his hair tied back in a ponytail and was dressed in what looked like a plain black tank top. Strange—Hop didn’t know why he always pictured his brother sitting around his apartment with his champion uniform on. He liked parading around in it, anyway. Hop rarely got to see him in street clothes, but clothes like this suited him much better than his stuffy uniform ever did.

Not that Hop would ever tell him that. Heat gushed to his cheeks at the mere thought and he downcast his gaze even further, hoping Leon couldn’t see him blushing through the camera.

“Are you excited about next weekend?”

The sudden question brought Hop from his thoughts and he lifted his head, still making sure to avoid eye contact, but he could see Leon leaning further into his phone until his face was just about the only thing Hop could see anymore. That and his bangs. “Y-yeah…Mum didn’t tell me she was leaving.”

“She just told me tonight. It was a spur of the moment thing, and she wasn’t too keen to leave, but I offered to stay with you, and she changed her mind.” Leon leaned back in his chair, apparently having been at his desk, as Hop could see his bed in the background. As he shuffled about, the sounds of scattered paperwork could be heard, and Hop had no doubt Leon was as busy as he’d claimed to be all week. “She’s been worried about you.”

Hop’s heart thumped, but he leaned back in his chair as well, trying his best to relax, but he was too wound up, especially now that he was seeing Leon’s face, the way it looked like his eyes were leering into him, trying to undress him, but he pushed those thoughts away. “I-I don’t know why. I haven’t been bothering her or anything.”

“She said you’re sleeping a lot.”

Aw shit, now Mum was telling Leon about Hop’s problems and he felt embarrassed, like Leon was calling him out for his shitty way of handling all this. He had to stoop to stealing her sleeping pills in order to get a proper night’s rest half the time but Hop hated obsessing over this. He hated how his thoughts always went back to one thing and one thing only.

 _Leon_.

He thought talking to his brother would offer him comfort, but all it did was make him feel even more miserable. Why did he feel this way? Why did seeing Leon smile at him with such an expression, like he was head over heels in love with him, like the mere sight of Hop made him happy—why was something like that meant to make Hop blush and feel good about himself only a means to fuel his shame? Why was he ashamed Leon loved him this way? Why was he ashamed Leon was happy being around him?

Because…

Hop had to blink tears out of his eyes, hoping to Arceus Leon didn’t see him about to cry. Hop had no right to cry.

Because he didn’t deserve it.

“Hop, are you okay?”

Quickly, he shot up, making damn sure his tears didn’t fall, and tried his best to give Leon a fake smile, though it was a cringe more than anything. “Y-yeah! Just tired. She’s right, I’ve been sleeping a lot, but you know, I got a new game, so I’m staying up late playing it and all.” That was a horrible lie if anything, but Hop didn’t know what else to do.

Now that he was looking at Leon again, he could see plain as day the soft smile on his face, the way Leon cocked his head to the side, how his eyes were lidded as he looked at him, ogling Hop as though he were something incredibly precious. Leon’s smile widened. “You’re such a kid, Hopscotch.” He laughed through his nose. “Is it two-player? Maybe I can play with you when I visit.”

Hop nodded. “Yeah. We could play together.” That sounded rather nice, actually. Playing games with Leon like they used to do when they were kids, Leon always being so horrible at them that Hop had an easy win anytime they played, but his brother never got angry for losing so much. He always seemed happy when Hop won, which was strange, considering anytime he’d play with Gloria, she got incredibly competitive with him.

Maybe Leon was just stupid.

Pushing those thoughts away for now, Hop tried to focus when he had to shy away from looking at Leon yet again. For some reason, the idea of looking at his face too long made him uncomfortable, and he didn’t know why, but maybe he did know why. Hop was experiencing so many conflicting emotions right now, he was about to go insane.

“L-Lee, u-um, can I tell you something?”

Leon’s face fell as he straightened himself up, no longer leaning against his desk, but at attention when he leaned into the phone. “Of course, you can. What’s the matter?”

Hop hated how Leon was always so ready to help him with his problems like this. Why wasn’t he being a bastard to him about this entire thing? There were a few times Leon had purposefully taken control of him in order to make Hop kiss him, but he treated it as though it were a joke. He didn’t hold Hop down and force himself on him. He didn’t take control of Hop and force him to suck his cock or anything like that. Leon had a strange influence over him, some sort of supernatural power that only worked when he touched Hop and _only Hop_ , and yet he hadn’t used it to force him into anything. He had only pushed until Hop gave the okay, and Hop had every single opportunity to get the fuck out of this, but he yielded every single time.

It would be so much easier if Leon had been cruel to him. If his brother forced himself on him, held him down kicking and screaming, Hop could just _hate him_. He could chock it up to Leon being some sort of horrible monster, but he wasn’t. A bit pushy, but Hop was the one who bent over backwards. Hop was the one who let him have his way.

And he was truly disgusting for it.

But he didn’t want to hate Leon. He didn’t want to think his brother was some horrible monster. This was still the same person he grew up with, the same person who held him when he cried, who called him in the middle of the night to talk if he thought Hop was lonely, who always, always put his best interests first before his own.

This was still Leon. The only thing that changed was his brother fell in love with him, and Hop didn’t know how to deal with it.

So, with his tears blinked away, Hop finally found his voice and opened his mouth. “Wh-when you come visit, please don’t touch me.” That wasn’t unreasonable, he knew that, but he wasn’t done yet. “I-I’ll do this trial period of yours, but if you touch me and I can’t control myself because you’re doing it, I’m done.”

And his brother looked so fucking sincere, Hop couldn’t stand it. How was it Leon made him feel guilty, as though Hop was the one doing something wrong? Maybe he was doing something horribly wrong, though. If it felt this bad all the time, maybe Hop had been in the wrong from the beginning.

He sighed.

He didn’t know anymore.

But Leon nodded, still with the utmost sincerity. “I promise, Hop. I won’t touch you. I know I’ve gotten carried away before, but if it makes you feel better, I want you to know I would never, _ever_ hurt you.”

The pair sat in silence for too long, Hop finally lifting his gaze to Leon’s where he could tell even through the video camera how serious his brother was. Hop was serious too. One wrong move, the moment he felt like he was in danger, he was calling this whole crazy mess off. He wasn’t entertaining Leon anymore, even if it meant he hated him. Even if it meant he would throw him away.

Hop let out a sigh through his nose. Just last week he had told Leon he wasn’t interested in being with him. He wasn’t into this whole thing, because it made him uncomfortable doing things like this with his brother, and now look at him. _He was fucking insane._ Here he was, giving in yet again, fearful of what might happen if he didn’t, not wanting to lose Leon over something as stupid as this.

He loved Leon, he did. And if it meant sacrificing his pride, he was willing to go along with him—at least until Leon gave him a reason to back out. It wasn’t like his brother was making obscene demands of him—all they’d done was touch themselves in front of one another (Leon helping out Hop in the process, but still). It wasn’t like they had sex. Hop had to fight back a grimace at the thought.

“Hop?”

He’d been so spaced out during the long stretch of silence, Hop almost didn’t hear his brother call to him. Shaking himself from his thoughts, he faced his phone again. “Yeah?”

Leon gave him a pleading look. “Can I touch myself?”

 _Aaaaand_ there went the phone. Fumbling to try and catch it when he dropped it, Hop’s phone clattered to the floor, bouncing and landing near his feet. The sounds of Leon’s surprise were apparent on the other end, but Hop was shaking now, having bent over to pick his phone back up and bring it to his face. His mouth was opened to ask Leon what the hell was he thinking, but no words came out.

It must have shown on his face alone just how shocked he was, because Leon was batting his hand at him, trying to diffuse the fire he’d just started. “N-not like that, Hop! I-I mean—I mean—yeah, _like that_ , but I haven’t seen you all week! And you’re so beautiful, Hop, just seeing your face and hearing your voice, it’s made me so happy, you have no idea. I’ve missed you.”

His heart was thumping so loud, it was just about the only sound he could hear then, and Hop continued opening and closing his mouth, trying his hardest to form the right words, but nothing came out, so he only sat there gaping like a moron.

“I’m not gonna put my cock on the camera or anything.”

At that, Hop finally found his voice. “Leon, what the fuck.” And he couldn’t even muster it as a question, only an empty sentence that barely scratched the surface of just how thrown off he was by that one.

“I’ll keep it on my face, I promise! I just want you to know how I feel about you, Hop. I swear I’m not trying to be a pervert, I want to show you how much I love you.”

Hang up the phone. _Hang up the phone right now._ Hop couldn’t move—why the fuck couldn’t he move? His heart was pounding so hard, but Leon’s pleading face, his stupid eyes that were so damn sincere—Hop didn’t want to give in. He didn’t want to watch his brother masturbate over the phone, and his hands were shaking as he tried to regain his composure.

For their conversation to be somewhat heartfelt to go to _this_. Fuck, Leon could be so stupid sometimes.

“L-Leon, I’m not interested in watching you fap, okay?”

“You don’t have to! You can turn the camera off. You can mute me if it makes you feel better, I just—” That fucking pleading look again. “I’ve missed you so much, I can’t take it.”

What was the point even if he was just going to let Hop turn the camera off and mute him? Maybe it was simply having Hop there, but he didn’t want to think too hard about it. He might go insane if he did. After all, he had all the means to hang up the phone right this second and call this whole thing off—speaking of which, why was he even sitting there thinking about it? He should have hung up by now.

“Hop?” Leon squirmed in his seat, inching closer to the phone, and Hop could see the way his hand that wasn’t clutching to his phone was slowly sinking down toward his boxers.

He panicked just a little. “C-can’t you do it off the phone? Why do you want me here if you don’t even care that I watch?”

“Because I love you. I want you to know how much I love you. I’m _serious_ , Hop.”

He cringed just a bit but pinched his brow as he held the phone away from his face, planning to cut Leon off and hang up on him, but he paused. He already knew how serious Leon was about this, but he was still blown away by the lengths he was willing to go to in order to prove himself. It wasn’t like Hop thought he was a liar or anything—he believed Leon when he said he loved him.

He’d crossed that bridge a long time ago.

Hop wasn’t all that interested in seeing Leon wank it while he stayed on the phone with him, but he let out an irritated, yet defeated sigh. If he got too uncomfortable, he could just hang up the phone. Problem solved. Why was Hop making things like this way more complicated than they needed to be?

Because he felt guilty—that’s fucking why.

“Whatever. Go for it. I’m not watching though. Hope you don’t expect me to talk dirty to you, because I’m not.”

The sight of Leon’s overjoyed face should not have surprised him as much as it did, but Leon was doing a lot of things Hop didn’t think he was capable of lately. Namely shit like this. “No, you don’t have to! Honestly you could just breathe into the phone and it’d get me off.”

“Didn’t realize you were into creepy horror movie stuff like that.” Was…Hop trying to joke at a time like this? It was his defenses coming up. If Hop couldn’t try to make a joke out of it, he’d end up going crazy instead. This was fucked up. It shouldn’t have been, but it was.

Leon smiled, and Hop noticed his hand trailing to the elastic of his boxers. “Only when it’s you, Hopscotch.” Leon’s eyes lidded then when he snaked his hand into his underwear, and even though Hop couldn’t see past his chest, he could tell Leon had gripped hold of himself by the way he was holding his arm, and he immediately flicked the camera off, the back of his neck beaded in sweat.

His finger hovered over the mute button as well, but he stopped himself short. In some morbidly fucked up way, Hop was curious how far Leon was willing to go. He didn’t necessarily want to listen or watch his older brother jack off over the phone, but he couldn’t deny he was curious. It wasn’t like Hop was a stranger to how he sounded when he came. He’d already seen his dick, after all. This wasn’t even that—this was a downgrade if anything.

Glancing at his bedroom door, Hop stood from his chair, tiptoeing over and making sure his door was locked in case Mum decided to snoop and walked in on what was going on. Once he was sure he was safe, Hop retreated to his bed, hugging himself away into the corner as though everyone in the world could see what he was doing, and he wanted to hide. The sounds of Leon’s moans were seeping through the receiver, his brother no doubt going to town at himself, enough that Hop could hear the familiar sound of his dick getting pumped.

It should not have been a familiar sound, and Hop’s face only gushed heat at it, more so at the fact he was still on the line, listening to this. Leon wasn’t shy _at all_ about holding in his moans, as through the gasping, and the sharp inhales, Hop could hear his brother call out to him while he touched himself.

“H…Hop…love you...” He grunted, and Hop wondered if he was getting close already, but he only stared back at the black screen, the little camera icon just waiting to be pressed where he could see Leon’s face. Hop had already turned his own camera off, but Leon’s was still going. He wouldn’t know if he watched him, but why would Hop _want_ to watch him?

His finger hovered over the button, but he paused. Why was he even considering this? Did he honestly want to see his creepy brother while he touched himself? No…Hop didn’t want to see that. He really didn’t.

_He didn’t._

”Love you so much…baby— _fuck, I love you._ ” Leon gasped, his words strangled.

And Hop hit the button.

Immediately he was met with Leon’s flushed, concentrated face that was gushing red, and he almost gasped at the sight of it, but he covered his mouth to save himself. He’d never live it down if Leon found out he watched him, but he was so—

Even when they’d been doing it together last weekend, Hop wasn’t really focused on Leon’s face. He’d spent too much time trying to get it over with to really give a damn what Leon looked like, but the phone was aimed right at his face, and Hop could see his brow pinched, his reddened cheeks, the way his mouth hung open just slightly enough while he stroked himself. Even in the dim lighting of his room, even through the shitty camera, Hop could see his long lashes casting shadows over his cheeks, and he looked—

Hop almost whimpered.

_Leon looked so beautiful._

Just what did his older brother see in him? Why would he want to do things like this, when he could have done it with anybody else, any other fan, any other random person he met on the street, Leon could be doing this with, but he chose to do it with Hop.

Tears gathered in his eyes again, because Hop felt like he was watching something not meant for him. None of this was supposed to be for his eyes. Leon wasn’t supposed to fall in love with him.

Hop’s lip quivered, and his tears finally spilled. Right as Leon gave a choked moan, his gasping turning harsh, his back arching until Hop could see his limbs jerking as he rode out his pleasure, right as he gave himself a final stroke, Leon came, and Hop sat there, watching every second of it, his face gushing heat at the sight alone.

Leon couldn’t see him as Hop had cut off his camera, but he watched him breathe for a while, gathering himself, falling limp against his chair when the haze of orgasm left him, and then he opened his eyes. Through his lidded gaze, his face flushed from his excitement, the shorter tufts of his hair curling around his face to frame it so perfectly, Leon looked like someone Hop had only seen in movies. He didn’t look real in that moment.

When his stare landed right on the camera, there was a moment where he and Hop locked eyes, though Leon couldn’t see it, Hop did, and he hit the big red button to disconnect the call immediately after.

Tossing his phone on his blanket, Hop scrambled back into the headboard away from it like it was a gross bug, before he wiped his face, trying to smear the tears away, but he didn’t even understand why he was crying to begin with. What the fuck was wrong with him? Why did he do this? Why was Hop doing any of this?

What…was _wrong_ with him?


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry this is TOOK FOREVER AND IT'S SO SHORT i've had an absolutely horrible time trying to sit down where i can write anything. real life is so busy right now! 
> 
> as always, thank you guys so much for your support! it means a lot to me ;-;

“Hop, be a dear and tidy up Leon’s room for him, will you?”

The weekend was approaching fast, Hop and his mother having spent the better part of that week cleaning the house while Mum packed her bags to leave, and Hop had been tasked with taking care of the upstairs.

He nodded at her request, though had to wonder what the point even was when Leon didn’t live here anymore, so his room rarely got used. It was probably a bit dusty if anything, but upon entering, Hop could already feel his chest tighten at the sight of it. He had been avoiding going in here for the better part of two weeks, as even though Leon didn’t live here anymore, the room had a definite hint of his smell to it. That was a bit weird to say, but ever since Hop and him had been _intimate_ (Hop shuddered), his brother’s musk felt like it was invading his very brain and drowning him in it.

Hop didn’t think he could forget this smell if he tried. And the worst part was that it wasn’t even _bad_ , but it still made him hesitate while he stood there like an idiot in the doorway.

Leon’s bed was already neat and tidy, so Hop wasn’t really sure what all he could do, but Mum insisted they clean the house from top to bottom before she went away on her trip. Speaking of that, Hop still couldn’t get a straight answer out of her for where exactly she was going. Anytime he’d ask, she’d brush him off or tell him it was business, though it wasn’t like his mother to be so secretive about something like this and only served to make him curious for where she was actually going.

Hop sighed, deciding to organize Leon’s bookshelf since it appeared to be the only thing mildly out of place, and put the whole thing with Mum on the back burner. Wherever she was going, it didn’t concern him, and he had bigger things to worry about—mainly Leon himself. While his brother had promised not to touch him while he was down here, that didn’t exactly make Hop feel any safer that he might get carried away and start up on him again. He was apprehensive to say the least, wishing things could go back to normal and he could magically forget Leon ever admitted he was in love with him.

Leon’s bookshelf was about as tidy as it could get and Hop leaned back, glancing around the room at anything else he could possibly clean. Leon was always the tidier one of the two, so there wasn’t much Hop could do in here, and he left, wanting to leave the room anyway lest Leon’s smell start to suffocate him. He was never this tuned in to something like Leon’s smell, but it was almost like his senses were hyper aware of anything relating to Leon, especially ever since they’d been intimate, Hop could have sworn Leon tasted different, smelled stronger, simply being near him and seeing him over the phone was enough for Hop to become overly aware about everything about him.

Hop sighed.

He hated this. He just fucking hated it. Every time his thoughts wandered back to Leon, he’d get depressed all over again and wish nothing more than to sneak into Mum’s room to take her sleeping pills. Least then, he wouldn’t have to think about all this shit and how fucked up he was. It was bad enough he agreed to go along with Leon’s _trial period_ , as he put it—Hop still agreed to date him.

He should have told him to fuck off, but then he just spiraled down into an obsessive mess of worrying that if he dared say no to Leon, he wouldn’t want anything to do with him. Hop didn’t know why on earth he feared Leon losing interest if he rejected him only for Leon to cut off all contact.

Hop didn’t want to lose him. He didn’t _want_ to date him, to go along with this like he was, but his fear of losing Leon completely overshadowed his rationale until he ended up forcing himself to sleep so he wouldn’t go crazy. After all, Hop had already crossed the point of no return the second he allowed Leon to prop him up in his lap and jerk him off until he orgasmed.

His cheeks gushed heat again, and he finally found himself back in his much less tidy bedroom. Leon wouldn’t be coming down until tomorrow evening, but Mum was leaving early that morning which meant Hop would have the place to himself for a few hours. He planned to sleep for as much as those hours as possible, but it only seemed like the more sleep he got, the more exhausted he felt afterward, like his body was working into overdrive and no amount of sleep would let him catch up.

Trying to push those nasty thoughts away, Hop went to work cleaning up his room. His desk was a mess, a slew of soda cans and candy wrappers strewn about, he hadn’t made his bed in days (what was the point when he was so tired all the time?), and his carpet could use a good vacuuming. Tidying his room proved a nice distraction, at least for awhile. Hop spent the better part of that day cleaning out his room and making sure the bathroom was clean before he finally collapsed onto his newly made bed, staring up at the ceiling.

The sun was setting, and it felt like the week had flown by, Leon’s arrival seeming so far off, but now that it was upon him, time was moving too fast. In only a matter of hours, Leon would appear at the front door and Hop would be alone with him all weekend. He tried to tell himself if anything happened, if Leon made any moves on him or went too far, he would take his shit and go spend the weekend with Gloria, but Hop wasn’t really sure what was going to happen.

In some fucked up way, he only hoped Leon would keep his hands to himself and not control him, otherwise Hop really would be trapped, but it made him nervous knowing all his brother had to do was grab his arm and Hop wouldn’t be able to fight back. But—

Hop rolled over on his bed until he was on his side, facing away from his bedroom door and closed his eyes, his exhausted state catching up with him once again. He wasn’t even sleepy, he was just tired.

But he wanted to believe Leon when he said he wouldn’t hurt him. After all, Leon had plenty of opportunities to take advantage of him last weekend, and while it was true he was a bit pushy, maybe even to a fault, but it wasn’t like he threw himself at Hop and held him down while forcing it on him. Hop’s stomach drew into a knot at the thought alone, because he knew if Leon really wanted—really, _really wanted to—_ he could just do it. He had that mysterious power after all, and if Leon wanted Hop to sit there while he did whatever he wanted to do, he had every opportunity to do so.

An unpleasant shiver ran down Hop’s back and he curled onto his side until his knees were drawn up to his chest. Leon had said he wouldn’t hurt him and Hop believed him, he really did.

But that didn’t stop him from constantly asking himself _why_. Why was Leon doing this in the first place? Why was his brother so damn sincere about being in love with him? Why was he going out of his way to convince Hop that his feelings ran deep, deeper than Hop could only hope to imagine? If it was true and this wasn’t just some passing fling Leon was engaging in, then Hop was at a loss.

What did his brother _see_ in him?

Hop wasn’t handsome. He wasn’t skillful as a trainer. He had no successes to prove he was more than simply being _Leon’s little brother_ —Hop had nothing. So, what the fuck did Leon see in him? He wasn’t remarkable, he wasn’t special.

Hop sighed, burying his face into his knees as he curled himself up on the corner of his bed.

He was nothing. Leon could do so much better than him. Leon _deserved_ much better and he shouldn’t be wasting his time on someone like Hop, someone who couldn’t even make it through the semi finals when it boiled down to it. He was a failure.

Hop clenched the blanket below, squeezing it between his fingers as he drifted off, hoping sleep would help him take his mind off things like this. He just wanted to go back. He wanted to kid around with Leon like they used to, when it was just a joke to say he wanted to be his wife, when it was just a joke that Leon would gush about wanting to get married.

Hop shivered before he finally settled, sleep taking over.

* * *

It felt like Hop had only slept for five minutes before his phone went off from his desk, the vibration growing louder and harder until it roused him from sleep and he sat up in bed, groggy and confused at what all the ruckus was before he spied his phone buzzing. Grumbling and yawning, Hop stood from bed before crossing his room to grab the phone off his desk. He didn’t even look at the caller ID before he answered, rubbing sleep from his eyes.

“Mmhullo…?”

“Hey, Hopscotch!”

Immediately, Hop’s eyes snapped open at the sound of Leon’s voice on the other end. As usual, he always sounded so excited when he spoke to him and for some reason, that excitement made Hop sink down into his chair, his exhausted mood contrasting it almost insultingly so. It was almost as if merely speaking to his brother over the phone wore him out and Hop could only imagine how seeing him in person was going to make him feel come tomorrow.

A quick glance at the clock showed Hop had been asleep for several hours and he blinked the rest of the sleep from his eyes, surprised as hell it was almost midnight. For that matter—why the hell was Leon calling him at this ungodly hour?

With that thought in mind, Hop frowned down at his phone as if Leon could see it. “Lee, do you have any idea what time it is?”

“I know, I know! I’m sorry for calling so late, I was lonely.”

Hop could’ve sworn his entire body froze in that moment where he couldn’t even breathe properly. Was…was Leon serious? Was he actually serious? He was _lonely_?

Hop bit his bottom lip, a bit grumpy from being woken up when all he wanted to do was sleep. “I’m hanging up now. Bye.”

“Hop, wait—! I’m sorry for waking you up. I honestly didn’t expect you to answer.”

Hop didn’t either but that was his own mistake for not looking at the caller ID. Any other time he would have ignored the call, but he was confused from sleep and didn’t think that one through.

But with that out of the way—he was still on the phone and only let out a tired sigh as he placed his forehead into his palm, leaning over his desk. “What do you want, Lee?”

“Um…” He trailed off, as if unsure how to answer, but quickly caught himself. “Honestly, I didn’t really _want_ anything. I guess just to hear your voice.”

“You’re coming here tomorrow, why wouldn’t you wait till then?”

“I don’t know, Hop.” Then Leon sighed and Hop could hear what sounded like frustration and exhaustion mixing in his tone and for a moment, Hop felt a pang of fear rise in his chest at the thought he might have said something wrong.

Why was he acting like this? He had every right to be annoyed with his brother for calling him the middle of the night, so why was Hop the one feeling guilty for being annoyed by it?

Before he could stop himself, Hop fumbled over his words, “I-I’m sorry.” He shouldn’t be apologizing. He shouldn’t still be on the phone. Why wasn’t he hanging up? “I’m just a little grumpy from being woken up. Me and Mum cleaned all day.”

“What—no, no, Hop, you don’t have to apologize! I know I called you so late. I was just impatient.”

Impatient for _what_ exactly?

Hop’s cheeks gushed a bit when Leon’s tone lifted in excitement again, and he wondered if Leon had been staying up all night just waiting to talk to him, though he wasn’t sure why that would be the case when Leon had way more important things to worry about. Maybe he had been working all day and lost track of the time.

It made his stomach churn again and Hop let out a sigh, not understanding why he felt so depressed at the fact his brother was excited to talk to him. Shouldn’t that have made him happy? Why wasn’t Hop smiling and gushing at the fact that _Leon_ of all people was willing to give him the time of day?

His palms began to shake as he swallowed, not sure how to reply to that, but he bit his bottom lip. “O-okay…” He didn’t sound too convinced and he wasn’t but Hop honestly didn’t know how to respond to that. Never had he ever had someone do things like Leon did when it came to being way too happy to spend time with him, whose face lit up at the mere sight of him, who said nice things that made him feel good about himself.

Hop sighed, quietly enough so that Leon couldn’t hear. Even though Gloria was his best friend, he never quite got the same amount of attention from her like he did with Leon—not that that was a bad thing by any means. Hop liked Gloria just well and fine, but he’d probably be way too embarrassed if she started coming onto him or admitting she liked him. He was fine with the two of them being friends and nothing more.

But when it was coming from his brother—Hop bit his bottom lip, waiting for Leon to say something, his eyes still heavy from being woken up, and Hop finally leaned back in his chair when Leon didn’t say anything. The previous weekend came roaring back all at once and Hop was hit with those unpleasant memories of sitting in Leon’s lap while they touched themselves, to the week after when Leon begged him to let him touch himself over the phone and Hop almost laughed at how stupid this all was when he leaned his head all the way back against his chair, staring up at his ceiling.

That’s right. This whole thing was just an excuse for Leon to get his dick wet. It wasn’t like he actually had feelings like that for Hop, and who could blame him, really? Though Hop didn’t quite understand why Leon would want _him_ of all people to do this with, maybe it was because he was easy. Leon had control over him, after all, if he wanted Hop to do something, he was forced to bend to his will whether he wanted to or not, and they were already close, being brothers and all. Maybe Leon wasn’t getting enough attention when he was champion and decided to take it out on Hop, but Hop couldn’t help how his throat tightened at the mere thought of that in itself.

Because Leon didn’t really love him. All that teasing he’d done—he was just condescending him. Leon was just going through a phase of some kind and Hop happened to be the only one he could currently take it out on, so Leon was only using him for his own gratification.

Hop bit his bottom lip again, his throat so tight that he couldn’t swallow.

It was…easier to say that. It was easier to say Leon was only doing this for his own selfish reasons, and that he really didn’t feel that way about Hop, because why would Leon waste his affections on Hop of all people? He couldn’t understand why Leon would say he loved him, so the only other logical explanation was that Leon was using him.

Somehow that hurt a lot less than to admit he was simply lying about loving him. Because while Hop knew deep down he loved Leon more than anything and nothing, not even this, not even stooping low enough to let him have his way, was enough for Hop to put his foot down, because he was scared to death that Leon would realize how worthless he truly was and never want to see him again. It was easier to simply tell himself Leon was a pervert, he was just thinking with his dick on this one, and Hop didn’t know what to do. He wanted to say he could live with it, if it would appease his brother, if it would allow him to hold onto what was left of their relationship, Hop just didn’t know what to do anymore.

He was supposed to push Leon away.

He was supposed to yell at him, call him disgusting, and run for help when he first started all this. But no. Hop had to keep giving in, and _giving in_ , little by little, because he was too scared of the consequences of actually saying no to him. He had already told Leon once before he wasn’t interested, and his brother got desperate then, he came onto him, he begged Hop to let him touch himself to him, and still—Hop gave in. He allowed it to happen.

So really, he had nobody to blame but himself for how this situation ended up. It was all his fault and he had no right to seek out help when he was so conflicted for wanting to push Leon away, but also hold him close and beg him not to abandon him.

“Hop?”

The sound of Leon’s voice brought him from his daydreams, and it took Hop a few seconds to realize he was dozing at his desk again. “Mmm?” He leaned forward in his chair again, placing his elbows on the table to prop himself up.

“I wasn’t sure if you fell asleep. You were quiet for a long time.”

The fact Leon called him so late probably meant he wanted Hop to talk dirty to him or something while he touched himself, and honestly, Hop was so exhausted by this point that he would have probably given in if that’s what Leon really wanted, though the thought only made him grimace. “It _is_ midnight, Lee.”

“I know.” Then Leon sighed, and Hop could hear random sounds of his chair squeaking and papers shuffling amongst his desk. Huh—maybe Leon really had been up all night working and decided to call him on a whim. “I really wanted to ask if you were excited about tomorrow, but I figured your phone would go to voicemail or something.”

Hop tensed a bit, trying not to cringe at his brother’s words. Saying he was excited was totally overselling that to the point he almost laughed. He was less than enthused, but he knew that Leon was the one excited about this, and he could only venture a guess as to why.

“Lee.” Hop cleared his throat, shuffling his weight in his chair as he kept dozing. Damn, he really was exhausted, it seemed, but his annoyances must have shown through in his tone alone, because Leon shut up immediately once he spoke, and Hop didn’t really know why he was saying this, but could only assume it was because of his frustrations. Had he been more awake, he wouldn’t have said anything. “Lee, if this is some extravagant plan of yours to come down and make moves on me—”

“It’s not, I swear!”

“—I’m not sure why you’re bothering. Mum has left the house before and left me alone, so I don’t know why you’re insisting on coming down to babysit me.”

“Because she’s worried about you. I’m worried too.”

Yeah, he’d told him that before, but Hop just scoffed, not meaning to get so huffy with him, but he was so frustrated that he didn’t know what the fuck to do right now. Nothing made any sense and it made him angry at himself, not necessarily at his brother. “My sleep schedule is just a little messed up is all. It’s not unusual—I just haven’t gotten back to normal since the gym challenge.”

“Hop, if you’re worried I’m going to make you do something you don’t want, I swear—I _promise_ I’m not coming down there to do anything like that.” And he sounded so genuine for a moment that Hop felt that pang of guilt dip in his stomach for getting haughty with him—why the fuck was it every time Hop had every right to be upset and frustrated, his brother could shoot him down _just like that?_ Before he could contemplate anymore on the matter, Leon kept talking. “I know before I got a little pushy and it’s hard, Hop—it’s so hard not to tease you when we’re together like that, but I would never, _ever_ do anything to hurt you. I love you.”

Hop audibly scoffed, rolling his eyes when he did so, not sure why when Leon couldn’t even see, but his brother must have heard his noise of disdain from the other line, because he went oddly silent. And Hop couldn’t help himself. “You don’t mean that.” How could he so easily say things like that to Hop? Especially after he practically threw himself on him, after he talked him into touching himself with him, after he was so pushy about the fucking dating thing from before, getting upset when Hop rejected him? How could Leon possibly justify this as anything other than wanting a cheap thrill from the closest thing he could get it from?

When Leon spoke next, his voice was hushed, as though afraid if he spoke too loud, he would alert everybody to the conversation they were having. “Hop, _I love you_. I promise you I do.”

It was right on the tip of his tongue, Hop had his mouth open to argue back, so how come when he told him he wasn’t interested the first time, Leon only pushed and pushed until Hop gave in? If he really loved him, he would have taken the rejection in stride and left it alone. Hop had gone out on the date with him, he tried to go along with Leon, but things only escalated from there.

Hop wanted to spit back at him, as though it were some gotcha moment where he could hold Leon accountable for his actions, but he only slammed his mouth shut. It wasn’t fair of Hop to shift all the blame on Leon when he knew he was responsible for this whole mess too.

It was his fault for egging him on. It was his fault for letting Leon have his way, just because he was afraid of hurting his feelings, and now he was afraid of Leon throwing him away for good, because Hop couldn’t do anything right. Hop couldn’t make it past the semi finals. Hop couldn’t be that great trainer he always talked himself up to be, as though he were Leon’s equal when he knew damn _well_ he wasn’t and never would be.

So of course, Leon could never love him. His love was only out of obligation because they were brothers. Leon was obligated to love him—but this love he kept insisting he had for Hop as though his feelings ran deeper—

They didn’t.

Leon didn’t love him. Leon only wanted to engage in a cheap thrill, and Hop was letting it happen because he was a piece of shit.

That was all.

Hop didn’t even bother following up that statement with a response, but instead said, “I’m tired. Goodnight,” before he hung up on his brother, quickly putting his phone into nighttime mode so that it wouldn’t buzz should Leon decide to call or text him again, and Hop drew his knees up to his chest, placing his face in his hands.

What the fuck was wrong with him? Just _what the fuck_ was wrong with him? None of this made any sense and the longer he dwelled on it, the longer he kept at war with himself on the matter, the more it made his head hurt until he flopped back over on his bed, hoping once he fell back asleep that he would sleep for the entire day tomorrow.

* * *

“ _Hop?_ ”

It was quiet, almost eerily so, but Hop’s brain was too groggy to take note of anything other than the voice calling for him.

“ _Hey, wake up._ ”

He moaned a bit in his sleep, rolling over to face away from his brother who was trying to rouse him from bed. He didn’t want to get up early and he never understood why his mother insisted he wake up early even on weekends. Weekends were meant for sleeping in, after all.

His brother let out a soft chuckle, his voice gentle and quiet. “ _Always such a heavy sleeper. Don’t worry. I won’t tell Mum._ ”

Hop sighed a bit in relief, glad that his brother was always on his side when it came to things like this. It didn’t matter if Hop was at fault for something, Leon always defended him, always stood up for him, even took the blame if he could.

His brother’s hands then appeared in his hair as he dragged them through Hop’s short locks, letting out a small laugh through his nose as he did so. “ _Try not to sleep in too late, okay, Hopscotch?_ ”

Leon’s voice sounded so far away for some reason, despite how his hands were stroking Hop’s hair, but it was enough for him to roll over onto his back, forcing his sleepy eyes open to see the bright, smiling face of his brother. His face was round and youthful, hair steadily growing longer the older he got, but he gave Hop a toothy grin as he pat his head a final time.

It was so warm, despite the eerie silence and Leon’s faraway-sounding voice that seemed to echo in Hop’s ears, but at the sight of his brother’s gentle smile, Hop closed his eyes once more, feeling that warmth envelop him as he drifted back off to sleep. Leon ran his fingers back through his hair, and Hop could still hear the sound of his quieted voice.

“ _Hop?_ ”

He was so sleepy.

“ _Hop…_ ”

Leon was suddenly nudging him by the arm, trying to shake him from sleep, but Hop didn’t want to wake up.

“Hop? Hop, I’m leaving.”

It took Hop almost an embarrassingly long time to realize it wasn’t Leon nudging his arm and shaking him from sleep—he leaned up in bed, the light from the hallway trickling in from his cracked door the only light source. It was incredibly early, and Mum was next to him, already dressed and ready to leave. He gave her a sleepy-eyed look before she pat him against the shoulder.

“I know it’s early, sweetie. Leon will be here as soon as he can get off work, but I’m going to lock up, okay?”

He nodded, still half awake.

Mum bent down before giving him a kiss to his forehead, offering him a gentle smile. “Alright, honey, I’ll see you Sunday night. I love you.”

“Love you too, Mum.”

Still groggy, Hop rolled back over in bed, his mother’s footsteps leaving his room before she closed the door behind her, Hop able to hear her descend the stairs before the inevitable sound of the front door opening and closing again reached him. And he sighed, flopping to his back as he stared up at the ceiling. It was so dark still, he could’ve sworn it was night out, but he really wished Mum hadn’t woken him, because now he knew there was no going back to sleep.

With a weighted sigh, he pulled himself up from bed, pushing the sheets off and saw his phone tumble down from them, landing screen up as if to taunt him. When he reached for it, he hesitated for a moment, not sure if he was mentally prepared for what would no doubt be a barrage of texts from Leon, maybe voicemails, and maybe he was even mad at him for hanging up on him and realized Hop wasn’t worth it.

Or something like that.

Hop picked up his phone despite his reservations, swiping his screen open, preparing to see an onslaught of messages, but was taken aback by a single text message that greeted him that morning.

“ _I’m sorry._ ”

It was from Leon, of course it was from Leon. Hop sighed once more, placing his phone back down on his blankets and rubbed at his face. It was too early in the morning to be dealing with this shit right now, to be feeling guilty for snapping at Leon last night even though he called him incredibly late. It never failed when Hop didn’t let his brother get his way, he felt bad for it. It made no sense.

The only thing he could do now was try to go back to sleep and with that thought in mind, Hop stood from bed, crossing the hall toward his mother’s room. Hopefully she didn’t take her sleeping pills with her and while Hop knew they’d probably knock him out for the rest of the day, it was better than dealing with this shit. Of course, if he slept all day that also meant Leon would come home faster, but Hop wasn’t sure if he cared anymore.

Anything was better than this.

Thankfully after rooting around in his mum’s medicine cabinet, he found the bottle of pills still in the same place as always and nabbed one. So far, it didn’t appear she had noticed he’d been taking them, as he only tried to steal one if he really _really_ needed it, but right now, this qualified as an emergency.

With a gulp of water from the sink, Hop swallowed the pill before trudging back across the hall and flopped back against his bed. His heart was pounding from being woken up, but the silence in the house was enough to put him at ease somewhat. It was peaceful at least, not creepily quiet like his dream had been.

And Hop had been dreaming about Leon a lot lately. He couldn’t escape him awake or otherwise, but at least sometimes he got the luxury of forgetting what he’d dreamt, so it was easier to go about his day.

It didn’t take long for the pill to kick in and pretty soon, Hop was asleep once more, his last lingering thoughts hoping once Leon got here that he wouldn’t be pushy.

It felt like Hop had been asleep for years after that, occasionally waking up just to roll over, but then he was only haunted by more dreams about Leon. Though, not all were bad. Honestly at this point, Hop didn’t care if he slept all day long, as that’s the direction he was headed, but a soft voice soon roused him from sleep, along with a hand in his hair, stroking his locks. Just like Leon had done in his dream that morning.

“Hop…?”

Had he ever told Leon what a nice voice he had? When he was little, Hop used to be jealous once his brother became older and his voice dropped a few octaves. It was always soft, but vibrant when the cameras were turned on, almost musical once he got into the thick of his matches, and Hop could fall asleep listening to him simply speak sometimes. Anytime he spoke to Hop, his tone shifted, all too noticeably, but Leon always, _always_ brightened up every time he saw Hop, no matter what.

It only made him feel guilty.

“Hop, have you been asleep all day?”

For a moment, Hop’s mind was swimming with the effects of the sleeping pill, only confusing him when this supposed Dream Leon wouldn’t let him be, and even in the silence of the house, his voice was jarring to say the least. It hit him way too late that he had allowed himself to sleep all day and Leon had let himself inside the house at some point. 

And he was _touching him_.

Instantly, Hop sprang out of bed, his heart thumping in his chest at the realization he had let his guard down around his brother, but the moment he shot up in bed, Leon sprang back away from him like Hop had shocked him.

Hop probably had a look of terror on his face, judging by how Leon had brought both hands up in the air in surrender. “I wasn’t making you do anything, I swear! I-I just got here!”

One quick glance across his room showed that through Hop’s bedroom door, Leon had placed his luggage right outside the hallway, and judging by the way he was dressed, having not taken his shoes or anything off yet, it appeared once he entered the house, he walked straight up here to Hop’s room.

Now that his shock was wearing off, heart still palpitating out his damn chest, Hop took a second to glance at his phone and saw how late it was in the evening, the sun just outside his window lowering below the horizon where everything was cast in an orange glow only hammering in that fact. Oh fuck—Hop hadn’t actually meant to sleep for that long. If he had any missed calls from Mum, he was in a world of shit if she knew he had slept all day.

Thankfully, the only text message on his screen was from—Leon, of course, saying he was on his way. Well, Hop couldn’t really get mad at him for scaring him half to death when he _did_ text him and let him know he was coming. Ugh. With Leon still standing next to him, having put some distance between them in case Hop needed it (he did), Hop drew his hands up to wipe his face, letting out a sleepy groan as he did so. He doubted Leon would tattle on him to Mum, but once Hop uncovered his face and glanced up at his brother, he could already see the look of worry crossing over his face.

Sometimes Leon tended to mother him when Mum couldn’t.

Sure enough— “Hop, it’s not good to sleep all day like this.”

“I know.” He didn’t even bother trying to defend himself, because Leon was right, he knew he was right, but he didn’t care at the same time. Let him fuck up his sleep pattern, what the hell did it even matter? It wasn’t like Hop had anything to prove to anyone, not after losing so easily in the semi finals. While he could always say Leon suffered a loss too, his fucking title of all things, he was still famous and seemed to be picking the pieces back up and getting on track with himself.

Hop had nothing.

Leon cleared his throat a bit awkwardly, having taken a few steps back, but now that Hop was coming to and snapping himself out of his daydreams, his brother approached him once more. “Are you hungry? I haven’t gotten a chance to scope out the kitchen yet, but we could always order takeout from Wedgehurst if you want.”

Hop shook his head, no longer looking at his brother. “It doesn’t matter, I’m fine with whatever.”

Leon nodded. “Okay.” Then he let out a rather tired-sounding sigh. “You really should get up and moving. I’m worried about you sleeping so much.”

“Don’t be—I’m _fine_.”

Hop finally drew himself up from bed, meeting Leon’s eye when he did so and grimacing a bit at the skeptical look tossed his way.

“ _Hop_.”

Ugh—it never failed, it never fucking failed anytime Leon would chastise him (and could this even be considered that?), Hop folded into himself, having to avert his gaze yet again to avoid having to face that scrutinizing stare. Leon sometimes took his role as older brother a little too seriously, even dabbling into mothering territory. This wasn’t the first time Hop had his brother talk to him about his health.

He knew he was just worried, but Hop wasn’t a child. He could take care of himself just fine and why was a little extra sleep such a big deal?

“We’re going to try and fix your sleep schedule while I’m here, okay?”

He cringed a bit. Just a bit. “I don’t need help with that, Lee.”

Fully expecting Leon to respond, Hop was surprised when instead, his brother crossed his arms, letting out another sigh. “I’m going to get settled, then fix dinner.” Then his gaze fell to Hop once more where Leon began to fidget almost like he was nervous. “Do you…ah—would you like to watch a movie?” The corners of his mouth curled into a smile, making Hop grimace for some reason and he couldn’t figure out why.

Considering what happened last time they watched a movie— “No thanks.” He didn’t want Leon sitting so close to him and making him kiss him all over again. No. Thanks.

The moment Leon’s face fell, that look of utter disappointment the only thing left to look at, Hop hated— _fucking hated—_ how that pang of guilt dropped straight into his stomach. He had every right to be acting the way he did, but he also didn’t want Leon being upset with him, whether or not it meant his brother would hate him for rejecting him, Hop didn’t want to find out.

So, he sighed.

“Fine,” he said. “A movie is fine.” He knew he was only giving in, but it wouldn’t be unreasonable for him to simply tell Leon to keep his hands to himself, so that—

Before Hop could even finish the thought, Leon suddenly bounded forward, wrapping both arms around him, pulling him into his chest as he let out a sound of excitement. “Oh—it’ll be so fun, Hop!”

Normally Hop would have pushed him off, yelled at him that he wasn’t allowed to touch him, or at least said _something,_ but he was in too much shock to do any of those things. The worst part was he had no idea if he was frozen of his own volition or if Leon had taken control of him again, but as his brother nuzzled his hair to the point Hop could feel the tip of his nose burying into his locks, even hear the sound of Leon inhaling, he still couldn’t move.

It only made his heart start pounding, because he didn’t know if Leon was actually doing this or not, and really—they had the place to themselves until Sunday evening. If Leon wanted, if he really, _really_ wanted, he could just make Hop do whatever he wanted. He could force Hop to suck him off, or worse.

Hop dreaded to think of what was worse, but despite it, couldn’t help the small whimper that escaped as Leon only continued holding onto him. His limbs began to shiver, as he was still frozen, but the moment he choked out the small sound of fear, Leon immediately pulled back from him.

His once bright and smiling face dropped the second he laid eyes on Hop, and even though he couldn’t see himself, he could only imagine the expression on his own face.

Then Leon spoke, his tone shifting so drastically it almost gave Hop whiplash. He spoke gently, his voice baritone and low, but the same voice he would use to comfort Hop when he was upset about something. “Hop, it’s okay. I’m not controlling you right now.”

Hop swallowed, having to muster the energy to push at Leon’s chest slightly just to see if it was true. His arms straightened as he gently placed his palms against him, finding he could move himself, and his shoulders instantly relaxed a bit when Leon pulled away from him.

His brother only gave him an apologetic, lopsided smile. “I told you—I promise I’m not going to make you do anything, okay? Hop, I love you. I wish you’d believe me.”

He had no idea why the fuck he sprang up so fast at Leon’s defense when this was his fault from the beginning. “I-I _do_ believe you, Lee.”

Leon perked up, as though surprised he was hearing this. Hop was surprised too. “Really? You know I’d never hurt you, right?”

Hop’s cheeks burned, but he had to look away this time while he nodded. “I know that.”

“Hop, I—” Leon bit his lip, shifting on his feet as though he were nervous, and the fidgeting did not go unnoticed by Hop. “I-I know you’re new to this whole dating thing. I promise I won’t be as forward like I’ve been, but I’ve missed you so much, Hop, and—” He sucked a breath between his teeth. “Hop, can I—I mean—m-may I kiss you, please?”

Hop tensed the moment those words left his mouth. He had a sinking feeling Leon would begin asking things like this of him from the get-go and he was right. Though the last thing Hop wanted to do was start making out, especially since he just woke up and felt gross all over, he made the mistake of looking Leon in the eye and that pleading look, that look that suggested Leon was close to _begging_ him for this made Hop lose his resolve all the more.

After all, it was just a kiss. One little kiss wouldn’t hurt, right?

Ugh, Hop couldn’t believe he was even considering this, but honestly, he had let Leon have his way this whole time, so this didn’t come as a surprise to him. He wasn’t even disappointed in himself anymore for allowing things to escalate to this level, but he had already had this conversation with himself time and time again, and it always led to one conclusion.

This was all Hop’s fault. It was because he feared Leon abandoning him if he didn’t placate him like this, but after what happened last time when Leon grew so desperate, he flat out ignored Hop’s protests, he also feared saying no.

Because how far would Leon go if he denied him? What if he hated him? Hop didn’t want his brother to hate him.

He loved him.

So, with that, with a heavy, resigned sigh, Hop closed his eyes as he prepared for the onslaught before he nodded. “O-okay…”

In an instant, Hop felt Leon’s hands come to his face, cupping his jaw so he could tilt his head up and Hop’s cheeks burned, waiting for Leon to do like he had done before, kissing him so hard, Hop struggled to breathe, pressing him up against the wall where Hop had nowhere to go should he choose to try and run. But—what Hop thought would be the feeling of himself suffocating, he instead felt Leon’s mouth come to his own, his lips soft, so _soft_ that Hop almost wanted to moan at how nice it felt, when this was such a contrast to how he was used to being treated, and his cheeks burned at it when Leon continued kissing him. His kiss wasn’t fleeting, but incredibly gentle and Hop had to wonder if he was keeping good on his word by trying to slow down, ease him into it when he knew Hop was shy.

Of course, he was shy. This was his _brother._ How could Hop possibly sit here and allow Leon to keep getting his way? What would he ask for next? How far was he willing to go?

Hop’s hands, which had come up to press slightly against Leon’s chest, began to tremble.

Would he even have the nerve to tell Leon no if he wanted to go further with this? He doubted it. Hop wished in a fucked up way that he _wasn’t_ uncomfortable with this, because it would be so much easier if he could sit there and be good for his brother, if he could get some enjoyment out of it.

But, despite how gentle Leon was being, Hop’s cheeks on fire even when his brother finally pulled away, his eyes still slammed shut so he wouldn’t have to watch, he knew. There was no enjoying this. There was no winning, especially if he wanted to keep Leon happy, and normally Hop would be willing to do anything for his brother, he would give him everything he could afford to give, but—

Hop’s cheeks burned until the heat traveled down to his neck.

Why in the world did Leon want _him?_

“Hop?”

He must have had his eyes shut for way too long, the way he had folded into himself so much that he was basically cringing and Hop finally opened his eyes to make eye contact with Leon. His brother’s brow was pinched, like he couldn’t figure out why Hop was reacting like this, and Hop quickly fumbled to correct himself, anything to try to smooth over the fact he had hated every second of that.

“I-I’m going to shower. I feel gross.” That wasn’t necessarily from the kiss, but sleeping all day long hadn’t help at all, and to his surprise, Leon nodded.

“Okay. I’ll be unpacking and fixing dinner in the meantime.”

Trying not to make this any more awkward than it already was, Hop side stepped from around Leon before crossing the hallway, and locking himself in the bathroom, his face still burning. Once inside, he leaned back against the door, his heart pounding, tears forming in his eyes, but he blinked them away. _Don’t you dare cry. Don’t you fucking cry._ Hop had no right to cry, not when he’d let things stoop to this level.

He covered his face in his hands, too ashamed to even look at his own reflection lest his own face showed how disgusting he really was. Hop didn’t know what to do anymore, and the only thing that calmed the beating of his heart was hearing Leon’s footsteps echo down the stairs to the kitchen, away from him.

He hated it. He hated this. Hop _hated everything right now._ Why the fuck couldn’t everything just go back to normal? Why couldn’t he just—

Hop suppressed a sob when he shivered.

Why couldn’t he just play along with his brother and enjoy it? Why did it have to feel as though he were doing something wrong, that he was the one being disgusting with this? Because he was. Hop didn’t push away. Hop didn’t call for help.

His hands trembled.

Hop could even say the kiss just now had felt nice.

That was even more fucked up—because why wasn’t Leon _hurting_ him? Even if he went out and begged for help from someone, what the fuck was he supposed to say? Leon forced himself on him? But he hadn’t. Hop knew he touched him, but he wasn’t necessarily forced. Hop was the one who went along with it, so that meant he wanted it, right? The fuck did he think he was going to tell anyone, especially when it came to Leon’s strange powers? If he wanted to, all he had to do was grab his arm and make him say whatever he wanted, do whatever he wanted, anything Leon wanted, it didn’t matter.

Hop trembled, even as he turned the shower on, cranking up the heat until it burned his skin, but he reveled in the pain. It was what he deserved after all. It’s what he got for having the gall to stand here and think he had any right to cry over something he had allowed to happen.

The water cascaded down his skin, leaving small red marks in places where it lingered too long, but Hop allowed it, glad to be feeling pain instead of overwhelming despair for once. He scrubbed his whole body twice over, until the steam had drowned the entire bathroom, until the scent of his own shampoo was so thick in the air that he thought he might suffocate on it—and still, Hop scrubbed himself. It wouldn’t undo any of the damage he’d allowed to be done, but dammit, he needed something to feel clean right now.

His fingers came up to dab at his bottom lip, and he fought back the tremble when his lip quivered.

It’d be so much easier to go along with Leon, to make his brother happy, even if he ended up getting his thrill out his system, if that’s what it took to make his brother happy—Hop sucked in a breath—then he could put up with this. He didn’t want this to be the thing that tore them apart. He didn’t want Leon to abandon him once he realize how worthless Hop really was, and if the only use Hop could have for his older brother was to sit there while he came onto him—

Then so fucking be it. Hop would do it. Hop had already sunk so low that there was no recovery now, he had gone past the point of no return a long time ago, way before they even touched themselves that weekend, and there was no going back. Hop knew that.

He was already disgusting. This was already his fault. So, what the fuck was the point in trying to fight it any longer?

Hop shivered, despite the water scalding his flesh, despite the red patches of skin he was leaving on himself out of his sheer desperation to forget how awful things were right now.

He could learn to love it. If Leon was serious about this whole mess, if his brother really was serious about it, then Hop could teach himself to lie there and take it. He could push all his concerns to the back of his mind if it really came down to it and just _fucking take it._

Because he was already trash. There was no saving himself anymore. Hop didn’t deserve it.

With the shower turned off, the steam still lingering in the air so thickly that Hop couldn’t see himself in the mirror at all (good riddance), he towel dried his hair the best he could before slipping on his pajamas and heading downstairs.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you everyone so much for your support! i'm sorry this fic is super slow with updates, but things are so busy irl and i've started working on this fic on and off when i'm at work. but i appreciate those of you who are still hanging around reading! it means a lot ;-;

The scent of food wafted from the kitchen the moment Hop found himself downstairs. Whatever Leon was cooking smelled warm and spicy, and he could only venture a guess he was making curry. It smelled an awful lot like his favorite, too. 

The moment he peeked through the doorway, sure enough, there was Leon parked in front of the stove, a huge bubbling pot of curry being the source of the wonderful smell. Leon stirred the contents every so often, but once Hop rounded the corner, clearing his throat more out of the awkward need to alert his presence than anything, his brother stopped what he was doing to whirl around and give him a huge smile. “Hey! Enjoy your shower?”

Bit of an odd icebreaker, but not like Hop could do any better. He nodded, trying not to make it obvious he was avoiding eye contact. It just felt too weird to look Leon in the eye, as if he could read his thoughts somehow, but that was insane. Then again, he had the power to control Hop’s body, so mind reading wasn’t so far fetched either. “Y-yeah. It was fine.” Come to think of it, his body was a bit raw from Hop’s overzealous scrubbing and he could already feel patches of irritated skin rubbing against his pajamas, not quite painful, but enough to be an annoyance. He really did get carried away with his bath.

Not appearing to notice his rather standoffish behavior, or perhaps just choosing to ignore it, Leon gave him a nod, the wide smile still present. It never failed to make Hop feel guilty anytime he saw his brother light up like the sun whenever he so much as laid eyes on him. Surely, he could save his excitement for something else—like battles or whatever. He didn’t have to waste his time with Hop of all people. “Good—you took so long I was about to come in there and rescue you from drowning.”

It was an attempt to lighten the mood, and Hop couldn’t help but curl the corner of his mouth into a half-smile out of habit. “Thanks… I’m still a little tired, it’s been a slow start.”

“Well, we’ll take care of that while I’m here.” Leon’s expression and tone changed enough even Hop could pick up on it despite how he kept his line of sight on something random. Like the floor tiles. “No more sleeping all day. It’ll be rough on you tonight, but if you can’t get to sleep, we’ll just have to stay up together and keep you awake all day tomorrow.”

Having his brother nag at him about his health made that inherent annoyance crop up when Hop didn’t mean to. It was just his go to reaction whenever something like this happened and he’d even gotten into a bad habit of talking back to Mum when she brought it up. “I’m _fine_. I don’t need you breathing down my neck about it.” Though he hadn’t meant for it to come out quite that nasty, the little tired sigh Leon made from across the room only caused Hop to freeze at the sound of his own spite. 

“Hop, I’m just worried about you is all. I’m not trying to suffocate you.”

Pretty poor choice of words considering that’s all Hop felt he’d done lately. At least with this dating bullshit that he still felt uncomfortable with, but Hop let out a sigh of his own, shoulders bunching up as he leaned against the doorframe. “I can take care of myself. I’m not a child.” 

“I know you aren’t, but I still worry about you.”

Heat rushed to Hop’s cheeks, because he knew he was being a brat about this, becoming annoyed when he knew deep down all Leon did was care about his well-being. It wasn’t fair to discount his brother when he knew he meant no harm. 

Again, Hop sighed, hating how he was becoming so moody lately, yet it only seemed to happen when he was around Leon. If there was a reason for that or just a coincidence, he didn’t know, nor care to know, but he allowed his shoulders to slump, pushing himself off the door frame before perking up at the sight of the boiling pot behind Leon. “What are you making?” Hopefully he could change the subject without his brother caring. 

At that, Leon’s face lit up once again, Hop able to see his eyes practically sparkling as though he were over the moon Hop was showing an interest in his cooking. “Oh—food!”

Hop frowned. Was he...gonna elaborate or…? “Well duh, I meant what kind of food.”

“Oh!” Leon’s cheeks turned a light pink and Hop didn’t think he’d ever grow used to seeing his brother become embarrassed, no matter how trivial a matter it was. Any other time, he could say it was rather cute, but admitting that made Hop depressed for some reason. He only thought he was cute in a platonic, brotherly love kind of way. Not a—not a _dating_ way. “Curry! You like the spicy apple, right?”

Granted, Hop was a little surprised Leon could remember what his favorite foods tended to be, as he figured his brother had more important things to rattle around in his empty head than stuff like that, but he nodded nonetheless. “Yeah...I love that stuff.”

“Good! I just hope I can do it justice. Probably won’t come out the way Mum makes it, but I tried.” Leon beamed, puffing his chest out and crossing his arms. He looked so damn proud of himself that Hop couldn’t help but snort through his nose at him. For his dumb brother to be so airheaded most of the time, it absolutely astounded him how serious he was when it came to them. 

_Them…?_

Hop shuddered. No, he didn’t want there to be a _them._ Not in this case. Though the thought sent an unpleasant cold shiver down his back, Hop tried his best to ignore it. 

“I-I’m sure it’ll taste fine, Lee.” 

“I just hope my single living cooking is up to par.” With that said, Leon returned to his position of stirring the pot as it continued to boil while Hop crossed the room to settle at the supper table. Once seated, he let out a soft exhale before propping his elbows up and resting his chin in his hands. 

Normally when Leon came to visit, Hop would be beside himself with excitement, wanting to spend every waking moment he could hanging out and goofing off before Leon had to return back to Wyndon, as his visits were becoming rarer and rarer. But now—Hop focused on the floor, trying his best to keep these negative thoughts at bay, but with Leon mere feet away, it was impossible. Those wide smiles and heart pounding moments he’d be giddy with anticipation were now only replaced by the same thought bouncing around in his head over and over. That Leon claimed to be in love with him. That they had touched themselves while Hop sat in his lap. That he’d kissed him on more than one occasion, even not an hour ago just now. That Hop had agreed to date him (if just for a trial period), and despite his reservations about this whole matter, he was too scared of saying no and hurting him. 

Funny. Hop had once stuck to his guns, he made damn sure Leon got the message he was only humoring him and he wasn’t at all serious about this, as he’d never planned to go further than simply going on a brotherly outing (an innocent date) with him. But now—

Hop’s stare glossed over to his brother where it lingered, where he watched him with that smile on his face as he added spices to the pot. He’d never seen anyone look so content while cooking before and he couldn’t help but stare. 

Now he felt guilty. Maybe he had led him on by not putting his foot down from the start, but Hop had no idea why in the hell he felt like this. He knew deep down he didn’t want to hurt Leon because, despite all that had happened, he _did_ love him. Just not the way Leon apparently did. Hop wasn’t sure if he could ever push it to that point, and he didn’t even want to entertain the idea, but honestly if this whole thing was just something Leon needed to vent out and get off his chest, Hop didn’t necessarily see the harm in letting his brother get his way. Though it perplexed him to no end why Leon would want to do stuff like this with _him_ of all people, as long as he didn’t make Hop do any ‘favors’ for him (Hop shivered), then what was the harm? 

He could feel guilty about it all he wanted later, but for now, Hop was doing his best just to sit here and pretend things were normal. Even though they weren’t. 

“It’s done!” 

Leon’s sudden voice cutting through the silence caused Hop to jump in his seat, jerked from his daydreams, and his brother gave him an apologetic smile. 

“Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you. Are you still tired?”

Well yeah. Hop was exhausted. Mentally and physically. He nodded in reply. 

Leon’s smile turned somber, but gentle. “Okay, after we eat, how do you feel about watching a movie? We can crash on the couch.”

Honestly, going back to sleep was way more tantalizing than watching a movie, but Hop had already agreed earlier to watch something. Didn’t matter what. So again, he nodded, though couldn’t deny his hesitance at the fact Leon just basically admitted they would be bunking together on the couch. And it wasn’t even the first time Hop had slept next to him, but had a nagging fear that Leon would start touching him or whatnot. He’d already made up his mind if Leon did start getting handsy and freaking him out, he would just go next door to Gloria’s, because the last thing he wanted to do was see his brother’s dick again. 

Once was enough. Hearing the sounds he made while he climaxed and moaned out Hop’s name in pleasure was one time too many to experience, and he knew he could go the rest of his life without ever seeing his brother like that ever again. But sure. As long as they kept it at sleeping beside one another, Hop didn’t see the harm in going along with it. 

“Is there any particular movie you’d like to watch?” 

“No. Whatever you want, Lee.” Now recovered from Leon having startled the hell out of him, Hop was propped back up on the table, knowing it was terrible table manners to have his elbows up like this, but if he didn’t keep his head supported on something and keep himself upright, he might fall back asleep. It seemed sleeping all day only made him exhausted (but that could be attested to Leon showing up as well), so hopefully he wouldn’t have too much trouble getting settled that night. 

“Hmm...I didn’t really have anything in mind, but we could skim through the channels and see what’s on.” 

This forced small talk was driving Hop bonkers, and he would have said so had Leon not set a bowl of curry in front of him. The smell of spiced apple wafted straight up his nose and immediately Hop’s mouth began to water. Just as Leon seated himself at the opposite end of the table, Hop took a mouthful of rice and sautéed apple and almost moaned at how incredible it tasted. Holy shit—he couldn’t remember the last time he ate Leon’s cooking, and he couldn’t for the life of him figure out where he learned all his culinary skills, but it sure as hell wasn’t from Mum. 

Before he could stop himself, Hop swallowed his food and blurted out, “ _Shit_ —that’s delicious.” Immediately his cheeks packed with heat, and he fumbled. Why on earth did he say it like that? “I-I mean, it’s really good, Lee.”

The smile on his brother’s face from across the table could not have been wider if he tried. His grin was almost infectious, but Hop quickly filled his mouth with more food before he could embarrass himself further, and Leon looked genuinely humbled by his comment. “Really? I know you like that one, so I’ve been practicing at it from time to time. Glad to know I got the Hop seal of approval!”

Why would Leon waste his time worrying over making Hop’s favorite food like that? Hop couldn’t help but imagine Leon staying awake at all hours of the night with his hair in a bun, fussing over a boiling pot as he attempted again and again to perfect the dish, and the thought would have normally made him chuckle, but Hop only folded into himself. For Leon to go through so much trouble just for him—he really didn’t deserve it at all. He didn’t deserve having someone put that much effort into something so minuscule, but damn if Leon didn’t work himself to death when it came to Hop sometimes. 

He sighed. Leon really was an idiot. 

But he was at least glad his brother seemed happy. Hopefully he wouldn’t harp on him about his sleeping habits anymore, as it would only result in an argument that Hop didn’t have the energy for, so he focused on eating his curry, trying to pace himself and enjoy every morsel, but damn if it wasn’t hard to hold off on wolfing the whole thing down. It really _was_ delicious. For Leon to be single and live by himself, he could certainly give any chef worth their weight a run for their money. 

The remainder of dinner was spent with Leon recounting stories from his time in Wyndon. Overall, Hop had heard most of these already, but he used to jump at the opportunity to hear Leon gush about his latest battle or television gig he’d snagged. All in all, it was business as usual, with Hop wishing he could be more enthused about it, but given the circumstances, he wasn’t able to muster more than an occasional nod as he finished off his food. 

Needless to say, it was less awkward than he feared it might be. Leon wasn’t pushy about the whole dating thing at least. Other than the kiss they’d shared earlier, his brother hadn’t brought up anything of the sort which Hop was glad for. He really didn’t want to have that conversation while enjoying his favorite food. 

Once all was said and done, Leon rose from his seat, extending his hand for Hop’s bowl which he gave. With a gesture of his head toward the sink, Leon said, “Wanna help with cleanup?”

Hop couldn’t deny the trepidation in the way he paused, but honestly, Leon had been behaving himself, so as long as he didn’t start touching him, there was really no need for Hop to worry so much. He could afford to let himself relax a little, although it was difficult as all hell. Still, he nodded, rising from his own chair. “Okay.”

Often when they were both little, they would be saddled with cleanup duty after eating, so Hop had more experience than he knew what to do with when it came to drying plates and mugs. He could dry the shit out of them. As usual, Leon proclaimed himself the washer, and before long, the brothers were caught in the lull of washing dishes side by side, Leon handing off the dripping wet plates and such for Hop to dry with his dish towel. Leon kept the small talk up with generic topics Hop was always aware of, but at least he appreciated his brother trying to hold himself back and pretend things were as normal as possible. 

And for a while there, Hop really did feel like he was back with the old Leon. The Leon who wasn’t in love with him, who hadn’t kissed him, felt him up, dry humped him in a locker room, and hadn’t jacked Hop off until he climaxed just a couple weeks ago. For a moment, a small, almost minuscule moment, Hop found himself smiling, shoulders no longer bunched to his chin, his stomach not in knots for once, and as he stood there drying plates and helping put everything back in the cupboards, he had forgotten all about why he was nervous around his brother in the first place. Things had seemed so normal that evening that he could relax for once and simply enjoy Leon’s company for what it was. 

“Hey, Lee?” Hop had just placed a few forks and spoons back in the utensil drawer before a thought entered his head. Leon had been rambling on the whole time about Pokémon battles and whatnot—which Hop didn’t necessarily mind, but he couldn’t help when his curiosity got the better of him. When he called to him, Leon stopped wiping off the stove before he looked over his shoulder. “Where did Mum go?” 

His brother shrugged, turning his back to continue cleaning. “She went to see Dad.” 

“Oh…”

He’d said that with no hesitance and so nonchalantly that it almost threw Hop off, as though Hop had asked him what his favorite toothpaste was. Or something of equal unimportance. Truth be told, Hop wasn’t as familiar with their father as Leon had been, as his only memories of the man were from way back when he’d been too young to properly form any sort of meaningful relationship with him. As far as he knew, their father had up and left ages ago, leaving Leon to help Mum raise Hop while doing the best they could without him. 

So basically—all Hop knew was that their dad wasn’t very nice. At least, anytime he’d bring it up to Leon, he never had anything positive to say about him. Mum refused to speak of him at all, but Hop knew she would on rare occasions meet up with him either for familial matters or business. He wasn’t sure if he should press Leon for more details, but he couldn’t help how the admission made his stomach churn a little. If their dad tried to come back into their lives now, he wasn’t sure if he was ready for that—for someone he barely knew attempting to take over or whatever it was he wanted. Hop didn’t know. 

All he did know was that, for as long as he could remember—

His cheeks gushed. 

Leon had been his ‘ _dad_ ’. Obviously not in a literal sense, but it was no secret his older brother had taken on not just the role of older sibling, but also parental when Mum couldn’t. Leon had been the one to help teach Hop how to read and write, he’d been there to remind him to brush his teeth and bathe him at nighttime when he’d been too little to do so himself. Leon had often stayed up late with him, either reading to him in an effort to get Hop to sleep, or even rocking him when he’d had a nightmare. Hop never faulted his mother for not being there for him all of the time, because he knew she did all she could for the two of them. 

But Leon had _always_ been there. He always seemed way too happy to take care of Hop when it boiled down to it. That could be the reason they got along so well, but for the fucking life of him, Hop could not figure out how Leon could develop feelings like he had. It seemed so out of the blue, but he’d admitted to Hop on their date that he had harbored thoughts like that since he was a teenager. That was around the time Hop had come to rely on him for care, so how the fuck did Leon go from assigning himself as Hop’s surrogate parent to—

To being in _love_ with him? 

Hop’s palms shook around his dish towel, trying his best not to let the news of their father rattle him, as he knew Leon was dealing with the brunt of that knowledge way more than he. Never had he ever heard Leon say anything nice about him. Despite his smile, despite how upbeat Leon had been all evening, Hop knew it was a front. At least most of it was. 

Just how much Leon was pretending for his sake, Hop couldn’t say. 

With Hop ruminating in his thoughts, the conversation had all but fizzed out until Leon finally sighed from the other side of the kitchen, placing his wash rag over in the sink once he was done cleaning the stove. “If you’re worried about something happening with him, don’t be. It’s not like he’s interested in coming back. It happens sometimes, Hop. Ever since I became champion, Dad’s been pestering Mum for finances and whatnot. You know.” He shrugged, the gravity of his words not matching his demeanor at all. Leon looked so bored by what he was saying, as though it were merely the lines of a television show he’d been rehashing over and over. “He probably just wants money.” 

It was Hop’s turn to shrug. “Why does Mum keep meeting up with him if she doesn’t want anything to come of it?”

“I don’t know. That’s her business.”

That was that. There was no sense pestering Leon about a matter like this when it all came down to his Mum’s affairs. Hop wasn’t sure if he really wanted to press the issue, as he was a bit afraid to upset Leon, but just as that thought passed his mind, he blurted out, “Are you okay, Lee?” After all, Leon knew more about Dad than Hop, so if anything, he had the right to be upset about something that was none of Hop’s business. 

Apparently not expecting that question, Leon shot up with a start, eyes widened in momentary surprise. “Wha—of course I’m okay! You didn’t think talking about Dad would upset me, did you?”

Well. 

Yeah? He did. Twiddling his fingers nervously around his dish towel, Hop could only give a solemn nod as a response. 

And when Leon’s entire expression softened, he felt embarrassed to see his brother give him a gentle smile for some reason. “I’m happy you’re worried about me, Hopscotch, but don’t be. This isn’t something you should lose sleep over. Speaking of…” Leon clapped his hands together, his smile widening. “It’s time for movies. If you’ll get the telly set up, I’ll go find some blankets and pillows. Hopefully, they’re still in the same place as they were before I left.”

It was rather obvious Leon was only changing the subject to get out of discussing their father further, but Hop couldn’t blame him for wanting to focus on something less stressful. It was his fault for bringing it up in the first place, but it wasn’t a lie to say he _had_ been worried about Leon being upset their mother still kept in contact with their father, and his brother was probably worried he’d try to come back into their lives, especially since Leon was loaded now. What deadbeat parent wouldn’t come knocking on their door wanting some of that sweet champion money? 

Try as he might to set the matter on the back burner, Hop did his best to smile back at his brother, but his muscles just didn’t seem to want to work. All he managed to do was cringe a little, but reply with, “Okay…”

It wasn’t long Hop was in the living room, fishing out the remote from whatever black hole it had fallen into between the sofa cushions while Leon had busied himself upstairs in the closet trying to find any spare blankets. When Hop finally found the remote (it was under the sofa thanks to their Mum’s Purrloin who only gave Hop a smug look once he’d found it), he sat down on the sofa before flicking the tv on, channel surfing to kill time until Leon finally clambered his way downstairs, arms full of said blankets and pillows. 

His brother appeared to be struggling, so Hop jumped from his seat, eager to take the load off as he gently peeled a few pillows off Leon’s handful. “Aw, Hop, you don’t have to do that. I got it.” Not a minute sooner, his brother’s smiling face appeared behind one of the pillows, turning into a toothy grin once he spied Hop. 

Hop quickly turned his gaze elsewhere, like the living room for example, before his brother could see his face turn red. “I-it’s not a big deal. Don’t want you falling down the stairs because you’re trying to show off.” 

“Showing off?” Leon’s eyes lidded and his grin curled in mischief. “You think I’m showing off for you?”

There was no holding back the way Hop’s face burned in embarrassment, having no doubt he was red as a tomato, but he quickly shuffled his way back to the living room to dump the pillow on the sofa. “N-no, I-I mean…” He tried to swallow to gain his bearings, but his throat was too tight, and he choked on himself a little. “I’m just saying I don’t want you falling off the stairs and hurting yourself just because you don’t want to make multiple trips.” 

The blankets from Leon’s haul were placed next to the pillows Hop had set down, and he noticed his brother having inched closer to him, until there was the unmistakable feeling of his palm pressing down on Hop’s shoulder before he leaned his face right down next to him, until Hop could even feel his hot breath against his ear. “I could show off for you even more, Hopscotch. I’d be happy to.”

Despite how Leon was touching him right now, any initial fears Hip might have had about being controlled were thrown out the window at his brother’s rather forward request, and Hop found himself snorting through his nose, much to his own bewilderment. “Don’t flatter yourself. You’ve fallen down those stairs before, I just don’t want Mum getting out of sorts when she comes back and you’ve got a bump on your head.”

“Aw, come on, Hop. You don’t have to pretend you don’t admire the way I look. Part of the reason I work out so much is for _you_.”

The moment Leon’s hand left his shoulder, Hop felt as though a cold shiver ran down his back when he trembled, not even sure why, as not a moment after Leon withdrew his hand, he wrapped both arms around Hop’s shoulders from behind, pulling him close to his chest. His chin came to rest at the spot on his shoulder straight after, and Hop felt his heart thump in his chest. His instincts were telling him to shove him off, yell at him that he was _not_ allowed to touch him and that Leon was breaking his promise—but for some reason, Hop didn’t feel as anxious like he normally did. 

He hated to admit it, and he would never say it to Leon, but it felt...nice being held by him like this. Heat rose to Hop’s face until he was sure he could feel it seeping out his pores, but he remained frozen. Whether Leon had gone back on his word and was forcing him to stay in place, or whether Hop was just so shocked by the admission his older brother had worked out in an attempt to be eye candy for him, he had no fucking clue. 

There was an urge to reach up and hold onto Leon’s arm, not to pry him off, but Hop couldn’t explain why he felt compelled to cling to him. Ask him not to let go. 

Hold him _tighter_. 

Please, hold him all night long where Hop could sleep comfortably for once, where he wouldn’t be plagued by nightmares every hour, even if Leon himself was the cause of them. 

He wanted to beg Leon to protect him, hold him, love him. 

His brother said something into his ear, but Hop’s mind had wandered so considerably that he didn’t even hear him. The next thing he knew, Leon had his face tucked right into the crook of his neck, and Hop could feel his warm mouth against him. It was unlike being kissed directly on the mouth, as that was something that always felt more intimate with Hop. Even stranger was the fact they had touched cocks before, and weirdly enough, Hop never felt more intimate with Leon than when he chose to kiss him, which didn’t make a whole lot of sense. Kissing felt as though it were somehow dirtier than seeing one another naked, than jerking off even. Hop didn’t know why, but it did. 

Normally he would have pushed Leon off him, told him to remember the bargain they had—that Leon wasn’t allowed to touch him during his stay, but for some reason, Hop couldn’t find it in him to push him away. He was warm in his arms, even while Leon opened his mouth against his neck to kiss, Hop’s head felt full of fog and if he hadn’t been pressed back into Leon’s chest, he could have fallen asleep like that. 

Still, when Leon’s kissing got a little too eager, to the point his fingers were teasing the edge of Hop’s shirt to drag it off his shoulder, he reached up then to grab hold of Leon’s wrist before he gave a firm squeeze. “Lee—no.” Despite how sleepy he’d gotten all of a sudden, Hop still had enough wits about him to realize if he silently allowed his brother to continue with this, he didn’t want to deal with the repercussions should Leon take it further. Whatever further even entailed. 

Leon laughed through his nose, making Hop shiver slightly at the low vibration it caused. “Sorry. I can’t help myself when I’m around you. It’s been so long when all I’ve wanted to do is hold you.” With that said, Leon’s arm looped out from around Hop’s shoulder and it was like a literal weight was taken away. Hop could breathe, the feeling of cotton no longer prevalent in his head, and he blinked a few times as though that would help regain his focus. It seemed anytime Hop was around Leon anymore he spaced out, mind wandering in the clouds, and he didn’t know why. 

“That’s...fine if all you want to do is hug me.” What the hell was he saying? Yet again, Hop felt that horrible pang of guilt dip into his stomach where he was compelled to say these things so that he didn’t wind up hurting Leon’s feelings. He had no idea why he feared Leon getting hurt because of him when his brother could be blamed for this entire thing in the first place. 

But so could Hop. 

He quickly fumbled his words, trying to smooth over what it was he even wanted to say, and his cheeks flushed with embarrassed heat. “I-I mean, y-you promised not to touch me, Lee. So no kissing.” 

It was then Leon came to stand in front of him, hunched just a bit to meet his gaze, but Hop adamantly avoided eye contact, because he knew Leon was just giving him the Yamper eyes, trying to play his sympathy and weaknesses, and _dammit_ , Hop had to hold onto his resolve fast or else risk bending over backwards again. Because he didn’t want to be intimate with Leon anymore. It scared him—it fucking _scared_ him thinking that his own brother wanted to do things like that with him. It wasn’t Leon himself Hop was afraid of per se, but the idea that he even wanted to do things with _Hop_ of all people in the first place. 

Leon may have been the ex-champion, but he still had a lot of notoriety, he wasn’t any less famous for losing his title. That being said, Leon could get anyone he wanted— _anyone._ Anyone willing to bed the great and respectable Leon, he didn’t even have to try. Leon was known all across the region as one of the greatest champions ever, so Hop had an awful hard time believing his older brother was flopping in the relationship department. There was no way Leon didn’t have people flocking to him trying to get into his pants, either taking advantage, or just wanting a few minutes to say they got to be with a celebrity. 

Hop didn’t know why Leon insisted on wasting his time with him, even if they were brothers. Leon could do so much better. 

Hop’s thoughts were interrupted when Leon spoke, “I wasn’t controlling you.” 

_Ugh_ —he was afraid of this, but Hop bit his bottom lip to try and regain his determination. It was almost amazing how Leon made Hop feel as though he were the one in the wrong for not wanting to make out with him. He should have been angry at him for it, but Hop just felt guilty instead. Always guilty. 

Hop sighed, steeling himself. “I _know_ you weren’t, Lee, but you promised. You promised me when you came down, you weren’t going to make moves on me.” 

He risked glancing up and wished he hadn’t, because Leon’s entire face fell, like a child who’d been caught stealing sweets from the pantry. He fumbled over his words, and Hop couldn’t help the slight sense of accomplishment at the sight of his brother being called out for his actions. Even if he hated himself for it. “I-I know, Hop, I just—I wasn’t trying to make moves on you, I swear.” Leon’s cheeks tinged red. “I just…” And he lowered his eyes as though fighting for what to focus on before finally lifting them back to stare right at Hop. “I just don’t want you being scared of me.” 

Hop’s shoulders drooped. “Lee, I’m _not_ scared of you, for crying out loud.”

“But you act like it. And I know that’s my fault—I haven’t been doing a good job being a good boyfriend to you—”

The way Leon so casually dropped that word— _boyfriend—_ Hop’s brain shut off. He saw black for a few moments and stumbled, almost tripping over his feet, and would have busted his ass on the floor had he not tipped over to grab hold of the couch arm. In an instant, Leon had reached out to grab his other arm and hoisted him back up, cradling him as a result. 

Did he...hear that right? Oh fuck… 

His knees were wobbly, struggling to support his weight, every one of his limbs giving out like jello, and Leon was calling out his name, but Hop didn’t even process what he was saying. Because Leon just called himself his boyfriend. Leon—his brother—just called himself _his boyfriend._ What the fuck was wrong with him? For him to say that so casually as well—Hop’s stomach lurched with nausea, and he feared he might upchuck his dinner then. 

“Hop?! Hop!” 

Leon was shaking him now, both hands gripping his arms as he tried to snap him back to reality, but Hop still couldn’t process that quite yet. All he’d managed to mumble out was a, “Mmmhuh?” 

“Hop, what’s the matter? You got so pale—I didn’t upset you, did I?”

Well _no shit_ , he kinda did. Though upset wasn’t exactly the right word to describe what Hop was experiencing as he almost wanted to laugh at how stupid this whole thing was. Leon had been doing a lot of lofty shit these past few weeks, and Hop had let him get by with it, even though he didn’t like it, he _definitely_ didn’t like it, but he continued to give in more for Leon’s sake than anything. At the end of the day, Hop just didn’t want to be the one to cause his brother any pain, at the expense of his own feelings, but for Leon to say that word, call himself Hop’s boyfriend—it was just too much at once and Hop’s entire head felt like it was about to float off his body right now. 

“Hop, come sit down.” 

Before he knew it, Leon had taken him by the arm and led him beside the sofa, gently coaxing Hop to sit next to the pile of blankets and pillows. Once he’d seated Hop, Leon placed himself on the cushion opposite him, still clinging to his arm as though Hop were in danger of falling off. 

“Hop?” He pat his arm, rubbing his fingers gently up and down in an effort to calm his nerves. “Are you okay?”

Finally, when Hop could gather his thoughts enough to think straight, he wouldn’t be surprised if he’d had his mouth hung open like an idiot this whole time, but he finally managed to shake his head back and forth. “Y-you…” He swallowed, trying not to choke on it. “You said b-boyfriend…” Even Hop’s chest tightened at the fact that word just came from his own mouth. Saying it himself felt like an admission of some sort, but he had no idea why. 

Leon shrugged, which didn’t make him feel better by _any_ means. “I did. Why—does that word make you uncomfortable?”

What. The. _Fuck?_

Hop almost sputtered, his brain not able to keep up enough for his mouth to actually get the words out. “I—of fucking _course_ it does, Lee!” Heat rushed from his face, traveling all the way to his neck, and Hop had composed himself enough he scooted out of Leon’s arms to tuck into the corner of the sofa. He could only imagine the incredulous look on his own face, but he arched his brow, hating how nonchalant Leon appeared. It wasn’t fair his brother saw absolutely nothing wrong with this whole thing—when it was insanely fucked beyond belief. “Y-you—we’re _brothers,_ for fuck’s sake, we can’t be boyfriends.” He shouldn’t have to spell this out for him, but Leon was stupid, so Hop was forced to say all this embarrassing shit aloud. He wanted nothing more than to focus on the telly, hoping maybe some advert would play and he could make the excuse he was _super_ interested in it, but his eyes were glued to Leon’s, because his stupid older brother looked so damn sincere, Hop thought he might short circuit sitting here with him. 

“Why not?” Leon shrugged again, leaning back until he was propped up by the pillows. “We’re dating, remember?”

“It’s a trial period, Leon,” Hop quickly interjected, but Leon didn’t miss a beat. 

“And generally when people date, they’re considered boyfriend or girlfriend, right?”

_Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh…_

Hop could only hold his head in his hands, a persistent thumping in his temples giving way to a headache that was forming. “I’m tired. You tire me, Lee. I can’t believe you can sit here and act like none of this is insane. Brothers shouldn’t be dating. They shouldn’t be _boyfriends._ ” He couldn’t suppress a shiver at that word. “They shouldn’t be kissing or touching each other.” 

While he couldn’t see his face, Hop could hear the exasperated sigh Leon made, and already knew from that alone his brow was furrowed in possible annoyance. “Why are you so bothered by it?”

“Why _aren’t_ you bothered by it?”

“Because I love you.” 

Hop lifted his face from his hands, not able to help the slight glare he shot Leon. “What kind of excuse is that supposed to be? You love me, so that gives you the right to do shit like this?”

His brother actually blanched backward at that, but only gave Hop a rather confused stare as a result. “You say that like I’m molesting you or something.”

It wasn’t a lie to say the sound of that word sent a cold shiver down Hop’s back, but he didn’t let it show. If anything, he wanted to say yes, what Leon was doing could be considered that, but Hop mentally scolded himself. His brother might have been pushy, but it wasn’t like he was holding Hop down by force and taking him against his will. To Leon’s credit, he asked for permission before doing anything too bad, and if Hop told him no, Leon stopped. So...it wasn’t really molestation then, was it? 

Hop slumped in his seat, eyes trailing over to the telly which buzzed in the background with some nonsense about the weather. It would be heating up in the coming week, giving Hop an excuse to wear his summer clothes, but he couldn’t be bothered to worry about that now. 

It really didn’t matter what he said to Leon at that, so he merely sighed, and in turn, Leon followed up with another sigh of his own. 

“Hop, look.” Reaching over, his brother wrapped his hand around Hop’s own, making his heart thump for a moment before he allowed himself to relax when Leon only gave him a comforting squeeze. “I know you’re still nervous about this kind of thing, like, _I get it,_ I do.” His lidded eyes trailed up to meet Hop’s own. “You’ve never been with anyone and the first person who falls for you happens to be your own brother. It’s confusing, you keep thinking you’re doing something you shouldn’t be. But Hop—” Giving his hand one more squeeze, Leon’s mouth rose into a soft smile, and Hop couldn’t help but squeeze back at the sight of it, if just to reassure himself. “I promise you, I don’t have any ill intentions. You deserve to feel the way you do, and I don’t blame you for it. I came on way too strong and you’re obviously not ready for a lot of the things I wish I could do with you.”

What the hell did _that_ mean? Before Hop could open his mouth and argue, Leon cut him off, never once dropping his smile. 

“But I just want you to feel as happy as you make me feel. Hop—you're the most important person in the world to me. You’re so precious to me—I’ve never loved anyone like I’ve loved you. I doubt I ever will love anyone the way I love you, for the rest of my life.” Hop’s cheeks rose with heat as Leon continued talking, and no matter what he did, he couldn’t look away from his eyes, because Leon had never been more sincere. He wasn’t lying. Hop knew he wasn’t. “I know this isn’t ideal for you, I know I haven’t done a good job making you comfortable, but Hop, I would never, _ever_ hurt you. I mean it when I tell you I love you. Your smile, your laugh, your personality—you understand me when nobody else can. And I love you for it.” With a final, measured squeeze to Hop’s hand, Leon gave him an almost pleading stare. “I-I want to be with you, Hop. I want to be a couple. I just want you to be happy.”

“Lee…” Slowly, Hop loosened his hold from Leon’s palm before he drew his hand back to his chest. Leon may not have been lying about his feelings, and Hop had no doubt he meant every word of what he said, but the truth of the matter was—Hop gave an exhausted sigh. “You wouldn’t even know who I am if we weren’t related.” 

“That’s…” 

_That’s not true._

_That’s not true and you know it._

Hop already knew what Leon was going to say before he ever had the chance to say it—and he gave another sigh. The longer they sat here on the couch arguing about this, the sleepier he felt, and the more he just wanted to settle down for the night, wrap himself up in one of the blankets, and go back to sleep. Leon had barely been home for more than a couple hours and Hop already felt as though he’d been visiting him for days on end. He just wanted to sleep and forget about this ugly mess for a few hours. 

Leon gave a soft exhale before finally responding. “Yeah. You’re right.” 

_Oh…_

That’s...not at all what Hop expected him to say, even if it was the truth, even if Hop was the one who knew deep down, without a doubt, that it was the truth, it still kind of hurt a little to hear his brother admit that so easily. Right…

Hop was a nobody. Even Leon knew that. His brother wouldn’t be on this romance crusade if they weren’t related, if he didn’t have easy access to Hop, for lack of a better word. The only reason Leon gave him the time of day was because they happened to live in the same house, and he was probably just using Hop to get over the fact he’d lost his title. There was no way Leon wasn’t choked up about that. Hop knew him. He knew when Leon was simply smiling for the cameras, when he was trying to hide his pain beneath it all. 

This was no different. 

He didn’t love him. He didn’t mean any of what he said, because if even Leon could admit that had they not been related, he wouldn’t know who the fuck Hop was, then all of his love confessions and whatnot—all the things he’d said to Hop at that point were null.

And Hop didn’t know why, but it made his chest hurt. 

“Hop, I’m not going to lie to you and say of course I’d travel to the ends of the earth to find you if we weren’t related, because it _is_ the truth we’d probably never know one another. But.” He reached out then, gently gripping Hop by his chin to draw his face back up to meet his own, giving Hop a warm, loving smile. “It makes me that much happier that we _are_ related, that I _do_ know you. I’m lucky to know you, Hop. It’s a privilege, I consider, to have you as my little brother. And it makes me happier than anything—anything in the world, that we know one another.” 

The look on Leon’s face showed he was more than genuine, he was more than truthful in what he said, and Hop didn’t think he was lying, at least—he knew Leon believed his own words. That didn’t make them true. So all Hop could do was give a resigned sigh then, casting his gaze elsewhere, because the longer he looked at Leon, the more he just wanted to cry for some reason. It didn’t matter if his brother said things like this to him a hundred, a thousand times over, Hop just couldn’t believe it. 

Why would Leon ever _want_ someone like him?

“Lee…” Hop drew his knees up, wrapping his arms around them to curl into a ball. “That’s very sweet of you to say things like that, but…” He shrugged, not meaning to seem so unappreciative by what his brother had said, but the truth was, Hop was exhausted. Eating his favorite curry that filled his stomach only made him more exhausted, and he wasn’t sure if Leon even still wanted to watch movies or not. Not with the direction their conversation had taken. “You could do better than me. Loads better. You could get any person you wanted. Literally anybody.”

“But, Hop, I don’t want just anybody—”

“Bet even Raihan would be over the moon if you asked him out—”

“I don’t like Raihan like that. I like _you_.”

“Then _why me?!_ ” Hop hadn’t meant to raise his voice, but he whirled around to face Leon then, brows pinched in a glare as he hugged his knees even closer to himself. His frustration and annoyances were coming to a boil, and he just wanted this nonsense to _stop_ already. Stop with the lies. Stop with the nightmares. Stop with the horrible feelings of guilt, just because he didn’t want to strip naked and fuck his own brother, he was supposed to feel bad about that? Feel guilty for _not_ wanting to be intimate? Why was Hop the one stricken with guilt all the time while Leon got to prance his happy ass around, no worse for wear? 

Leon appeared taken aback by his outburst, and Hop watched in bewilderment as he actually looked lost for what to say for once. He fidgeted his hands, eyes shifting back and forth like he didn’t know where to focus, until finally settling on Hop himself where he only gave him another pleading look. “Hop— _please_. I don’t have an explanation for it. I can’t sit you down and talk about why I fell in love with you. It just _happened_. What’s so hard for you to believe about it anyway? Is your self esteem that low, Hop? Do you really think that lowly of yourself that you think nobody will ever love you? Is that why you won’t believe me?”

The answer was yes. 

Yes, absolutely. But Hop could never come out and admit that. He didn’t have much pride left, but the amount he did have refused to let him come clean, and all he could do was glare back at Leon and try not to let it show through his body language that Leon had hit the nail on the head. 

“Hop.”

Leon was touching him then, and Hop swore he blacked out for the split moment when Leon leaned over, cupping his face with both hands to pry him away from his knees, but gently enough to coax Hop along so that he moved up with him. Before he knew it, Hop was faced with his brother, his hands cradling both his cheeks, and Leon leaned in until Hop was afraid he might kiss him, but he stopped just short of their noses touching. 

“Listen to me, Hop. If anyone’s said anything to you, if anyone has made you feel lesser—it’s fucking _garbage_. Don’t believe it.”

His heart thumped when he could feel Leon’s warm breath on his face, and he almost wanted to cry, not even knowing why he felt the urge. Leon was always so fucking determined if he knew Hop was feeling rotten about himself, and he always assigned it his duty to make sure Hop realized all those nasty voices and thoughts that made him feel like dirt weren’t true. 

“You just can’t see it, but it’s there. I promise you, _I promise you_ , Hop, you’re such a wonderful person. You shouldn’t measure your accomplishments by other’s standards. Not mine. Not anyone else’s.” He released his face, only to wrap both arms around him and pull Hop forward. Before he knew it, he was face-first against his brother’s chest, not sure what he should do. His instincts were yelling at him to push away but—

Hop’s chest tightened. 

He just…

Wanted to be comforted. Even if he didn’t deserve it. 

Against his better judgement, Hop looped both arms around Leon then, holding him back, allowing his brother to cling to him, rock him back and forth, and stroke the back of his head. 

“Hop, I wish you could see what I see. I think you’re amazing. You’re smart, beautiful, talented, courageous, you’ve got that dry sense of humor that goes with mine so well. I just—Hop, _I just love you._ ” He pressed his face into his hair where Hop could feel and hear him inhale for a brief moment, and it sent a strange shudder through him, though not necessarily a bad one. 

He really didn’t care if Leon wanted to be creepy and smell him. Who cared? Hop didn’t. Let his brother do whatever he wanted—it wasn’t like it mattered anymore. As long as Leon didn’t hate him in the end, Hop knew he would keep giving in and letting him have his way, so honestly, these conversations they had were pointless. Hop knew that. 

He _knew_ that. 

It made him sad to think Leon was just caught in his own delusions, that he either wholeheartedly believed in what he was saying, despite it being a lie, or that he was just trying to convince Hop of that lie as well. He didn’t know. He didn’t care. 

But he held him back. Hop clung to Leon and allowed his brother to hold him on the couch, his face buried into his hair, as he mumbled things every once in a while. It felt like hours the two of them were like that, just holding onto one another with the buzz of the long forgotten television playing in the background. 

“Hop?” Leon’s voice came then, sounding so soft, that it was almost a hum. 

“Mmm?” Hop knew he was drifting off then. Being pressed up against Leon like this for what felt like hours, wrapped in his arms, it was shameful to Hop he’d allowed himself to get comfortable, but he was so exhausted right now that he couldn’t be bothered to think too hard about it. 

Leon’s arms tightened their hold slightly. Not enough to squeeze, but enough Hop noticed. “Do you love me? Even after everything that’s happened? All that I’ve put you through? All that I’ve said?” Another small squeeze, and Leon almost sounded like he was tearing up for a second there, but without being able to see his face, there was no way for Hop to tell. 

It was so warm. So comfortable. So inviting. Hop knew he was going to pass out any moment right there in Leon’s arms, but he hadn’t felt so safe and secure in a long, long time. 

He nodded. “Mmmm...I do, Lee… I love you.”

There was a small, soft feeling against his ear then, and it took Hop longer than usual to realize Leon had maneuvered his head to kiss the side of his face. It felt so nice. Hop’s eyes had been closed for a while, and Leon’s voice sounded far away then. 

“I’m sorry, Hop. I’m sorry if I’ve ever hurt you. Do you forgive me?”

The smell of Leon was intoxicating. His scent was that of citrus, tangy and delicious, and had Hop not been so sleepy and out of his mind then, he might have felt compelled to peel back Leon’s collar and lick his skin, just to test if the taste matched the smell. Oh...what was he thinking? Hop didn’t know what he was thinking. His head was too cloudy. Too gone. 

But he nodded, burrowing his face against Leon’s chest, his arms falling lax around him when Hop’s body gave into his exhaustion. “I do… I forgive you.” 

One of Leon’s arms unlooped from around him, only to reach up where he smoothed back the hair from the side of Hop’s face. There, he planted a small, chaste kiss to his forehead. “I love you, Hop. I mean it. I want to stay with you—I-I wanna be with you forever.” Another kiss, one more fleeting. “I love you so much.”

“Mmm…” Hop wasn’t even sure of the last thing he saw, only that he was resting against Leon, propped up into his lap, breathing in the scent of fruit on him, left with the knowledge he had never felt so warm and comfortable in all his life than he did right now. All the nightmares he’d been plagued by before seemed like such a distant memory, an afterthought. He knew without a doubt that Leon would protect him, Leon would be here for him when he fell asleep, and when he woke back up. 

And he loved Leon. He really did. 

“Love you too…Lee…” Hop soon drifted off, the scent of citrus being one of the last things he remembered before finally falling into a restful sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you very much for your support!

A small stream of sunlight pouring from the nearby window was what roused Hop from sleep that morning. The telly had been left on, a table side lamp still illuminating the room from the night before, and after discovering how warm he was, being wrapped in a fuzzy blanket, Hop became aware of something else once he came to. 

Mainly that he was using Leon’s pecs as a pillow. The moment he turned over, having somehow been draped halfway over Leon’s body, the other half of him planted on the sofa, Hop drew his face away, trying to fight through the fog in his head and shake himself from the groggy feeling. His eyes were still unfocused, but once he leaned off Leon, being mindful not to wake him, as his brother was still snoozing slack jawed beneath him, Hop finally came to a realization. 

He’d somehow managed to fall dead asleep on top of Leon, and by the looks of it, his brother hadn’t minded at all. While Hop was dressed in his loose pajamas, it looked like Leon hadn’t changed out of his clothes from the day before, so from the look of things, the both of them passed out after dinner. 

Hop groaned, rubbing sleep from his eyes, knowing he should have been way more embarrassed about allowing himself to fall asleep on Leon than he did, but his brain probably hadn’t caught up to everything yet. The worst part was, he had been insanely comfortable, finally able to awaken without any nightmares to speak of. Whether that was because Leon had been there holding him while they both slept, or a coincidence, Hop didn’t know or care right now. 

But what he  _ did _ care about was climbing off Leon so he could go upstairs. He had to pee, and as comfortable as he’d been, it wasn’t enough for him to be able to ignore his body’s natural callings. Being as careful, as quiet, and as gentle as he was able since he’d been plastered to the back of the couch, Hop crawled over Leon, taking the blanket from around himself and throwing it back over Leon so he could be comfortable. It was shameful to admit, but Leon’s dumb face looked so peaceful in sleep. His long lashes casted shadows on his cheeks, and the way his mouth hung open just ever so slightly where Hop could hear his quieted breathing—

Hop snapped himself out of his daydreams, not realizing he’d been staring until his body reminded him, yes, he still in fact had to pee, and he tore around the corner up the stairs, tip-toeing to try and miss the creaky parts so as not to rouse Leon. Hop could do with a little alone time right now, not that Leon’s presence was a bad thing, but he’d been feeling a little overwhelmed lately, and having his brother here to ‘babysit’ was both a good thing and a tiring thing. 

Once upstairs, Hop did his business, washed his face, and brushed his teeth before making his way back down. It was barely eight that morning, which surprised him by how early he’d woken up, considering his poor sleeping habits, but a quick glance around the corner showed Leon still snoozing on the couch. Well, he couldn’t really wake him this early, so it was better to let him sleep. Leon was probably exhausted from working all the time anyway. The poor guy could use some rest. 

Normally Hop would have been mortified he had allowed himself to fall asleep on top of Leon like that, not wanting to wake up and discover his clothes were disheveled or anything of the like, but after their talk last night, Hop couldn’t really find it in him to feel anything other than—

_ Warmth _ . 

A warm feeling he couldn’t really describe had settled down into his lower belly, until just looking at Leon’s sleeping face was enough to send that warmth all the way up to his face as well. Was he...blushing? Because Leon  _ did  _ look handsome. Beautiful. Perfect. 

So very perfect. 

Hop wasn’t going to lie to himself and say Leon wasn’t a beautiful piece of shit when he was—when he could even be considered  _ gorgeous _ . But Hop wouldn’t be caught dead ever telling him that to his face should his brother take it to mean Hop was coming onto him (he shuddered in reflex). 

Seeing Leon’s sleeping face, vulnerable with his slack jaw and long eyelashes, there was a yearning in Hop’s gut, something compelling him to get closer. Be near Leon, as close as he could be, and for a frightening moment, Hop wondered if in his morning haze if he was out of his fucking mind, but there was an undeniable—insatiable curiosity that nagged in the back of his mind. 

He had told himself time and time again he didn’t love Leon like that. He wasn’t even attracted to him. But what if Hop had just been lying to himself this whole time to save the shame of being the one to fall for Leon? He could have said with confidence and vigor—no. He wasn’t attracted to Leon. He could appreciate his brother’s good looks and charm and fastidious nature when it came to Pokémon, but Hop had only admired him and loved him as a sibling ought to. 

But…

He swallowed, his cheeks flushing with heat, as he drew closer to Leon’s sleeping face, until Hop was knelt down onto both knees, mere inches away. 

What if Leon had been right all along? Wouldn’t it be less painful on Hop’s end if he just found out right here, right this very moment, if he was attracted to him? He wouldn’t dare be caught doing this if Leon were awake, but he was positive he wouldn’t wake up—if Hop decided to kiss him. All he wanted to do was see if he felt anything from it, not entirely sure where this urge came from, but it wasn’t often he got to see Leon asleep, and it was the only time for Hop to test his theory. 

Stupid, yes. Of course it was stupid, because if Leon caught him, he’d never let Hop live it down, even if he insisted it was for his own sanity’s sake, for Hop’s own selfish curiosity. He just wanted to see if there was a spark, any kind of sign letting him know maybe there were romantic feelings there too, feelings for Leon that stretched far beyond that of familial love. 

Hop would go insane otherwise. This was eating him alive, and against his better judgment, knowing how fucked he’d be if Leon ever knew about this, he slowly leaned down, pressing his mouth as gently as he could to Leon’s cheek. 

No, that was cheating, Hop knew that. If he had any hope of sorting this mess out for himself, he was going to have to take the plunge and kiss Leon on the mouth. Of course, no magical sparks flew once he’d pecked his cheek, but he sort of knew that nothing of the like would happen. It’s not like once Hop kissed him that fireworks would explode in the background and the world would be bathed in a pink hue, showing without a doubt how in love with Leon he was. 

Well—that was silly, he knew. Hop was still confused himself why he felt the need to do this in the first place, but it had been bothering him for weeks, because the second he thought he knew what his true feelings were, he’d get confused, and then he’d feel guilty, but it went both ways. Guilt for not being in love with Leon that way, because he was scared if he didn’t, then Leon would toss him aside and abandon him, and guilt for if he  _ did  _ actually harbor those kinds of feelings, because then Hop would be disgusting if he did. 

But Leon wasn’t disgusting. Leon was just bogged down because of his loss. Even if he didn’t show it, if he didn’t say it, Hop could tell he was more bummed out about that than he let on. So taking his grievance out on Hop was all well and fine in Leon’s mind, because he made the excuse he was in love. But—Hop bit his bottom lip. 

Didn’t he  _ want _ Leon to love him? He did—but he was also uncomfortable with intimacy, especially with his own brother. There was something inherently  _ wrong _ about it, it didn’t matter if Leon was forcing him or not, but Hop couldn’t lie about his reservations. He  _ did _ love Leon. And he wanted Leon to love him too. It would kill him if his brother ever threw him away because of something as stupid as this. 

So—

Hop sucked in a breath, being as quiet as possible so as not to rouse Leon. That’s why he was doing this. If he kissed Leon, if he could prove to himself maybe there might be feelings there, then Hop could figure out what to do. If he was in love with Leon and was just shy—then good...right? 

Before he lost his nerve and quit altogether, Hop steeled himself, leaning down toward Leon’s face again. It was now or never. Maybe he’d feel something, maybe he wouldn’t, but Hop probably wouldn’t get another chance like this for awhile, so with that in mind, he braced himself, being as gentle as he was able once he pressed his mouth against Leon’s. 

His lips were soft and it felt so  _ nice _ . Even in sleep, with his lips parted just slightly enough, Hop could feel the warmth emanating from him, and it made him relax enough to give his brother a proper kiss. He was already in this deep, and Hop didn’t want to halfass this should he fuck up, but those few seconds he kissed Leon, Hop could say in all honesty that it was pleasant. 

Nice. 

Safe. 

Warm. 

He pulled away, his cheeks heated as he waited in case Leon came to, but his brother was in just as deep a sleep as he’d been before, no worse for wear, and Hop drew himself up from beside the couch, dabbing the pads of his finger against his own mouth. It was nice. It really was. That wasn’t a lie. 

His stomach churned—because Hop felt disgusting at the same time, like he’d taken advantage of Leon (and really, he had), or like he was doing something horribly wrong and unclean. 

It was warm, but at the same time, there were no sparks. No pink hues everywhere. No feeling other than what Hop had been experiencing this entire ordeal—confusion. 

He felt dirty and wiped his mouth as a result, shameful heat pouring from his face. Because he was so frustrated right now, and wasn’t sure if it was because of Leon himself or his own stupid wishy washy emotions. It wasn’t like he wanted to feel love for Leon in this way.

...right? 

Hop didn’t know what he felt, whether he was just lying to himself about returning Leon’s feelings, or just being a hardass,  _ he just didn’t know,  _ but before he could dwell on it further, he rounded the corner to the kitchen, popping open the pantry door to grab a bag of cookies he could steal away to his bedroom. After quietly ascending the stairs a second time, he plopped down in front of his computer, hoping to take his mind off everything by watching funny videos or video game playthroughs. 

* * *

After about an hour of dilly dallying on his computer, Hop eventually heard the unmistakable, miscellaneous sounds of his brother rummaging around downstairs. It wasn’t long at all he called for him that breakfast was ready, and Hop stood away from his desk, wiping his eyes to regain his focus. After staring at his screen for over an hour, his eyes were demanding a little rest, and the grumbling of his stomach only ushered him out the door that much faster. Apparently cookies were not a very filling breakfast, and the scent of bacon and eggs wafted up his nostrils not a second after Hop began to climb down the stairs. 

He hadn’t expected Leon to cook for him the entire time he was here, but after the curry from last night, Hop sure as hell wasn’t going to shy away from more meals like that. His mouth watered once he turned the corner to spot his brother fussing over a frying pan and a hot stove. For a moment, Hop stopped in his tracks, the smell of the food and sizzle enough to send him into a hunger frenzy, but when he actually focused on Leon, it was like his brain shut off, and he stood frozen in the doorway, aware of the fact he was staring and probably had a dumbfounded look on his face. 

His brother had his hair tied back in a ponytail, which wasn’t unusual since he tended to wear it long, and long hair was a hassle sometimes, but that’s not what caught Hop’s attention. What really stopped him on his feet was the sight of Leon wearing an apron, one of Mum’s judging by the pink gingham print and the little patchwork heart sewn into the corner. The bottom even had a lace trim to it, and Hop would have laughed his ass off had Leon not turned to him then, spatula in hand, and given him a bright smile. 

“Morning, Hopscotch!”

Was he even aware how he looked? Hop couldn’t tear his eyes away, now that he was facing him, it was obvious the apron didn’t really fit, and was incredibly tight around his chest, only accentuating his firm pecs. 

Hop almost snorted. 

He looked like a housewife, especially with his hair up like that, and Hop had to bite the blood from his lip to keep from snickering at him. “M-morning… Well, aren’t you just  _ beautiful _ this morning, ma’am?”

Way too late, Hop realized what he was actually saying, having allowed his defenses to fall that he completely forgot for a moment that he and Leon were supposed to be dating, and his brother might misconstrue that remark. When Leon’s eyes lit up, Hop was able to see a tinge of pink against his cheeks, his brother looked taken aback before giving a rather shy smile toward Hop. 

“You think I’m...beautiful?”

Oh  _ fuck _ . 

Hop fumbled his words, having to cast his gaze downward at a random kitchen tile, because now  _ his _ face was red, until the heat traveled straight down his neck. “I-I mean—I-I just didn’t expect to see you wearing Mum’s apron, is all. Why are you wearing such a thing?” 

Even though he wasn’t staring directly at him, Hop could tell his brother had a smirk on his face based on his tone of voice alone. “Well I wouldn’t want to accidentally spill grease on myself. If I’m so  _ beautiful _ , I have to keep up my appearance, wouldn’t you say?” 

All Hop wanted to do now was go crawl into a hole outside to save himself anymore embarrassment than he was feeling. It didn’t help one iota he had kissed Leon earlier that morning (but Leon didn’t know that), so the fact he’d called him beautiful, even in jest, was only making him feel all the more shameful. 

Apparently Hop was fidgeting in his spot so much and looked so uncomfortable that Leon noticed, because his teasing tone turned comforting when he spoke. “Aw Hop, you don’t have to be so embarrassed.” 

Like he could help it. What the hell was wrong with him? Did he like Leon or not—that was the big question Hop kept rattling around in his head until he thought he might go insane. Because what would happen if he  _ did _ like Leon back? Everything would be hunky dory, right? Or would he just feel guilty for liking him? He already felt guilty that he was uncomfortable with this, but Hop was about to go crazy, and hadn’t even noticed Leon appeared by his side until his brother placed his hand onto his shoulder. 

“Are you feeling alright?” 

“Lee…” His throat was so tight, Hop feared he might choke on his own spit, but he adamantly kept his gaze glued to the floor. He might lose his nerve should he look Leon in the eye right now, so instead of facing him, he stared at his own feet. But, now that he was here, now that he had already sunk so low, there was really nowhere to go but up, right? It wouldn’t hurt to just come right out and say it, and maybe even Leon could help him if Hop was honest. “I’m just...confused.”

Leon’s grip remained firm, but not harsh. “About what? You can tell me.”

“This.” Gesturing with his hands, Hop made a sweeping motion in front of himself. “I don’t know what to do, Lee. I’ve been confused about this whole thing since—”

_ Since they touched themselves.  _

Leon had asked him such horrifying questions at the time, like if Hop wanted to be a couple, if he really loved Leon, and Hop could remember plain as day the way he felt almost drunk with pleasure when he kissed Leon back, held onto him, and said of course, yes, he would love to be a couple. At the time, Hop thought maybe he was simply caught in the moment, saying things he didn’t mean because he was high on his orgasm, but now that he was of sound mind, standing next to Leon and being eaten alive by the  _ fucking guilt _ , he just didn’t know anymore. 

Hop didn’t know. 

Maybe it didn’t even matter, but all it seemed to do was depress him when he thought too hard about it. Shouldn’t he have wanted his cool celebrity brother to be head over heels with him? Shouldn’t he have wanted this without question? To be the object of affection for someone as amazing as Leon? 

So why was it Hop felt drowned by uncertainty? No matter what he did, whether he wanted it, whether he didn’t, he just felt  _ wrong _ . Maybe he could blame that on Leon, over that mysterious power that for some reason, gave him control of Hop’s body, but he couldn’t push the blame entirely on his brother. It wasn’t like he was to blame for his confusion, right? 

Leon’s hold against shoulder turned into a soft pat when his voice lowered as well. “That’s okay though, Hop. You can be confused about it. I’m not going to ask anything of you, if that’s what you’re worried about. We can take things slow.”

Take things slow, huh? 

Hop swallowed, trying with all his might to allow Leon’s comfort to reach him, but instead all he wanted to do was brush his hand off and snap that he wasn’t allowed to touch him. Some of his spite came out instead. “Was jerking off in my room after you pressured me into it supposed to be taking it slow?” 

The way Leon’s fingers curled around his shoulder, still not squeezing, but frozen, Hop couldn’t help but look up at his face, having half a mind to sneer at the way his brother looked so stunned by the accusation. Hop knew he had every right to feel bitter at his brother for pushing him into something he wasn’t comfortable with, but the way Leon bit his lower lip, darting his eyes away from Hop for a split moment as though at a complete loss for what to even say to that, he knew he had  _ every single right _ to feel some form of betrayal, but—

No. He didn’t. Hop didn’t feel betrayed by Leon, or even all that upset that he had pushed Hop into touching cocks with him. It should have been the deal breaker then, that should have been what made Hop put his foot down and chase Leon out the room, calling him a pervert. That should have been the end of it. 

But no. He had to go through with it. He could have stopped Leon (probably), but even back then, Hop had been too afraid of hurting his feelings for some fucked up reason, and let Leon get his way, so really, it was just as much Hop’s fault as Leon’s. 

He didn’t feel proud of himself. If anything, Hop knew he had to take responsibility for himself, and sighed, reaching up to touch Leon’s hand still glued to his shoulder. “I-I’m sorry, Lee. I’m just—I’m just confused like I said.” His stomach churned a bit at his own words, especially the need to apologize to Leon just because he called him out when he knew he was right. But were those accusations even warranted? Hop didn’t know anything anymore. He just didn’t fucking know. “I don’t know what to think anymore, Lee.”

With a heavy sigh, Leon’s grip finally lifted away from Hop, and he straightened himself, standing tall. “Listen, I know I was pushy before, that’s why I suggested a trial period like this, to get you used to it and see if you even like dating me. I don’t want you to feel obligated to or anything.” 

Well that ship sailed a long fucking time ago. 

“And if you’re confused, you have every right to be. That’s why I’m trying to slow down with you and ease you into things—so you can figure it out yourself.”

There was nothing wrong with that, sure—but it didn’t make much of a difference when Hop was on the fence to begin with. Figuring things out was turning into a nightmare of mental hoops and hurdles, and he wasn’t sure if it was because of Leon or himself. 

He sighed. Again. 

Boy—breakfast sure did smell good. Hop wished he had just come in here, eaten a plate, and gone about his life without bringing this shit up in the first place. That would’ve been nice. With that thought on his mind, he was about to ask Leon if they could eat, as his stomach gurgled in protest, but his brother suddenly spoke again. 

“Hop—um…” He looked up at him, patiently waiting for him to finish as Leon nibbled his bottom lip, his expression from earlier after Hop dropped all his accusations now softening when he smiled. “A-after breakfast, I want to do something for you.”

Hop shrugged. “Okay. What?”

Leon’s eyes lidded, until they stared past Hop at something far away, but he didn’t drop his smile. Instead, he pat his back. “You’ll see. It’s nothing bad. Well, come on, breakfast should be ready. Hope I didn’t burn anything.”

Okay, well that certainly didn’t do much to ease Hop’s worries, and while he raised his brow at Leon in mild suspicion, his brother tore away back to the stove before Hop could press him about it. Hop knew he was going to have to put a lot of faith into Leon when it came to this, but that’s what he was scared of. How could he trust him? Could Hop even trust him? Maybe his suspicions were baseless and Hop was making a big deal out of it, but for now, he set himself down at the table, scooting his chair up right as Leon placed a sizzling plate of bacon, eggs, and biscuits in front of him. If the smell alone wasn’t enough to stimulate his appetite, then the sight surely did. 

It always threw him off to see Leon actually be good at things that weren’t Pokémon battles. His brother could cook, he was a bit tidier than Hop, and Hop wasn’t sure why he was finding out these things about Leon now of all times. He never really cooked for them when they were younger—if you count microwaving spaghetti o’s to be cooking, then yes. Leon used to do that very well. 

With his hunger peaked, Hop began working on his eggs, never being much of a fan of them, but he wasn’t sure what Leon did, because they tasted  _ so good _ . His brother, apron discarded to reveal his t-shirt, untying his ponytail, sank down into the chair opposite Hop and gave him a smile. 

“Do you like it?”

Hop nodded, mouth full of food. “Mhmm!”

“Good! I’m glad.” 

Breakfast was much the same as dinner had been the night before. Leon prattled on about Wyndon and tournaments, how things were going at his new job, while Hop’s only contribution to the conversation was the occasional nod or mumble of acknowledgement. It wasn’t awkward by any means, but sometimes, like now, Hop just wasn’t sure what to say as his own stories paled in comparison to Leon’s. He didn’t want to bore his brother with his  _ exciting _ stories of how he had to get Dubwool’s head unstuck from the banister last week. 

With breakfast out of the way, the brothers having cleaned up after themselves, Leon gave Hop an uplifting smile before he patted him on the back. “Come to my room, will you?” 

Immediately, Hop felt his stomach flip in initial nervousness which didn’t make much sense considering had Leon  _ wanted _ to do anything to him, he had more than ample opportunity to do so. Going to his room didn’t change that, but Hop couldn’t help the initial reflex of his gut telling him to head out the door and go stay with Gloria. He had no reason to be scared of Leon, he knew that. Yes, it was true he had a history of being pushy, but to Leon’s credit, he had at least acknowledged it and apologized. That didn’t make it okay, but it was better than nothing, Hop supposed. 

The look on his face must have shown his hesitance, because Leon’s smile dropped when he began to head from the kitchen, only to pause when Hop didn’t follow. “Hop?” He outstretched his hand in a gesture meant for Hop to take, but he only stared at Leon’s open palm like it would bite him if he touched it. “I’m not going to do anything you don’t want me to. I promise. I just want to give you something.” 

There was no harm in that. And Leon seemed genuine at least—Hop didn’t really think his brother would hurt him if given the chance, so with that in mind, he tentatively reached out, placing his hand over Leon’s who cupped it in return, his smile lifting. 

“You’re going to be okay, Hop. If you feel like you’re in danger, you can conk me over the head, okay?” That was a joke obviously, but Hop narrowed his eyes for a moment as he seriously considered doing that should anything bad happen. Either that or siccing Dubwool on him where he’d give Leon a good headbutt to the stomach. But, just judging from the smile Leon had on his face, Hop was apprehensive, but not exactly fearful. 

Just nervous. 

As he had every right to be. 

With Hop’s hand in his, Leon led him around the corner of the kitchen where they climbed the stairs. They made their way to Leon’s bedroom where his luggage still sat packed up at the foot of his bed. Apparently, Leon had only taken out the essentials for yesterday, including his bathing stuff, a few clothes, but there was so much left to unpack, it was almost like he’d planned to move back in just looking at all the damn bags he’d brought with him. Once they were settled in Leon’s room, he released Hop’s hand who hugged the corner while Leon rifled through one of his travel bags, pulling out a rather flat box that had been tucked into the bottom. Standing up straight, Leon presented the box to Hop who gave it a rather confused stare before accepting it. 

Leon’s cheeks tinged pink. “I’m sorry it’s so silly, but since it’s still a little cold, I thought you’d look so cute in it.”

Without wasting another moment, and not like Hop was ever going to pass up the opportunity to open presents, he lifted the lid off the box before he was met with a fuzzy, off-white colored hoodie with a little Wooloo emblazoned near the collar. After unfolding it as the chest had been facing him, Hop held it out to hold it up against himself to gauge the size, noticing right off the bat that it was a little too big for him, but he often wore oversized jackets when it got cold enough. The inside had a nice warm fleece he knew would keep him nice and cozy, weather permitting. 

It was Hop’s turn to gush a bit, not able to help the smile that curled at his mouth. “Th-thank you, Lee. I love it.” 

His brother let out a sigh from across the room, like he’d been holding his breath that entire time he waited for Hop’s reaction, and he crossed his arms once he’d gotten Hop’s approval. “I’m glad! Sorry if it’s a little too big, but I wanted you to be comfortable. I saw it in the store the other day and knew you had to have it.” 

Not able to help himself, because the fleece on the inside did look incredibly warm and inviting, Hop unzipped the hoodie before looping his arms inside the sleeves, finding it indeed was a bit large on him, his hands almost swallowed whole by the long sleeves, but it was comfortable. Once he’d zipped himself up, it covered up his entire nightshirt, but holy hell, it was as cozy as it looked. The fleece felt so plush against his skin that he almost wanted to moan at it, but stopped himself short. 

Leon’s smile couldn’t have been wider if he tried. He beamed, as though he were a proud parent successfully getting their child to eat broccoli and not an older, doting brother watching as his younger brother tried on clothes in front of him. “I knew it would suit you.”

“It’s really comfortable.” 

“Good!” 

There were a few seconds of uncomfortable silence then as Hop attempted to roll the sleeves up where he could at least see his hands. He smoothed out the wrinkles from around his chest from how the hoodie had been folded up in the box, all the while Leon watched him from across the room. Hop would’ve been lying had he said knowing Leon was watching him this way, even if he wasn’t doing anything other than adjusting his clothes, made him nervous. 

“Hop?”

When he spoke, after not speaking for a good while, Hop froze in initial reaction, not really sure why he was acting this way. All his brother did was give him some new clothes, so there was no need to feel so uncomfortable around him. He knew that. 

Hop looked up from fidgeting with his hoodie, giving Leon an expected stare. “Yeah?”

It always threw him for a loop when Leon looked so bashful around him. Hop had spent one too many nights parked in front of the television, eyes glued to the screen as he watched his brother flourish around in an arena somewhere, taunt his rivals, whether it was Raihan, or some challenger from another region, or whoever, and appear overall more confident and strong than Hop had ever seen him. But he knew some of that was just a show for the cameras. Leon was an entertainer if anything, and he knew how to rile up an audience, use the flashiest moves in battle that he knew would get the most applause, while also assuring his own victory. He’d been at the business long enough to know exactly how it worked, what to do, how to please people. 

So for him to go from that valiant, brass champion Hop was so used to seeing on tv to— _ this _ . This person Hop almost didn’t recognize. Someone who had to twiddle their fingers, nervously flick their eyes to the ground while their whole face turned red with embarrassment, almost like Leon was shy—it was not only confusing, but it made Hop’s heart pound in his chest for some reason. Seeing Leon nervous made  _ him _ nervous. And well—

While Hop knew exactly why Leon was acting this way around him, like a high school boy would act around his first crush, he couldn’t help but think how adorable Leon looked when he blushed. When he shied away from looking Hop in the eye. When he played with his hands, wringing them in and out as though fighting for what to say, worried he might say the wrong thing. 

Had Leon been doing this to anyone else, hell even to Raihan, Hop could have teased him for it. He would have said it was cute as all hell to see someone so full of confidence like Leon (at least when it came to Pokémon battling), be so shy about romance. The amazing Leon, one of Galar’s greatest champions—

And he was in love with  _ Hop _ . 

If only Leon could see what was wrong with that picture like Hop could. He didn’t belong with him. They shouldn’t have been doing this. Leon should’ve been out there hooking up with his fans, or someone like Sonia, even Raihan. Not Hop. 

“Um…” Hop was ripped from his thoughts when Leon, who appeared to be struggling for what to say throughout that stretch of silence, finally opened his mouth. “Hop, please don’t feel obligated to do anything with me. I don’t want to scare you.”

Despite that, Hop’s heart beating turned rapid, the back of his neck breaking out in a cold sweat. Oh fuck—he had a feeling where this was going, but he said nothing, only waited for Leon to finish while he readied himself. 

“I-I know you aren’t comfortable around me. I don’t blame you for not being as into this as I am, and there’s nothing more I want to do than abolish that feeling. I want you to feel like you can come to me for anything, tell me anything, and I want you to know I’ll always be here for you if you want to talk.”

...Okay, that wasn’t what Hop expected, his face just a little heated by how sweet that sentiment was. “Th-thank you, Lee, th-that’s nice of you to say…” 

There was more to come, Hop knew. 

Sure enough. 

“But…” 

Hop swallowed, his throat tightening until he almost choked. 

“Is it alright if we...I mean…” Leon bit his bottom lip, the red in his face only deepening the longer he fumbled for what to say. “Hop…” He finally lifted his head long enough to stare Hop directly in the eye. “I wanna kiss you. Can we please kiss?”

Honestly, Hop had expected a lot worse, like maybe this would be the moment Leon said he wanted sex from him, but while Hop kept telling himself over and over there was no way he would let Leon do that, he often caught himself thinking that if Leon pushed enough, he might just give in. Even if the thought horrified him, because Hop definitely did  _ not _ want to have sex, but if Leon wanted to pursue a relationship with him, that’s typically the direction those things tended to head most times. If Leon was crazy enough to ask him out, Hop had no doubt he would be crazy enough to want sex eventually. 

But that would be where Hop put his foot down. He may have allowed Leon to masturbate in front of him, and he may have let Leon kiss and touch him, but Hop didn’t want to cross that line. In some ways, he could forgive himself if all he did was kiss his brother and they engaged in harmless acts like what they’d done a couple weeks ago, but—

Sex—actual  _ sex _ with him was where Hop grew the most terrified. He was scared of Leon building up to that moment, of asking that of him, and Hop saying no, only for him to abandon him. All he could really do now was pray Leon never asked that of him, but Hop had his doubts he would get that lucky. After all, if Leon was willing to go this far, how much further was too far for his older brother? Where was the line for him to put a stop to this nonsense? Hop didn’t know. 

So for now, while Leon stood across from him, staring at him expectedly, Hop’s cheeks on fire at his request, he gave in. “O-okay…” And Leon’s rather nervous expression lifted then. 

“R-really?”

Hop shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant, even though he couldn’t stop thinking how just that morning he had kissed Leon in his sleep, of his own volition. Doing it while the both of them were awake was something different though, and he knew he couldn't really garner that willpower he’d had to be as enthused as Leon. “Yeah...I don’t care.”

“O-okay!” With that, Leon moved himself over toward the bed, sitting at the edge and patted the spot next to him, obviously meant for Hop to join him. Standing with awkward hesitance, it took Hop a few seconds too long to actually move his feet. He didn’t know why the idea of sitting on Leon’s bed with him made that sliver of fear bury in his gut, but maybe it’s because they had been sitting on Hop’s bed when they touched themselves, and that’s all that was running through his head right now. 

Leon  _ did _ say he could beat him over the head if he got carried away, so Hop was going to just keep that on standby for now. Just in case he needed it. 

Finally, Hop moved over to the bed, settling himself down next to Leon who threw his arm around his shoulder the moment he sat down, causing Hop to grow stiff when he pulled him in close. 

“It’s okay,” Leon said, his voice low and soothing. “I’m not going to control you.” He pulled Hop in tighter, until he would be in his lap if Leon got them any closer. “I want you to see that this isn’t scary. You said you were confused about this, right?”

A bit belated, Hop nodded, his heart pounding in his ears. With Leon so close next to him, he could smell the scent of his wash, and he hated how nice it was. Leon never was one for cologne or strong odors, but with their close proximity, Hop caught the whiff of his more subtle scents, like the lavender in his hair. 

“It’s okay to be confused. I want to try something that might help you.”

He said he wanted to kiss him, so why wasn’t he just going for it? The longer he dallied, the more Hop began to get uncomfortable, not that he wasn’t already before, but more so. 

“Hop…” Leon always did have a beautiful voice. Hop could remember how he’d woken him up the day before, rousing him from sleep as gently as he had, and the sound of him speaking now had the opposite effect. If Hop had allowed himself to, he could absolutely have snuggled down into his hoodie and fallen asleep in Leon’s arms, but he didn’t. “Hop, is there anything you’d like to do to me?”

It took Hop a few seconds to process that one. Do anything to him. Like what? Surely Leon didn’t expect him to grab his cock or anything like that, because Hop would be out the door right this second if he expected him to sit here and jack him off, but even though Hop said nothing to that, his skepticism must have shown on his face, because Leon gave a sheepish laugh. 

“I-I mean that as innocently as possible, I swear. I mean like—” He unlooped his arm from around Hop, giving him a bit more breathing room, though not a lot since they were sitting right next to one another, there really wasn’t much space for Hop to have to himself. “I meant if you’re confused about this, maybe you can become less confused if you experiment. Like touch my face. Play with my hair. Stuff like that, just to see what you are and aren’t comfortable with.” He gave him a reassuring smile. “I don’t mind, Hop. You don’t even have to do anything, but I want you to feel safe around me. I’m not going to force you into anything.”

That...honestly wasn’t the worst idea Hop had ever heard. He still had hesitance about this whole matter, but Leon’s proposal wasn’t necessarily  _ bad _ . He could see the logic in it anyway. Test the waters, see what worked and what didn’t. Trial and error. 

But still, it was embarrassing as fuck, but if Leon was at least going to put in the effort to get Hop accustomed to this whole dating thing, and as long as he wasn’t asking for sex, then—honestly, what was the harm? 

Hop’s cheeks felt warm. “O-okay…” If only Leon knew he had already done a bit of testing of his own that morning, having kissed Leon in his sleep. It was a spur of the moment thing, having caught him so vulnerable like that, and while Hop wanted to see if sparks would fly and he had feelings, he only ended up frustrated. So maybe having Leon awake to actually gauge a reaction would change that. 

Hop didn’t know. 

But, he could at least try to meet Leon halfway. 

Nervously, he turned until he was comfortably facing his brother, having darted his gaze somewhere else, because he had a funny feeling if he looked Leon in the eye, he might back out, and he didn’t want to deal with his brother getting pushy with him if he did. For now, he rested his hands on his knees, unsure of what to do, or where to even start. It was a bit more tempting to play with his hair, but Hop felt as though he were being put on the spot and it was almost like he had stage fright, if that made sense, so he ended up not doing anything for a long time except being awkward. 

“Hop?”

Reaching over to him, Leon placed his hand on top of Hop’s, giving him a reassuring squeeze. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

He nodded, not really out of response, but just to be doing something other than sitting there. “I-I know.” Hop was scared, it was true, but he was also curious where his own limits lie. If he allowed himself to do this harmless act of simply getting a feel for where the boundaries were, how far could he push himself? Hop wanted to know. 

He wanted to know if he actually had feelings for Leon and was just lying to himself. 

Sucking in a small breath, his whole face feeling hot, Hop lifted his hand, cupping his palm against the side of Leon’s face, who gave him a warm smile in return. He dragged his hands down, caressing Leon’s cheek, allowing the stubble of his facial hair to tickle the pads of his fingers while he stroked him, and in turn, Leon let out a little giggle. 

Hop froze, heart thumping against his chest. “S-sorry…” He had no idea what the fuck he was doing, and despite Leon’s smile and occasional giggles, he felt like he was doing something wrong. 

“Don’t be sorry, you’re fine, Hop. You can do whatever you want.” A little laugh escaped through Leon’s nose. “You can keep going if you like.”

Didn’t he ask to kiss him earlier? Hop wanted to ask if he still planned to, but stopped himself short. He didn’t...want Leon to kiss him, right? 

...right?

Maybe he just forgot, as it was completely possible for it to slip Leon’s mind, but Hop wasn’t sure if he was waiting for the right moment, or what, but with Leon egging him on, Hop continued to pet at his face. This was supposed to be about Hop measuring his own line in the sand, but he still felt stupid sitting up here dragging his fingers down Leon’s face, tucking his hair behind his ear when he reached up to play with his hair, leaning in just close enough he could feel Leon’s breathing against his face, the way it caught in the back of his throat when Hop got too close. 

He noticed Leon’s cheeks turning red when he had to move in close to reach more of his hair to play with, and Hop stopped. “Sorry...I-I really don’t know what I’m doing, Lee…” Only that it felt wrong. Nothing Hop was doing so far made him feel any better about this, just that he knew it was dumb, and at this point, Hop wasn’t sure what he was trying to prove anymore. Did he like Leon or not? Did he want to kiss him and touch him or not? 

What the fuck did Hop even feel about this? He didn’t know. He just  _ didn’t know _ . 

Leon swallowed, his smile only growing once Hop was leaned up into him. “You’re fine, Hop, I promise. It’s fine if you just want to reach in the dark, even if you don’t find anything.”

This was probably pointless in the end, as the entire time Hop played with his hair and even tugged against his ear, gaining a rather adorable giggle from Leon when it no doubt tickled him, he wasn’t feeling anything. No sparks. No sudden immense feeling of love coursing through his veins (or however that shit happened), no urge to grab Leon by the collar and kiss him. Nothing like that. 

He felt the same about his brother now as he did a few weeks ago. 

For some reason, it made his chest hurt, and he didn’t know why. He felt the need to apologize to Leon, to tell him he was sorry for leading him on this entire time, that he just wasn’t interested in dating him, but the thought of uttering those words hurt even worse, because he could only imagine the heartbreak in Leon’s eyes, the sight of his face falling as he would push Hop away, telling him to forget about it, he had no time for him anymore, and then Leon might leave for good. Leon might  _ never _ come back. 

Hop swallowed, cold sweat forming at his forehead. 

Leon might not want to see him ever again. Hop didn’t want that. He didn’t want  _ this _ , but he didn’t want there to be no relationship with Leon at all. Why couldn’t they just go back to normal? Hop could forget all this happened, he could pretend they’d never been intimate, he’d never kissed Leon, they could just go back to being normal brothers who didn’t kiss or do things like this with one another. 

Hop sighed. 

There was no coming back from this. He knew that. 

“Hop, are you okay?”

Heart thumping in his chest, Hop didn’t know why, but he panicked at the idea of Leon realizing he was getting absolutely nothing out of this experiment, and he drew his face up to him, to see that curious arch in Leon’s brow as Hop had been staring off into space for a good while, and he didn’t know why he lost his cool. Hop couldn’t explain why he felt compelled to reach up, grab Leon by both sides of his face as he leaned himself up to meet his brother’s height, only to see the look of absolute shock and surprise spread across Leon’s eyes. 

Hop didn’t know why he was doing this. 

He only knew that he didn’t want to lose Leon. 

He wanted to love him. He did. Hop wanted to love Leon like this and make him happy—he wanted to love him so bad, and he  _ did _ love him, he loved him more than anything, Hop knew he did! He fucking knew he did. 

A sob caught in the back of his throat, but Hop swallowed it. 

When this was all said and done, when Leon had gotten whatever he wanted from Hop, he just hoped he’d still love him enough to come back. Hop didn’t want Leon to leave him. He didn’t want his brother to hate him because of this, because of anything he could or couldn’t do for him, Hop  _ loved _ him. 

Before Leon could say anything, Hop leaned into him, hands pressed firmly against his brother’s cheeks to keep him still, and kissed him on the mouth. In an instant, Leon grew completely still below him, and Hop wondered for a horrified moment if he’d done something wrong. He reveled in the feeling of Leon’s soft lips as it was such a strange thing, he thought, for his brother, his athletic brother who lifted weights and trained day and night to look as beautiful as he did, to have soft lips as well. They felt so nice against his own, and Hop only kissed him harder, more out of the need to show Leon he was trying. He  _ was  _ trying, he was trying so hard to give his brother what he wanted, even if Hop himself felt godawful for doing this in the first place, he just wanted Leon to love him. 

Hop’s face burned in shame at the fact he had stooped so low to kiss Leon like this, all because he panicked, but he didn’t know what else to do. With his brother having grown stiff below him, Hop lifted away, terrified he had done something wrong. But no sooner had Hop stopped kissing then Leon moved, and when he moved, he reached up to grip the back of Hop’s head before pulling him back against his face, kissing Hop this time. It was unlike the night before where Leon had been almost shy with him when he asked after waking Hop up, but it wasn’t exactly suffocating either. Hop could tell through this alone Leon was hungry, and he kissed him as though he were starving, as though Hop were the only thing able to satiate his growing appetite. 

Leon’s fingers ran through Hop’s short hair, tickling the back of his head, and Hop took hold of his collar, it being the only thing he could think to grab onto now. And Leon didn’t let up for a moment, even moaning against his mouth for Hop to feel the vibration of his voice, he felt the need to pull back, but he was scared of Leon being put off by it. 

Why the fuck was he doing this? Hop didn’t want to kiss him, but the longer they stayed like this, Leon pulling him so close, he was basically in his lap now, Hop could say he didn’t necessarily mind this. It wasn’t absolutely awful, though he did feel a deep rooted shame, and knew his face was red without even having to see it, but just the fact he was kissing his  _ brother _ , the fact Hop had been the one to initiate it, panicked or not—he was ashamed. Why couldn’t he just push aside his guilt and enjoy it for what it was? The guilt wouldn’t leave him be, Hop had no peace in this regard, and even though they were alone, even though nobody was here to see this, Hop had a paranoid, creeping feeling as though every single person in the world was watching him. Judging him. Shunning him. 

How could he do such a thing? 

When Leon’s hands trailed down his back, he felt the back of his hoodie and shirt lift, Leon’s palm dragging and drawing a line up through his spine, causing Hop to shiver. With his shirt up, Leon finally broke the kiss, giving Hop a chance to catch his breath, and he dared look him in the eye, noticing the all too obvious blush coating Leon’s face. He was red all the way to his neck, patches of it possibly dipping even further, but was hidden by his shirt. He looked absolutely drunk off his ass, giving Hop a lopsided smile as he sucked in a breath. 

“H-Hop…” And the breathy way his name sounded in such a voice—it made Hop’s stomach churn. “Y-you-you’re so forward.”

Panic rose in his chest. “I-I’m sorry, Lee. I-I just…” Just what? What the fuck was he doing? 

Leon offered him a reassuring smile, gently tickling Hop’s back with his nails. “Don’t be sorry. I’m just surprised is all. I know you’re shy, so it threw me off.” He then leaned back in to give Hop a quick peck on the lips. “I’m very happy.”

That churning in his stomach settled a bit, but only by a minuscule amount, enough for Hop to breathe for a moment. He hadn’t upset Leon, but he couldn’t deny how uncomfortable he was, despite taking the plunge himself. He  _ panicked _ . The only reason he did it was to make Leon feel better, but wasn’t that just leading him on as well? 

Fuck, Hop was so frustrated. Kissing him felt nice, it did, and he wouldn’t have minded doing it again if he had to, but he was so scared of Leon doing away with him if he didn’t start taking more measures to give back—since they were supposed to be dating and all. But maybe if Hop just got used to this, he would become more comfortable. 

He wasn’t scared. Just nervous. 

His cheeks gushed heat, because maybe Leon was right and he really  _ was _ just shy, but if he went down that train of thought again, there was no telling where he’d end up. Point being—Hop loved Leon. He knew that for a fact. He knew his brother would never hurt him. That was another fact. 

And. 

He may even  _ like _ kissing him, but Hop was divided on that one. As long as he was making Leon happy, maybe he could try harder to put his own comfort aside in exchange for his brother’s happiness. What did he have to lose? Other than his dignity, but Hop had crossed that bridge a long time ago. He hated the idea of leading Leon on, as he feared his brother figuring it out and doing away with him, but if this entire thing was just a phase, then would Leon even care in the end? If Hop played along now, gave him what he wanted, appeased his brother as best as he could until he got this entire nonsense out of his system, then what would it even matter when all was said and done? 

Because Hop didn’t want to think of a possibility that Leon’s feelings were genuine. The fuck did he do then? If Leon truly, genuinely,  _ actually _ loved him like this, how the fuck was he supposed to handle that? The idea was so absurd, so disconnected from reality that Hop knew he’d probably go insane, but he wasn’t sure which was worse. Doing this just to appease Leon and lying to him about it, or forcing himself to like it. Maybe it was better just to accept he was trash and do this. At least then, he might get something out of it. 

Hop sighed. He didn’t know. He didn’t fucking know. 

“Hop.” The sound of Leon’s voice pulled him from his thoughts and Hop nervously met his gaze. Leon squirmed a bit, removing his hand from inside Hop’s shirt, and instead placed it against his thigh, giving him a small squeeze. “H-Hop, I—” He bit his lip, his face turning, if possible, even redder than before. “I want to—I mean. Y-you don’t have to say yes, but—” Swallowing, Leon turned away from him as if fighting to gather the courage to even say what he was trying to say before turning back, giving Hop a hard stare. “C-can I please suck your cock?”

If Leon hadn’t been holding onto him then, Hop would have probably fallen off the bed, because his head felt like it had floated away from his body then. For a split second, he saw spots in his vision, and the feeling of absolute shock was only heightened by his widening eyes and pounding heart. Leon reached up to steady him by holding onto his arms. 

“We don’t have to! I know you’re shy. That’s why I want to take this slow.” Looping one arm around him then, Leon pulled him close, somewhat into a hug, though it was meant to be comforting, Hop was doing all he could just to remember to breathe. 

Had he...heard that right? 

Oh  _ fuck _ . 

Of course, the first thought that blared in his own head was a big fat NO, even with Leon crooning over him, he wasn’t registering the words being spoken, only that sounds were happening, Leon was hugging him, and Hop was losing his fucking mind.  _ Why _ did Leon want to do shit like this? Hop couldn’t for the life of him figure it out—shouldn’t he be trying to talk Hop into touching his dick or something? Though, with much of his pride shot by now, Hop couldn’t help but think he would have preferred that to having his brother fawn all over him this way. It’d be one thing if Leon kept trying to get Hop to touch him, because he could say Leon was a pervert (and he was), but no—he wanted to suck  _ Hop’s _ dick. Leon wanted to suck Hop’s dick. 

_ Why? _

Was he stupid? Not that Hop would have been happier had his brother asked him for the opposite thing instead, but at least he could have justified it somehow as Leon having a breakdown, Leon being gross, or something. When it was turned on him, Hop just felt lost. 

That pleading look Leon gave him didn’t help matters in the slightest, and it took Hop way too long to realize Leon was still rambling, his words a heap of muddled nonsense, because Hop was still coming out of his shock. He hadn’t heard a word of what he’d been saying to him, but could only gather it was more begging and gushing and whatnot. 

Finally, Hop snapped back to reality enough to say, “Lee—why the  _ hell _ would you want to do that?” And was surprised by the lucidity of his own words. He just needed a minute to process that, but now he was supporting himself on the bed, leaned into Leon who continued giving him that pleading stare. 

“Because I love you.” The response was so immediate and blunt that it took Hop another minute to catch himself. 

Surely Leon didn’t mean that. Surely. 

Not sure how to reply, and feeling quite cornered, Hop placed his face into his hands, groaning as he rubbed his temples. “I don’t get you. One minute everything’s normal between us. I go into your locker room to wish you good luck, we kid around—next thing I know, you’re all  _ fucking over me  _ and telling me weird shit about how in love you are.”

“But, Hop, I  _ am _ in love with you! How come you won’t believe me?”

“Because—!” Removing his face from his hands, Hop could feel the heat seeping out, and averted his stare from Leon’s face, because he might actually say something he regretted if he got worked up enough, and he didn’t want to hurt Leon just because Hop got emotional. 

He couldn’t help it. Some of his spite came out no matter how much he tried to hold it in, and he found himself reaching out, gripping Leon by the sides of his face to pull him close, where Hop glared at him, staring straight into his eyes. He was so fucking sick of this bullshit that he was about to lose it. 

“ _ Lee _ . You and I know both know you’re just upset because Gloria took your title.”  _ Stop saying this _ —why was Hop saying all this? His filter was gone. The frustration and anguish was coming to a head, and he had to let it out, or else he’d fucking— “You can get  _ anyone _ you want and you know it. You should be bedding fans, people worth way more of your time than someone like me. The only reason you’re doing this is because I’m easy, right? I mean—what the  _ fuck _ is wrong with you?”

Hop couldn’t explain why his emotions were getting the better of him and his true thoughts were coming out, but here they were. Here he was, holding Leon’s face in his hands and spouting all of this out to him, knowing full well his brother might drop him, but his heart was pounding, his face on fire, and he just—

Hop swallowed. 

He  _ wanted _ it to be true. This love Leon spoke of, he wanted it. He wanted it so, so much to be true. He wanted his brother to love him more than anyone in the world. Anyone who ever thought of loving Leon—they didn’t love him as much as Hop did. Hop had appreciated him far longer than his fans did, much longer before he ever became champion. Hop saw sides of Leon nobody ever had the pleasure of seeing. Hop grew up with him. He’d slept beside him, rose in the morning with him, ate breakfast with him, played together—Hop saw the moments Leon’s weaknesses shown through, even the weaknesses he’d never show Mum. Hop had seen his brother on his knees before, angry at their Dad, angry at him for leaving, angry for leaving Mum, for abandoning  _ them _ —because Leon wondered why their dad didn’t want him anymore. It bothered him. It had been bothering him for years, because neither he nor Mum had the answer. 

Hop had seen Leon rise to fame, starting out at the very bottom, at the very lowest he’d ever been, and Hop had always been there for him. He had supported Leon before anyone else ever thought of doing, and Leon always,  _ always _ gave him the time of day, even after he’d gotten so famous. His brother never turned down an opportunity to speak with him, to hang out when he could, to simply exist together when the world was so fucking loud—and they could be themselves around one another. 

Tears gathered in the corner of Hop’s eyes, threatening to fall. Why on earth would such a wonderful person like Leon fall for him? Hop was so undeserving. He couldn’t measure up to Leon’s accomplishments by any means. He wasn’t that great of a trainer. Not that great of an  _ anything _ , really. 

Hop was a failure, through and through. He used to think he could stand on equal ground with Leon, but that was a long lost fantasy that would always be that—a fantasy. Hop and Leon would never be equals, they would never measure up the same, and Hop knew now he could never truly reach his brother’s level, no matter how hard he tried, how hard he trained, how hard he studied. 

So for Leon to fall for him—it was an impossibility. It didn’t make any sense. Did Hop even want that kind of love? What kind of love did he really want from Leon? He should have been happy, so happy to have Leon confess to him, to make Hop feel like a  _ person _ for the first time in his life, a person worthy of Leon’s affections, his attention, his love. Hop should have soaked it up like a sponge, but—

His tears fell, and he released Leon’s face as he turned away from him in shame. His brother hadn’t said a word that entire time, and Hop was trying so hard not to break down, but he’d allowed his own weakness to come out, and here he was, saying these horrible things, because if Leon wanted to abandon him and throw him away, he may as well just  _ fucking do it.  _ Throw Hop away like the piece of garbage he really was. 

He didn’t deserve any of Leon’s love. He didn’t even want it. Not  _ this _ type of love. Not these types of affections. His cheeks burned in embarrassment, as Hop dragged his arm across his face only to smear the tears. It wasn’t right. None of this was right. He knew that. He knew it was wrong, and Leon had to know it was wrong too, but he didn’t care. 

What the fuck was so bad about being loved like this? Other than the fact it was his brother? If they weren’t related, if Hop and Leon weren’t related—

He swallowed. 

He would absolutely be beside himself with happiness. He would be in Leon’s arms, kissing him, holding him, reveling in that love that was thrown his way without question, without any doubt in the world. Hop would date him without a second thought, he knew he would. 

Because he wouldn’t have known the real Leon. The real Leon he grew up with, whom he loved very much, but that love never extended any further than familial. To have Leon love him this way, not only did Hop feel undeserving of such a thing, but he was so ashamed of his own feelings in return. 

Because it wasn’t  _ right _ . People would shun them, people would talk about Leon, his popularity would plummet, he might even wind up jobless and in even worse shape than before. Mum would have a fucking fit if she found out about this, and Hop hated—fucking  _ hated _ the anxiety of sneaking around Mum, fearful she might walk in on them, and he just couldn’t get past the fact he had grown up with this person. He had been beside this person for years, and the thought of romance with him never even crossed his mind. So how the fuck was it so easy for Leon to do this? Why couldn’t Hop just ignore those thoughts telling him it was wrong. Wrong by what standards? 

Everyone’s. 

Leon had to know what he was doing was inappropriate. He  _ had _ to. There was no way he was blind by the truth, unless he really was stupid, but Hop had a hard time believing his brother was simply ignorant to the fact they were brothers, and brothers. Did not. Date. Did not kiss. Did not  _ touch _ themselves. 

Hop’s heart thumped in his chest, and he wiped at his face again, sniffling and growing frustrated that the tears wouldn't stop. 

He…

His cheeks gushed heat, and he slammed his eyes shut when Leon reached over to drag the side of his knuckles down his face, only making Hop blush harder. 

He loved him. 

_ Hop loved him.  _

He wanted to kiss him. 

He wanted to hold him. 

He wanted Leon to hold him back and never let go, whisper in his ear every single day how awfully he loved him. He wanted Leon by his side forever—no matter what happened. What became of them. How shameful Hop felt—he just—

Wanted to be with Leon. 

Wanted to be worthy of that love his brother so graciously decided to grant him. 

Hop wanted that love so bad that he could hardly stand it. And he cried, he cried right there in Leon’s arms, not wanting his brother to reject him, scared out of his mind that he would be thrown away, tossed aside like trash, and he only wanted Leon to be happy, no matter the cost. If it cost him his pride, then so be it. If Leon wanted his shame, he could have it. If Hop had to give up everything he believed in, his comfort, his morality, his dignity, if he had to give it all to Leon just to ensure his brother’s happiness, then he could take it all from him. Every fucking bit of it. 

“Hop…” Leon’s voice was low then, but almost a hum. In the midst of Hop’s sobbing, the room had become incredibly silent, save for his sniffles, and the warmth of Leon’s hand against his face was enough to make Hop naturally lean into his touch. He allowed the comfort given to him, even if he didn’t deserve it. “Hop, I know I’ve done a lot of things that have confused you and made you uncomfortable. I’m sorry. I really am.” With both hands, Leon gently cupped Hop’s face, lifting him up where Hop was made to stare back at him. Even with his bloodshot eyes, the tears blurring his vision, Hop could still see Leon’s soft and reassuring smile. “I promise you, Hop. I swear I’m not trying to take advantage of you. I’m not doing any of this for a cheap thrill, I’m not upset at my title loss. I’m  _ not _ having a crisis. I would have never, ever even said anything about my true feelings if it weren’t for the power making you kiss me that first time.” Leaning in, Leon planted a small kiss to Hop’s mouth, and Hop closed his eyes again, reveling in the feeling. “I’ve been struggling with my feelings for you for a long time. Longer than you know. But, I love you, and nothing will ever change that. I love you more than anything.” 

Releasing his face, Leon instead wrapped both arms around him, pulling Hop tight against his chest, until his face was buried into the crook of his neck, and Hop didn’t bother fighting it. If Leon wanted to comfort him, give this to him, he would take it. Hop returned the hug, still sniffling, tears quietly falling as he buried his face into Leon’s neck, holding him tight as though he might blow away. “L-Lee, I just don’t want to lose you.” His own voice was choked, and he had to swallow to get his words out. “I-I’m scared this is going to tear us apart.” He’d been bottling up his true emotions for so long that now he was letting them out, Hop couldn’t hold back anymore. Squeezing his brother tighter, he only held him close, not wanting to let go. 

“I won’t let that happen. I’m not going to throw you away, Hop. I would  _ never _ do such a thing.” In return, Leon patted his back, running his fingers through his hair. “Please don’t worry about something like that. I know I’ve come on strong. I’ve done things you aren’t comfortable with, and I’m sorry. I don’t want you to feel like you’re trapped.”

“I’m not…” Hop’s throat tightened. “I-I don’t feel trapped.” He just felt fucking  _ ashamed _ . “Lee, I just—I-I love you so much, I don’t know what to do with myself.” He choked on a sob. “J-just don’t leave me. Please…” 

“I love you too, baby, and I’m not going anywhere, you hear me? I’m going to be here with you, no matter how confused you get, whatever you need to do, I’m going to help you figure it out, okay?” 

He could only nod, bury his face further into Leon’s neck, until the scent of his brother was fogging his brain, enough to make him sleepy, and still, he held him, trying his damndest to dry up his tears. “O-okay, Lee…I believe you.” 

“Hop, try not to worry so much about this. I just want you to be happy. If your happiness doesn’t have room for me, then—” Leon sucked in a breath, Hop able to feel him shiver just slightly against him. “Then I’m fine with that.”

He may have said that, but Hop could hear an almost underlying sadness in his tone, no matter how hard he tried to hide it. But Hop could never do that to him. He didn’t want there to be  _ nothing _ between them at all. 

His whole body felt hot, and with how his arms were wrapped around Leon, he could feel some of his long hair getting tangled between his fingers, and Hop curled the locks around, absentmindedly playing with it. One day, he should tell Leon how beautiful he was, how soft his hair was, how warm Hop got when he kissed him. Maybe he really did have feelings for Leon and maybe they had been there from the beginning, but Hop had just been too shy to ever address them. What sick fuck thought about his own brother that way anyhow? 

Only able to sigh as they held one another, Hop continued playing with random strands of Leon’s hair until he quieted, no longer crying in his arms, and when Hop settled down, Leon drew away from the hug, much to Hop’s disappointment. He had wanted to stay like that for longer, just a little bit longer. Leon smiled down at him, gripping him by his arms before he spoke. “How are you feeling right now?”

Hop honestly didn’t know, but he tried his best to at least say what he thought. “O-okay. I feel okay.” 

“Are you okay enough for me to do what I asked earlier? Don’t feel like you have to say yes. It’s okay to say no.”

The split second Hop felt a pit of fear settle in his stomach, he willed it away before closing his eyes. There wasn’t much point in being afraid when Leon was at least asking permission. In a way, he was pushing, but not enough where Hop didn’t have any say at all. 

He was scared, but he nodded anyway, ignoring his reservations, ignoring the shame, and shoved his pride aside for Leon. “O-okay… I-I’m fine with it.” 

There was a hopeful lift in Leon’s voice, his grip around his arms tightening in excitement. “R-really? Are you sure, Hop?”

Hop opened his eyes, trying his hardest to smile, but it just didn’t happen. He couldn’t smile, not even for Leon. Not for himself. “I’m sure.”

Red spread all the way to Leon’s cheeks, and the corners of his mouth lifted into a wide smile, his eyes brightening along with it. He looked so taken aback, but the joy in his eyes alone was enough for Hop to say it would be worth it. “O-okay! Just relax. I-I’ll make sure you’re comfortable first.”

“You don’t have to do all that…” Hop shied away from him, suddenly self-conscious for some reason, but Leon waved him off. 

“Nonsense, of course I’m going to. Do you want to take the hoodie off?”

Oh, Hop had completely forgotten he was still wrapped up in his Wooloo hoodie, but it was more a security blanket at this point, so he shook his head. “No, I’m fine.”

“Okay.” Again, Leon leaned into him, the smile on his face never once dropping, before he gave Hop another kiss. “Just relax. I’ll take good care of you, promise.”

The kisses Leon applied to Hop’s face then weren’t bad, and he could even say he enjoyed it to a degree, minus his embarrassment and whatnot, but Hop tried not to think too hard about it. Because his brother was about to suck him off, his brother looked like Hop had just given him an incredibly rare thing he’d been coveting for all of his life—he had never seen Leon quite this happy before. Hop wanted to share the joy his brother felt, if not for the sense of dread in his gut, he might have been able to muster the energy to be happy. 

But he couldn’t. 

Even as Leon kissed his cheeks, moving down to his neck where he sucked random spots, Hop sat there, clutching his brother’s sleeves as he worked, just to have something to hold onto. When he felt the slightest scrape of Leon’s teeth against his throat, Hop gasped, both when the shivers ran down his spine and because— “L-Lee, careful, d-don’t leave any marks.” His face turned red. Mum would have a fit if she came home and Hop had hickies all over his neck and he didn’t know how the hell he’d explain that to her. 

Leon laughed through his nose, pausing only long enough to answer. “Don’t worry, I won’t, baby.” 

Hop  _ really  _ wished he wouldn’t call him that, as it somehow made the entire situation way more intimate than it already was, but he held his tongue. As long as Leon was enjoying himself, Hop could put his discomfort aside and he sat there, his body shivering every time he felt Leon’s tongue come out to press against his skin. He would kiss a random area, sometimes sucking a little, but not enough for there to be evidence, and then he would drag his tongue across as though Hop himself were a treat he was aching to taste. 

“You’re so beautiful. I hope you know how beautiful you are.” Leon’s voice was low as he pulled back Hop’s collar to reach his shoulder and clavicle. He sounded almost mystified, and though Hop couldn’t see his face when he only dipped lower and lower, he could hear the smile. “I love you so much.” His tongue led down the edge of his collarbone, Leon gently riding up the hem of Hop’s hoodie and shirt to expose enough of his stomach that Hop became aware it was quite chilly in the house that morning. 

Hop didn’t move, mostly because he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to be doing. It felt wrong both to sit there quietly or at least play with Leon’s hair while he worked, but Hop didn’t know which one he should do. It might make Leon happy if he engaged, just a little, and while Hop had never done this before—he’d never even  _ kissed _ anyone, he knew you were supposed to move at least, so he reached with tentative hesitance before gently gliding his hands through Leon’s hair, tucking a few strands behind his ear. 

His brother chuckled below him, causing Hop to stop out of fear he’d done something wrong. Leaning up from kissing his chest long enough to give him a comforting smile, Leon took the hand Hop had just had in his hair and brought it to his lips, kissing his knuckles. “You can touch me, Hop. Don’t be scared.”

So he liked it. That was good...Hop thought. With a rather nervous nod, he swallowed, pulling his hand back that was moist on the spot Leon had kissed, and when Leon moved back down to continue kissing his shoulder, playing with the drawstring of his pajama bottoms, Hop sucked in a breath before he reached back out to twirl some of his brother’s hair in his fingers. Again, Leon made a small laugh underneath him, so whatever kind of feeling he was getting out of this, Hop’s movements must have been effective, though he never imagined simply playing with Leon’s hair would cause his brother to shiver against him. 

The lower he moved, the more Hop became aware of him trying to untangle his bottoms, and his heart pounded against his chest in response. It was no lie he was terrified, but he tried to distract himself by moving Leon’s hair back over his shoulders anytime it dipped down, trying to help him keep it from his face, and Hop dragged his palm down his cheek, feeling the slightest tickle of his facial hair. In no time, his brother was pulling back the elastic of his pajamas, and Hop all but froze in shock when he wasted no time in brushing his fingers against his dick. 

Oh fuck, it was happening. Hop was  _ letting _ this happen. He was letting his brother touch him, and pretty soon, he’d have his mouth on him, and Hop swallowed when his throat grew tight. Why the fuck was he so scared? Shouldn’t he have been excited? 

Leon must have sensed his hesitance or at least felt him trembling, because he reached up to clutch the hand Hop still had held against his face, nuzzling his cheek against him before offering a smile. “Don’t be scared, Hop. I’m right here with you. I’m going to take care of you.”

There was little Hop could do but nod in response. Whatever happened from here on out was his own fault, he knew that, but he didn’t think Leon would ever intentionally hurt him, so he willed the beating of his heart to soften as he took a deep breath, trying to mentally prepare himself. What the hell was he supposed to do once it started happening? It felt like a hundred voices were screaming at him to put a stop to this, he didn’t actually want to do this with his brother, but an overwhelming urge to please Leon drowned them all out. If all Hop had to do was lie here and take this, and if it would make Leon happy, then he could do it. 

That didn’t stop the trembling of his hands, even against Leon’s face, Hop was shaking, and his brother gripped hold of his hand to link their fingers together. “It’s okay to be nervous. I know you don’t know what to expect, but all you have to do is lie there and relax. It’ll feel good. You don’t have to do anything, Hop, I’m not going to make you do anything to me if that’s what you’re scared of.” Leon leaned into his face, giving Hop one more kiss before pressing his palms against his chest, ushering him to lie back. “Lie down, okay?”

Hop nodded, trying to quell his shivering, but he was terrified, though terrified of what exactly, he didn’t really know. It wasn’t the fear of pain or Leon accidentally biting him, but just the act itself, the fact his brother even  _ wanted _ to do this with him, when it was reserved for couples, for people who were in love. At least—that’s what Hop thought. But he didn’t know anymore. 

Before he knew it, he was lying flat on his back, facing up at Leon’s ceiling, the view of his brother’s snapback collections hovering just out of the corner of his eye, and his heart was pounding so hard, Hop thought he might start hyperventilating, especially when Leon began to grip the edge of his pajama bottoms, and pulled them down past his hips. The air was so cold, and he reached up to grip the collar of his hoodie, just to have something to hold onto. Swallowing a gasp that threatened to slip out, Hop closed his eyes in hopes it would calm him down when Leon finally pulled his underwear off. With gentle precision, his brother pulled his bottoms down to his ankles before untangling everything until Hop was completely naked from the waist down. The only reason he wasn’t cold right now was because of the heat rushing to his face, all the way down to his chest. He squeezed his collar in his hands so tight that he could feel his own nails digging through the fabric. 

One of Leon’s hands reached up then, cupping over Hop’s own to give him a sign of comfort and reassurance. “Are you okay?”

Hop nodded, even though he was scared. Even though he didn’t really want to be doing this, he just wanted Leon to be happy. He loved him. 

“Okay. You don’t have to watch if you don’t want. I’m going to get between your legs, but if you get scared, just say so.” He made a small laugh. “Or pull on my hair. Whatever you need, Hop.”

The heat was coursing all throughout his body, and the only thing Hop could focus on was bracing himself. It was similar to getting a shot at the doctor, that moment of nervous apprehension, but Hop was lying here, letting this happen. He’d allowed it to happen, he told Leon it was okay, and he was scared. What the fuck was wrong with him? 

It was for Leon. This was all for Leon. 

Leon’s soft hands gripped him by the thighs when he fit himself against Hop, and Hop couldn’t help the gasp of surprise he made. He still had his eyes shut, but he was more aware of the sounds and sensations than he’d ever been before. Leon quietly shushed him and patted his leg. “It’s okay, Hop. You’re doing great.”

Silky soft strands of Leon’s hair tickled the exposed portion of his stomach when he bent over him and Hop felt his hot breath right against his dick, and his heart sank. He was shivering horribly despite his body having grown so hot, but there wasn’t much hope for him when Leon gripped the base of his cock, bringing it up where he slid his tongue all the way from the base to the tip. 

An uncomfortable moan stuck in Hop’s throat, but he grit his teeth, not wanting to be so needy or make any kind of noise. It was hard as hell though, especially when Leon licked the tip of his dick, causing Hop’s face to gush heat, before he wrapped his mouth around him. Immediately, Hop was encased in the moist hotness of Leon’s mouth and before he could stop himself, he bucked up into him until Leon sank all the way down. Hop swore his heart leapt straight up into his throat, and his eyes shot open when he realized he just thrust up into Leon. He wanted to apologize, but for what, he didn’t even know anymore. Maybe for seeming too eager? 

The only acknowledgement his brother made below him was a soft laugh that vibrated in the back of his throat, but Hop could feel every single tremor right on his cock. He suppressed the urge to moan when Leon bobbed up, gliding his tongue over the tip before swallowing him back down, and Hop wasn’t sure how much hotter his face could possibly get. It was so hot in the room now, he wanted to take the hoodie off, but instead settled for squeezing the daylights out of the collar. Leon was curled over him, gripping hold of one of his thighs to support himself, and using it to lift Hop when needed to better reach him. With his opposite hand, Leon drew small circles around his skin, tickling Hop’s legs, his stomach, wherever he could reach, and it was embarrassing as fuck, but Hop knew he was already hard. Leon had barely done anything, and he was getting hard. 

“L-Lee…” The sound of Hop’s own voice scared him, but he was overstimulated to the point of wanting to cry, his thoughts becoming jumbled and spilling out as Leon bobbed up and down. “L-Lee...nmm!” 

It wasn’t as though Hop had never touched himself before. He was fourteen after all, and he had his fair share of fantasies and long nights alone with a bottle of lube, and he’d even jerked off to Gloria maybe once or twice, but it wasn’t as though he had feelings for her, it was more out of the need just to come (he felt guilty for thinking of her that way, but he couldn't help it). It made him think how often Leon had done the same, only with Hop on his mind. How many late nights did Leon stay up? He wasn’t shy by any fucking means, as he had the gall to touch himself while on the phone with Hop, facecam and all. If Leon was willing to do that with Hop present, he had to wonder what the late nights for his brother were. 

Did he ever feel guilty for it? Did he ever stop to think what the fuck was wrong with him, because he was jerking off to Hop, for fuck’s sake—did Leon ever stop and think about what he was doing? Even now, even as he sat placed between Hop’s legs, sucking his cock with vigor, like he knew exactly what he was doing, and Hop was writhing below him, squeezing his hoodie harder and harder, trying to bite down the moans only to fail—did Leon feel guilty? 

Ever since this entire thing started, Hop hadn’t seen much in the line of guilt from Leon. His brother seemed so unbothered by the whole thing, even almost condescending to a degree, but maybe that only fueled Hop’s suspicions that he was just doing this for a thrill. Just because Hop was easy. 

He wanted to believe him when he said he loved him, even if it only served to make Hop feel fucking awful—he didn’t know what he wanted. Hop had never been so divided on anything in his entire life, always knowing exactly what he wanted, where to start, what to do in order to get it. 

He bucked into Leon’s mouth, reaching up to cover his own mouth when a moan slipped out. 

Did he love Leon like this though? 

Face burning, both in shame and pleasured haze, Hop closed his eyes again, not sure how much more he could take trying to adamantly avoid looking at the top of Leon’s head as he bobbed up and down. He hadn’t let up once since he started, and he worked his tongue around Hop’s cock as though he’d done this a thousand times and knew exactly where to lick, how fast to go, when to pause—because Hop was about to fucking explode. 

The hand Leon had been using to tickle him the entire time was placed under Hop’s thigh, and he lifted him up enough that Hop’s bottom left the bed for a second, making him gasp—but Leon only adjusted himself, setting Hop back down where he tickled the section under his thigh, where he continued to suck up and down his length. Oh fuck—Hop didn’t know why his heart dropped when that happened, but the fear was real. The fear of Leon simply taking him—because he could, if Leon really wanted to, Hop knew his brother could overpower him, hold him down, and just fuck him. If he  _ really _ wanted to. 

Hop felt a little silly he had freaked out a split moment when he thought Leon might take advantage of him, but he tried to relax, as much as he could with his cock in Leon’s mouth, even if he wasn’t nervous, there wasn’t much relaxing he could do. The rhythm Leon had created was rubbing off on him until Hop had begun to rut up, moving in time until the both of them were in sync with one another. Each time Leon bobbed down him, Hop would thrust up into his mouth, and every time he went back up, Hop went down. That familiar sensation filled Hop’s lower gut, and his cheeks gushed heat when he knew he was close. 

He was so fucking close, and he bit his bottom lip, knowing that if Leon kept up like this, if he kept gaining speed, sucking him faster like he was doing, holding onto his thighs and humming right on his cock, that he would lose it. Hop couldn’t help it. He released his hoodie, one hand covering his mouth to muffle the moans he was so embarrassed to be making, and used his free hand to fist Leon’s roots, taking hold and squeezing. 

“Lee! Lee...Lee…” No matter what he did, that was the only word capable of coming out, and it only made Hop blush more. He was absolutely  _ moaning _ Leon’s nickname, and his brother seemed to be enjoying it. Leon gained speed, keeping a firm grip on him so that Hop didn’t slide away from him on the bed, and dragged the whole length of his tongue from the base of his cock all the way to the tip, overstimulating him to say the least. Precum was leaking, Hop knew, but Leon just took it all in his mouth, swallowing anything Hop had to give, and Hop threw his head back, staring straight up at the ceiling with his hand in Leon’s hair. 

Everyone was watching him. 

Everyone in the world could see him right now. Through the walls. Through the locked doors. Through the floor. Hop knew there were eyes of strangers on him, even if he couldn’t see them physically, they were there. The whole world was looking at him, judging him, calling him disgusting for lying here and allowing this to happen. He was supposed to push Leon away that night he wanted to touch himself with him. 

Why didn’t he just say no? Did he actually like this? Did Hop actually enjoy being in a relationship with his older brother? His perfect, beautiful, talented, much more successful older brother. 

Orgasm was just in reach, Hop was biting the blood from his lip to keep from outright screaming Leon’s name when he was so built up, he knew the end was near, but he held on. He tried so hard to hold back, to keep Leon right where he was, right where it was warm and safe and Hop didn’t feel awful all the time. 

He...loved Leon. 

And he loved  _ this _ . 

Hop loved this, he was thrusting up into his mouth, on the brink—and he was in love. Maybe he had always been in love with Leon, but was just too shy to admit it. He didn’t know. 

It would hurt less to just fucking admit it to himself, no matter how bad his stomach churned, how much his heart hurt. 

Tears gathered in his eyes, and Hop couldn’t hold back anymore. With a firm grip to Leon’s roots, he squeezed him, holding on like he might fall right through the bed, and came all into his mouth. “L- _ Lee! Leon! Leon! _ ” There was so much to give, and Hop expelled every last fucking drop of himself as he could when he thrusted into Leon’s mouth all the way to the hilt, as far as his cock could possibly go, and he arched back, muscles tightening up at the intensity, his limbs gyrating as his whole body rocked back and forth with it. 

Leon never let up, not once. He rode it out with Hop, swallowing every drop of cum he released into his mouth, the entire time Hop wriggled and writhed underneath him, crying out his name and holding onto him—Leon never let go. Hop wished every single one of his bad thoughts, his bad feelings, his bad  _ everything _ could have come out with it. He wanted to purge every fucking bit of it out of his system, but for a moment, a wonderful, blissful moment, Hop felt nothing at all. 

When he quieted, calmed from orgasm, the haze of pleasure washed over him as though a warm blanket had been wrapped around his whole body, and his vision blurred with tears as he stared up at Leon’s ceiling, his eyes lidded and heavy. The numbness was so welcoming, and he didn’t know why. There was no fear, no anxiety, no disgust. 

There was nothing. 

And Hop wished it could have lasted forever, simply lying here, caught in his euphoria, just breathing and existing as he flopped back in exhaustion, releasing Leon’s hair, allowing his limbs to go limp. Hop wanted nothing more than to sleep, sleep the whole day away, forget this entire thing happened, and maybe Leon would be gone when he woke back up. Maybe this whole thing would be a dream, some weird, detailed dream he could throw in the back of his mind forever and not have to deal with. 

There was movement below him, Hop only vaguely aware that Leon had moved when the bed shifted underneath him, and his brother was hovering over him then, a soft smile on his face. How badly Hop wanted to smile back at him, he really did, but all he could manage to do then, once the numbness faded away—was cry. 

He didn’t mean to. It just happened. Maybe it was the intensity of orgasm, or his brain was finally catching up to everything happening, but Hop lay there on his brother’s bed, splayed underneath him, and tears fell in droves down his face. In an instant, the look on Leon’s face dropped, his eyes wide, and he sounded panicked when he opened his mouth. “Hop?! Are you okay? Why are you crying?” Hop wasn’t used to hearing him sound this way, almost out of breath, but with a definite tone of fear strangling his voice, and he could only shake his head. 

“I...I don’t know…” 

“Sit up.” Reaching underneath his back and knees, Leon gently coaxed Hop into a sitting position, and it only heightened the fact Hop was naked below, but there wasn’t much point in feeling shame in that when Leon had just sucked him off. “What’s the matter?”

Hop shook his head, not able to look at him. He just focused on the carpet below. “Nothing…” Wiping at his eyes, he smeared the tears off his already messed up face. He’d done a lot of crying today, and he was emotionally exhausted from it, just wanting to take a nap now and recharge. It felt like Hop had taken all he could take for the day, and it wasn’t even noon yet. “I just got overwhelmed.” Well, that wasn’t a lie, but he really had no idea why he cried like that. Maybe his body just hadn’t gotten enough out yet, and he needed to cry to completely ‘clean’ himself, so to say. 

Patting his back, Leon rubbed soothing circles as he scooted over close to him. “You should have told me if it was too much for you. I would have stopped.”

“No, it’s not that.” Hop’s face was burning again, so much so that he wondered if Leon could feel the heat radiating off him just being as close as he was. “Lee…” More tears threatened to surface, but Hop blinked them all down, down as far as they would go, before he sucked in a huge breath. “I’m...I-I’m…” 

It was now or never. If Hop didn’t do this now, if he didn’t take the plunge and just fucking say it—and say it  _ right _ , then he might never again gather the courage to do so. He didn’t want to fuck this up. He didn’t want this to be the end of them. 

Hop’s heart thumped against his chest. 

He didn’t want to lose Leon.

With the tears having stagnated, Hop’s palms shaking, his heart pounding so painfully, he swallowed his pride—every last bit of it, every one of his reservations, every one of his fears, every fucking voice in his head telling him this was his fault—

He turned, grabbing Leon by his collar before lifting up off the bed enough to reach his face, and kissed him on the mouth. His brother started underneath him, obviously thrown off, but Hop drew back from the kiss just as soon as he gave it, and stared up at Leon through hazed, heavy eyes. 

And he smiled at him. “I love you, Lee.”

The patches of pink on Leon’s cheeks grew several shades darker, until he was red almost all the way down to his neck, but there was a look to his eyes that Hop couldn’t seem to not stare at, because Leon appeared so taken aback, but there was no denying the happiness that sparkled there. For the longest time, Hop thought he knew when Leon was happy, like when he’d become champion, when he appeared on all the programs he’d appeared in. Interviews, magazines, what have you. Leon was always smiling. Always charismatic. Always pleased to give in to his fans and indulge their awe. 

But this look was raw. Leon stared back at Hop as though he were truly looking at him for the first time in his life, and he couldn’t believe the words he was hearing were actually real. Hop thought he even saw tears well up, but Leon blinked them away, before reaching up to cup Hop’s cheek in his palm, rubbing at his face with the pad of his thumb. 

“Y-you mean it? You really love me, Hop?”

His smile softened, but didn’t fall. Hop nodded, pushing his face against Leon’s to kiss him yet again. “I do. I-I love you more than anything, Lee.” His face gushed at the embarrassing words that were spilling out of his own mouth, but Hop tried to ignore those feelings. “I want to—I-I wanna be a couple, Lee.”

The moment Leon’s eyes lit up, Hop knew there was no turning back. There was no going back from this, from all that he was saying, from all he was confessing to Leon right now. It was the only thing he knew would keep them together, and Hop wanted nothing more than to stay with his brother. 

He knew that now. 

He  _ knew _ he loved him. 

Nobody in the world was more important to him than his big brother. 

With that said, Leon made a choked sort of sound in the back of his throat, and Hop swore his brother was about to break down crying, but all he did was wrap both arms around Hop, pulling him close to his chest. “I love you too, Hop. More than anything. I-I’m…” He sucked in a breath, cradling him close. “I’m so happy, you have no idea.”

Hop could have sworn he felt Leon’s heart pounding against him as he held him back, burying his face into the crook of his neck, much like they had done earlier, but it was apparent this time that Leon was holding him with the intent of not letting go. At least for a while. But Hop didn’t think he minded staying like this for as long as Leon wanted, and could only clutch onto his brother as though the wind itself would make off with him. 

They stayed that way for a long time, holding onto one another, not wanting to let go. Hop felt encased in a warmth he hadn’t felt so safe in what felt like a lifetime. Nuzzling his face into Leon’s neck, he reveled in the small gasp Leon made, as he only pulled him tighter, but Hop squeezed him back just as much. He wanted to stay this way forever. 

“Lee.” When he whispered right next to him, Hop gave Leon a small, light kiss to his neck. “P-please don’t leave me.”

A shiver wracked Leon’s body. Hop could feel every tremble he made, hear every intake of breath he sucked in, and every thump of his heart against his own chest. His brother’s voice was low, but shaken above him. “I won’t, Hop. I love you so much. You mean the world to me, Hopscotch. More than anything, more than  _ anybody—and I love you. _ ” He tightened the hug, just short of squeezing the breath from Hop’s lungs, but he didn’t mind. “I’m going to love you no matter what happens, no matter what—I’m going to be here with you. Right here with you. Whatever you need, I’ll give it to you. Just tell me, Hop, and I’ll make it happen.”

Hop nodded, giving Leon another kiss to his neck and feeling the shiver of him from below. A strange sensation was washing over him, as though sitting here like this, wrapped up in Leon’s arms, his brother just short of an emotional wreck below him as he fought back tears of happiness, Hop could smile. He felt whole...and complete. Like whatever was wrong before, whatever had been missing, was returned to him. It was strange. 

There wasn’t much fear. No anxiety. No worries about others or their thoughts, but just—

Happiness. 

This had to be happiness, right? This feeling inside of Hop, welling up along with his tears, causing his heart to palpitate, his stomach to flutter, and his face to heat up—it was love. It had to be love. It had to be. 

It was all for Leon. Every bit of Hop’s love that he could afford to give, even if he had to bleed himself dry, he would give it to him. Whatever Leon wanted, whatever he needed, Hop loved him. 

It felt like hours they stayed that way, Leon having finally calmed down and was no longer breathing as shakily, while still holding onto Hop, and Hop holding onto him. When he felt it was safe, Hop pulled away from the hug to see Leon’s flushed face, but he smiled down at him, and Hop smiled back. He leaned up to reach, and kissed Leon, cupping his face as he did so, as Leon kissed back. 

“I love you, Lee.” He knew it was true. It  _ had _ to be true. There was no other explanation for it—other than pure, raw, unadulterated love. 

With a soft sigh, Leon gave him a final, almost shy smile, before kissing Hop against his hot cheek. “I love you too, baby.”


	12. Chapter 12

Saturday morning felt like a blur. 

While Friday night had come and gone, it was almost as though Hop had spent the whole day idle, like he was on the verge of sleep, without actually being sleepy. It was a strange feeling to say the least, but at least Leon was there to occupy the otherwise empty space he would’ve normally been dealing with alone. 

The both of them hung around the house Friday, either conversing about this and that, watching the telly, or up in Hop’s room playing video games. After what happened that morning, it was a little strange that things were almost normal afterward. Hop wasn’t sure what to expect after being intimate with Leon yet again, but his brother didn’t pressure him into anything, at least anything to do with the whole couple-boyfriend area. Hop was still a bit shy in that regard and Leon knew that, so once the two had composed themselves in Leon’s room, the whole day was spent as normal. 

Normal…

What was normal anymore? While Hop enjoyed spending time with his brother, happy to have him home for the weekend, there was a lingering feeling that something was off. Not bad. But off. No matter how his thoughts wandered until Hop realized he’d been spacing out half the day, and had to shake himself back to reality once or twice. He’d been daydreaming a lot lately, even with Leon around, but it wasn’t as though anything were  _ wrong _ . 

He was at least grateful Leon was keeping things as considerably innocuous as possible. If he thought Hop might be uncomfortable with kissing or hugging, he backed off, allowing him his space. He didn’t push him, and was mindful to ask permission before putting his hands on him, though by this point, the ship had sailed so far out into sea that Hop didn’t even care when he wanted to kiss. His shame had been tossed, and it wasn’t as embarrassing, though he still got an initial gut feeling that something was off each time it happened. 

But he quite  _ liked  _ kissing Leon. It was always soft, almost ‘quiet’, as though Leon were somehow whispering something intimate to him that nobody else in the world got to know about but Hop, and it made him blush. After that morning, Hop had grown almost clingy with him, hovering over him, sitting closer than usual on the sofa, and even when Leon asked if he wanted to sleep by him in bed that night, Hop obliged. 

So that morning when Hop awoke, groggy from sleep, confused at first, it wasn’t a surprise to see Leon’s sleeping mug right next to him. He had to stifle a small laugh, because he wondered if Leon ever noticed how dopey he looked while asleep. With his jaw slack, quieted snores, and lopsided face, Hop couldn’t help but snort at him. He almost looked vulnerable like this, and against Hop’s better judgement, he reached over, cupping his palm against Leon’s cheek, rousing him from sleep. His long eyelashes fluttered open and he looked so beautiful in that moment, Hop couldn’t help but stare and grow hot. 

“G-good morning, Lee.”

Leon smiled back, even with his eyes droopy from sleep, they stared back at Hop with a heavyset tenderness. “Morning, Hopscotch.” 

“Sorry, did I wake you?”

Leon leaned up from bed, letting out a yawn. “Yeah, but I don’t mind. I need to get up anyway.” He suddenly turned back to Hop, shooting him a grin. “And look at you! You’ve been waking up on time since I got back. Think you can keep it up whenever I’m gone?”

Hop nodded, though he wasn’t sure why hearing Leon speak of leaving caused his chest to ache. He didn’t want him to leave, but he tried to hide his disappointment, returning Leon’s smile the best he could. “I’ll do my best.”

Reaching down, Leon ruffled Hop’s hair, causing him to sputter and lean up alongside his brother where he laughed at him. It was good to see Leon in such good spirits this morning and Hop wished he could match his joyfulness, but he must have been still somewhat tired, as he only managed a rather shy laugh in return. 

With that said, Leon crawled from bed, stretching and popping his back in several places before turning back to face Hop. “Want anything special for breakfast?”

Just when Hop was about to say no, he didn’t care what they ate, he stopped himself. It’d been a long time he’d gotten to eat pancakes, which were one of his favorite breakfast foods, and his mouth watered at the idea itself, and before he could stop himself, “Pancakes…?” though he had no idea why he phrased it like a question, as though shyly asking for permission when Leon had asked him in the first place. 

But his brother just smiled again. “Ooh, that does sound good. Pancakes it is then!” Leon made a move like he was about to head out the room, but spun back around just as quickly. “Do you want the bathroom first? I could use Mum’s if you need to do your business.” 

Hop shook his head, leaning back down to rest his head on the pillow. It was so warm under the covers, he might drift back off to sleep, but he didn’t want to get out of bed just yet. “No, I’ll wait for you.” 

“Okay.” Once more spinning on his feet, Leon headed through the doorway, leaving Hop alone. 

Now by himself, Hop rolled over onto his back where he could stare up at Leon’s ceiling. Huddling under the covers to soak up as much warmth as possible was about the only thing he was able to do, if nothing else, it helped to submerge the nausea that was all too prevalent in his cramping stomach. There wasn’t much he could do about it other than try to ignore the feeling. Though, try as he might, Hop couldn’t swallow that creeping feeling of guilt that weighed heavy on his mind. 

It almost seemed like anytime he was near Leon, either by simply sitting by his side, or cuddling close to him, Hop could switch off his brain that was saying all the ugly thoughts as though a thousand voices were speaking simultaneously—he could enjoy being with Leon, smiling with him, soaking up the comfort and safety he was desperate for. But then, moments like these, when Leon left him, he became incredibly apprehensive, though for what exactly, he couldn’t place. It just felt like something was  _ wrong,  _ like Leon being away was going to cause something bad to happen and Hop had to shake himself out of these horrible thoughts. When the hell did he get so attached to Leon like this? Hop never imagined himself the clingy sort, but here he was, wishing Leon would hurry up in the bathroom so the two of them could be together again. 

It was so fucking weird. One moment he was reveling in time to himself, but after yesterday, Hop felt if he didn’t get more of Leon, he might go crazy. Just to be beside him, seeing his face, seeing his smile, Hop was thirsty for it, as though he’d been lost in the desert for days, and Leon was the only way he could quench his thirst, quell the heat, and offer Hop safety from the elements. 

Or maybe it was because Hop didn’t want to be alone with those thoughts for too long. If he was around Leon, then at least he had a distraction, he could shut off his brain from thinking too hard about it and just enjoy his big brother’s company for what it was. 

Hop huddled under the covers, engulfing himself in the warmth. Despite spring being in full bloom, the mornings in Postwick were still incredibly chilly, but that just gave Hop more of an excuse to wear his new hoodie. He really did love it and had to smile at the image of Leon frantically rummaging around in a clothes store just to find it for him. He could see Leon panicking over the sizes, wondering which would be comfortable enough for him. 

While the thought was adorable as all hell, he still felt a weird pang in his stomach, trying his best to ignore it, but it did no good. Leon really shouldn’t have worried so much about him. It wasn’t that Hop didn’t appreciate his brother mothering him or looking out for him, because it only showed that he loved him, but sometimes Hop couldn’t help wishing Leon would focus on other things—like his career or finding a partner of his own. And while Hop knew he had agreed to be Leon’s boyfriend (he shuddered out of reflex), that voice in the back of his mind reminded him that this was only a fleeting matter. 

If Hop gave Leon his full of this, he would move on eventually. It wasn’t like they could stay a couple forever. What did Leon plan to do once Hop got older? When Leon got older? When he was expected to settle down and start his own family? It would be too weird having Hop in that equation. 

Before his thoughts could get too carried away, the bathroom door opened (thank whatever god was available for that), knocking Hop back to real life and he sat up in bed once Leon returned, freshly washed and smiling. Leon only stuck his head in through the doorway for a moment before giving Hop a wave. “I’ll be downstairs if you need me.”

“Okay.” 

With his brother having taken off downstairs, Hop made quick work of his morning routine, washing his face, changing out of his pajamas, and the like. About fifteen minutes passed while Hop did his business upstairs before meeting his brother in the kitchen. There was already a frying pan out ready to go, which Leon was currently using to make pancakes for them. 

He shot Hop a smile when he entered, settling down at the table. “Is chocolate chip okay with you?”

Hop shrugged. He’d never been one to get too creative with his pancakes, but there was little room for error when chocolate was involved. “Sure.”

Breakfast remained mostly uneventful, at least in the sense Hop had come to find Leon’s overly long smiles and compliments and whatnot normal at this point. It didn’t exactly make him uncomfortable, but he couldn’t put his finger on what the feeling was either. It was a normal morning with his big brother, but it also  _ wasn’t  _ normal. They ate, they migrated to the living room to watch the telly and chat, they found themselves in Hop’s room before too long, playing video games, and it was as though nothing was wrong. Leon didn’t pressure Hop into making out or doing anything like that, even if he sometimes pat his head or kissed his cheek, Hop wasn’t sure what to feel, but only knew he wanted to be close to Leon as much as possible. 

It was when he was left alone to think too hard about all this that he started panicking. As long as Leon was here with him, as long as things remained mostly neutral and innocent, he could put in the back of his mind the fact Leon had sucked him off yesterday—he could push aside the discomfort and the way he held onto him, saying he wanted to be a couple, a legitimate couple. Hop could simply enjoy the time spent with Leon before he left Sunday, because he knew once he was alone again, he would be swallowed whole by his guilt. It was like being close to Leon was the only way Hop could find a sense of peace in the madness, and it didn’t matter in the end what the consequences of his actions were or what he said to Leon in these moments, even if he didn’t mean it, he knew deep down he just wanted to make Leon happy. 

If that meant giving in to his brother’s advances, then so be it. Hop could date him. He could kiss him. He could hold him and cling to him and give Leon whatever he wanted. His own comfort be damned, Hop was scared to death of losing him, and he would set aside his pride if it meant keeping on good terms with his brother. He didn’t care. It was just a little touching and kissing—it wasn’t a big deal. It wasn’t like Leon was forcing it on him. 

Hop could at least enjoy it. 

The night sky blanketed over Postwick before Hop realized how late it had gotten. He and Leon hadn’t really done anything all day, mostly just goofing off or playing video games in Hop’s room, but by the time dinner came and went, Hop was once again alone in his room as Leon showered. He was starting to feel awkward whenever Leon wasn’t there, like he had nothing else to do other than entertain his brother and if he was being honest, Hop was exhausted. Not from being around Leon, no, but at himself. When Leon was there, everything was fine, but once his brother wandered off to do something private, Hop wasn’t sure what to do with the time to himself other than sit there and wait for Leon’s return. 

If he felt this way now, he dreaded what the coming week was going to be like after Leon left Sunday. To say Hop wasn’t looking forward to it was an understatement, and he’d already planned to steal more of Mum’s sleeping pills tomorrow night once everything was said and done. He was going to need them. 

The bathroom door opened from out in the hall and even from where he sat, Hop could smell Leon’s shampoo wafting out. He always smelled faintly of lavender, the scent mixing with the heavier shampoo until Hop’s head was foggy from it, but when his brother rounded the corner, only clad in a towel wrapped around his waist, Hop had to fight not to avert his eyes down south. That didn’t do much for the heat he could already tell was packed into his cheeks, but Leon didn’t seem to notice. Or if he did, he didn’t call attention to it. 

“Wanna sleep in my bed tonight?” 

Seeing as how Hop had already had his shower, Leon having followed after him once he was done, the two of them were just beginning to wind down for the evening, and at the prospect of sleeping next to Leon again, Hop gave a rigorous nod. Leon smiled back in response. 

“Okay. Let’s move to my room then.”

“Okay…” With a bit of hesitancy, Hop pulled himself from his bed, checking his phone really fast to make sure Gloria or Mum hadn’t texted him (they hadn’t), before he placed it on his nightstand. Leon led them both back to his bedroom, Hop noting how he hadn’t bothered to change into his pajamas after coming out of the shower. His hair was even still wet, a faint, but delicate scent coming from it. Hop knew sleeping tonight probably wouldn’t be difficult if Leon smelled like lavender the whole time. 

Just as he was settling down on the bed, reaching over to the nightstand to grab the remote and turn the television on, Leon wasted no time in grabbing his pajamas from the nearby drawer and in one swift motion, dropped the towel. Immediately, Hop was met with the sight of his bare ass, Leon apparently having no shame as he shuffled from one foot to the other while he pulled his underwear on, and Hop would have made some comment about warning him first, his face already heated, now even more so, but all he could do was quietly gasp and turn his head in the other direction. 

It shouldn’t have been anything unusual for Leon to undress (or rather redress) in front of him. They’d done it plenty of times when they were younger, Hop even having memories of Leon hoisting him up when he’d been too little to know how shorts were supposed to work, and his brother dressed him. Leon had seen him naked plenty of times, not just in the past few weeks, but the main difference was they’d been intimate now, and such a trivial thing, undressing, seemed like something Hop wasn’t supposed to be doing. He wasn’t  _ supposed  _ to be seeing Leon dress himself after his shower. It didn’t matter how innocent it was, how pure his intentions were—Hop just felt weird now. Everything felt weird. 

To save himself from his thoughts, he tried nonchalantly turning the telly on to browse the channels, but Leon had finished dressing way too fast, and it wasn’t long his brother sank down into the bed right behind him, looping one arm around Hop’s shoulders to rest his chin near the crook of his neck as he watched the tv from there. 

“Anything on?”

Did Leon realize how amazing he smelled right now? Probably not. Hop should tell him. Instead, he shook his head, trying not to let his shaking palms become too obvious, but with the heat of Leon’s body right up against him, there wasn’t much else Hop could focus on anymore. Whenever Leon touched him, hell—simply being near him like this—Hop felt overwhelmed, but with what exactly, he couldn’t say. There were too many feelings to take into account, and Hop just closed his eyes, focused on breathing, and tried not to let it get to him. 

Hop had only ever seen people in movies hold their girlfriends or boyfriends the way Leon was holding onto him. Where he was pressed right up against him, until Hop could feel his brother trying to fit Hop against his lap (and his bulge was prominent against his butt), with his arms looped around him the way they were, his head positioned close to his face, easy enough for him to lean in for a kiss if he so chose. It was weird that all Hop could seem to think was—this was something that happened in movies, this was something he’d seen a million times in every sitcom, every love story movie. He wasn’t sure what to think, or what he was supposed to be doing. His hand had clamped down around the remote, his palms sweaty, but he trudged forward like nothing was wrong, like Leon wasn’t holding onto him the way he was. 

After all, he had agreed to be a couple, and this is what couples did, right? Hop didn’t really have the right to feel put off by this when Leon had sucked his damn cock the night before. He and Leon had already been intimate more times than Hop would have wanted to admit—so something as stupid and simple as Leon holding him from behind shouldn’t have made him pause, freezing when Leon fit both legs on either side of him, effectively pulling Hop back against his lap. If they had been younger, just a bit younger, Hop probably wouldn’t have thought twice about the way Leon was holding him. 

But there was no denying the way he nuzzled his chin into the crook of his neck, the way he had Hop pressed right up against his bulge (and was he hard, or was that Hop’s imagination?), the way he pulled Hop tight against his chest with his arms folded over him this way. Had Leon been doing this to some random person he brought home, Hop would have excused himself, thinking he was interrupting an intimate moment, even though they were both clothed, Leon wasn’t rutting his dick against him or anything. 

He wasn’t even kissing him. 

But—Hop felt—

He swallowed, the weight of his own words only hitting him in that moment while Leon clung to him like Hop would float away. He had agreed to be a couple. He had agreed to be Leon’s boyfriend—his own brother—and Hop had pushed aside his feelings about this whole matter, the fear of Leon leaving him, abandoning him, should he say otherwise, and Hop had told him he wanted it. 

Was it a lie, though? Hop didn’t necessarily mind being hugged like this, but something was just...off. He couldn’t place it, couldn’t for the life of him figure out why he felt a sense of trepidation, his instincts being to throw Leon off and run away, but those smaller voices were only replaced by louder voices saying this was all okay. There wasn’t anything wrong—it was Leon for Pete’s sake. His brother would never hurt him. He would never hold Hop down and force this on him. 

Hop had agreed. He had agreed to be a couple, and now that they were doing couple things, he could only seem to focus on that underlying feeling of dread. Like he was doing something wrong. Hop was in the wrong. Not Leon. Obviously he would just have to try harder to push aside his discomfort when it came to things like this. 

It wasn’t that he hated it. Hop was just shy. That was it. 

“Hop?” 

Bringing him from his thoughts, Leon’s voice sounded directly next to his ear, and Hop almost gasped when his warm breath tickled the small hairs, jolting him back to reality. He hadn’t realized he’d been staring off into space, the remote slumping lazily in his palm as he apparently stopped channel surfing on some nature documentary about Galar’s flora and  Pokémon  abundance. “Yeah..?” There was no way he could ignore how Leon was grinding his bulge into his butt, though not exactly enough for him to get hard, it was noticeable enough. 

“You can say no, but…” 

Already the back of Hop’s neck prickled with sweat, his palms shaking, body breaking out with goosebumps when Leon applied a chaste kiss to the side of his neck. He could only imagine what he was about to ask him, but he braced himself accordingly. If Leon asked him for sex, Hop didn’t know what he’d do, but—

“D-do care if I—u-um…” He trailed off, sounding almost shy with the way his words fumbled out, and it would have been cute had Hop not been dreading what he was about to ask. “C-can I—o-or can we, I mean—do you want to get off with me?” 

The cold beads of sweat formed at the base of his forehead and Hop’s throat grew tight, not exactly sure what Leon meant by that, so he opened his mouth. “...How?”

“Just, like if we touched ourselves or something.” The small tremble of Leon’s arms around Hop didn’t go by unnoticed. “I’m not asking you to touch me, but if it’s okay, I just want to feel you. I can get you off if you want.” 

At least he wasn’t asking for sex and while what he was saying was a form of intimacy anyway, Hop could feel the knots in his stomach uncoiling at the fact he didn’t have to reject his brother. It still made him nervous, but he’d much rather do this than...other things. “Y-yeah...whatever you want, Lee.”

Another kiss was planted against the back of his neck, causing Hop to shiver. “Are you sure?” 

_ If you don’t say yes, Leon will get hurt. Say yes. Say it’s fine. It’s  _ **_fine_ ** _.  _

Hop nodded, closing his eyes as a way to prepare himself for what was to come. “I’m sure.” 

Leon would never hurt him. He knew that, he knew his brother would never do anything as outlandish as hold him down and force it. Hop trusted him. 

He  _ trusted _ him. 

There was a small intake of breath from Leon as he gasped between his teeth, Hop tensing when he was pulled further against his bulge, and it twitched against his bottom. Leon’s voice came soon after. “O-okay. Don’t worry, Hop, you don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to.” With that said, Hop having given the okay, Leon shuffled behind him, removing his arms from around Hop’s shoulders as he shifted his position, and Hop couldn’t see, not wanting to look over his shoulder and watch, but he could tell Leon was fishing himself out of his bottoms, as evident by his awkward grunting and fumbling. 

Hop didn’t move the entire time, not sure what Leon expected of him, or what he should have been doing, so he clutched the remote, eyes glued to the television, but not actually watching it. When all was said and done, Leon placed his legs on either side of him again, having bunched his bottoms down past his hips, and Hop involuntarily let out a gasp when his brother’s bare dick pressed up against the underside of his bottom. Instincts took over, and Hop reached out on both sides, gripping Leon by his pajama bottoms and squeezing, not sure exactly why it terrified him, but Leon shushed him, giving him a gentle hug from behind. He kissed the top of his head. 

“Relax. I’m not going to put it inside you. I just want to feel you for a while. Is that alright?” 

With obvious hesitance, Hop squeezed his pants again. It was okay. This was fine. He trusted Leon, he did. His brother would never do anything to hurt him. Hop was scared of nothing. 

He nodded. “It’s...fine.” Why was his heart pounding so hard if it was fine? Maybe he was excited, or nervous. Or both. Hop didn’t know. 

When he didn’t expect Leon to rut up against his ass again, Hop gasped at the feeling, not sure what he expected, but for Leon to be so eager—it threw him off to say the least. His brother’s sexual appetite wasn’t something Hop ever thought he’d get to know up close and personal. It still made him a little uncomfortable, but so long as Leon didn’t pressure him into actual sex, Hop could put up with this. 

One of his arms looped around Hop’s midsection, dragging his fingers up, down, and alongside his stomach, causing Hop to tremble when it tickled. “You really are beautiful, Hop. Do you know that? I’ll tell you a million times until you believe me.”

Hop’s cheeks gushed with heat, but he didn’t dare move. Was he supposed to be touching Leon in return? Did his brother expect for him to take the lead and grab his dick? Hop didn’t want to, but—if it would make Leon happy, he could do it. It was just his cock for fuck’s sake, it wasn’t like Hop had never seen it before (though he hated to admit that fact). 

Moving closer, Hop could feel Leon’s hot breath pour over the nape of his neck, causing him to let out a violent tremor, and Leon chuckled, dragging his bottom lip over Hop’s ear. 

“You’re so cute when you’re shy. Are you alright? You aren’t scared, are you?”

Slowly, Hop shook his head. “N-no...not scared.” Just uncomfortable. There wasn’t anything wrong with that, was there? Leon knew he was a stranger to this whole dating thing, and with the two of them being a couple now, this was all unexplored territory for Hop. A thousand romance movies in the world couldn’t have prepared him for this—as what Leon was doing was reserved for the more adult films, which Hop also wasn’t a stranger to, but—

The things in movies just didn’t happen like this. Everyone was always in a mutual agreement, or at least all over each other, head over heels in love, that sort of thing. Hop loved Leon, he really did, but he couldn't exactly see himself fawning over him trying to claw his way up just to reach his face and kiss him. Not only was that desperate and made him cringe just thinking about it, but while Hop knew he was a raving fanboy before, he just couldn’t see himself doing things like that. 

Sometimes he fantasized about asking out Gloria, daydreaming about what a date with her would be like, as the two of them would no doubt be awkward as hell about it, but there was never room for Leon in those types of fantasies. 

And as his brother’s hands trailed further down his stomach, toying with the drawstring of his pajamas, Hop swallowed. Because he would just have to  _ make  _ room for those daydreams now. He would have to envision his life with Leon hanging on his arm, hopefully for good. 

Hopefully?

That’s right. 

His face turned red the moment Leon’s hand snaked into his bottoms, just shy of brushing against Hop’s dick. 

He didn’t want Leon to leave him, and that meant doing this. And it wasn’t bad by any means. Hop wasn’t scared. He wasn’t really sure what he felt, but it wasn’t fear—just that creeping feeling that something was off. Maybe not even wrong. Maybe Hop really was just shy because he wasn’t used to touching and kissing someone. 

The pads of Leon’s fingers touched the tip of his cock and Hop sucked in air between his teeth. It was the initial reaction, not fear, not disgust. Just the unknown feeling of it happening in the first place, and Leon never once stopped rutting up against his ass. He was probably planning to get off that way, and while there was nothing Hop could do to ignore how hard Leon was against his bottom, he wasn’t sure what he should do. Touch Leon? That would probably make him happy. 

But the idea of Hop being the one to do that made him nauseous for some reason. If Leon could so casually touch himself, and touch Hop as well, then Hop could at least hold up on his end and try to give back a little. If it would please Leon, Hop would do it. He would try. 

Swallowing, he gripped Leon’s wrist to stop him from taking his cock in his hand, and gave a gentle squeeze. “D-do...um…” His throat was tight, heart pounding against his chest. “Lee, d-do you want me t-to do it?” Heat shot out of every pore on his face, and he couldn’t believe the words he was hearing himself say, but it was necessary. “I-I’ll do it. I’ll touch you. If you want…” 

There was a small movement behind him as Leon shifted his position, trying to get more comfortable while keeping Hop planted in his lap. His erection was still very much digging against Hop’s butt, but his brother gave a soft gasp at the proposal. “You don’t have to, Hop.” And he nuzzled his face into the back of Hop’s hair, taking a moment to inhale the scent of shampoo. “I appreciate the offer, but don’t feel like you have to.” 

It wasn’t a lie to say Hop was relieved Leon wasn’t jumping the gun and begging for it, as his shoulders relaxed somewhat, but he still felt like he should do  _ something _ , even if he didn’t want to. “B-but—” He fumbled his words, feeling embarrassed as throughout that whole time, Leon was still pawing at his cock. “I-I want to…” That was only a partial lie, but there wasn’t much Hop could do about it. He didn’t know what he expected from Leon now, but he knew he didn’t want to just sit here in awkward silence and do nothing while his brother did all the work. 

Gently, slowly, Leon unraveled his hand from Hop’s underwear, pulling it back through the elastic band before applying a small kiss to the crook of his neck. “If that’s what you really want, then of course you can. I’d be so happy, Hop.” 

Good. Leon was happy. That was good. That’s all that mattered in the end, and Hop nodded, finally taking the initiative and using Leon’s legs as support before pushing himself out of his lap to turn and face him. The sight of his brother’s exposed cock was the first thing that drew Hop’s attention and he couldn’t help to stare, not sure why the sight of it was causing him hesitation. It wasn’t like he’d never seen it before. 

Leon grinned. “Like what you see? You can stare all you want. I don’t mind.” 

Face red, but saying nothing, Hop only wriggled himself back between Leon’s thighs until the both of them were pretty much crotch-to-crotch. It was awkward, as Hop didn’t want to sit in his lap, but he’d have to spread his legs if he wanted to engage at least a little intimacy with him. It wouldn’t hurt for him to bury his pride for a little while if it meant placating his brother. 

Once Hop had made himself comfortable, Leon gave a soft chuckle, reaching back toward his bottoms to gently tug back the elastic band where he dug his fingers inside. Actually watching this happen only made Hop turn his head to stare off at Leon’s snapback collection on the wall, hoping his brother wouldn’t notice him averting his gaze. It was one thing to feel it, but something entirely to  _ watch _ . Leon didn’t seem to mind, or if he did, he didn’t say anything. When his fingers brushed against Hop’s dick again, he twitched against his hand, his body needy, and he hated himself for it. 

There was something so weird about this whole thing. Even as he tentatively reached over to grab Leon’s cock, he did so with utmost reservation. It took him way too long to actually unclench his hands, having discarded the remote somewhere in Leon’s sheets while he maneuvered around to get comfortable, but his brother had already begun stroking up the length of his cock, and it took every ounce of Hop’s willpower not to start whining and rutting up into him. He hadn’t even gotten a chance to do anything for Leon, and he was getting off so easily. 

“You’re okay, Hop. Take your time.”

It didn’t really help when Leon said things like that, as Hop knew he was trying to be patient with him and give him space to work on his own terms, but he was probably hiding the fact he was touch-starved and resisting the urge to rut against Hop himself. He could do better than this. 

Biting his bottom lip, Hop took the plunge, wrapping his hand around the base of Leon’s cock and gave a single, shy stroke. Leon sucked air through his teeth immediately, and Hop had to wonder if he was laying it on thick for his sake, or if it actually felt that good. The noise caused Hop to stop what he was doing, not sure if that was a good thing or not, but he was biting the inside of his cheeks as Leon never once stopped pumping him. He was already hard in his brother’s hand, and Hop knew he would come embarrassingly fast at this rate. 

“H-Hop, holy shit—keep going. You’re doing good.” He had to be embellishing, he  _ had  _ to. Hop barely touched him. 

Not letting it bother him too much, Hop continued, stroking down Leon’s cock with less hesitation, being mindful not to squeeze too hard. He wasn’t sure if it would hurt or not, but after a few awkward pumps, Leon let a small laugh through his nose. 

“You can—mmm—” His cheeks heated until they were glowing with an obvious blush. “Y-you can hold me tighter. G-go ahead, Hop.” His cock twitched as if to egg Hop on even further and once he stroked down his length again, he increased his grip, the moan Leon made causing every hair to stand on his body. 

It sent shivers down his spine and he didn’t know  _ why _ . 

“O-oh—that’s it, Hop. Just like that. Keep going, baby.”

He still cringed when Leon called him that, but he could ignore it for now. Instead, Hop gripped the base of his cock with more strength, gaining another moan of pleasure from Leon and he nearly gasped when the tip began to leak precum. 

Leon was  _ enjoying  _ this. Way more than Hop was, as he was only rutting against Leon’s hand shyly. Leon sucked air between his teeth, stroking Hop faster until it became obvious he had precum seeping out as well. He just wasn’t as vocal as Leon was, but Hop didn’t let it slow down his movements as he gained a bit of confidence, using Leon’s rhythm he’d created as a guide to mimic while his brother thrust against his hand, moaning his name. 

“Y-you’re so beautiful, Hop. I love you—I love you so much.” 

_ I love you too.  _ Those words were on the tip of his tongue, but Hop didn’t dare speak lest he lose his nerve. Maybe he should have said it, if nothing else, it might have made Leon happy, but Hop just couldn’t seem to force them out no matter how hard he tried. It shouldn’t have been this difficult when he’d said the same exact words to Leon prior with no shame whatsoever. It didn’t make any sense. Maybe it was because they were dead in the middle of jacking off, but Hop didn’t know. 

“I-I’m close. H-Hop, are you close?” 

Still not saying anything, Hop only hummed his reply which was a halfhearted, “Mhmm.”

But Leon seemed pleased. “Good. I-I’ll hold off—I want you to—t-to come first.”

He didn’t have to go through such lengths just for Hop, but he supposed he could be grateful at least his brother wasn’t selfish. As strong as he came on from the beginning, Hop was surprised by his resilience now. He really  _ did _ seem to be trying to take Hop’s feelings into account, which he appreciated. Leon didn’t demand Hop only give him what he wanted—and so Hop could never say Leon forced this on him. He hadn’t and he never did. 

Hop was the one who wanted this. 

With his mind a million miles away, but his body reacting to each and every stroke Leon gave him, it wasn’t long that Hop reached his peak, thrusting against him, limbs stiffening as he came. His cum spurted against Leon’s palm, his brother not shy about using it to continue stroking him, riding Hop out, and the intensity only made him grip Leon’s cock with more force than necessary, until his brother was gasping. 

“H-Hop, holy fuck—you’re so beautiful. So beautiful, baby, I love you so much. I hope you know how badly I love you.” As he spoke, Leon continued to ride him out, until Hop couldn’t hold back the moans anymore. He was gasping, lost in the euphoria of it all, and he spasmed, back arching as that moment of absolute bliss overtook him. He gripped the base of Leon’s cock, since it was the only thing he had to hold onto, and held on for dear life. His brother only rutted against him, obviously enjoying it, enjoying having Hop squeeze the life out of him, but he barely registered it when Leon’s cum burst against his palm. It was only a moment Hop felt the sticky texture against his hand, having wanted to snap his arm back out of reflex more than anything, but he stopped himself—just as Leon reached around him, arms folded over Hop’s back before pulling him against his chest. 

His brother rode himself out against him, thrusting into his hand again and again, gasping his name, kissing the top of his head as he held Hop so far against his chest, his face was practically buried in his pecs, and still, Hop held on, he wanted to pull back so bad, the feeling of his body growing limp one of the only things he could register, but Leon finally— _ finally _ —quieted, his arms losing their grip from around him until he was simply breathing, holding Hop in a loose hug. Hop’s hand was still wrapped around his dick, eyelids heavy with fast approaching exhaustion, but knowing he couldn’t sleep now. He still had to get up and clean the mess off himself. Both of them had splotches of cum all over them, as Hop just now realized it extended past just their hands. 

He hated to say it had been easier when Leon just wanted to suck him off, as he swallowed the cum, removing the evidence, but now it was everywhere, and Hop couldn’t ignore the feeling of his brother’s excitement slathered all into his hand. 

He almost wanted to laugh at how ludicrous this was. Look at him— _ look what he’d done _ . He touched Leon’s dick—he jerked off his brother until he came, and in turn, Hop sat there and let Leon do the exact same thing to him. A horrible feeling tightened against his chest, because all Hop could seem to do now was resist the urge to cry. Just like before when Leon had sucked him off, orgasm was never enough to purge Hop of his negative emotions. 

The numbness was prevalent, but not for long. Eventually the high wore off, and Hop was only left with overwhelming exhaustion, tears gathered in the corners of his eyes. Why? Why did he want to cry after doing this? He was the one who wanted it for fuck’s sake. Hop had no right, absolutely no right to cry. This was his fault. 

All he wanted to do was make his brother happy, at the expense of his comfort, at the expense of his reservations and hesitation. Hop didn’t care. He hated it. He hated feeling this way, because he just wanted to love Leon the way he deserved. His poor big brother didn’t deserve to have Hop sat in his lap like he was, sucking in air and blinking like mad trying to dry the tears up. But his sniffling, no matter how hard he tried to stay quiet, did not go by unheard, and his brother finally pulled back from the hug, the serene smile on his face dropping when he saw Hop blinking tears away. 

“Don’t cry, Hop. Are you upset because I made such a mess?” He gave Hop an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry. You just excite me so much—I can’t help it.”

Hop only shook his head. He couldn’t explain to Leon why he was crying, or rather, trying really hard  _ not _ to cry, as no tears had actually fallen, but they were obviously stagnated in his eyes, and he finally reached up with his arm, wiping them away before they had a chance to. “N-no. I’m fine, Lee. Sorry. I’m just…” But whatever words he could have offered to possibly explain himself fell flat, and Hop shook his head. “I’m sorry. Don’t worry about it.” 

“Are you still bothered by it? Hop—” Leon placed a comforting hand to his back, rubbing soothing circles while he lowered his voice to a soft, soothing tone. “You don’t have to do these things with me just because you think it’ll make me happy. I want you to  _ want _ it. If you don’t want it, then just say so.” 

He couldn’t do that. Hop couldn’t fucking do that. There was no way he could reject Leon like that, because then he would hurt his feelings, Leon would throw him away—and Hop had already fallen so low, he had already stooped to such levels. There was no climbing out of this mess he’d created for himself, so the only other option was to dig deeper. Deeper and deeper until he lost himself, until he got comfortable enough to do this with his brother. What was the point of turning back now when he’d already crossed that bridge a long time ago? They couldn’t go back. He and Leon could never go back to simply being brothers anymore. 

They were either lovers, or they were nothing. And Hop couldn’t accept being nothing to him. 

“I-I  _ do _ want it, Lee.” The blush on his face said otherwise, but to drive the point home, Hop quickly reached up with his unsoiled hand to cup Leon’s cheek, giving his brother a fast kiss to the mouth before he could say anything. “I-I’m just getting used to it. I’m sorry.” 

Leon didn’t look convinced, but he gave him a soft smile nonetheless. “Are you sure? I want you to tell me if something is too much. I want you to tell me if I go too far, okay? You promise you’ll do that for me?”

Hop nodded. “I swear, Lee. I’ll tell you if it’s too much.”

The moment Leon’s smile softened, his lidded eyes hazy as though he might drift off to sleep there, he leaned into Hop, returning the kiss with one of his own before he pulled back, but not before giving Hop a look of utmost adoration, his eyes appearing to shimmer. “I love you.”

Hop smiled. “I lo—”

The loud, ear splitting ringtone of Leon’s cell phone went off right on his nightstand, scaring the absolute shit out of Hop until he jumped, almost toppling out of Leon’s lap. His brother, who not moments ago appeared as though he were in complete bliss, frowned, arching his brow and turning back to his phone that was vibrating wildly as though it were the biggest piece of shit known to man. “Who the  _ fuck _ is calling so late?”

Hop’s heart thumped at how sour his brother sounded just then. He rarely heard Leon get angry, as that seemed to be an emotion he was incapable of around Hop nowadays, but to hear the  _ spite  _ in his voice now, he would’ve been lying had he said it didn’t make him incredibly nervous. 

Reaching back toward his nightstand with his hand that wasn’t covered in cum, Leon grumbled, mumbling obscenities under his breath as he picked up his phone to view the caller ID—and the instant he saw the name, his entire demeanor changed. 

“Shit—it’s Mum.” He shot Hop a rather sheepish stare, his eyes wide with what resembled trepidation, as though Mum was omnipresent and somehow knew of everything that just transpired between the two. Without a word to Hop, just an apologetic shrug, he swiped the phone open before holding it to his ear. “Hello?”

Even from where he sat and although the phone wasn’t on speaker, Hop could still make out Mum’s voice on the other end. “Leon? Are you two home?”

“Yeah. We’re just hanging out.” Hearing Leon converse so casually with their mother while the two of them sat there half naked, still covered in their cum, was bewildering. Hop couldn’t help but feel like he needed another shower, as just simply hearing Mum’s voice triggered the horrible feeling like he was in trouble. She’d somehow know. She’d somehow know and then she would blame Hop, call him disgusting, kick him out of the house—

“I need to talk to you.” 

Leon shrugged again as though Mum could see it, still managing to keep his voice normal and unassuming. It was only natural, as Leon was an entertainer, and had been in his fair share of interviews. He knew how to talk, how to act, how to hide any encroaching emotions present that shouldn’t have been there while the cameras were turned on. Watching him do this for their Mum though—it gave Hop an incredible sense of unease, despite his smile, despite the nonchalance, Hop shivered. 

“Sure, what’s up?” 

“Is Hop near you?”

At the mention of his name, Hop froze, Leon turning to look over at him, biting his lip as though contemplating whether to lie, but finally settled for, “He is. Why?”

“I need to speak to you in private. Make Hop leave, or tell me when you’re somewhere alone.” 

That sounded so foreboding, and Hop couldn’t help but be curious what was so damn important that his mother didn't even want him nearby to accidentally catch any of the conversation happening. What was so bad between them that Hop couldn’t even listen? 

He wondered if Leon would simply lie and say he was alone and let Hop in on the big secret, but his brother sighed and to Hop’s disappointment, stood from the bed before holding the phone to his chest so Mum couldn’t make out what he was saying. “Sorry, let me go talk to her real quick. You should go wash up.” 

Though a bit put off Leon apparently didn’t want him listening to their private conversation either, there wasn’t much Hop could do other than nod. With a lopsided smile thrown his way as an apology, Leon returned the phone to his ear, fumbling with his pants as he attempted to straighten what mess he could from earlier, and left Hop alone in his bedroom. Maybe once this super important No Hop Allowed conversation was over, Leon would spill the beans. 

Then again, it might have just been boring business stuff. Sometimes Mum and Leon talked finances and such Hop wasn’t to concern himself with (mostly because it was boring), but the frantic way Mum sounded over the phone, Hop couldn’t help but wonder if something was wrong. Leon had told him she went to meet Dad, and all Hop knew about the man was that he wasn’t very nice (and it begged the question of why their mother continued to see him). 

Surely their dad hadn’t done something to Mum? A small curdle of fear cramped in his stomach as Hop finally drew himself from Leon’s bed, shuffling his way to the bathroom to wash his hands and clean any cum from himself. It had gotten on his shirt and pants, so he may as well change into a fresh set of pajamas. He didn’t want to go to bed only to wake up with crusty cum on him. That was gross. 

His mind was racing with possibilities of what Leon and Mum were talking about, mostly because he wasn’t allowed in. If Mum hadn’t made a big deal about him not hearing, he wouldn’t have been curious. Now he wanted to know. 

Once back in his bedroom, Hop tossed his soiled clothes before dressing in a fresh set of everything. By the time he emerged into the hallway, as he and Leon already agreed to sleep in Leon’s room, his brother was climbing back up the stairs, his phone held to the side, and he looked incredibly pensive, not even noticing Hop standing at the top waiting on him. 

He decided to press it. “What’s wrong?”

Leon snapped back to reality at the sound of his voice, as if just noticing Hop had been standing there, and looked like a Deerling in headlights before forcing a giant smile. “O-oh, nothing! Just letting me know how things with Dad went. She’s coming back tomorrow night, so we’ll have the place to ourselves for one more day anyway.”

_ That _ wasn’t suspicious at all, and Hop frowned. “What’s going on with Dad? Is she okay?”

Leon waved him off, still smiling, though Hop knew it was just his fake smile, and almost wanted to bitch at him that he knew him long enough to know when Leon was lying to him. He sucked at playing things off. “Nothing’s wrong—he didn’t cause her any trouble if that’s what you’re worried about. I promise, Hop, it’s boring stuff. Don’t worry about it.” 

All Hop could do was worry about it. No amount of pestering Leon was going to yank the truth out of him—though Hop shuddered when an unpleasant thought occurred that he could always  _ seduce _ the truth from him, but he threw that in the garbage immediately. Fuck that. He didn’t care  _ that  _ bad. 

Deciding the drop the matter, Hop was at least satisfied Mum wasn’t in danger. Leon wouldn’t lie about that, so maybe the matter was inconsequential after all, but he couldn't help to ponder on it as he snuggled himself down into Leon’s bed. His brother changed his clothes while Hop watched the telly (that damn nature program was still on), until Leon finally climbed into bed next to him. The only light in the room was from his bedside lamp, and the tv, casting a soft glow and only serving to make Hop all the more sleepy. 

Leon sank down under the covers beside him, encasing Hop in his body heat until he was unconsciously scooting closer to him to revel in his warmth. His body was doing a lot of subconscious actions around Leon nowadays, but he couldn’t be bothered to feel embarrassed about every little thing he did. Leon didn’t seem to mind. That’s all that mattered. 

They sat in relative silence for a good while, until Hop was sure Leon had fallen asleep next to him. They had arranged themselves until Hop was pressed against the side of his body, one of Leon’s arms hugged around him to pull him close. They’d been sleeping together ever since Leon came back home, and Hop had grown used to cuddling with him like this. It was nice. There wasn’t anything inherently dirty about simply holding onto him and sleeping next to him like this. They were clothed. Leon wasn’t pressuring Hop to do anything or get naked, so—it was almost like old times, minus the dating thing. 

“Hop?” Leon’s sudden voice broke the soft quiet of the room, and Hop jumped, thinking his brother had fallen asleep, but lifted his head up to see Leon was staring blank-faced at the television, but once Hop peered up at him, he responded by giving him a half-smile. “How do you feel about coming to Wyndon with me?”

His heart thumped, but Hop ignored it. This wasn’t an outlandish request or anything, but he couldn't deny he had a weirdly bad feeling about being alone with Leon in his apartment. There was no security of having Mum around, after all, if that’s even what you could call this. She wasn’t here, but Hop still felt safer in the house. If they were to go to Leon’s apartment, who knew what the fuck would go on. 

Hop’s throat tightened.  _ What if Leon wanted to have sex?  _ He had a creeping feeling deep down that his brother would eventually get bold enough to ask him that, and Hop would have to reject him then, nullifying all his efforts to keep things as amiable as possible. He didn’t  _ want  _ to have sex—he could put up with what they were doing. He could make excuses for Leon all day long if all his brother wanted to do was brush cocks or whatever, but sex—there was no way Hop could do that. Not even for Leon. He’d have to put his foot down. 

He realized too late he had been staring off into space, and came back to reality when he noticed Leon giving him an expectant stare. Hop tripped over his words to appear as unbothered as possible, “U-uh—that’s fine. You mean like in a few weeks?”

He shook his head. “No, I mean tomorrow.” 

_ Tomorrow?  _

Hop leaned up in bed, sitting on his rear as he eyed Leon. “That’s so last second, though.” 

Leon shrugged, rolling over to lie on his side, propping his elbow on his pillow as he held his chin in his palm. “I know, but Mum was talking about it over the phone. She said you’ve been out of sorts ever since the championship match, and I agree. You haven’t exactly been setting her mind at ease by stealing her pills and sleeping all day.”

Cold sweat prickled the back of Hop’s neck, but he didn’t say anything. 

Leon continued. “She just suggested you stay with me for a little while. Nothing permanent. Maybe a week or two at the most. And we don’t have to be in Wyndon first thing tomorrow. We could do some traveling, go camping, whatever you want, Hop.” 

The cold sweat only continued forming, until Hop’s stomach was in knots when he began to fiddle with the hem of his shirt. What the fuck did he say? He had already been stressing over Leon leaving tomorrow, because he knew he would just get depressed when he did, but the idea of being alone with him in his apartment didn’t exactly make him feel better either. It was a no win situation. “D-don’t you have work?’

“Things are still taking off. I can afford to lay out for a few weeks.” He shot him a smile, reaching over to place his hand over Hop’s thigh before giving him a gentle squeeze. “I’d much rather spend all my time with you, though. You’re way more important than my new job will ever be.” He patted his leg, his smile widening. “What do you say?”

Any other time, Hop would have jumped for joy at the prospect of going off on a journey with Leon. It had been too long, way too long he and his brother had gone off and did their own thing together, like camping, or exploring the Weald (when they weren’t supposed to), but that was before they became a couple. That was before Hop ceased being Leon’s little brother and instead became his—Hop swallowed—his  _ boyfriend _ . So of course he was on the fence, even though his instincts were screaming at him to go, because it would please Leon, he just feared—

“Hop.” He was momentarily brought from his thoughts when Leon spoke up, rubbing his hand up his thigh to instead clutch onto his arm, rubbing soothing circles with his thumb. “If you’re scared I’m going to make you do something you don’t want, please don’t be scared of that. I promise you, I’m not going to make you do something you don’t want, or that you aren’t comfortable with. Don’t be scared of that. I’m not going to take advantage of you. I’m not going to hurt you.” His eyes bore into Hop’s, until he could see the genuine contentment he held for him. “I love you. I would never do anything to hurt you, Hopscotch.” He gave his arm a reassuring squeeze. 

No. 

Hop didn’t think Leon would ever hurt him. And he may have said he loved him, but no matter how many times he said it, Hop would never understand what his older brother saw in him, why he felt the need to waste his affections on Hop of all people when he could have done so much better, been with someone who would treat him the way he deserved to be treated. 

Hop didn’t understand, and he never would. 

But he sighed, more out of defeat when he hung his head. “Okay.” He gripped the sheets below him, squeezing them between his fingers. “I’ll go with you.” If it would please Leon, then he would do it. Whatever happened, so be it. Hop would do the best he could to make his brother happy. 

With a small movement, Leon leaned up from his side, moving into Hop until he kissed the side of his face. “It’ll be fun, don’t worry. It’ll be just like old times. We can go camping, fishing, explore the cities some more, eat at restaurants, and do whatever you’d like. Sounds fun, right?” 

Hop nodded, though didn’t lift his head to greet his brother’s smile. He only sat there while Leon planted more kisses to his cheeks, the top of his head, cuddling him and nuzzling his face into his hair while he prattled on about the journey up to Wyndon. Hop could only muster a soft, “...yeah,” in response. 

It’d be like old times. 

_ Just like old times.  _


End file.
